Worthiness wanted

The content on this webpage contains paid/affiliate links. When you click on any of our affiliate link, we/I may get a small compensation at no cost to you. See our affiliate disclosure for more info

Last updated on July 2nd, 2017 at 01:27 pm

No longer in fear of John Howard’s prisons, actors are speaking out:

Veteran actor Chris Haywood has called for SBS Television to be sold or station managers to be sacked over a decision to produce a local version of the British motoring program Top Gear.

Haywood, 59, said funding for the planned series, which will reportedly cost about $10 million, should be redirected to more “worthy” projects, such as drama or coverage of indigenous issues.

Hmmm. Like Top Gear, bossy Haywood himself is a British import. For him, UK motoring shows do cover indigenous issues.

Posted by Tim B. on 01/05/2008 at 07:25 PM
    1. But don’t you know…? Haywood knows what’s good for us, culturally and artistically. He’s an akh-tor, don’t you know?

      Posted by Abu Chowdah on 2008 01 05 at 07:37 PM • permalink


    1. Veteran actor Chris Haywood, i’m told by Wiki made the blockbuster movie “ the cars that ate Paris”. So now i understand why the unidentified youths of unidentified origins are torching all those voitures including innocent non french cars form germany and italy.
      Is’ nt that taking revenge to far?

      Posted by davo on 2008 01 05 at 07:49 PM • permalink


    1. Chris Haywood wants more drama? If jumping Volvos over caravans, racing Aston Martins against high speed trains and machine-gunning Priuses (Prii?) isn’t dramatic, I’d like to know what is. Get Ernie Dingo to substitute for Jeremy Clarkson and you have indigenous issues covered as well.

      Posted by squawkbox on 2008 01 05 at 07:54 PM • permalink


    1. So, his complaint is that people may actually enjoy watching the program? Can’t have that.

      Posted by Redd on 2008 01 05 at 07:59 PM • permalink


    1. Scene SBS board room:

      (Chloe Alexiou-Numbat head of programme development meets with Chris Hayward. With them is Antonn (no last name), an idealistic young man who once worked in advertising. Is revered as he once had a job ‘on the outside).

      Hayward: It’s a travesty! We should be putting this money, erm the people’s funds into things that people need, such as documentaries and stories about the Howard Government, things starring me for a start.

      Chloe: I sense some hostility to this plan Chris, maybe we need an Aboriginal smoking ceremony to rid us of this tension?

      Antonn: Well in terms of ratings Top Gear is our most popular show.

      Hayward and Chloe (together): Ratings are not the most important thing when you are funded by the people. Giving the people what they need is the most important thing.

      Antonn: Hmm, how about a car show from an indigenous perspective?

      Hayward: Too paternalistic

      Antonn: OK, how about a show where the Aborigines are always pursued by big, fat, white police. They can do a review of the car’s performance after the pursuit?

      Chloe: Uses too much fuel, think of Gaia please.

      Antonn: Ive got it, we combine Aboriginal issues and Kevin Rudd, we call it ‘My car-my living room’. It’s also a good opportunity to have a swipe at the Howard Government.

      Hayward: Better, but it wont work

      Antonn: Why ever not?

      Hayward: I can’t drive and I don’t own a car, what’s in it for me?

      Posted by Nic on 2008 01 05 at 08:04 PM • permalink


    1. Half agree with him but not for his reasons. I love Top Gear but its mainly down to the presenters. With SBS doing the hiring, it is likely Top Gear Australia will be presented by the sort of obnoxious wankers who pass for TV celebrities in Australia, people such as Chris Haywood.

      Posted by Contrail on 2008 01 05 at 08:10 PM • permalink


    1. Is there an Australian Jeremy Clarkson?

      Posted by John A on 2008 01 05 at 08:17 PM • permalink


    1. “about $10 million should be redirected to more “worthy” projects, such as drama or coverage of indigenous issues.”

      Like some “project” where this pommy import can have a chance at getting his hands on the loot!

      Posted by Dave Wane on 2008 01 05 at 08:19 PM • permalink


    1. Mmmmmm, I wonder why there hasn’t been a decent Australian movie made since who knows when………..

      Posted by Penguin on 2008 01 05 at 08:35 PM • permalink


    1. #7 John A,

      we’re pushing for Tim to go for the part as main presenter. He knows and loves cars, and he’s funny as all get out.

      Posted by Pogria on 2008 01 05 at 08:35 PM • permalink


    1. Dons beret, scarf and dark glasses, sits in folding chair with the word “Director” on the back, lights up Hoyo de Monterrey Excaliber

      Chris, baby. Let me tell you how this TV thing works. It’s like…I dunno…oil, let’s say. Now, if you’re one of those Asian countries like Luxembourg or Nicaragua, you haven’t got any; you’ve got to import it. This show, Top Gear, it’s like oil, see? We import it and we make a lot of money off of it by selling it in the Australian market. Then, if we like, we can use that money to do some local programming, just like Matt Campbell said in the article (that Matt, incidentally: one smart operator).)

      Now, you feel passionately about commercialism. I can see that you feel it… here. Well, tell you what I’ll do, babe. The Perfecto Australian Cinema Organization is developing a pilot about a uniquely Australian superhero – Platypus Man – and we need somebody to play his valet. Since you object to commercialism – and I hear you, man, believe me – I’d be more than happy to offer you a contract where you work for free. No, no don’t thank me!  Just work on your pants-pressing skills, and practice registering “snootiness”.

      Hey, by the way, loved your work in Crocodile Dundee, babe.

      Posted by paco on 2008 01 05 at 08:36 PM • permalink


    1. SBS should cover indigenous issues….like this fraud handouts wealth distibution scheme opportunity for indigenous peoples in northern Australia.

      Indigenous Emissions Trading Scheme

      A Rudd Labor Government will provide opportunities for Indigenous participation in fledgling carbon markets by establishing the legal framework for creation of carbon credits for altered fire regimes and providing $10 million to build local capacity, build partnerships between the private sector and Indigenous communities, research its scientific and market potential and promote sales to growing national and international markets. This will include supporting the development of carbon credit schemes by land councils and Indigenous business groups like Centrefarm. [..] [..]Emissions trading markets will provide opportunities for the purchase of carbon credit from changes in land management, and specifically fire management, in Northern Australia. Over 98% of large bushfires occur outside of the populous south-east and south-west of Australia with the great majority (over 70%) occurring as environmentally destructive wildfires in the savannas of northern Australia. CSIRO research indicates that there are savannah management options which could significantly increase carbon sequestration.[..]

      So by altering a natural event back-burning early in the season, they will be given $$$.


      Posted by Tissa on 2008 01 05 at 08:38 PM • permalink


    1. These pillocks are beyond parady- the 10 or so mill spent on the local Top Gear will be recouped in spades by selling the series overseas and to cable, providing funding for the unwatchable tripe he craves; a fine example is this twaddle, which would have cost a bomb and has been run in the prime Thursday night spot in non-ratings time, a fair example of the confidence SBS management has in it to pull an audience (and rightly so- the most soporific PC propaganda I’ve seen in a coons age, with brave, uncoruptible moslems and assorted other imported detritus being set upon by vile, uncouth, racist bogans- it’d be a hoot if we weren’t paying for it).

      Top Gear is the BBC’s highest rating and biggest earning program, you flatulent, talentless pommy dickhead. And BTW, the best bit in Mad Max was when Jimmy the Boy lit you up like a roman candle, you twat.

      Posted by Habib on 2008 01 05 at 08:47 PM • permalink


    1. I caught a bit of an episode tonight on BBCAmerica. This one had the crew trying out “caravanning,” which is this weird European custom where people go to what looks like a parking lot and sleep in ancient trailers. Really, they looked older than the tiny Gulfstream my grandparents had parked in their back yard since the 60s… Anyway, there was a homo scare (“This is kind of romantic” “Don’t say that, I’m sleeping in the same bed as you!”) and a breakfast mishap (a hunt for a salt-of-the-earth farmer to provide organic eggs and bacon resulted in a can of cold spam from the nearest convenient store), and then after complaining that you aren’t allowed to do anything at the campsite including talking loudly or playing music Jeremy Clarkson burned down the caravan while attempting to cook chips on the gas fire. Brilliant.

      Posted by Andrea Harris, Administrator on 2008 01 05 at 09:08 PM • permalink


    1. They could have an indigenous perspective in a local Top Gear as well, with a weekly segment on such subjects as how many people can you fit into a rusty, brakeless current model Land Cruiser and still see over the dashboard and reach the pedals? and hotwiring VE Commodores made easy, and will roadside breath testing detect solvents?

      There’s a rich seam here to be mined.

      Posted by Habib on 2008 01 05 at 09:09 PM • permalink


    1. #14- that was good- they’ve really got it in for caravans (with good reason); I saw an episode a while back where they were playing conkers with caravans slung from 10 ton mobile cranes. I’d love to get paid to do that sort of shit.

      Posted by Habib on 2008 01 05 at 09:11 PM • permalink


    1. Are all of the networks in Australia government owned or subsidized?

      O/T: Brilliant Ted Kennedy bashing from Theo.

      Posted by paco on 2008 01 05 at 09:14 PM • permalink


    1. Two words Mr Haywood……..BUSH MECHANICS.

      Posted by sparrow on 2008 01 05 at 09:16 PM • permalink


    1. #16, How could anyone not laugh when Clarkson puts the ‘serves you right’ message up when finding that they are stopping a horse float from overtaking?

      Posted by Nic on 2008 01 05 at 09:19 PM • permalink


    1. #17- Pretty much so- the three commercial networks are cossetted by the commonwelath who prevent anyone else getting into the market, and they get slings for bandwidth development and local production which is invariably ratshit. Like the telecommunications industry here, a perfect example of what happens when government interferes with business- third world internet service, likewise mobile telephone coverage and local programming that’d shame Chuck Barris. It will no doubt get worse under our new statist (or should that be stalinist?) regime.

      Posted by Habib on 2008 01 05 at 09:30 PM • permalink


    1. Bush Mechanics

      Posted by sparrow on 2008 01 05 at 09:32 PM • permalink


    1. Veteran actor Chris Haywood has called for SBS Television to be sold or station managers to be sacked over a decision to produce a local version of the British motoring program Top Gear.

      What’s the problem? I think he’s right on the money. It should be sold, just like he says!

      Posted by Mick Sutcliffe on 2008 01 05 at 09:37 PM • permalink


    1. Ive got a bad feeling it will be a stinker anyway. Its the presenters that make top gear fun. By the time SBS puts in Nigel the nimbin feral, Patrica the blind Aboriginal deaf mute who gives car reviews by interperitive dace, and David Marr it will be all over.

      they could do worse than let the team from fat pizza have a crack at it, and they are suitably ethnic.

      Posted by thefrollickingmole on 2008 01 05 at 09:42 PM • permalink


    1. Two words Mr Haywood……..BUSH MECHANICS.

      Wait. You mean the Aussies haven’t caught onto the idea of making shows showing people doing their jobs? Dirty Jobs, for example. Just find some people who do things like restore old cars, then film them doing an insane project against an insane deadline.

      Guaranteed fun, and American networks would buy it up just to hear the accents.

      Posted by Rob Crawford on 2008 01 05 at 09:43 PM • permalink


    1. #25 Brilliant idea! Best cars to screw fat chicks in, how to hide a bong in an ‘82 Commodore in under ten seconds when stopped by police, fluffy dice – yes or no? This thing would write itself

      Posted by squawkbox on 2008 01 05 at 09:55 PM • permalink


    1. #23 – couldn’t agree more. An SBS performance car show? Try acceleration figures replaced by carbon footprint stats.

      Posted by Mick Sutcliffe on 2008 01 05 at 09:56 PM • permalink


    1. Whoops, last comment referred to #23.

      Posted by squawkbox on 2008 01 05 at 09:56 PM • permalink


    1. I don’t agree with Haywood and as Habib points out, this thing could actually make money and support some trendy piece of propaganda. But the issue highlights the problem of having government run tv stations. What are they there for? Are they supposed to chase ratings or to produce and show the “worthy” programs that commercial tv won’t touch for a variety of reasons (the main one being that barely anyone wants to watch them).

      Seems to me SBS management are trying to do the sensible thing in building its audience with shows that have a chance to be popular – then just perhaps giving their other less accessible shows a chance to attract an audience. That’s the theory anyway.

      A OT bit but did anyone else see the 2nd Bill episode last night? Again, brave put upon muslims who just want to read and study about violent jihad are put upon by Britains counter terrorism laws.

      Posted by Francis H on 2008 01 05 at 09:56 PM • permalink


    1. The problem for Chris is that he does not see the correlation between the money SBS would make and satisfaction of an audience. I do not mean he simply does not see the correlation, I mean he would never think of one – not seeing the value of money made by SBS or of audience satisfaction.

      There is only one group of people who need to be satisfied – Actors! But of course they are constantly miserable.

      Posted by Toiling Mass on 2008 01 05 at 09:59 PM • permalink


    1. #14 Andrea:

      “Really, they looked older than the tiny Gulfstream my grandparents had parked in their back yard since the 60s…

      Was it tinier than this Gulfstream?

      People in the know prefer the Citation, of course.

      Posted by Kaboom on 2008 01 05 at 10:04 PM • permalink


    1. #17 Paco Brilliant titles for kennedy’s autobio. What about
      “My story -how to parlay second degree murder into a neat career”
      “Lightweight -Ted’s story”
      “Gutless”#3 Squawkbox -Dunno what the plural of Prius is, but could it be that the whole metaphysical state of owning a Prius is priapism?

      Posted by Rod C on 2008 01 05 at 10:11 PM • permalink


    1. I have hardly ever watched the show, but did happen to last night – they had built some amphibious cars, which were all pathetic but worth a laugh.

      So, my question is, did they really machine gun a prius?

      Posted by entropy on 2008 01 05 at 10:30 PM • permalink


    1. #32 Not sure that particular event was on Top Gear itself, but I’ve seen it on a special edition DVD of Clarkson in America. I’m sure it’s on Youtube somewhere (can’t access youtube at present or I’d give a link). They had a stereotypical US redneck start shooting at the Prius with handguns and worked up from there. I think the coup de grace was delivered with a rocket launcher.

      Posted by squawkbox on 2008 01 05 at 10:39 PM • permalink


    1. #32
      My sainted Ma Deuce, they certainly did.

      Posted by lotocoti on 2008 01 05 at 10:42 PM • permalink


    1. #30, it more likely resembled this gulfstream

      Posted by sam on 2008 01 05 at 11:14 PM • permalink


    1. What Chris Haywood (Whowood?)is actually demanding here (actor code for me, me me), is SBS fund a drama written, produced, directed and starring Chis Whowood.
      There – much better use of a lazy $10 mill.I mean, making shows about cars might encourage us to drive the damned things – and we all know what that will do to Gaia.

      Posted by Bonmot on 2008 01 05 at 11:23 PM • permalink


    1. I note the Fairfax hack who penned this gibberish saw no conflict of interest in a ham actor shilling for funding for drama- I wonder what the angle would be for an item about say a cotton farmer looking for a handout for irrigation, or a Holden salesman demanding the feds increase their fleet size and to buy local?

      Objectivity appears to be off the curriculum at journalism school these days.

      Posted by Habib on 2008 01 05 at 11:29 PM • permalink


    1. #34: Whoa! Now that’s a hybrid: part car, part colander.

      Posted by paco on 2008 01 05 at 11:36 PM • permalink


    1. “It’s blatant commercialism in terms of programming,” said Haywood, who has appeared in 70 films over a 34-year acting career.

      Irony oozes, drips, and pools on the floor.

      Posted by RebeccaH on 2008 01 05 at 11:37 PM • permalink


    1. #39- You cynic; doncha know he did them all for free, for the sake of his art? The muse is a powerful driving force, and crass commercial considerations have no place in culture.

      Compulsive onanism seems to be the new black, oui?

      Posted by Habib on 2008 01 05 at 11:50 PM • permalink


    1. Oops, my bad- Steve Bisley was Jimmy the Goose in Mad Max- a thespian and a Kiwi as well, but nowhere near as irritating as Chris Heywood. If it’s dram he wants, why doesn’t he return to the Old Dart and sign up for The Bill? There’s geezers on that show that’ve been on the air longer than the ozone layer.

      Posted by Habib on 2008 01 06 at 12:17 AM • permalink


    1. It’s clear to me that this Haywood and that Bunzl chap are kindred spirits and really should be married.

      Posted by Harry Bergeron on 2008 01 06 at 12:26 AM • permalink


    1. Just to go a bit off topic but i am now officially over the Backyard Cricket ads during the test coverage. I can handle the little aboriginal boy being picked first- I can ignore the obvious tokenism of our media types – but its the smart-ass remarks put into the mouths of the kids as they’re selected that are like nails on a blackboard.

      Posted by Francis H on 2008 01 06 at 12:32 AM • permalink


    1. What a piece of sanctimonious bullshit from Haywood. He is essentially saying that ‘entertainment’ is bad because it diverts our attention from more worthy passtimes, like being ‘sorry’ or ‘worried’ about the environment.

      This guy should get a knighthood in the Royal Order of the Moonbats.

      Posted by Skip on 2008 01 06 at 12:55 AM • permalink


    1. Contrail is right.

      Also this Haywood fella needs to get off his high horse and remove the rod from his arse.

      Posted by Old school on 2008 01 06 at 01:00 AM • permalink


    1. Which is precisely why there’s been one after another tedious Australian fillums portraying the daily horror of being a marginalised westie junkie/Abo/migrant/insert lefty victim of choice have been foisted onto a non-existant audience at great public cost, no doubt making the fillum-makers and their entourage feel all warm, gooey, smug and superior for how they’ve brought the plight of whichever cause du jour to the attention of their beret-clad latte’ slurping self-appointed elite acquintences and no bugger else.

      Get ready for three long years of this shameless rent-seeking by peurile, talentless knucklefuckers who couldn’t get a gig writing ad copy for bumwad in the real world.

      Posted by Habib on 2008 01 06 at 01:07 AM • permalink


    1. I found a snapshot of Haywood at the wheel of his dream car.

      Posted by Harry Bergeron on 2008 01 06 at 01:11 AM • permalink


    1. #46 Habib, we don’t need to get ready. Howard notwithstanding, this crap has been around since Whitlam. My main criticism of Howard is he didn’t give this pack of parasites something to really complain about, like having to work for a living.

      Posted by squawkbox on 2008 01 06 at 01:13 AM • permalink


    1. It’s blatant commercialism in terms of programming,

      ‘Blatant commercialism’ is progressive code-speak for ‘extremely popular with and well-liked by the horny-handed sons of toil’.

      Of course, to a leftist, if bogans are likely to watch it in large numbers it can’t possibly be any good.  Good programming is what appeals to a small, late night audience of university lecturers and alternative-theatre types.

      Posted by walterplinge on 2008 01 06 at 01:36 AM • permalink


    1. I think the point of Top Gear and why it works so well, is that populism, blokeishness, “I know what I like and what I like is speed” and appeal to simple verities of 0-60mph times are all delivered in impeccable English with panache.

      It remains to be seen if Aussie TV can reproduce Top Gear.

      Posted by John A on 2008 01 06 at 01:52 AM • permalink


    1. Kaboom: durr, I meant Airstream—though there is a brand of travel trailer named “Gulf Stream” that manufactures RVs and travel trailers too, but my grandparents had one of the tiny ones—it was rather like this one. (Rather bigger than the classic “teardrop” but it had that silver finish.)

      Posted by Andrea Harris, Administrator on 2008 01 06 at 02:02 AM • permalink


    1. #13
      Habib, that twaddle is, isn’t it.

      With the juxtaposition of a muslim detective and how he’s treated by his peers…. yadda yadda yadda..

      .who gives a rat’s arse?

      Instantly unwatchable.

      I dunno, Bush Mechanics’d be the go. Did you catch that on ABstinkin’C? linky

      Posted by kae on 2008 01 06 at 02:18 AM • permalink


    1. #18
      Oops! didn’t read it all befor posting… but sometimes some things just can’t wait!

      Posted by kae on 2008 01 06 at 02:19 AM • permalink


    1. Habib (#13), I’m with ya on that one.  If they actually pull this off they could do brilliantly and make a motza. Hell, just the theme of ‘havin a root in a ute’ would make the first season.

      But if they take the Greenie line of soap-dodging knobsnorkers, it will sink like a stone.

      These brain fried Greenie soap-dodgers were whining here today in Canberra about Summer Nats (a big car show, here in Canberra, for petrol-heads for our US cousins) not having an eco-car section, and not being carbon-neutral!

      That said, I am thinking of getting a hybrid Prius. A mate has a Chev 350 spare…. and then there is THIS for inspiration for the other side of the hybrid powerplant.


      Posted by MarkL on 2008 01 06 at 03:28 AM • permalink


    1. Compare the numbers on the ground in Canberra for the annual boganfest of Summernats and any number of anti-war/land rights/gay marriage/adjust the global thermostat rallies and see once and for all just how many soap-dodging knobsnorkers there really are; even in a closet-case commune like Canberra the tappetheads would outnumber the pious perpetually pouty by about 10:1.

      Posted by Habib on 2008 01 06 at 03:56 AM • permalink


    1. Nick and I have a vested interest in seeing the Australian version of Top Gear go to air.

      If you wouldn’t mind sending a kind e-mail to SBS to say that you would watch the show, then we’d be most appreciative.

      — Nora

      Posted by The Thin Man Returns on 2008 01 06 at 04:45 PM • permalink


  1. Wtf is this prat blathering about?? We’ve recently been “blessed” with an entire indigenous TV channel on pay tv Personally I prefer some of the programs on the “community channel”, Aurora. My boys actually enjoy IWA, the local wrestling franchise, filmed in a church hall in Dulwich Hill. It’s hardly as professional as WWE, but refreshing in its youthful enthusiasm. There’s some local content SBS might be interested in supporting.

    What happened to the good old days when SBS’s contribution to “ethnic affairs” consisted of broadcasting international soccer matches. Methinks that the success of a few of their shows, such as Top Gear, Southpark, Iron Chef and Mythbusters, has gone to their heads. They must now believe that people just want to watch SBS, rather than the programs they broadcast. Bring on the indigenous mud-wrestling dancing girls!

    Posted by AlburyShifton on 2008 01 06 at 11:28 PM • permalink