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Last updated on July 16th, 2017 at 10:44 am
And best of all, the resulting salp pellets could be worked into fast food products, reducing the demand for Soylent Green!
Posted by Harry Bergeron on 2007 09 29 at 03:05 PM • permalink
The beauty of it is they only need 134 million pipes. They can make them out of hemp.
Posted by Mystery Meat on 2007 09 29 at 04:01 PM • permalink
Y’know, I’ve been presented with some truly hare brained ideas. This one, though, is #1 for lunatic plans, no doubt about it.
Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2007 09 29 at 04:42 PM • permalink
“We are taking the very strong line that we are not going to save the planet by the regular approaches like the Kyoto Protocol or renewable energy,” Professor Lovelock told BBC News.
Well, thank Goreacle for that admission. Maybe now the planet’s spokespersons will stop hectoring Bush about the stupid thing.
“What we have to do is to look at it in a systems sense, or a Gaian sense, and see if it’s curable by direct action.”
And this is the kind of thing you come up with? Always suspected Gaia didn’t have much sense.
Maybe we could blast the moon out of our orbit (remember Space: 1999?). Wouldn’t do squat about global warming, but it sure would take our minds off it.
Merlin and Mystery Meat–ROFL.
Posted by Kyda Sylvester on 2007 09 29 at 07:01 PM • permalink
- Ok so heres the plan, we hypothisize the earth is warming, no-one can prove it conclusively.
Plan: We will do something which we are unsure of the effects of, to counter the problem we have “proven” in our computer modeling, to restore the world to its natural unending state of equilibrium.
And call it science??/makes note to self, buy BHP pipeworks stock…Posted by thefrollickingmole on 2007 09 29 at 07:04 PM • permalink
- I guess you’ll barely notice the 10519km2 of ocean area that is now jampacked with manmade detritus. And the mountains of salp carbon crap sitting beneath them.
You won’t see a thing, we promise, just marvel at our plan to set a stable condition to a system that must inherently comply with the laws of thermodynamics. Anyone for some entropy?
It would be interesting to know whether this scheme will have to pass through the mangrove of ‘environmental impact assessments’ that any road or pipeline through any arse-end patch of wasteland is subject to, usually with the express purpose of stopping it dead. If it were, say, a desalination plant,or, gaia forbid, a dam, we would already have Don Henry on our screens telling us about the coming environmental catastrophe promised by these pipes of death.
Hm.. wasn’t there a time loooooooong ago when the Earth was entirely covered in ice? 700 million years ago?
Maybe they should wait until I’m off-planet before trying this.
Posted by Patrick Chester on 2007 09 29 at 07:38 PM • permalink
1.618 Watch out for those tan lines…
Posted by thefrollickingmole on 2007 09 29 at 08:12 PM • permalink
Oh yeah, I missed the bit where one of King Canute’s advisors told him to stick a tube up his arse.
What does amaze me is that these misanthropes, who deride, scorn and abjure man’s technical powers, think we can actually affect the climate.
Posted by Wimpy Canadian on 2007 09 29 at 08:25 PM • permalink
Personally, I think it would make much more sense to build a giant vacuum sweeper that sucks air through a filter that filters out methane and CO2. We could store it in a really big bag, and attach the bag to a pipe that is, say, about 2 mile in diameter and around 250 miles long. We point it into outer space and periodically squeeze the bag full of methane and CO2 in giant Gaia farts into space. Problem solved.
My idea makes as much sense as theirs, and it would cost less and hurt the environment less.
Posted by JorgXMcKie on 2007 09 29 at 11:31 PM • permalink
We’ve always been able to ‘Fix’ global warming.
All we have to do is pick the proper places to detonate the bombs. I’d say some place with a lot of sand would add to the effect quite nicely.
Posted by CujoQuarrel on 2007 09 29 at 11:35 PM • permalink
Re #22, planetary farts. I like it!
Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2007 09 29 at 11:57 PM • permalink
Alternatively, we could launch The Goreacle™ into the sun. The Gore Effect™ would surely cool off that hyperactive fusion reactor, giving Mother Gaia™ much needed relief.
Not to mention Gorezilla stops bleating. But that’s just gravy.
Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2007 09 29 at 11:59 PM • permalink
26. Ok Ill bite, whats a Roxy kini?
Posted by thefrollickingmole on 2007 09 30 at 12:21 AM • permalink
Went to a party at the behest of a biology professor tonight. He cooked wild field rat for dinner. It was scrumptious. It was weird to look at, but one taste got that behind me. Truly amazingly good. Didn’t taste like chicken. Tasted like… wild field rat that had been well marinated and properly spiced up. Not dry, not gamy. Tasted positively civilized.
Watched several chicks who tried it on a dare. Amazing. The anticipation of grossness on their faces was replaced by a Kentucky Fried grin in seconds.
Nice night.
Of course these pipes will be rowed out there by members of Stone Age tribes paddling boats woven by disadvantaged children from sustainably grown, organically certified reeds harvested from pristine wetlands using knapped flint knives by Tim Flannery himself. I mean, really, they couldn’t possibly want to transport the 100- to 200-meter long pipes hundreds of miles out into the oceans by fuel-gobbling cargo ship – why, that’d make the Baby Gaia cry!