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Last updated on July 16th, 2017 at 12:45 pm
Collingwood will defeat the Adelaide Adeladies on Friday night. This is causing a certain tension in the office, due to the editor’s fondness for his Lutheran hometown moselle punks. Let’s calm things down.
UPDATE. “The mere mention of Collingwood seems to really raise the energy level,” comments Yojimbo. You bet it does. Take these remarks, from a forum previewing Friday’s match:
• “I reckon even if my own life depended on Collingwood winning, I’d still want them to lose.”
• “I’m going for the pies, even went to the extreme of getting all my teeth removed, having a frontal lobotomy and smearing all my clothes with excrement. Sad thing was no matter how I then seemed to fit in, I was judged to be too hygenic, too intelligent and too well dressed to be a member of their jeer squad.”
• “kan tha pyes!! sory, lobotomy in ful efekt, carnt andurstend ur poost, sudin erge too steel a kar, rob a patrol stashun and kik the carp oot if me wif.”
• “The preferred result would be for a mysterious toxic vapour to enter the ground and turn everyone inside to ash.”
• “Why would you deem it delusional to hate Collingwood? It seems absolutely natural to me.”
• “Usually when it’s Collingwood vs. Adelaide I hope for a nil-all draw, or maybe a big terrorist attack.”
UPDATE II. Uh-oh:
Further to my earlier conversation with Editor David Penberthy, I write to confirm that the opinion pages will now be edited by a severed pig’s head named Darren Millane. This is effective immediately.
It genuinely annoys me that Australian Rules Football isn’t on cable TV here in the States anymore. We’ve got 5 all-sports channels (FIVE!) and none carries it anymore. Not even the Grand Final, ferchrissakes.
Nothing on pay-per-view, either, from what I can find… Cricket, yes. But no footy.Posted by Spiny Norman on 2007 08 27 at 10:31 PM • permalink
If the game were at AAMI, I’d say that the Crows would win. But seeing that it’s going to be at Telstra Dome, the Magpies will win because there will be much more assistance provided by the umpires.
I’d be the first to admit that the Swans did not play well last Saturday against Collingwood but the number of frees awarded was a wee bit lopsided, no?
BTW, how come Collingwood hardly ever has to travel interstate? Is it Eddie’s influence, or because other cities don’t want their insane supporters anywhere in the vicinity?
#4 – If Collingwood travels interstate it places too great a burden on that states mental health system. It also means that takings are substantialy reduced at Victorian pokie palaces, thousands of kids are left unattended in cars at the airport and it causes havoc with crime statistics across the country.Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 08 27 at 10:46 PM • permalink
On the whole most Collingwood supporters are on the level – They’ve got a chip on both shoulders.Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 08 27 at 11:09 PM • permalink
I have just noticed that the mere mention of Collingwood seems to really raise the energy level. The only other time I have noticed this level is when cricket is involved but that is nation on nation stuff-Aussie/Barmy Army. The level of woofing for that is quite understandable.
Now if you were on an American football thread discussing the Steelers/Browns all you would ever get are very polite comments from both sides.
I would normally try to get the sarcasm key back into the off positon after the last comment but it went so far thru the roof that it is never coming back!
As much as the Blair-ster likes to boast about his column, I recall that one of his first Telegraph efforts tried to demonstrate his familiarity with the local code by saying the South Sydney rugby league team had no chance of making the finals.
How’s that prediction going then hmmm?Posted by Margos Maid on 2007 08 27 at 11:26 PM • permalink
- #1 We love it, absolutely love it that you hate us so. It’s one of the reasons we get out of bed every morning. It drives us on and on.
#4 This year Collingwood played the Lions (won), Sydney (won), Crows (won) and Weagles (lost) interstate. The reason for the “lopsided” umpiring was that the Swans broke the rules. They were put under pressure and gave it up.
#5 Hmmmmm, that turns me on …
#9 No, I think it’s everyone else with the chips.
A loss on Friday night wouldn’t be all bad. Likely then we’ll play the Swans in Melbourne in the first week of the finals and kick their …
Thanks for your thoughts a few threads back. I’m doing OK. Some interesting new zippers caused by 70 odd staples but my arm is functioning again. Finest grade titanium plate and 11 large screws have seen to that. Lots of bone grafting which, surprisingly, they harvested from my left leg just below the knee. Picked up a nasty infection in the leg, probably during surgery which had me in and out of hospital another 3 times.
Has taken 9 months so I’ve been away from my home in Guangzhou and have been staying in my old home town of Newcastle.
I’m fighting fit again mate so leave a space for me in the front line when the serious shit starts to happen.
OT I’m afraid, but interesting. My bigpond homepage ran a Men of No Appearance style article of these 5 men arrested for planning to blow up ATM’s, emphasising police commissioner’s or someone else’s quote that no terrorism was suspected.
Could they be, though, I wondered…you know, Presbyterians.
#15 – Fuck me drunk! A literate Pies fan with internet access! Next we’ll find one with three kids by the same father.Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 08 28 at 12:03 AM • permalink
So obtaining large sums of money illegally has NO LINK to terrorism whatsoever. Sure it could just be drugs, but to categorically state NO LINK to terrorism is rather brave, given the ethnic mix involved. But I must be some rabid RWDB f’wit.
I’m going for collingwood to win, only because it keeps my lions in the finals mix. Not that they will beat Geelong at the gabba, but you never know! If they somehow manage to make the finals, first week’s assignment is not pretty!
ps given the lions gave the pies a drubbing in their last 2 finals, I think we owe them a bit of support in this time of need.
I grew up in SA, and my family over there barrack for the Crows. I was brought up to see things in their natural colour, and Black and White did not figure. I hate Port Adelaide and Collingwood. Adding teal to their strip and changing their moniker from the Pies to the Power did not take away the loathing most South Australians have for Port.
Best Grand Final ever – 1977
“We will be drawing a clear line in the sand,” Mr Rudd said. On the AFL field, which team will cross the line he is drawing? What will be the Scores?Posted by stackja1945 on 2007 08 28 at 12:31 AM • permalink
All I wan’t to see is Sheeds waving his jacket for the last time after Bombers humiliate eagles.
Oh .. and fuck the ‘pies and the pig they rode in onPosted by Jack from Montreal on 2007 08 28 at 12:44 AM • permalink
BTW – brilliant and thoughtful commenting from IT.
Maybe just a bit too restrained.Posted by Jack from Montreal on 2007 08 28 at 12:46 AM • permalink
#11 yojimbo – leave the Browns out of this. I’m in Perth, Western Australia, and it’s tough enough supporting them from this distance.
#25 – Jack – their is jackshit chance of that happening. I’m goning to be cranking my scarf around after we bury the Bombers that hard that I’ll probably dislocate my shoulder.
I’m not sure which is worse – Magpies or Dockers.
As a Blues supporter it’s heartening to see a shared hatred of the Woodsmen. I walked past their Lexus Centre a few months ago and felt moved to launch a well-aimed missile of expectorant at the statue outside.
What is there to hate?
Their supporters behave like animals
Their Coach is a wanker
Their President is a wanker
They have a ‘we wuz robbed’ mentality
Feel free to add.
Presbies? Certainly not. What would make you think that? I mean that police super must have stated that there was no terrorism involved or contemplated by virtue of the attempted action at least 84 times to probably three questions. I mean he probabably answered that there was no terrorism involved to questions like”what time is it anyway?”. So I would certainly rest easy when people in authority go way out of their way to make sure you understand that there couldn’t possibly be any terrorism link here.
/another sarcasm key just exploded. That’s two tonight.
You would think that the copper knows their names, cause he will be severley embarrassed if it comes to pass that they’re called anything but Peter, Paul or Mary.
On the upside, it seems that the system, at least in this instance, is working well.
Alert from Darwin, stuff switched, alleged crooks busted.
Someone’s doing it right. Hat’s orf.
“gentle and cultured folk” Yes, of course!
The feeling of love, adoration and friendship between Browns and Steelers fans is just something to marvel at!
I really don’t think that anyone can go undefeated anymore. If anyone can do it it would be the Pats or the Colts right now. I think the winner of the Pats/Colts playoff game will be the eventual champion-again!
All you need to know about Collingwood is that their little, bog Irish, battler president from Broady, was a major part of the Australian Republican Movement and was doing his darndest to change Australia to a republic and to change our flag. And yet as Collingwood president he has had it enshrined in the club’s constitution that the Collingwood jumper can not be changed. Duplicitous fucktard.Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 08 28 at 02:12 AM • permalink
Men of No-appearance plot to attack ATMs
Anyone got any more info?
#42 – Judging by their hatred of technology, we’re looking at either Amish separatists or a band of tooled up senior citizens.Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 08 28 at 03:03 AM • permalink
I’m trying to relate this to Bills vs Dolphins, so… are batteries being thrown?
Now, if it’s not a good-vs-evil thing (noble blue-collar rust-belt heroes vs pussy aquatic mammals shooting you in the back with their nickel-and-gold Taurus 9mm’s with the pearl grips they bought with their meth money), I’m guessing it’s more Yanks vs Sox (deep-pocket owners and obnoxious fans vs deep-pocket owners and obnoxious fans.)
At my old work I was discussing with some of my decent, intelligent, hard-working, morally upright Collingwood co-supporters the idea that we should have a company-wide Collingwood supporters’ club.
Overhearing the conversation was an unwashed, deformed simpleton – a nice enough fellow but a typical Essendon supporter nonetheless – who suggested that there should be a company-wide anti-Collingwood supporter’ club.
We responded that he, and the rest of the poor, non-Collingwood supporting saps could go and form all of the clubs they wanted. We don’t care.
So do your worst. Say your foulest. We don’t care.Posted by Jack Lacton on 2007 08 28 at 03:38 AM • permalink
It really sounds more like Collingwood = the Raider Nation. Typical Raider Nation scene: three generations of the Raider Nation (grandfather, father, son), each one of them dressed as a typical east L.A. cholo.
I work part-time at both Safeco Field (Seattle Mariners baseball team) and Qwest Field (Seattle Seahawks football team). And, believe it or not, the Raider Nation is only the second biggest bunch of dickwads I have to deal with. The Red Sox Nation is, without a doubt, the biggest collection of assholes on earth. And I’ve cheered for the Sox, and hated the Yankees, damn near my whole life.Posted by David Crawford on 2007 08 28 at 04:09 AM • permalink
I forgot to include this quote of Hunter S. Thompson (himself a member of the Raider Nation):
“The massive Raider Nation is beyond doubt the sleaziest and rudest and most sinister mob of thugs and wackos ever assembled.”Posted by David Crawford on 2007 08 28 at 04:15 AM • permalink
Assuming the Roos can’t really count Carrara yet as a home ground, teams have had to travel interstate (in the case of Aurora Stadium, internationally) as follows:
Demons – 6
Saints – 5
Roos – 7
Dockers – 10
Port – 10
Lions – 9
Hawks – 9
Swans – 11
Weagles – 10
Crows – 10
Bombers – 5
Dogs – 5
Cats – 5
Blues – 6
Tigers – 5
And the Pies? Four. Count ‘em, 4.
I have some particularly fond Collingwood memories.
I have to say, I rather like the names. The Pies. The Swans. Adelaide. Collingwood. Nice suburban Anglo names. They bring to mind a mild fall day, leaves turning orange and golden.
By contrast, just say the names “Pittsburgh” or “Cleveland” and one envisions the great unwashed masses.Posted by wronwright on 2007 08 28 at 06:10 AM • permalink
- Come to think of it, I seem to recall reading on an intranet somewhere, that a network with a predilection for hiring Collingwood supporters is looking for an environment journalist and an environment producer.
(Although I suspect they may be run-of-show hirings.)
Some of the Men of No Appearance have been named:-
“The three other men charged so far – named in court papers as Fadi Bassil, Badawi Nassour and Elias Taouk – are due to appear in the same court on Wednesday.”
See this link.
I had a Melbourne secretary once when working in Adelaide. Coming from Queensland she made me realise how insular many of the southern race can be. It’s either Australian Rules or nothing else. In her case, she couldn’t twist Collingwood out of any discussion.
Some 15 years later by an amazing coincidence I ran into her early one morning in Melbourne when I was into the morning walk in Glen Iris and there she was ‘dressed in black and white procuring the daily bread’.
Collingwood or the Crows.
In a battle of two poisons. Methinks the Crows.
Collingwood will win this one and they will win the grand final because Buckley (surely the most gracious Norm Smith medallist in defeat ever) left the Lions so that he could play in a premiership side.
And he couldn’t be wrong could he?
<< Chuckle, snort.. >>Posted by Whale Spinor on 2007 08 28 at 09:15 AM • permalink
I’d almost forgotten about this.
About 20 years ago, went to Oz with family and took the kids to see some real footy at the ‘G.
After a few minutes of play, I noticed that the 10 YO was looking quite puzzled.
“Dad, why is one of the teams called the Maggots”, he asked.
Well – should be fucking obvious, I felt like responding.
Little fucker now lives in Collinwood (when he’s not at sea discouraging another bunch of maggots).Posted by Jack from Montreal on 2007 08 28 at 09:15 AM • permalink
The cholo look is for understated raider fans.Raider fan picturesPosted by Andy Freeman on 2007 08 28 at 10:34 AM • permalink
I’m not a statistician. Baseball never appealed to me.
Now, if they could upgrade baseball with mixed martial arts and American football type full contact elements, I could become a fan.
New game format:
Pitcher charges the plate. If the batter can stop him before he reaches the catcher, then the batter advances to first base.
Runner has to win the base by fighting the baseman to either knockout or tap out.
The members of both teams not currently manning the bases or running/batting, are fighting in the outfield. (ok, that means we need some hockey elements too).
We call the sport, Slaughter Ball.
Each state of the Union holds yearly championships. The region of the state that wins that gains exemption from all state and local taxes, including sales taxes for all citizens of the region represented by the State Champion team. Losing teams earn their citizens a loser tax to cover the revenue loss.
Then there’s the National Championship. The state team that wins that earns exception from ALL taxes, hidden or direct on all product, services and pay for all the citizens of that state.
Loser teams earn a loser tax for their states.
Lets make sports mean something.
#31 Nic, we need a reason to hate Collingwood?
Since when? I haven’t followed the footy since Richmond last won the Premiership, and I still hate the pies.
I hated their neanderthal fans at school with their dufflecoats and Rene Kink all over them, I hated the mullets and the tribal idiocies they would carry on with.
And that was just the girls.
Pack of trogs, and I’m off to work before I start ranting about Eddie.Posted by Nilknarf Arbed on 2007 08 28 at 05:41 PM • permalink
#48 – why do the Pies travel so little?
Just ask Qantas how difficult it is to get the smell out of the plane afterwards. Apparently they only let them fly when they have a plane that is due for a major overhaul and/or seat replacement.Posted by mr creosote on 2007 08 28 at 05:43 PM • permalink
- #48 It’s obvious why the ‘interstate’ sides do so well. They get out more than the parochial Vics.
The Crows will hammer Collingwood like they hammered the other [and better] Magpies, Port Adelaide.
Do the Vics think they can shore up their talent pool by having an absurd advantage in the father-son eligibility rule?
We have to have football this year for the simple reason that I have already paid for our University of Arizona season tickets and they are non-refundable!.
A suggested amplification to your format. The “Red State”(rural) part of any state will probably win. Ergo and therefore I hereby propose that the winning region of that state gets to vote one(or more!) of the state’s electoral votes.
The only explanation for Collingwood’s expected appearance in the finals is that even shit can float. When they are knocked out in the first week of the finals, no doubt their supporters will be as confused as their children on fathers day. And your coach is a tree hugging, sanctimonious, pillock.
Any other time I would gladly watch Adelaide getting flogged like a rented mule. This Friday I will rejoice as they wallop you like a redheaded step child.