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Last updated on August 8th, 2017 at 04:49 pm
Delicious Gaia flesh, ripped live from the planet’s shrieking hide.
(Via Ken Summers)
- Gaia is ours! We must make use of her! It is our right! Nay, Our Destiny!!!!Posted by mad doc on 2006 12 06 at 04:30 AM • permalink
- I hope those cupboard doors and trim are teak and mahogany, lovingly harvested in the jungles of the Philipines, PNG, Thailand, and Borneo by caring timber workers with large families to support.Posted by walterplinge on 2006 12 06 at 05:18 AM • permalink
- If they’re stained plantation pine – shame on you!Posted by walterplinge on 2006 12 06 at 05:19 AM • permalink
- Mr Bingley, speaking as someone whose present occupation consists of designing kitchens, may i congratulate you on your choice. Corian is better in the bathroom than the kitchen (in my not so humble opinion), but granite or an aggregate stone rock my world in the kitchen. If you really want to go nuts on the tiles, slate or travertine are fantastic.
Oh, and I love the tapware. Very sexy.
Posted by Nilknarf Arbed on 2006 12 06 at 05:45 AM • permalink
- I was feeling a little peckish. It had been hours since my last snack of macrobiotic organic kelp sticks. And, I had found that wearing a giant papier mache puppet head made to look like HoWARd had been more effort than I had anticipated. That was unexpected because I have so much faith in my judgement.
I’d only volunteered to wear it for the demo ‘cause the chick organising it was so damn cute. Green hair, red eyes and so furious with me for being born a male. But I knew that if I did everything right I’d convince her that I too believed that males were more part of the problem than the solution.
Anyhow, despite my best efforts, there was no authentic food available nearby, only fascist US fast food franchises. I was nearly about to cry when I saw a small man pushing a food cart. Aaaaah I thought, a small, carbon neutral, low impact food seller who puts happiness before profits.
I sauntered over and read the sign on his cart; Pete’s Authentic Confectionary Organisation. “What’s healthy?” I enquired. “The survival of the fittest” he replied. “What?” I demanded. “I said, something for your fitness,” he clarified, with only the slightest upward curl at the end of his mouth.
“Oh sorry” I continued “I can’t hear properly in this papier mache head”.
Anyway I checked out the food and to my dismay the only thing that looked half healthy was a white doughnut looking thing. “What’s that?” I enquired, and through HoWARd’s head I heard him say “Fine whole nuts – it’s called a DBD.”I bought one and left the strange looking man who smiled as I departed. The doughnut was delicious, unlike anything I had ever tasted, rich and sweet, full of flavour. Yum.
When finished, I looked for a napkin in the box and saw the product information written in tiny letters on the side; PACO’s famous Dolphin Blowhole Doughnuts are made by roughly cutting the blowhole out of the dolphins back, while still in the net. Whilst still alive, the dolphin is then returned to the sea to quickly become part of the food chain in natures way. The meat doughnut is then transported unneccesarily by flying it around the world the long way to our kitchens where it is deep fried (of course) and heavily covered in sugar, enjoy. All PACO profits go to John Howard’s re-election fund.”
As I gagged I looked around and the seller had dissappeared into the crowd of demonstrators as if a ghost. As I focussed on the scene around me I saw that thousands of my fellow activists were also unwittingly eating DBDs.
It was at that point, with rising horror, that I realised that the neo-con fascists were thinking three or perhaps four moves ahead. Even the HoWARd head now looked a little childish.
- Our recyled troll xyzl has found something so thrilling, he’s posted it into two threads here, both into topics quite unrelated. He’s obviously quivering with excitement at the humour and his expose. Like a puppy unable to control its bladder, xyzl just pisses everywhere and doesn’t even realise what an utter spectacle it makes of itself.
C’mon mate. What name did you previously use here?
Posted by Stop Continental Drift! on 2006 12 06 at 05:52 AM • permalink
- I don’t really care who xyzl is. I simply pass over his comments. But I am intrigued by #7. I checked out the CV for Penguin and it states that he joined on 11/9 and has writtenly only 14 comments in total. He writes like paco and that’s brilliantly.
Stoop Davy Dave?
Posted by wronwright on 2006 12 06 at 06:18 AM • permalink
- Dear xzzyyzzle, the proper way to advertise your or your friends’ cute little videos is to buy a blog ad from Tim. We do capitalism here.
In any case, that’s the only way you’ll be able to communicate with the folks here as I’ve just banned you for posting nothing but off-topic comments. So open that wallet!
Posted by Andrea Harris, Administrator on 2006 12 06 at 07:04 AM • permalink
- Cheers, Wron. As I am quite a fan of your comments, I’m glad you enjoyed it. No hidden surprises here. I’m a long time avid reader of this blog who until recently has had technical difficulties registering. After a direct appeal to Andrea’s better nature she has given me a logon at half the fee you guys pay per month (as I understand it).
- Penguin—excellent!
I’m glad you got ‘in’ for half-price. A bargain! (snigger).
Posted by walterplinge on 2006 12 06 at 07:18 AM • permalink
- Granite? Pah. I prefer hippy.Posted by flying pigs over mecca on 2006 12 06 at 07:34 AM • permalink
- Thanks Nilknarf! At first we were thinking ceramic tiles for the floor, but slate or travertine would enhance to Gaia factor…hmmm. Off to the store we go!Posted by Mr. Bingley on 2006 12 06 at 07:54 AM • permalink
- As building materials go, granite’s a pain in the neck. In countertop mode, it absorbs stains and has to be maintained on a schedule, something neither the help nor the master are wont to do.
Also, you absorb more radiation walking into the (pink granite) Texas Capitol than from a dental panoramic. Lefties seem oblivious to this, having gotten hives passing the Confederate war memorial outside.
Posted by Rittenhouse on 2006 12 06 at 08:17 AM • permalink
- But the radiation speeds the cooking time!Posted by Mr. Bingley on 2006 12 06 at 08:27 AM • permalink
- #17 Retread, not if you’re careful to only use premium Forest Protest hippy. Lovely campfire aroma.Posted by flying pigs over mecca on 2006 12 06 at 08:37 AM • permalink
- Oh, and the cabinets are cherry, walter. Sadly I was not able to harm any rainforests directly for them.Posted by Mr. Bingley on 2006 12 06 at 08:38 AM • permalink
- #20 Cherry is very nice timber.
Bummer you couldn’t go red gum,though.
Posted by Nilknarf Arbed on 2006 12 06 at 08:47 AM • permalink
- Required reading for anyone else out there who may be contemplating a remodeling project:
In 1977 Roderick Nash revived this discussion in a paper entitled, “Do Rocks Have Rights?”. He argued that we must evolve an ethical framework that broadens our concern from the self down, through the evolutionary and organizational hierarchy, eventually to all components of the environment, even to rocks (Fig. 3).
Posted by Paul Zrimsek on 2006 12 06 at 08:47 AM • permalink
- #21 Those red gum tables are stunning, by gum! And we do need a new dining room table…
I’ll look and see what’s avalible here in the States.
Posted by Mr. Bingley on 2006 12 06 at 08:53 AM • permalink
- after extensive lifecycle analysis, i went mdf & laminate. all the joy of turning trees into tiny slivers, plus lots of oil products. it stands up better to complete neglect & the terminally clumsy can drop glasses on it without smashing them. & trendoids hate it, so good all round really. the floor man comes tomorrow to lay on many coats of gaia-unfriendly polymers. can’t wait to start on the rest of the house, which is of course an uninsulated federation number, with no passive solar features whatever, high-ceilinged & hard to heat, with room for several families of boat people but inhabited by just one person. woo-hoo – look at that humungous eco-footprint
- Well welcome Penguin! Keep up the good comments and we might consider you for membership into the RWDB organization, or at least it’s umbrella organization, the
MasonsVRWC. By the way, don’t bother applying, that’s not how it’s done. If and when the “powers that be” decide you’re a good candidate, they’ll send MIB over to check your trash, talk to your neighbors, etc. Then the WIWLCSH (women in white lab coats and stilleto heels) pay you a visit for a physical and full body cavity check. There’s more involved of course, including the violation of several taboos and a small loss of blood. And you’ll need to stay a few weeks in a Dominican monastery. But all in all it’s not bad. Well, except for the hour you’ll need to spend with Karl. (shudders)Words of wisdom:
1. don’t mess with andrea under any circumstances, she’s really not as nice as she seems
2. don’t buy anythihg from any company that has the letters O, P, A, and C in it
3. if anyone ever says to you “hey Penguin, let’s take a joy ride in this nice blue police box, DON’T!
Posted by wronwright on 2006 12 06 at 09:21 AM • permalink
- #6: If you liked the Dolphin Blowhole Donuts, just wait ‘till you try our Bird-of-Paradise Fajitas!
Fine piece of writing, Penguin, really enjoyed it. Of course, now that you’ve leaked information about our guerilla marketing campaign – Peace thru Anti-Lefty Comestible Ops – we will naturally have to kill you. Very sorry, old top, but there it is. There is an alternative, though. We’re creating a franchise for the sale of Spicy Bare-Rumped Sheath-Tail Bat Wings and we need a district manager . . .
- You wouldn’t believe how he will blaspheme and demean his sexy new digs.
Revolting.
Posted by tree hugging sister on 2006 12 06 at 10:14 AM • permalink
- Hmm, I like the idea, paco. Here’s one example, marked by direct, refreshingly bold textual content. This also has some potential, though I must admit I’ve walked out of several restaurants for seeing that very thing on their walls; might be useful in preventing these seemingly endless dinner parties, however.
Maybe I can find some flooring made from splintered english bats?
Posted by Mr. Bingley on 2006 12 06 at 10:20 AM • permalink
- Mr. Bingley, that is the most…lubricious…description of a kitchen remodeling that I’ve ever seen.Posted by Sonetka’s Mom on 2006 12 06 at 02:55 PM • permalink
- S’s Mom, What with Nilknarf Arbed’s description of the faucet and RebeccaH putting down fur rugs…my kitchen is starting to sound like one of Saddam’s palaces. Meee-oww!Posted by Mr. Bingley on 2006 12 06 at 03:27 PM • permalink
- Trouble with marble/granite is that you cannot see how dirty it is so one can consume many of mother gaias parasites or bacterium when rollong out pastry or making bread. Also why only one sink- need 2 ones for washing vegetables properly, one for draining or does every one buy pre washed and get a good dose of e-coli- other wise very smart, In fact I think the Jews are very wise having 2 sets of sinks one for dirty washing and one for foodstuffs- I am going for broke in my next and final home and going to put in a pool have a frying kitchen and a lawn also recycled treament plant and underground water tanks and watch as the roses bloom.
No grandkids and I am not going to leave my hard earned for them to gho of and buy a porsche before I am in the ground- selfish old cow am I not!!!!!!!!!!
Then the cruise! and motor tour around the planet earth
- #35 Vegetables? Why on gaia would I want to eat those things when there are so many tasty animals about, and I have so many nice pointy sharp teeth?Posted by Mr. Bingley on 2006 12 06 at 07:05 PM • permalink
Dear xzzyyzzle, the proper way to advertise your or your friends’ cute little videos is to buy a blog ad from Tim. We do capitalism here.
In any case, that’s the only way you’ll be able to communicate with the folks here as I’ve just banned you for posting nothing but off-topic comments. So open that wallet!
Good on you Andrea for banning that lowlife.
For those that missed what xyzl posted you can see it here.
[Link removed. I don’t see why it should be posted again when posting off-topic items is one of the reasons this person was banned in the first place. The Management.]
- Extra points because granite is radioactive
From this link (down a bit)
“Sensing the absurdity of the EPA standards, Dr. Michael Gough and I commissioned radiation experts to measure radiation levels in the U.S. Capitol building and compare them with the proposed Yucca Mountain standards. The Capitol contains a great deal of granite and marble building materials that naturally emit the same type of radiation as spent fuel.
Our experts discovered that radiation dose rates at the Roger Williams statue, located between the Rotunda and Senate Chamber, are up to 65 times greater than what the EPA plans to allow at Yucca Mountain.”
Posted by Margos Maid on 2006 12 06 at 07:13 PM • permalink
- “There’s a penguin on Tim’s comments thread.”
“What’s a penguin doing on Tim’s comments thread?”
“Typing.”
“I can see that.”
/python, montyPosted by andycanuck on 2006 12 06 at 07:28 PM • permalink
- Well, we’re not supposed to use wood because that exploits the forests, and we can’t use synthetics because they’re oil-derivative, so I guess we’re reduced to juggling the flatware at every meal… but what are the plates made of?Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 12 06 at 09:22 PM • permalink
- #42 There’s much waste being produced there already, we’ll save a mint on the transportation costs.Posted by Mr. Bingley on 2006 12 06 at 10:46 PM • permalink
- Mr Bingley, dump the tiles. If you really want to piss off Gaia and the Greenies, go for glass splashback instead.
And rather than have mere paint under the glass, go for pressed animals of your choice.
Or, conversely, you can do a Damien hirsch and slice a rare yellow-bellied parrot for display.
The glass is hygienic and contemporary and whatever you choose to put underneath it is guaranteed to really get the petards going.
Posted by Nilknarf Arbed on 2006 12 07 at 03:35 AM • permalink
- Is that a Norwegian blue? Beautiful plumage.Posted by andycanuck on 2006 12 07 at 07:36 PM • permalink
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