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Last updated on August 6th, 2017 at 06:19 am
Friday’s Sydney Morning Herald was green. Literally; the horrible thing was published on green paper. Front page report:
Australia will be hit by more frequent and intense heatwaves, bushfires, floods, drought and landslides as global warming causes the temperature to rise this century …
Scary! Well, scary if you’re a child. On page 3 (but not published online), the SMH ran this:
Ryan Gwin is oblivious to everybody around him, hunched over the coffee table in the lounge room. He is toiling away with a pencil and paper, putting the finishing touches to an essay about climate change.
He is six years old.
“I wanted to make a book so we wouldn’t use cars so much,” he says, deadpan.
“Because cars use fuel and that goes up into the atmosphere and causes global warming.”
Ryan’s book, titled, How To Save Our World: To Stop Globl Waming, contains sketches of cars and planes, crossed through with red pen. It is both disturbing and inspiring.
For the record, the reporter who found Ryan’s book “inspiring” is one Linton Besser. Poor little Ryan – shown by the SMH working in near darkness on his Junior Unabomber Manifesto – is bus crazy:
On the last page, a blue and white State Transit bus chugs its way through the suburbs. In small letters, Ryan has written: “powrd by nachrl gas”.
The bus has become something of a theme – when his father, Rhys, returns from work, Ryan usually asks anxiously if his bus was a gas-powered model …
Is it acceptable that a six-year-old be rendered anxious every day by the mere matter of bus fuel? His teachers aren’t helping:
“At school, we’re talking about the living planet. Using cars and knocking down all the trees is causing animals to die, because they don’t have a home,” he said.
Ryan’s brother is a co-sufferer, thanks to noted child-frightener Al Gore:
After watching the documentary An Inconvenient Truth, his 12-year-old brother Jake is equally worried: “It made me scared about what could happen and what it was going to be like in 10 years’ time.”
At some point in every warmenist fear-saga comes the moment at which a certain extravagant hypocrisy is revealed. In this tale, the parents of Ryan and Jake claim the stock role:
“We were in Los Angeles recently … and there was so much traffic, and the cars were so huge and we both felt this is awful ,” Mrs Gwin said.
I bet none of those cars were as huge as the aircraft that hauled the Gwins to LA. And little Ryan must’ve spazzed out upon learning jets aren’t “powrd by nachrl gas”. Regardless, his parents rejoice:
They say that it is in their children that they find solace. “What makes me happy about Ryan’s book is that it empowers him,” Mr Gwin said. “He feels he can make a difference.”
It’s a religion, people. All the way.
UPDATE. A correction from ForNow: “It’s too shallow to be a genuine religion. It’s a cult.”
- Poor kids. This is child abuse.Posted by Nicholas on 2007 04 03 at 11:40 AM • permalink
- “He feels he can make a difference.”
There it is again. What he feels is all that matters to the libs, doesn’t matter if he makes an actual difference.
But watch out if little Ryan plays a team sport in which there are actual winners and losers, his tender self-esteem might be damaged and we can’t have that, can we?
- I’ve a shrewd hunch that young Ryan’s instruction in how to make a difference is coming at the expense of his instruction in how to make a sum, product, or quotient.Posted by Paul Zrimsek on 2007 04 03 at 12:12 PM • permalink
- “When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things.” —Corinthians 13:11
Perhaps the problem isn’t that they are religious, but that their religion is based on sheer unadulterated (no pun intended) nonsense.Posted by charles austin on 2007 04 03 at 12:18 PM • permalink
- Using cars and knocking down all the trees is causing animals to die
Together with, one assumes, the people driving said cars into said trees.
I think there’s probably a gag about Kevin Rudd’s dad in there if anyone’s prepared to sink that low.Posted by Don Charleone on 2007 04 03 at 12:21 PM • permalink
Or a correktly spelt sentns.Posted by Don Charleone on 2007 04 03 at 12:25 PM • permalink
- Also, more floods and droughts?
Explain please?Posted by Don Charleone on 2007 04 03 at 12:27 PM • permalink
- Man, that kid is going to turn into the biggest right winger on the planet once he figures out these people are lying crazies.
But I guess everybody has the right to indoctrinate their offspring into their religious traditions, that’s the way it goes. At the end of the day these green fanatics are harmless. Unless you’re an African, in which case they plan on murdering you by denying you’re access to DDT to fight mosquitoes, or vitamin-B enriched ‘golden’ rice varieties because they’re GM, or kill you by the million with disease and poverty because they insist you not develop your economy. Yes, if you’re an African, these nice people are planning to murder you and your children, and give themselves a great big feel-good pat on the back as they do it, but we’re not African, so it’s all good.
Thanks Nicholas. To be honest, comment 13 was rhetorical – I only included it because I thought I should take a swing at the SMH, having used my 2 previous comments to belittle a clearly-traumatised 6-year-old.Posted by Don Charleone on 2007 04 03 at 12:45 PM • permalink
- And take a cheap shot about Kevni Rudd’s dead pop.Posted by Don Charleone on 2007 04 03 at 12:46 PM • permalink
- Srekwah stole my thunder a little but I’m preparing the Global Warming Stress Syndrome (GWSS) clinic to begin operation in about 10 years. The working name of the Clinic will be Global Warming Stress Recovery Clinic (GWSRC) dedicated exclusively to Global Warming Stress Recovery (GWSR).
Our first step will of course be to have GWSS certified as a psychological symptom and then we will introduce groundbreaking therapeutic techniques specifically designed to not only treat those symptoms that are clearly evident but through a memory recovering strategy, provide patients with the ability to recall GWSS events.
We expect to generate most revenue through patient care but understanding the monetary limits of insurance policies, we will be branching out into legal advocacy.
Capitalism is great.Posted by lizardflix on 2007 04 03 at 12:46 PM • permalink
- Global warming is such a godsend… and it’s so exciting!
It turns out that if we all work together, we can make a difference.
As a species, we can rise up and identify ourselves as the enemies of Earth’s powerful energies, and in doing so, recapture at least some control over our own meager destinies.[/beyond parody]
- It’s too shallow to be a genuine religion. It’s a cult. Yet, despite its shallowness, and despite its irrationality, it has the intellectual resources to become, like marxisms galore, something to which the word “cult” also doesn’t do justice, something which doesn’t depend on modern cult techniques like “love-bombing,” lectures behind locked doors, special diets, etc. A kind of cult of ideas, an ideocult.
- Perfect Abuse of Child Operatives.
And to get paper don’t you have to use chain saws to cut down trees and then process them? Sounds like a lot of pollution going on. I won’t even comment on what extraordinary lengths they had to go through to print on green paper, I won’t mention all the extra pollution incurred or toxic chemicals use.
And little Ryan must’ve spazzed out upon learning jets aren’t “powrd by nachrl gas.”
For God’s sake, don’t tell Ryan until he’s old enough to withstand the shock of learning how he helped to rape Mother Gaia™!Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2007 04 03 at 01:45 PM • permalink
- Hence why I stock up on Tim Ball videos.
From the frontier centre or online!!!
My childern weren’t allowed to go out for recess on a record number of days in the winter, because it’s too cold! At the same time they are teaching about global warming in school I merely ask my daughter do you believe it’s that warm if we are setting record lows and you can’t go outside?
My children sleep ok at night unless they get stomach flu. Probably get that because of global warming.
Their arguments are so thin as to be laughable.
Plus the sea levels usually go up 1 foot per hundred years, Which the IPCC will round down too in a few decades.
PS Save the planet shut down all left wing newspapers now!!!Posted by hollingshead on 2007 04 03 at 01:48 PM • permalink
- Once again, I’m reminded of the fact that the place where I’m sitting – Chicago – was, within the span of human history, buried under a sheet of ice nearly a mile thick. (That’s 1.6 kilometers. A lot of ice.)
No doubt Al Gore’s paleolithic analogue wrung his hands over the melting of the ice, and predicted catastrophe – the coming of floods, the disappearance of the mammoth, the election of George W. Bush. (OK, I made that last one up.) No doubt he shook his rattles and danced around the campfire to try and coax the gods to stop the horrid warming, perhaps even sacrificed a virgin or two: because the hyperreligious know that everything that ever happens anywhere is all our fault and we’ve got to stop it, Whatever it is.
As for frightened children, I was ten years old during the Cuban Missile Crisis. All of us kids worried that things were going to get hotter – though in a hurry, as the result of a Soviet H-bomb, and with much better reason than little Ryan has. So, my advice to Ryan would be to chill out. Things could be much worse; and if the Democrats win in 2008, they probably will be.Posted by Urbs in Horto on 2007 04 03 at 02:18 PM • permalink
- Why is natural gas supposed to be better than petroleum?Posted by Steven Den Beste on 2007 04 03 at 02:19 PM • permalink
- Tim should do the little tyke a favor; drop by the house and take him for some 4-wheel power slides in the Audi S8. Show him how much fun pillaging Gaia can be!!
This has worked for me in the past; A liberal friend of mine made the mistake of leaving his young son in the car with me while running in to grab a pizza. Since we were in a nice big empty mall parking lot, I asked the little guy if he knew what a ‘doughnut’ was. And since I was driving a Z28 5 speed with some horsepower in it, I was able to show him a few. When we idled up to pick up my friend he asked,’Why the hell are all 4 tires smoking??’ His son is now 23, and my friend claims that it’s like having me as his kid. Get ‘em when they’re young, and maybe all that goo-goo mush doesn’t sink in. Do it for the children!!
Why is natural gas supposed to be better than petroleum?
Because it’s natural, not processed, doncha know? Says so, right on the label. Just like Ben & Jerry’s ice cream.Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2007 04 03 at 03:09 PM • permalink
- my experience of LA traffic is that it was not nearly as bad as I was led to believe. It seemed like normal big-city traffic to me.Posted by daddy dave on 2007 04 03 at 03:21 PM • permalink
- “What makes me happy about Ryan’s book is that it empowers him”
Things could only be better if the book used nachrl gas for the empowering.
Because it’s natural, not processed, doncha know?
I know you’re joking, but I bet there really are people who think like that. That’s one of those accidents of language, I suppose – in German, it’s Erdgas and Erdöl, and consequently I’m quite sure every half-sane person here realizes they’re pretty similar overall.
- I guess to show that the paper is all holy and green, printed on recycled paper with soy inks.
Gack. I think I’m being assimilated. Shoot me now.
Imperial KeeperPosted by Elizabeth Imperial Keeper on 2007 04 03 at 03:56 PM • permalink
- There are good reasons for burning natural gas rather than other petroleum products: a) it’s plentiful b) it has a high specific energy content c) it’s readily storable d) it’s readily transportable via pipeline e) it’s non-toxic f) its only byproducts are carbon dioxide and water.Posted by David Gillies on 2007 04 03 at 04:30 PM • permalink
“The Global Warming hysteria.”
“Or how to be convinced to live like a stylish penniless hobo with no actual thinking required in one easy lesson.”
I’m thinking of writing a book too and the above are test titles. The other possible test title didn’t make the first cut since it wouldn’t be likely to pass muster with the big book stores.
“Posted by memomachine on 2007 04 03 at 04:59 PM • permalink
my experience of LA traffic is that it was not nearly as bad as I was led to believe. It seemed like normal big-city traffic to me.
Yeah. LA traffic is actually pretty well managed these days. You want to see a place where traffic is a screaming nightmare, where lanes randomly disappear, and traffic jams last for 15-20 miles, and construction shuts down five lanes of a six-lane freeway for construction that doesn’t even happen on weekends, try Atlanta.Posted by Brian Tiemann on 2007 04 03 at 05:09 PM • permalink
I know you’re joking, but I bet there really are people who think like that.
I was being sarcastic more than I was joking, PW. I’ve met people who do believe that.Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2007 04 03 at 05:12 PM • permalink
- It’s not only children who are being frightened fartless by this global warming cult.
After Flummery’s recent predictions, an elderly friend approached real estate agents to sell her house in Runaway Bay.
Of course, the agents were able to convince her that it is practically worthless because it will soon be under water.
There are good reasons for burning natural gas rather than other petroleum products: a) it’s plentiful b) it has a high specific energy content c) it’s readily storable d) it’s readily transportable via pipeline e) it’s non-toxic f) its only byproducts are carbon dioxide and water.
That’s true enough, David, it being the primary heat source for my home (the alternate is wood, heh heh heh heh!).
But most folks can’t articulate the difference. It’s called “natural” gas because it requires no processing to use; indeed, they add an odor so you know when you have a leak.
But, by the same token, petroleum is “natural” as well, in that it created by natural processes. I can’t say if the lad is conflating the different contexts of “natural” here, but I’ve known full grown adults who have.
And it’s obvious that Ryan doesn’t understand the full scope of the issue. Which is why I made the sarcastic/joking comment.Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2007 04 03 at 05:53 PM • permalink
- in German, it’s Erdgas and Erdöl
Or if it’s something a little like the one and a little like the other, it’s Midöl.Posted by Paul Zrimsek on 2007 04 03 at 06:30 PM • permalink
- I know it was a television show but it went like this: Hero doctor is trying to diagnose child who is so frightened it’s making him sick. Hero doctor figures it out, the boy is obscenely afraid of nuclear bombs. Hero doctor advises parents to comfort him and tell him nuclear bombs aren’t going to destroy the world. Mother looks at doctor and says, “But how can we say that when it’s true?”
The short version? It’s a shame this kid gets it at school but if his parents didn’t give it to him at home he wouldn’t be living in fear at the age of six.
- Thanks to the SMH’s fawning review, the kid will be disadvantaged for life, having never been told that he actually sucks.
At least he has a promising career in some areas of the public service…
I prefer all my childrens’ artwork to be reviewed by Maddox (Warning: Link may cause coffee on your keyboard).
- Floods and Draughts!
Get yer floods and droughts here!
Be the envy of Noah!
Avoid the ennui of stable weather!
Enjoy the surity that comes with carbon credits.
Now you can bask in the dryness of a flooded world. [No intelligence necessary. All proceeds go to a friendly green giant near you. Not to be taken with reality or if you are subject to attacks of critical thinking].Posted by Wimpy Canadian on 2007 04 03 at 07:20 PM • permalink
- I can’t help thinking that life was so much more civilised when we used to send our kids down t’ coalmine.Posted by Margos Maid on 2007 04 03 at 07:22 PM • permalink
- Wait ‘til he discovers the universe is expanding 🙂 … or is it?Posted by Wimpy Canadian on 2007 04 03 at 07:29 PM • permalink
I printed off Chaucer’s Pardoner’s Tale with a view to re-writing it in it’s entirety along the lines of the New GW/AGW Religion.
- #20 lizardflix, may I suggest a modification to your business plan.
After all, GWSS is a disease which has no cure. It requires constant pandering treatmernt with a twelve step program and support activitiesPosted by Wimpy Canadian on 2007 04 03 at 07:33 PM • permalink
- This sort of crap is happening all over. When my 4yo comes home from staying with moonbat rellos I hear all about the drought and how we need to save water.
That usually lasts until bathtime, when I turn off the tap when the water’s chest high on her.
I don’t water the garden (only did the vegie patch last summer and none this summer), there are only 1 and a half of us in this house, so it’s not like our miniscule contribution is going to break the state’s reservoirs.
It gets worse, though.
One of the local secondary schools looks the toilets during class so that the kids can’t use them.
Too bad if there’s an emergency, they’re saving water and that’s more important.
The kids can only go at lunch or recess.
That is most definitely child abuse.
Especially because the teachers are still allowed to use the toilets.
It’s enough to make you spit.
Needless to say, kids I know from that school have been sent the Great Global Warming Swindle.Posted by Nilknarf Arbed on 2007 04 03 at 07:40 PM • permalink
- “Drink the kool-aid son. That’s it…just a little more…don’t worry, it’ll all be over soon.”Posted by dean martin on 2007 04 03 at 07:47 PM • permalink
- #71 This is the first bit. The plot is that, eventually the hippies get religion, the green religion. (Hope this is not too long Andrea, part 2 will follow later)
THE PARDONER’S TALE (part 1)
In Tennessee there was a company
Of young companions given to lolly,
Riot and demonstration, concerts and alleys;
And, to the music of guitars, sound system and mike,
They danced and played, drugged both day and night.
And ate also and thought they were right,
Whereby they made absolutely no sacrifice
Within that hippy tent, juvenile wise,
By superfluity both vile and vain.
So senseless their thoughts and so profane
That it was terrible to think them sane;
Our Blessed industry did they tear;
They thought the Jews had rent too much;
And each of them at others’ sins would laugh.
Then denounced thoughts of ill repute,
Graceful and slim, and girls who peddled drugs,
Hippies and crooks selling hash cake,
Who do their office for the fun’s sake,
To kindle and blow the fire of bongs,
Which is so closely joined with sodomy;
I call on history, now, to witness
That greenery is all whine and guilt.
Lo, how the drunken lot naturally
Layed with as daughters three, wittingly;
So drugged he knew not what he thought.Posted by Wimpy Canadian on 2007 04 03 at 07:53 PM • permalink
- So drugged they knew not what they thought.
…dang!Posted by Wimpy Canadian on 2007 04 03 at 07:55 PM • permalink
- Ever wondered why there seems to be so much so-called bullying at school these days? Well I reckon its because of the plague levels of little arsehole apprentice hippies like Ryan and Jake.
I bet half the reason they are worried about water and garbage is because they spend most of their lunchtimes with their heads shoved down toilets or garbage bins.
The parents have just about guaranteed that their offspring will be among the biggest deadshits in the class.
- Depressed kids and medication.
Tell me again why kids seem to be commiting suicide and taking up self harming behaviours? Nothing to do with 15 years of being “educated” that you are about to inherit a smoking pile of rubble?
Why study hard if you are being told constantly “welthy people are scum”, why have morals when “god is dead”?
Child abuse.Posted by thefrollickingmole on 2007 04 03 at 08:10 PM • permalink
- The Pardonner’s Tale [part 2] [part 2]
Manson, as in his story’s clearly taught,
When full of acid and drumming the beat,
Sitting at table idly gave behest
To slay Sharon Tate, who was all guiltless.
Chomski says a foul word too, doubtless;
He says there is no difference he can find
Between a man that’s quite out of his mind
And one hard working, thriftful and sane, save
That when a socialist in weekness fallen is,
The state comes to his aid, with finness.
O gullibility; full of all worthlessness,
O first cause of confusion to us all,
Beginning of socialism and our fall,
Till Gore redeemed us with His power point slides!
Behold how dearly, to be brief and plain,
Was purchased this accursed greenery;
Corrupt was all this world with money!
Gore our father, and Tippy his wife,
From Paradise to virtue and from woe
Were driven for that vice-precident; indeed
The while that Gore fasted, as I read,
He was in Internet; but then when he
Ate of the fruit forbidden of the free,
Anon he was cast out to woe and pain.
O money, of you we may complain!
Oh, knew a man how many maladies
Follow on excess and on gluttonies,
Surely he would be then more moderate
In diet, and at house less electricity.
Alas! The sincerity so short, the slick mouth,
Causing that east and west and north and south,
In earth, in air, in water men shall pollute
To get Al Gore dainty meat and drink!
Of this same matter Gore does wisely treat:
“Money for the honey and honey for the money:
And CO2 the world shall destroy,” as Gore does say.Posted by Wimpy Canadian on 2007 04 03 at 08:19 PM • permalink
- I think the world can do without empowered six year olds. And six year olds can do without worrying about things over which they have no control. This is psychological child abuse. This use and abuse of children isn’t a new low, but it’s about as low as you can go.Posted by Kyda Sylvester on 2007 04 03 at 08:22 PM • permalink
- I have no use whatsoever for these assholes who are teaching kids to be hand-wringing worrywarts instead of productive, stable members of society – this includes parents, teachers, the moonbat media, and the Gorifice himself. Kids are no longer permitted to be children – instead, they have to become worriers-in-training, spending all their time fretting about Big Social Issues in order to please the half-crazed adults in their lives. It’s sickening.
Most of the idiots raising these neurotic kids are around my age (mid-30s). Back when I was a sprog, the big things were overpopulation, the coming Ice Age, and a rate of trash generation that was going to bury us all up to our eyeballs in garbage within ten years if the Soviets didn’t nuke us out of existence first. I used to think most of us survived with our psyches reasonably intact, but there’s a growing body of evidence that seems to indicate otherwise. I’m starting to believe that far too many people internalized all the crap and the attendant anxieties, and buried the lot somewhere in the backs of their minds to fester until something came along to dredge it back up. Now that it’s fashionable to be Worried About The State Of The Planet, all the old crap is rising to the surface, mixing with the new and improved hysteria, and being force-fed to a new generation.Posted by Blue State Sil on 2007 04 03 at 08:28 PM • permalink
- Stupid little brainwashed bastards (and it must have been a light load). how many 6 and 10 year old boys aren’t fantaisizing about laying waste to Gaiea in a hotwheels-style heavily modified tank, and drawing ed Big Daddy Roth style visualisations of their dream transport? Hell, the curtain tuggers can get scaled down powered vehicles from K Mart these days, and if you’re a big enough eco-rapist and resource thief you can spring for a real life Ed Roth T Bucket for your spawn, complete with blown miniture V8.
What’s the betting Ryan and Jake still wet the bed, and drink their own bathwater? Expect to read a report of a hideous display of really messey marti/patricide in a few years time when they grow up and realise their parentes are fuckwit hippy bullshit artists, who robbed them of a childhood and adolescence of destructive, consuming fun.
- Typical, indocrinate the poor little bleeder into a cult, but don’t worry about his literary skills. This will stand him in good steed when he goes out into the world. Or will he graduate to being another ‘huckster’ for this cult, or a feral chaining himself to a tree or bulldozer and collecting a fortnightly Centrelink payment?
Some parents used to pull this crap back in the seventies and eighties, concerning nuclear war with the then Soviet Union. No wonder the ‘therapy’ and ‘counsellors’ trade is a growing business, besides the legal profession that is.
- I reckon there’s about another 6 parts. They ain’t gonner happen tonight. Also, read the original, it is excellent. It will have meter only in the original franglais.
To be continued.Posted by Wimpy Canadian on 2007 04 03 at 08:43 PM • permalink
- Blasphemy most foul
Surely a sign of the end times upon us!!!
Experts said that between 50 and 100 grams of CO2, a so-called greenhouse gas, is emitted during barbequing. Beginning June 2007, residents of Wallonia will have to pay 20 euros for a grilling session.Posted by thefrollickingmole on 2007 04 03 at 08:44 PM • permalink
- Dave S: You’re a bad man. A very bad man.
🙂Posted by Patrick Chester on 2007 04 03 at 08:54 PM • permalink
- #74 Nilk,
The locking of the toilets is ridiculous. Do they seriously assume that, given unfettered access to the loo, the children will go multiple times? It is like my friend, who when building a new house was not allowed to put two toilets in it, because it would overload the system (cistern?). Yeah – when I see another loo, I just have to crap in it as well!!
However, a lot of schools lock the loos during class time to prevent perverts from getting in and attacking children who come in alone. (Refer case from Cheltenham Primary some time ago.) This may have been perverted (!) by the greenies into a water saving measure.
- My child fears tornados, which are a form of climate change – one minute it’s muggy and dark and oddly still, and the next it’s all whooshy and noisy and cows are flying through the garage.
But she doesn’t fear globl waming. If, however, she ever starts parroting back some jumped-up tripe about the evils of Oil, I will pull out all the old pictures of her grandfather, standing in front of a truck. He got his start hauling oil after the war. See this picture? It’s a few years later. Two trucks. See this last picture here? Many trucks. Oil put a roof over our head; oil put food on the table; oil heated homes when the temps hit 30 below; oil sent Daddy to college and now oil has built a store in the westernmost reaches of town, so some people can have jobs and other people can buy milk and beer at 11 PM when they finish harvesting the frickin’ corn for the frickin’ ethanol.
And if it should come to pass, child, that Grandpa leaves you some of that horrid, death-soaked money he got by tweaking Gaia’s tender teats, and you give it to Green politicians, then you can expect karmic retribution. Like a tornado.
- #92 This commenter shows promise. Dang, that was some fine readin’.Posted by Margos Maid on 2007 04 03 at 09:18 PM • permalink
- Rhys Gwin eh? Can’t you just picture this happy family? Tofu and soymilk in the fridge, young Ryan with a rats-tail haircut, lots of stickers on the fridge, springwater dispenser, etc etc.
What cheezes me off is how did the Gwin family get to LA? All of those nasty cars they saw, how did they actually travel around LA? On foot?
These people are happy to make grand claims and even grander plans, though for everybody else.
- “What makes me happy about Ryan’s book is that it empowers him,” Mr Gwin said.
And he is not at all worried that his six-year-old has become seriously disturbed. Dad doesn’t see the parallels between his boy’s words and drawings and those of a child who has been caught in some relentless cycle of violence, be it at home, in the neighbourhood or in a war zone. Poor Ryan isn’t like those kids hit by tsumani or earthquake, who know the nadir has passed and the future can only be better. Ryan is being told at school and at home that the world he lives in is doomed, and him along with it, unless all cars and planes are banned. Yet there is one or more of these threats to his existence in his own garage, maybe he is driven to school in one, his teacher drives one also, all the teachers do, his classmates are also driven to school, his family goes on overseas holidays by plane as does granddad and grandma. This isn’t parenting or teaching – this is terrorism.
- I wonder if this be she?Posted by Whale Spinor on 2007 04 03 at 09:25 PM • permalink
- #90- a chopper costs a few grand an hour to operate, so they’d need to be banging up a wad of barbeque-ers per hour to turn a profit- only a government enterprise could come up with a business model like this.
now if they were supplying beer to barbeques by helo, it’d be a going concern.
#20- too late, there’s crystal-swinging, rock-cuddling, herb-infusing hornswagglers already working that particular three card monte, with scams such as Carbon Guilt Counselling etc already in operation.
- MM @93
It’s probably just a cut-and-paste from something he found lying about the Web.
CheersPosted by J.M. Heinrichs on 2007 04 03 at 09:28 PM • permalink
- Anyone familiar with Viz would also be very familiar with The Modern Parents, a stereotype met in full by the pair of oxygen-thief gene spreaders featured in this article (scroll down to the bottom of the Wiki article for a sample cartoon).
the only difference is the comic kiddies have enough personality and intelligence to see that their parents are pretentious, wanky, preachy, hypocritial fuckheads and bugger off to football or their normal uncles to eat chips and drink sugary, carbonised sodey pop whenever possible.
- #87 TFM – “The local authorities plan to monitor compliance with the new tax legislation from helicopters, whose thermal sensors will detect burning grills”
I have my steak blu anyway so the helo will have to be quick. Nevertheless I have acquired a large number of airforce surplus IR missile decoy flares and will fire them off as the BBQ progresses.Posted by Whale Spinor on 2007 04 03 at 09:37 PM • permalink
- Addendum to #102- unfortunately I think the reality of the SMH item is closer to the truth than the fictionalised (and hopeful) cartoon version; I doubt the two shitcake bakers featured in the Herald article host the genetic robustness to see past their indoctrination, and are destined to follow their addled parents into a lifetime of idiocy. Or solvent abuse.
- #98 Whether it is or not, this is a rare photo of an environmentalist outside the inner city.Posted by Margos Maid on 2007 04 03 at 09:40 PM • permalink
- For your listening pleasure:
Al Gore’s Travelin’ Global Warming ShowPosted by Blue State Sil on 2007 04 03 at 09:42 PM • permalink
- What makes me happy about Ryan’s book is that it empowers him,” Mr Gwin said. “He feels he can make a difference.”
Hmmmm. An empowered six year old. I mean, how cowabunga is that, dude? Not!
The parents and teachers of this unfortunate infant should be charged with child abuse and the case reported to DOCS (Department of Community Services), who are charged with the duty to remove children from risk.
- #87 the mollocking frole: Great catch!
“Experts said that between 50 and 100 grams of CO2, a so-called greenhouse gas, is emitted during barbequing. Beginning June 2007, residents of Wallonia will have to pay 20 euros for a grilling session.”
Well, that’s about $32 AUD, for say 100g.
Every person on Earth exhales about 1,000g per day, so I can see the Socialist Breathing Tax being about $320 per day, per person.
People really get the Government they deserve, don’t they….
- ”…when his father, Rhys, returns from work, Ryan usually asks anxiously…”:
Daddy, did some crazed junkie beat you up tonight on the bus? Did some wino vomit on you? Did some thugs knife you for kicks?
Our politicians forget one reason why we don’t use those cute buses, trains, trams: they’ve been handed over to the lumpen proletariat.Posted by Honkie Hammer on 2007 04 03 at 09:54 PM • permalink
thanks for the link! I was laughing my arse off, especially when I saw the sample strip. Tim should link to it if possible.
This was all too true:
Malcom and Cressida have many other friends who, like them, are all middle-class, extremely politically correct and often into various causes such as free tibet or combatting (or, more commonly, expressing paranoia about) global warming.
- Ryan Gwin at school.Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 04 03 at 10:05 PM • permalink
- A while ago, there was a comittee around here organised to “Stop Continental Drift”.
Well the better get on it before the Yellowstone supervolcano ends the human race.
I am pretty sure that if it weren’t for capitalism, this wouldn’t be a problem
I was thinking more of mum and dad and some family fun
- #116 – Lake Taupo in New Zealand is also the site of a Super Volcano. Man, if that and Yellowstone blow, I fear for the ANZUS Treaty.
Can’t wait to see the freak out when eco- doomeners discover these bad boys and that nothin’ can stop them.Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 04 03 at 10:29 PM • permalink
- #117 – Apart from the genital warts, syphyllis, gonorrhea, chlamydia, out of this world body odour and bearded man named Rainmaker who wanted to “get his man groove on”, the free love bit sounded kind of promising.Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 04 03 at 10:36 PM • permalink
- Atroposification!Posted by Margos Maid on 2007 04 03 at 11:03 PM • permalink
“We were in Los Angeles recently … and there was so much traffic, and the cars were so huge and we both felt this is awful ,” Mrs Gwin said.
Just how short are these people?Posted by Andrea Harris, Administrator on 2007 04 03 at 11:10 PM • permalink
- Just the usual soggy old columns, 1.6.
Seen any audis speeding round the neighbourhood?Posted by Margos Maid on 2007 04 03 at 11:13 PM • permalink
- 120 Margos Maid
I see your culd and raise you one!
Id bet your chances of scoring a root as a RWDB in a Uni are pretty low.Posted by thefrollickingmole on 2007 04 03 at 11:39 PM • permalink
- In the late 70’s I had to decide whether to bring children into the world and everything I read told me that a. we were going to run out of space for people and b. we were going to run out of oil.
Fast forward 25 years and John Howard and George Bush give me the confidence in the future to have children. I do and I realise all that I have missed in the past because of these asshole doomsayers. My hatred of them is personal!
- Hicks as a Democrats senator? Dear Gaia, please let this happen.Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 04 04 at 12:19 AM • permalink
Guess they’ll need to wait their turn behind Bevan Spencer Von EinemPosted by Margos Maid on 2007 04 04 at 12:38 AM • permalink
- Little Ryan is obviously a product of the discredited ‘whole language’ method of teaching children to read/write. Regrettably this deeply-flawed system is still used in Australia and the US and has produced two generations of semi-literate and marginally employable idiots – and Ryan is heading in this direction.
I’ll bet he’s not allowed to play cowboys and indians either, and probably gets dolls for his birthday. We know what’s he going to be like in 25 years time: J. Sear.Posted by walterplinge on 2007 04 04 at 12:55 AM • permalink
- Using cars and knocking down all the trees
Poor sad little Ryan at least got that right.
Australia has far too many large trees right alongside our roads and highways.
Trees that are continually being hit by cars, and in far too many cases, with a tragic outcome for the occupants.
Chop down all trees within 20 metres of roads, that what I say.
- #129 & #130
The best of both worlds for puffy would be a party that was green and socialist.
- Poor Ryan Gwin . . . . you just know this kid won’t pull a root until he’s well into his twenties.Posted by Young and Free on 2007 04 04 at 03:33 AM • permalink
What a goldmine of unused brain cells you have uncovered there. What do they do? Give themselves a good kicking every now and then?Posted by thefrollickingmole on 2007 04 04 at 03:44 AM • permalink
This is why, or where, Lileks is funny.
- Has anybody seen Bill Leak’s cartoon in the Oz??!? Brilliant!
- Ah ha!!! I FOUND THEM!!!
The Gwins have previously graced the pages of The Age, as the Gwyns:
The bathroom at the Gwyn house is a rabble of toys, kids and adults from 6am. Sometimes the two preschoolers will even sit with a bowl of cereal on the bathroom floor while their full-time lawyer mum, Wendy, finishes her make-up before rushing out the door at 7.45am. “Our nanny arrives at 7.30 and my husband will often take the kids downstairs for breakfast so I do sometimes get a few minutes to myself before work,” she says, mustering a laugh.
“I sometimes struggle with the concessions I need to make,” says Wendy Gwyn, a 39-year-old powerhouse who became a partner at Freehills commercial law firm in July. With three children – Jake, 10, Ryan, 4, and Alexa, 3 – and a job that takes up to 12 hours a day, that’s not surprising.
Her husband of five years, Rhys Gwyn, who works and travels about 60 hours a week as a managing director at the investment bank Goldman Sachs JBWere, says he’s proud she made partner but laments the finetuning required to keep their collective engine operating smoothly. “Our lives are run with military precision,” says Rhys, 40. “Wendy and I regularly coordinate our schedules in advance so that the kids always have one of us on weeknights and weekends.” And when work stress takes over their home life, “we’ll remind ourselves that only one of us needs to work,” he says. “But I love that Wendy has a successful career and I wouldn’t want to change a thing.”
Rhys works for Goldman’s and Wendy is a lawyer. What’s the bet that Rhys is involved in carbon credits trading?
Don’t think Dad catches a bus home from work, somehow. Ntral gas, or otherwise.
What hollow frauds these people are.Posted by boxofmatches on 2007 04 04 at 05:54 AM • permalink
- #140. Agreed that it’s a great find, murph, but reading further:
“I’ll find time for myself by staying up and reading after everyone’s gone to bed or by catching the bus to work on my own,” says Rhys.
Looks like he does take the bus after all.Posted by Nilknarf Arbed on 2007 04 04 at 06:28 AM • permalink
- If they’re from ‘north America’ why is this a problem for them? —
“We were in Los Angeles recently … and there was so much traffic, and the cars were so huge and we both felt this is awful,” Mrs Gwin said.Posted by walterplinge on 2007 04 04 at 08:08 AM • permalink
- Can’t find anything on the empowering dad, but mommy’s background is decidedly moonbatty:
Originally hailing from the United States, Wendy completed a Bachelor of Arts degree in International Relations at Stanford University and had a previous career in international marketing before making the shift into law.
Anybody surprised she studied for an international-something degree in the Bay Area?
- I remember being scared by the news at the age of twelve. It was during the infamous 2000 recounts: everybody at school who fancied themselves a sophisticated thinker was fighting over just how George Bush was stealing the election, and the constant drumbeat of the press was driving me over the edge. (Didn’t help that I was undiagnosed at the time . . . hoo boy, I love me my mood menders.) Being a Republican was like having a target on your back, and I remember wishing it would all just go away.
At least it’s the liberal farkwits who are suffering this time around. Al Gore: the gift that keeps on giving.Posted by Tungsten Monk on 2007 04 04 at 09:27 AM • permalink
- #8 and #80, teachers have a lot to answer for. About a dozen years ago some jerk teacher convinced our daughter (in year 11) that we were all going to die because of pollution to the extent that she stopped eating. It took us six months, a lot of money and a good psychologist to de-programme her. Needless to say, HSC was not a roaring success however, she is now part of the VRWC, about to complete a science degree and doesn’t take bull from anyone.
- I assume that bus poops diamonds out of its tailpipe instead of emitting carbon dioxide into the atmosphere. Natural gas may burn cleaner than other fossil fuels (those unnatural fuels!) but there are indeed plenty of carbon atoms them thar molecules.
I also assume those buses are mostly empty, outside of rush hour, like they are around here. Now, if it was an electric or a hydrogen-fueled bus (Luftschiffbau Coach Lines) that carbon dioxide would all be generated at the electric power or hydrogen production plant, so they could pretend they were Making A Difference.
Also, somebody should point out to Ryan that dead animals don’t exhale carbon dioxide, and don’t produce methane at the other end, either, so there is a silver lining to wanton habitat destruction.
- #126: I actually had a woman berate me when I was carrying my youngest daughter (1978-Jan. 1979) because of the “overpopulation problem” (she’s my third). I told the twit that my brother was childless and I was making up for him, you shrew!
I had a talk with my oldest two grandsons to try to combat this foolishness. You know, all the disasters I should have seen but didn’t: nuclear disaster (I’m a 50’s child), DDT, resources running out, global ice age, overpopulation, nuclear winter (came back again), and so on ad nauseaum.
Got them laughing, and hopefully they’ll think about it if the school system tries to indoctrinate them.
Imperial KeeperPosted by Elizabeth Imperial Keeper on 2007 04 04 at 11:10 AM • permalink
- It was only because there were witnesses, lots of them. Bound to get you talked about if you wipe the floor with a dimwit when you’re pregnant.
And I got back at her. Not only did my three children survive, but they have presented me with 5, count ‘em, 5, Gaia raping grandchildren.
Imperial KeeperPosted by Elizabeth Imperial Keeper on 2007 04 04 at 01:50 PM • permalink
- Congratulations, Elizabeth! True biological success is grandchildren.
I didn’t have anyone berate me when I was pregnant with my third but I did get some odd reactions to holding up three fingers in answer to “Oooooo, is this your first?”
I have four. A son and three daughters.
I’m not telling them that they have to have children when they are grown, but I refuse to have them thinking that they shouldn’t.
I think that’s where the anger comes from. People let themselves be convinced that they shouldn’t have children they want to have so when they see someone who just goes ahead and has the kids they want, it makes ‘em cranky.
- Australia is overun with Nth american dipshit hippies, often in positions of some clout in business and academia. I normally like americans and Canadians, but why do you offload your surplus feral fuckheads (like this banjo-twanging turd for example) onto we unsuspecting antipodeans? Can’t you just stick them in landfill or something?
Nearly every ratbag consumer advocacy/animal/plant rights/peace enforced by carping organisation seems to be headed by one of these dingabts- American hegemony I’ve no problem with, but hippy/harpy hegemony I can do without.
- Elizabeth, congratulations indeed are due. And those grandchildren are all the better for having a good deal of common sense in their family, I should think.
I’m number four of five kids. My eldest sibling, my only sister, already has a son; I know she wants to have more. Between enviro-weenies trying to get the human race to wipe itself out and Muslim terrorists breeding like rabbits, our side needs all the help it can get.Posted by Tungsten Monk on 2007 04 04 at 08:00 PM • permalink
- #162 We try to send them to Venezuela but they keep jumping out of the boat for some reason.Posted by dean martin on 2007 04 04 at 09:30 PM • permalink
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