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Last updated on July 16th, 2017 at 09:28 am
The al-Aqsa Squirrel Brigade strikes in New Jersey:
Lindsey Millar, 23, and her brother, Tony, 22, were both home Wednesday at about 12:45 p.m. when Lindsey’s car suddenly started burning outside their 42nd Street home.
Tony Millar said firefighters told them it was the work of a buck-toothed saboteur that had been gnawing on overhead power lines connected to a transformer directly above the 2006 Toyota Camry.
“The squirrel chewed through the wire, was set on fire, fell down directly to where the car was,” Tony Millar said. “The squirrel, on fire, slid into the engine compartment and blew up the car.”
We await a Truther investigation; after all, who ever heard of fire melting a squirrel?
“They’re always coming around here, chewing through the garbage,” he added.
That’s an al-Aqsa identifier, right there. Garbage-chewing freaks. Brilliant line in comments:
Squirrels are so dumb. What the hell was it doing in Bayonne anyway?
(Via The Real Jeff S.)
New Jersey is also the home of Ninja Squirrels…
We have to ask “why do they hate us?”Posted by Steve Skubinna on 2007 10 20 at 12:29 PM • permalink
See 1.618? What did I tell you about New Jersey?Posted by MikeTheLibrarian on 2007 10 20 at 12:31 PM • permalink
Squirrels are being driven out of their natural habitats by human interlopers. Out of feelings of hopelessness and despair, squirrels are choosing a fiery death as the only option to a life made meaningless by despoilers of the environment. Think of the root (and nut) causes before condemning these beautiful creatures!Posted by Mystery Meat on 2007 10 20 at 12:42 PM • permalink
I have to confess: I hate squirrels! Anyone who’s tried to raise a garden in the city has to put with the bushy-tailed tree rats raiding their gardens, knocking over plants, gnawing fruit, and generally spoiling everything.
This is compounded by the fact that not only can’t I shoot them, local ordinances forbid me even from trapping the little beasts. No, I have to cover everything I grow in netting, to try and keep them out. Since they have no natural enemies in the city, their numbers – and their nuisance – grows from one year to the next. It’s analogous to how liberals would have us deal with al Qaeda: by imprisoning ourselves, rather than going out and destroying them.
So, the thought of a squirrel incinerating itself in a transformer … it made my day!Posted by Urbs in Horto on 2007 10 20 at 01:22 PM • permalink
Squirrels are anti-science, too. Years ago whilst working at a synchrotron in Wisconsin one shut the place down by a)making a little furry resistor of itself by reaching for one high-power line before it had cleared the other, and b)catching on fire and falling to the ground, thus starting a splendid grass fire in the parched field below. Stupid squirrel.Posted by bad cat robot on 2007 10 20 at 02:49 PM • permalink
- 7 – Urbs: bushy-tailed tree rats
They’ve got family Down Under.Posted by SwinishCapitalist on 2007 10 20 at 05:14 PM • permalink
Once elected Governor I pledge to create a Department of Herbivore Security to protect the citizens of my glorious state from self-immoliateing tree rats.Posted by Mr. Bingley on 2007 10 20 at 05:47 PM • permalink
- Posted by richard mcenroe on 2007 10 20 at 06:57 PM • permalink
This squirrel is obviously an Iranian agent here to sabotage us in retaliation for our success in infiltrating American squirrels into Iran some weeks ago. Although they caught, and no doubt murdered, 14 of our gallant rodent lads, the others got through to carry out their mission.
A natural enemy of squirrels in a city is a Rat Terrier. Another is a large cat.Posted by Michael Lonie on 2007 10 20 at 10:01 PM • permalink
Squirrels have much wisdom to share with us…Posted by richard mcenroe on 2007 10 20 at 11:37 PM • permalink
#19, another is strategically placed small charges of explosives.Posted by MikeTheLibrarian on 2007 10 21 at 12:35 AM • permalink
#19 Another is a guy – not me, no sir – with an air rifle. I have two, for when I want to ping away on my own property without hiking far enough out so as to not frighten the other rural residents.
I don’t shoot squirrels, though – the ones on my property are pretty okay. My neighbor’s squirrels, though, are major assholes. But I don’t want him finding expired tree rats with .177 pellet wounds littering his property. He might draw some wrong conclusions.Posted by Steve Skubinna on 2007 10 21 at 01:20 AM • permalink
Imperial KeeperPosted by Elizabeth Imperial Keeper on 2007 10 22 at 11:34 AM • permalink
Squirrel suicide bombers? We clearly need to investigate the root causes.