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Last updated on May 20th, 2017 at 07:18 am

Sporks! Sporks will save the planet!

(Via Saint)

UPDATE. “Forget the Spork,” emails ArmyAirforces.com’s Scott Burris. “Go with the superior Knork.”

Posted by Tim B. on 04/23/2008 at 01:52 PM
    1. Now now, Tim. That’s not a very eco-friendly word you used there.  You know the Goracle prefers the term “Foon.”

      Posted by MikeTheLibrarian on 2008 04 23 at 02:02 PM • permalink


    1. Looks more like a foon, to me.

      Posted by paco on 2008 04 23 at 02:02 PM • permalink


    1. #1: Damn, Mike. Timing really is everything.

      Posted by paco on 2008 04 23 at 02:03 PM • permalink


    1. What if old growth forests are cut down alleviate the spork shortage?  If only the elite of America follow her message, will there be a spork gap?  Can you carry a metal spork on planes in the US?  Will Muslims object to spork?

      Posted by charles austin on 2008 04 23 at 02:03 PM • permalink


    1. #4 Charles: Sporks have a long way to go before they catch up with more traditional utensils.

      I personally prefer the all-purpose, fully consolidated utensil: the knoonk. It makes it so much easier when you’re setting the table with your plowls and glups.

      Posted by paco on 2008 04 23 at 02:17 PM • permalink


    1. I wonder what the presidential candidates opinions on spork barreling are?

      Posted by PW on 2008 04 23 at 02:27 PM • permalink


    1. Now, boys, don’t fight!

      Taking all points of view into equal account, and in a spirit of ecumenism, let’s call it a “sporkafoon”.


      Posted by Harry Bergeron on 2008 04 23 at 03:10 PM • permalink


    1. Just as B.C. improved the square wheel with a triangular wheel.  “Fewer bumps.’’

      Posted by rhhardin on 2008 04 23 at 03:20 PM • permalink


    1. Laugh if you want, but I hate those things.  That’s the only eating utensil they give customers at Taco Bell. And yes, I need a fork spoon spork at Taco Bell.  Most of my taco falls off the shell.  I blame Bush.

      Posted by wronwright on 2008 04 23 at 03:25 PM • permalink


    1. From opinion journal, New You Can Use.

      Posted by aaron_ on 2008 04 23 at 03:32 PM • permalink


    1. News

      Posted by aaron_ on 2008 04 23 at 03:33 PM • permalink


    1. #7 Harry: that is an absolutely wanton display of excess syllables.

      Posted by paco on 2008 04 23 at 03:34 PM • permalink


    1. One spork to rule them all!

      Posted by Neeniebug on 2008 04 23 at 03:34 PM • permalink


    1. The Spork’s Dilemma

      Neither fork nor spoon
      am I a spork or a foon?
      Use me if you must, but beware
      I’m the Christine Jorgensen of flatware

      Yea, okay, it’s not up to Lyle’s standards, but he’s not here is he?

      Bastard will probably do it in haiku and French to boot!

      Posted by joe bagadonuts on 2008 04 23 at 03:43 PM • permalink


    1. #12, Paco, yes, but what’s a few syllables in the interest of brotherhood and world peace?

      Sporkafoons for Peace!

      Posted by Harry Bergeron on 2008 04 23 at 04:20 PM • permalink


    1. O/T, but this is one (of probably many) reasons why the congo is not known as the honeymoon capital of the world.

      Posted by paco on 2008 04 23 at 04:22 PM • permalink


    1. BTW, has anyone seen my tabkin cloth?

      Posted by paco on 2008 04 23 at 04:34 PM • permalink


    1. “Use a Spork” was the cry,
      “So Mother Gaia won’t die!”
      And compliance was therefore expected.But their reasons were murky,
      The plan seemed like a turkey,
      And by most, the idea was rejected.

      I wish they had given their reasons for the value of the spork, because I sure as heck can’t figure out why it would stop/slow global warming.  It seems to have stopped on its own (some outlying parts of Seattle got 10+ inches of snow this past weekend. Global warming my rear!)

      Posted by Infidel Librarian on 2008 04 23 at 04:35 PM • permalink


    1. These sporks look like a good idea, but could you eat a plastic turkey with one?

      Posted by Alan D on 2008 04 23 at 05:04 PM • permalink


    1. This household continues to use splayds when required.

      Posted by PeterTB on 2008 04 23 at 05:24 PM • permalink


    1. PeterTB, it looks like you could cut your mouth on that thing.  Just as well that I’m left-handed and the blade is on the wrong side for me anyway.

      I’m surprised that nobody has mentioned “bleeprin’’ yet.  Surely I’m not the only one around here who looks at bad fanfiction?

      Posted by Sonetka’s Mom on 2008 04 23 at 05:36 PM • permalink


    1. It’s a Sporkapalooza in here!

      If I try to use a spork,
      You’ll think that I’m a dork.
      But if I want to use my knoon
      You’ll label me a loon!
      What’s a man to do
      with this crockery anew?
      I’ll ponder it no further
      and use my hands to eat a burger.

      Posted by anonymous guest on 2008 04 23 at 06:07 PM • permalink


    1. How long before Rudd tells us we are at a “spork in the road”?

      Posted by Contrail on 2008 04 23 at 06:17 PM • permalink


    1. Do Sporks Live Long & Prosper

      Sure have pointy “ears” though.

      Actually I find sporks invaluable, especially in the field.

      Posted by Chunder on 2008 04 23 at 06:24 PM • permalink


    1. Any minute now, some earnest avago is going to come trolling in here and say:
      “You Blairites are always poking ridicule at anyone who tries to make a difference by sporking truth to renewable power. Next year we’ll have a president who can make difference, then the barracracy will catch up with you lot. There’ll be no skorting around the real issues then!”

      Posted by blogstrop on 2008 04 23 at 06:34 PM • permalink


    1. The difference between a Splayde and a spork?

      First Class get Splaydes and economy get sporks. The former are metal, the latter plastic.

      Posted by kae on 2008 04 23 at 06:44 PM • permalink


    1. You’d think, being ‘Stralian and all, I could spell the bloody word.

      Splayd. Splayds.

      Posted by kae on 2008 04 23 at 06:46 PM • permalink


    1. Every time I see a spork, I think of cramped airline seats and hours of breathing an atmosphere with the minimum amount of oxygen to sustain life, and no more.


      Posted by Wimpy Canadian on 2008 04 23 at 06:58 PM • permalink


    1. #4 My Bengali friends don’t need no stinking cutlery. Fingers is good.

      Posted by Wimpy Canadian on 2008 04 23 at 07:01 PM • permalink


    1. Ok, here’s my pathetic entry into the SPORKEUROVISION poem contest. (I hope I do better than Albania).

      There was a young man from Cork
      Who in a road came to a spork
      Take it, said Ruddles, after the walk
      We can eat cavier and beans and pork.

      Posted by Wimpy Canadian on 2008 04 23 at 07:13 PM • permalink


    1. #23 Damn you, Contrail, you beat me to it in my #30.

      Posted by Wimpy Canadian on 2008 04 23 at 07:15 PM • permalink



    1. Dies Irae! Dies Illa! This next space is used for filler!
      (An ode to the spork)
      In rev’rent tones we used to talk
      Of ‘Ladle, spoon, and knife, and fork’.
      Now prophets of all nations hawk
      The FOON – the SPLAYDE – the SPORK.

      Lo! When before my meal was made,
      In ‘plates and dishes’ it was laid;
      Now I eat in ‘Plish’ and ‘Date’
      With SPORK – with FOON – with SPLAYDE.

      Apocalypse is coming soon!
      Seas run with blood! Red turns the moon!
      The world is plagued – nothing’s immune! –
      Nay, not even ‘Knife, fork and spoon!’
      Now I greet my greens and meat –
      With SPORK – with SPLAYDE – with FOON!

      Posted by TimT on 2008 04 23 at 07:22 PM • permalink


    1. Yes it’s splayds au-go-go in the Gibbo household. They are a perfectly designed utensil in my book. I got a set for a wedding present nearly 25 years ago and they still get a run on an almost daily basis.

      Posted by Gibbo on 2008 04 23 at 07:29 PM • permalink


    1. Spork, Instument of Madness

      Posted by Serenity Now on 2008 04 23 at 07:32 PM • permalink


    1. #32 sh.t misread, meant Moslems use fingers on the right hand.

      Posted by stackja1945 on 2008 04 23 at 07:43 PM • permalink


    1. It wasn’t a monolith in 2001: A Space Odyssey, it was actually a gift box of sporks.

      Posted by SwinishCapitalist on 2008 04 23 at 07:46 PM • permalink


    1. Sporks are for dorks.


      Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2008 04 23 at 07:48 PM • permalink


    1. “The Presiding Bishop also advised using public transpiration.”

      Breathing out in unison?

      Does that have some effect on CO2 levels?

      Posted by s.r.intulom on 2008 04 23 at 08:00 PM • permalink


    1. I just don’t understand why the spnife never caught on.

      Posted by Evil Pundit on 2008 04 23 at 08:25 PM • permalink


    1. What’s Spork gonna do?  Pinch polluters on the neck?

      Posted by richard mcenroe on 2008 04 23 at 08:26 PM • permalink


    1. #24, kae

      Don’t diss the Splayd! Splayds go one better than Sporks – they are a fork, spoon and knife!

      We still use ours – left over from the 1970s – and two years ago I took a box of Splayds (yes, you can still buy them) to a friend in Lyme, Massachusetts, who’s been happily using them ever since, wondering why they hadn’t been invented before.

      Posted by ann j on 2008 04 23 at 08:47 PM • permalink


    1. Ease up, Ann J.


      Not me!

      Posted by kae on 2008 04 23 at 08:49 PM • permalink


    1. #16 Paco

      Someone overheard that it pays well. Sixteen bucks an hour plus tips. Now that’s (Jesus forgive me…more OH GOD, more coming) now that’s hard to beat.

      Posted by El Cid on 2008 04 23 at 08:51 PM • permalink


    1. #43.

      Sorry, kae, meant #26.

      I was all het up after hearing even more about what went on at the Kanberra Korroboree.

      I thought you were attacking the dorky but very useful Splayd and that they were going to be outlawed in the bill of rights.

      Posted by ann j on 2008 04 23 at 09:16 PM • permalink


    1. #36- Explains my shiteating grin, and why we’re called “Kackie Handers”.

      Also ewhy I’m often mistaken as a Hun, particularly at Oktoberfest and torchlight rallies.

      BTW, the denizens of the Malay peninsula and Indonesian archipelago have refined the matter to one finger on the left hand, with a grotequely elongated nail for dingleberry dispersal.

      BTW also, what does the Starship Enterprise have in common with a handful of bumwad?

      They both circle Uranus picking off Klingons.

      Posted by Habib on 2008 04 23 at 09:37 PM • permalink


    1. #16 Congo has “pens” missing. That is why they are using tied to the book. People keep taking them. Like towels in hotels.

      Posted by stackja1945 on 2008 04 23 at 10:00 PM • permalink


    1. The green spork
      to the tune of Mr Ed
      in recognition of Al Gore

      A spork is a spork of course of course
      If the knife and fork have run their course
      And then that spork of course of course
      Is your marvellous tool of choice of courseIf you prefer a spork to a fork of course
      Is it a plastic spork that you wish to source
      Or a metal spork that has more force
      Or a paper spork which is green of course

      So if you’re thinking green of course
      Then think of Gore who’s been fed a horse
      Then think of that horse that talks of course
      As the gorified Mr Ed

      Posted by mehaul on 2008 04 23 at 10:40 PM • permalink


    1. If I were to ever have grandkids, I’m sure I would thrill them with the tale of the night I spent ten minutes researching the history of the spork.

      Gramps, you’re so rad!”

      Posted by rinardman on 2008 04 23 at 10:57 PM • permalink


    1. Tip: The best quality sporks are made from red cedar. This can be difficult to find, but the finest stands can be harvested by night from national parks.

      Posted by Margos Maid on 2008 04 23 at 11:04 PM • permalink


    1. A spife, for eating kiwifruit.
      Another design.

      Posted by Zoe Brain on 2008 04 23 at 11:08 PM • permalink


    1. I am a man of simple means and prefer all my meals to be regurgitated from a Condor’s mouth. Thus negating the need for utensils and lowering my environmental impact.

      Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2008 04 23 at 11:10 PM • permalink


    1. A spork in the road
      Halting the tears of Gaia
      Enlightenment ends

      Posted by AnthonyC on 2008 04 23 at 11:11 PM • permalink


    1. Ha!  They can have my knife and fork when they pry them from my cold, dead hands!

      Posted by Ricardo on 2008 04 23 at 11:55 PM • permalink


    1. What? Are we all to stop eating meat then and rely on this useless arthritis defeating tool to scoop up lentils?
      I’ll defend my knife fork and spoon to the last breath (or should that be mouthful?)

      Posted by Jazza on 2008 04 23 at 11:57 PM • permalink


    1. I’m reasonably sure that if I sauntered up to the cutlery counter at DJs and politely asked the charming young lady behind the counter to “show me your Knorks” I would be beaten to death with a Jamie Oliver soup tureen.

      Posted by Habib on 2008 04 24 at 12:20 AM • permalink


    1. Given spork is American for splayd and Canadian  for spam, it seems to me that if you really want to save the planet – and endangered cutlery – you need cutting edge technology.  Call in the Army.

      Posted by saint on 2008 04 24 at 01:28 AM • permalink


    1. #57
      Sporks and splayds are different. There’s no blade on a spork.It’s sort of like a safety splayd.

      Posted by kae on 2008 04 24 at 04:42 AM • permalink


    1. #2 I like really buffed foons.

      Posted by carpefraise on 2008 04 24 at 05:44 AM • permalink


    1. All this spork talk is spooky.

      Posted by carpefraise on 2008 04 24 at 05:46 AM • permalink


    1. #58 Hmm it seems a spork has smaller tynes then a splayd as well as no cutting edge. Meaning it’s toothlesss and useless and only suitable for those who like to be spoon fed…

      Posted by saint on 2008 04 24 at 07:21 AM • permalink


    1. #59


      Posted by kae on 2008 04 24 at 07:22 AM • permalink


    1. Spam rustlers, paw!…

      Posted by mojo on 2008 04 24 at 11:08 AM • permalink


  1. Michael Moore Endorses
    a New Product, the Shovork
    When I eat a pile of pork
    In my penthouse in New York
    I eat it with my new shovork—
    One part shovel, one part fork.

    My shovork goes everywhere;
    Often strangers stop and stare;
    If it’s food, man, I don’t care;
    Out it comes, right then and there.

    My food standards can be lax;
    Sometimes my shovork attacks
    Can be awkward to the max –
    When small children look like snacks.

    Posted by lyle on 2008 04 24 at 07:42 PM • permalink