Serious children knocking on doors

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Last updated on March 6th, 2018 at 12:31 am

Outraged by devious Republican fun plans, the Democratic National Committee whips up a summer scowl-a-thon:

As more and more experts continue to confirm the harmful effects of global warming, the College Republican National Committee is urging its membership to mock the threat by throwing beach parties this summer.

How dare they!

The College Republicans actions demonstrate the misplaced priorities and short-sightedness of the future of the Republican Party, according to the Democratic National Committee. As College Democrats continue to fight for issues that young Americans care about like an affordable college education, Republicans continue to push their out of touch agenda.

Beach parties are an “agenda”?

“The College Republicans’ beach parties mocking global warming are just another example of the misplaced priorities and short-sightedness of the Republican Party,” said College Democrats of America President Grant Woodard.

Party on with Grant!

“The College Republicans’ ignorance toward the seriousness of global warming and climate change shows a Party more focused on partying than talking seriously about the issues facing young people across America. While College Republicans party on this summer, College Democrats will be knocking on doors, working to get Democrats elected nationwide.”

Too bad everyone will be at the beach.

UPDATE. Eric at Classical Values: “There’s nothing funny about college kids having beach parties when others are suffering from the warmth and need to go door to door to help return us to a cooler world.”

Posted by Tim B. on 06/06/2006 at 09:40 AM
    1. If the College Democrats aren’t throwing beach parties as well, then the Democrats don’t deserve to be elected.

      Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2006 06 06 at 09:56 AM • permalink

 

    1. The left deserve some serious mockery.

      What a fantastic idea.

      Posted by Rob Read on 2006 06 06 at 09:56 AM • permalink

 

    1. I don’t get the contact information stuff. Did the Democrats pay Yahoo News to run the story?

      Posted by chinesearithmetic on 2006 06 06 at 10:00 AM • permalink

 

    1. I saw a bunch of MASSPIRG losers on my train yesterday. I had to fight the urge to throw them off while it was moving.

      Posted by Bandit on 2006 06 06 at 10:01 AM • permalink

 

    1. While College Republicans party on this summer, College Democrats will be knocking on doors, working to get Democrats elected nationwide.”

      Too bad everyone will be at the beach.

      Yeah there’s actually gonna be an official poll that’ll tell you just how that works out.

      Posted by Tank on 2006 06 06 at 10:04 AM • permalink

 

    1. #4: I saw a bunch of MASSPIRG losers on my train yesterday. I had to fight the urge to throw them off while it was moving.

      Next time, don’t fight the urge, Bandit! Go with your instincts!

      Posted by paco on 2006 06 06 at 10:12 AM • permalink

 

    1. So, let’s see: humorless clods or beach-partying jokers?

      I’ll take the latter, thank you.

      Posted by Rob Crawford on 2006 06 06 at 10:21 AM • permalink

 

    1. Wasn’t the world supposed to end on June 6? I told my boss to piss off and now I feel as though that may have been a mistake.

      Posted by Bill Spencer on 2006 06 06 at 10:36 AM • permalink

 

    1. Well, just in case you thought those fun-killing, purse-mouthed Puritans from Massachusetts died out, it looks like their direct descendants are riding the MTA.

      Posted by JorgXMcKie on 2006 06 06 at 10:37 AM • permalink

 

    1. Not so fast there, Mr. Grant Woodtard! Not all college Republicans will be dodging their duty. The Coalition of Republicans for Environmental Responsibility will be using their yachts this summer to rescue drowning polar bears. The enterprise, sponsored by Paco’s Taxidermy Shop, will last through September, thus causing these fine young men and women to sacrifice the entire beach season.

      Posted by paco on 2006 06 06 at 10:40 AM • permalink

 

    1. As more and more experts continue to confirm the harmful effects of global warming

      Wow, it’s not just “consensus” anymore. It’s confirmation.

      Posted by Dave S. on 2006 06 06 at 10:48 AM • permalink

 

    1. experts continue to confirm the harmful effects of global warming

      Faith taken as fact. Check.

      The College Republicans’ ignorance toward the seriousness of global warming and climate change shows a Party more focused on partying than talking seriously about the issues facing young people across America.

      Disapproval of frivolity. Check.

      College Democrats will be knocking on doors, working to get Democrats elected nationwide.

      Evangelism. Check.

      Yep, them’s Puritans.

      Posted by Dave S. on 2006 06 06 at 10:53 AM • permalink

 

    1. Why doesn’t this damn planet understand that the Earth is supposed to stop evolving once humans are most comfortable??

      Posted by DwayneMH on 2006 06 06 at 10:58 AM • permalink

 

    1. Anyone else thinking of “Student Grant” from the British comic book Viz? No?

      Well, who wants to see all those unshaven Democrat/ Hillary legs on the beach anyway?

      Posted by JDB on 2006 06 06 at 11:08 AM • permalink

 

    1. They won’t be knocking on Monroe doors. Too many gun owners.

      Every now and again in Midtown I see the Earnest Few standing around with clipboards asking everyone, “Can you spare a moment for Greenpeace?” The replies I’ve used have been curt, but too polite to date. Any suggestions?

      Posted by SoberHT on 2006 06 06 at 11:26 AM • permalink

 

    1. Won’t those College Democrats be disappointed when the apocalypse comes and they missed their chance to party?  Or maybe not.

      Posted by RebeccaH on 2006 06 06 at 11:32 AM • permalink

 

    1. Every now and again in Midtown I see the Earnest Few standing around with clipboards asking everyone, “Can you spare a moment for Greenpeace?” The replies I’ve used have been curt, but too polite to date. Any suggestions?

      “I just did. Must have been that chili.”

      Posted by Dave S. on 2006 06 06 at 11:32 AM • permalink

 

    1. “The College Republicans’ ignorance toward the seriousness of global warming and climate change…”

      Well Grant, which is it?

      “global warming” or “global climate change”?

      The boy’s gotta get his talking points down better.

      Posted by TomB on 2006 06 06 at 11:43 AM • permalink

 

    1. Well Grant, which is it? “global warming” or “global climate change”?

      Depends on what “data” is currently hot, or debunked. “Global warming” was on the ropes for a while, but the spurious hockey-stick graph gave it a shot in the arm. It also depends on what angle the latest doomscreamer movie takes – when “The Day After Tomorrow” told us we were going to flash-freeze, “global warming” was a self-evidently stupid thing to say. But Algore’s jeremiad has made it OK again.

      Posted by Dave S. on 2006 06 06 at 12:09 PM • permalink

 

    1. Ok, ok, let me see if I understand it.  Grant is saying people can be bad by partying like Republicans.  Or they can be good by going door to door, rain or shine, snow or hail, and solicit people to vote for a particular political party like Democrats.

      Ok, I can see it now, Grant is a Rovebot.  But shouldn’t he be more clever at this?  Who is the ham fisted neocon who programmed this dude?

      Posted by wronwright on 2006 06 06 at 12:16 PM • permalink

 

    1. “I’d rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints, the sinners are much more fun.”

      Posted by Achillea on 2006 06 06 at 12:18 PM • permalink

 

    1. … demonstrate the … short-sightedness of the future of the Republican Party

      And the incoherent nature of Democrat press releases, I guess.

      I look forward to all those wide-eyed young Democrats going door to door – if past performance is any indication, it’s probably going to in a) irate homeowners setting them straight on the issues the kiddies are deluding themselves about, and b) new record-low election results for all such “supported” Democratic Party candidates.

      Posted by PW on 2006 06 06 at 12:21 PM • permalink

 

    1. Darn, I a word out. It should have read “it’s probably going to result in …”

      Posted by PW on 2006 06 06 at 12:22 PM • permalink

 

    1. Global warming is a serious matter that absolutely should not be dealt with frivolously.

      I propose that the College Republicans hold a global warming conference at Senor Frog’s in Cancun where they can douse t-shirt wearing females with water to symbolize how the globe(s) must be cooled in order for mankind to survive. Mass quantities of tequila should be consumed as a gesture of solidarity with Mother Earth which is forced to consume poisonous greenhouse gasses each and every day.  Afterwards the College Republicans can symbollically rid their bodies of the poisonous tequila in the back alley behind the bar just as Gaia must rid herself of the CO2 poisoning her system.

      This is not a laughing matter people.

      Posted by Randal Robinson on 2006 06 06 at 12:29 PM • permalink

 

    1. Every now and again in Midtown I see the Earnest Few standing around with clipboards asking everyone, “Can you spare a moment for Greenpeace?” The replies I’ve used have been curt, but too polite to date. Any suggestions?

      Perhaps your response could be:  “No, sorry, no time.  Too many baby seals to club.”

      Posted by RebeccaH on 2006 06 06 at 12:31 PM • permalink

 

    1. Perhaps your response could be:  “No, sorry, no time.  Too many baby seals to club.”

      How about: “Baby seals don’t club themselves.”

      Posted by Rob Crawford on 2006 06 06 at 12:44 PM • permalink

 

    1. #24: I propose that the College Republicans hold a global warming conference at Senor Frog’s in Cancun where they can douse t-shirt wearing females with water to symbolize how the globe(s) must be cooled in order for mankind to survive

      Um, can alumni attend?

      Posted by paco on 2006 06 06 at 12:44 PM • permalink

 

    1. re: #15, next time, fake a French accent and ask them for the coordinates of the Rainbow Warrior

      Posted by Blue Hen on 2006 06 06 at 12:50 PM • permalink

 

    1. I used to live in a very Bohemian neighborhood in NYC (Williamsburg, in Brooklyn).  One primary election day, there I am leaving the polling place in my suit, carrying my briefcase and some “artist” in “artist uniform”—ugly wool hat, beat up jeans, old sweater, looking like he has not bathed for 3 days asked me “Do you want to hear about the Green Party?”

      My response—“Do I look like I F^%$#& want to hear about the Green Party?”

      He agreed and decided not to bother me further.

      Posted by Room 237 on 2006 06 06 at 01:43 PM • permalink

 

    1. Thanks, gang.

      Blue Hen: Full fathom five thy father lies, Of his bones are coral made….. They might like that.

      Reb&Rob: Great collaboration. I’m all set. Bring it on, Swampy!

      Posted by SoberHT on 2006 06 06 at 01:56 PM • permalink

 

    1. College Democrats will be knocking on doors

      Time to check the Claymores and the tripwires, I guess…

      Posted by mojo on 2006 06 06 at 02:01 PM • permalink

 

    1. This whole “global warming” thing… it’s so rediculous.

      I mean, what could possibly be easier to fix?

      Look. Here’s what to do if the world starts hotting up.

      1. A manditory “ice tax” that is imposed on anyone that doesnt carry at least 15 lbs of ice from their freezer to the nearest melting glacier, at least once a month. If no glacier is within easy driving distance then just dump it in the nearest pond, lake, river or stream.
      2. Make everyone leave their doors and windows open when they run their airconditioners.
      3. Public announcements to encourage people to think cool thoughts.
      4. Make it illegal for pretty women to wear cloths.

      There. Problem solved.

      Posted by Grimmy on 2006 06 06 at 02:18 PM • permalink

 

    1. The DNC called me the other day.

      Lady on the phone:  “Hi, can we count on you for a donation to defeat–”

      Me:  “No!  I hate them all!  Whoever they are, I hate them!” Click.

      I think I’m with the computer nerd in our directorate who has confused tanning lotion with SPF lotion.  In any event, I ain’t gonna be available in nice weather to answer the damn door.

      Posted by ushie on 2006 06 06 at 02:53 PM • permalink

 

    1. Yeah there’s actually gonna be an official poll that’ll tell you just how that works out.

      The last few really big official polls worked out rather well for the Republicans.

      Posted by Sortelli on 2006 06 06 at 04:14 PM • permalink

 

    1. So, I take it that, if their candidates of choice win, the College Democrats will will look with disapproval on inauguration parties?  How about political fundraising parties?  After all, these evil, unholy events take time away from saving Gaia from—um—herself.

      Posted by Polish Frizzle on 2006 06 06 at 04:21 PM • permalink

 

    1. This is too good to be true. Young Dems wandering the streets spouting a memorized script to annoyed voters while the rest of us are checking babes at the beach? Who’s priorities are screwed up?

      Posted by Gary from Jersey on 2006 06 06 at 04:27 PM • permalink

 

    1. #15 A dear friend of ours, when he was working in Brisbane was regularly accosted by Greenpeace, WWF and some koala thing.

      They’d ask, “Would be you be interested in (insert cause here)”.

      Jai would say, “No”.

      “Why not?”

      “Because I don’t care.” And he’d just keep walking.

      — Nora

      I once had the Koala Foundation’s koala costume character skip up to me on the Victoria Bridge in Brisbane and ask for a donation.

      I replied, “Can you swim in that costume?”

      Koala-thing skipped backwards at a rate of knots.

      — Nick

      Posted by The Thin Man Returns on 2006 06 06 at 04:59 PM • permalink

 

    1. #37 Nick,
      It,s traditional to kidnap the koala-suit idiot and release him back into the wild. Fun too.

      Posted by Daniel San on 2006 06 06 at 07:05 PM • permalink

 

    1. Paco, I checked with FedEx and they confirm delivery of the harpoon cannon to the marina.  Please advise how soon they can be mounted on the larger yachts.

      Also confirmed delivery of three cases of Ruger No. 1 harpoon rifles for the smaller speedboats.  As we discussed, these will be funa great help in getting the drowning polar bears aboard…

      This is going to be a fun summer for James Lileks.  He loves it when the serious teenagers show up.

      Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 06 06 at 08:28 PM • permalink

 

    1. The left- competing with Moroms and JHs and door2door salesmen. Man, what a totally dud rage.

      Posted by Wylie Wilde on 2006 06 06 at 08:46 PM • permalink

 

    1. #10 Paco— CoRepEnRes, sponsored by Paco’s Taxidermy? Tough for me to make much of an acronym out of at this time of day, but the t-shirts should sell like hotcakes…

      Y’know, maybe I’ve been too close to the Beltway for too long this time – I’ve caught BigGovSpeak Bureaucratitis…it must be ‘bout time to go Home…

      Posted by KC on 2006 06 06 at 08:57 PM • permalink

 

    1. Some people choose to spend their lives in fear of some catastrophe and when nothing occurs, they go out and invent the next best thing: an imaginary one.

      Such is global warming, global cooling, whoops I mean climate change.

      Have fun on the beach, guys!

      Posted by Wand on 2006 06 06 at 09:06 PM • permalink

 

    1. For the first time in years I actually feel like going to the beach.

      Posted by Andrea Harris, Administrator on 2006 06 06 at 10:06 PM • permalink

 

    1. They need to have beach barbecues, too.  Might as well piss off PETA while they’re at it.

      Posted by Achillea on 2006 06 06 at 10:20 PM • permalink

 

    1. #39: Yachts have been certified for outfitting with harpoon cannons by the Maritime Administration.*

      * Of Paraguay.

      #41: Acronyms have never been a strength of mine, Auntie. I’ll have to work on it.

      Posted by paco on 2006 06 06 at 10:27 PM • permalink

 

    1. #41: I’ve got it, Auntie! The Coalition of Republicans for Environmental Responsibility has been re-christened and will be sailing under the flag of Polar Amigos Cruising On Behalf of Environmental Awareness and Rescue. The P.A.C.O. B.E.A.R.s need your support! Donors of $50 will receive a framed, autographed photograph of Wronwright taken at the 1997 Startrek convention. Donors of $100 will not receive a framed, autographed photograph of Wronwright taken at the 1997 Startrek convention. “Admiral’s Club” donors of $1,000 or more will receive, after the polar bear rescue operation, a polar bear rug deep pile white area rug. Get on board today, and let’s gaff some bears!

      Posted by paco on 2006 06 06 at 10:47 PM • permalink

 

    1. Please, oh please let a College Democrat come knocking at my door.

      Posted by guinsPen on 2006 06 06 at 11:37 PM • permalink

 

    1. Oh, I can’t believe I forgot to say it earlier:  Karl Rove has the easiest job ever.

      Posted by Sortelli on 2006 06 07 at 05:09 AM • permalink

 

    1. paco?

      The skinning knives are really, really sharp (Wronwright HAD to check how sharp, the Honourable Mistress Andrea is bandaging his hand most solicitously….)

      <AAAIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!>

      …, aha, she has tried out her new salty Tabasco and chili oil based disinfectant, I see.

      Anyhoo, tannery fired up, skinners ready to rock, and Howard the Enceladan wants to know if he can eat the carcasses. He is getting a bit tired of skinned baby seals.

      MarkL
      Canberra

      Posted by MarkL on 2006 06 07 at 07:30 AM • permalink

 

    1. #46 – Paco, that’s brilliant—an acronym that doesn’t just sit there, it says something!

      Good thing you caught it before you had t-shirts, business cards & stationary printed.

      Posted by KC on 2006 06 07 at 08:25 AM • permalink

 

    1. #46 paco,

      It’s Star Trek, not Startrek.  I believe.  Not that I have any reason to know.

      Posted by wronwright on 2006 06 07 at 08:37 AM • permalink

 

    1. #51: You’re probably right. Even though you “weren’t there”. Anyhow, it doesn’t matter, it’s not really a picture of you anyway. But who will know?

      #49: Bear-B-Q cookouts every night!

      Posted by paco on 2006 06 07 at 09:23 AM • permalink

 

    1. Don’t rain on my parade….

      Posted by crash on 2006 06 07 at 10:02 AM • permalink

 

    1. Sortelli — If it’s after the cruise, have Paco hand-receipt you a harpoon rifle just in case.

      Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 06 07 at 10:45 AM • permalink

 

    1. Oh those darn College Republicans and their imperialist beach parties.  Why can’t they be more like those fine upstanding Grade-A Americans the College Democrats and smoke their bongs in the frat house? Say, how much carbon emission comes from a bong do you suppose?

      Posted by Texas Bob on 2006 06 07 at 11:21 AM • permalink

 

    1. In OT but happy election news, here in CA the “Universal Preschool Initiative” went down in 60/40 defeat yesterday.  It would have established a right to preschool for all California 4-year-olds.  And who would have paid for this largesse?  Why, those eeeeeebil rich people, of course, with a tax aimed specifically at them to support the program.

      Posted by Achillea on 2006 06 07 at 03:57 PM • permalink

 

    1. #56: And of course, the non-evil, super-rich – like the bill’s main sponsor, Rob Reiner – would have been able to pay the extra tax out of petty cash (assuming his accountant hasn’t fixed it so that he doesn’t pay any taxes at all). Glad to see the initiative sink.

      Posted by paco on 2006 06 07 at 04:12 PM • permalink

 

    1. Achillea—And Cunningham’s San Diego Congressional seat stayed with the Republicans.  The Kossites claimed another moral victory and said it had been stolen.

      Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 06 07 at 08:31 PM • permalink

 

    1. Kos: “Dean Wormer, we’re hoping these mid-term elections will really boost our grade point average!”

      Wormer:  “Fat, drunk and socialist is no way to go through life son”.

      Posted by Vanguard of the Commentariat on 2006 06 07 at 09:16 PM • permalink

 

    1. #58 – What are they now, 0 for 20?

      Posted by Achillea on 2006 06 07 at 09:34 PM • permalink

 

    1. 60:  Yup Achillea, 0 and 20, but they have a low ERA!

      Posted by Vanguard of the Commentariat on 2006 06 07 at 09:38 PM • permalink

 

    1. It’s hard to imagine the average Kossack having an earned anything.

      Posted by PW on 2006 06 07 at 11:58 PM • permalink

 

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