Schoolboy crush recalled

Last updated on August 6th, 2017 at 08:55 am

Melbourne Age cartoonist and fish in a barrel Michael Leunig hits back:

It has come to my notice that there is an impressive number of columnists, intellectuals and commentators – mostly serious, highly educated men, who spend much time studying and much energy proclaiming my depraved leftism, carefully combing through my words and my drawings of little ducks, looking for contradictions and moral tumours with a passion and diligence that would seem beyond the call of duty.

Actually, Mike, we mainly do it for laughs – your cartoons long ago having ceded that role. By the way, you’re missing a dash in the above sentence.

Dare I say it, but they appear to be deeply fascinated with me, although I’m not sure that it’s an entirely healthy interest, so feverish and unresolved is their attention. This is not a nice thought, but sometimes this fixation even reminds me of a morbid and steamy schoolboy crush.

Any particular one? Leunig left school more than 40 years ago. Get over it, Mike!

The signs of obsession, jealousy and fetishism are all there in their writings about me, and there is also evidence of some fierce, kinky desire to strip me naked and administer humiliation …

Now, when you run a line like that, it’s probably not the smartest move a couple of paragraphs on to expose the fierce, kinky humiliation you wish upon your enemies. But nobody said Leunig was very smart:

Oh, but alas bold knights, the sedge is fast withering from the lake and no birds sing – you see, there’s a fair chance that the surgeon or the paramedic upon whom you may be depending before too long, or the nurse who may be wiping your incontinent bottom sooner than you think, or the fireman who may be cutting you out of your mangled vehicle next week, may actually be one of your “naive, bleeding-heart leftists” and will that matter when it’s your turn for hand wringing?

I’ll take my chances with those folk, Mike. But if ever I’m in desperate need for a drawing of a duck … man, am Iever in trouble, eh?

(Via Nick G.)

Posted by Tim B. on 03/19/2007 at 11:55 AM
    1. there is also evidence of some fierce, kinky desire to strip me naked and administer humiliation

      Hmm.  Let me think about it for a moment.

      Yeah, I think we can hook you up, Mikey, but I’m afraid it’s going to cost you.  Extra services like that don’t tend to be cheap.

      Posted by Blue State Sil on 2007 03 19 at 12:33 PM • permalink

 

    1. He needs more of a warrior education, especially the part about magnanimity.  You’d think the peace guys would be the magnanimous ones, but they’re not.  They’re vindictive.

      I think if comes from newspapers, and people being nervous when it’s discovered that gentleness requires great strength.  Leunig is forced to use duckies, and achieves only the ridiculous in that direction.

      That said, his Billy the Rabbit CD is seriously great.  I recommend it.

      Posted by rhhardin on 2007 03 19 at 12:37 PM • permalink

 

    1. He’s wringing something, but it ain’t his hand.

      Posted by Achillea on 2007 03 19 at 01:51 PM • permalink

 

    1. He flatters himself because no one else will.

      I recall an old aphorism, “Take away a writer’s typewriter and he’s just a drunk”.

      Nobody cares about Leunig per se. I’m just incredulous he makes a living being a wanker. If his work wasn’t published, no one would care what he thought.

      Posted by JDB on 2007 03 19 at 02:05 PM • permalink

 

    1. evidence of some fierce, kinky desire to strip me naked and administer humiliation …

      . . . whuh?

      Posted by Tungsten Monk on 2007 03 19 at 02:51 PM • permalink

 

    1. ”…may actually be one of your “naive, bleeding-heart leftists” and will that matter when it’s your turn for hand wringing?”

      If they do their job competently and professionally, I don’t give a flying fuck what their political leaning is.  It’s the people who deliberately introduce politics into the work place that I loathe.  That they tend to be incompetent as well is telling.

      As for Leunig….well, he’s a political cartoonist who can’t draw worth a dang.  I rest my case.

      Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2007 03 19 at 02:52 PM • permalink

 

    1. I think someone just told you to duck off and die, Tim. But if you ask me, he’s quackers.

      Posted by andycanuck on 2007 03 19 at 03:08 PM • permalink

 

    1. “Raging with stale conviction against the “moral cancer” of the left is like lashing out at the wind…”

      Here’s a little difference you might want to consider, scumbag…

      The wind is immune to firing squads.  Baath- loving leftist traitors aren’t.

      Posted by Dave Surls on 2007 03 19 at 03:09 PM • permalink

 

    1. OMG Tim, Leunig’s army of arse wipers lying in wait for years for the opportunity to ignore you. Now you know how Salman Rushdie feels.

      Posted by alien kiwi on 2007 03 19 at 04:11 PM • permalink

 

    1. The signs of obsession, jealousy and fetishism are all there in their writings about me, and there is also evidence of some fierce, kinky desire to strip me naked and administer humiliation …

      Is this what he thinks about when he’s sitting out there in the paddock with God?

      Posted by RebeccaH on 2007 03 19 at 04:13 PM • permalink

 

    1. fierce, kinky desire to strip me naked and administer humiliation

      I think this is telling us a lot more about Leunig that about his critics.

      File it under “Too Much Information.”

      Posted by R C Dean on 2007 03 19 at 04:30 PM • permalink

 

    1. So do we have to carry a pic of his duck or Mr Curly in our wallets if we want to get cut out of our mangled cars by the Leunig-loving firies?

      Posted by boxofmatches on 2007 03 19 at 04:52 PM • permalink

 

    1. I recommend a duck-drawing contest for Tim’s readers, only.

      Posted by Harry Bergeron on 2007 03 19 at 04:55 PM • permalink

 

    1. Yukky, yukky, yukky!

      It’s one thing for the little runt to write this crap. In the privacy of his own home and all that.

      But it’s another for any self respecting newspaper to publish it! Ah! There’s the answer.

      Posted by Gravelly on 2007 03 19 at 05:09 PM • permalink

 

    1. Hands up – who has ever met a lefty bleeding heart fireman?

      Posted by Francis H on 2007 03 19 at 05:10 PM • permalink

 

    1. …we meet every Thursday night in a secret fairy dell that lies within a beautiful ferny glade in the old-growth forest … We hug trees and skip about .

      It’s what I’ve been saying for years!

      What a self-absorbed creature he is.

      Posted by ann j on 2007 03 19 at 05:28 PM • permalink

 

  • Well, if demographic studies are any guide, asswipers of the future are unlikely to be the sons and daughters of latte sipping Balmain basket weavers.  That kind will be in short supply.
    Perhaps Leunig was projecting his own fears for his future.

    Posted by entropy on 2007 03 19 at 05:29 PM • permalink

 

  • Oh, oh.  Best turn off the italics.  Here.

    Posted by ann j on 2007 03 19 at 05:29 PM • permalink

 

  • Leunig flatters himself that he is the skilled surgeon, paramedic and nurse of the Moral World, administering dedicated, selfless, vital, health-giving advice.
    In reality, he reveals only his nasty side and his extreme egotism.
    He’s blown his cover by trying to write for the press.
    Many could forgive him for being a Genuinely Odd, Otherworldly Naif [GOON], but not now…

    Posted by Barrie on 2007 03 19 at 05:31 PM • permalink

 

  • Trying again.

    Posted by ann j on 2007 03 19 at 05:32 PM • permalink

 

 

  • Im a medic and apparently (according to a mates missus) “a right wing nuff nuff” whatever that is. I deny man made climate change, sorry days, and pretty well every other bit of leftist, collectivist wankery that comes along.
    If however in my work as a medic/mines rescue Mr Loonypig is needing assistance he will get it same as everyone else, to the best of my abilities.
    Much the same way the defence forces work. You think they like defending and putting their lives at risk for a duckwit??

    Posted by thefrollickingmole on 2007 03 19 at 05:33 PM • permalink

 

    1. I’m waiting for Loonig to scrawl a cartoon that somehow expresses regret that Howard’s RAAF transport did not crash in flames.  Remember you heard it here first.

      Posted by cuckoo on 2007 03 19 at 05:47 PM • permalink

 

    1. The signs of obsession, jealousy and fetishism are all there in their writings about me, and there is also evidence of some fierce, kinky desire to strip me naked and administer humiliation …

      Did anyone else think of this scene from South Park, when reading this?

      [Mel’s mansion, inside]

      STAN
      Look, dude, we came a long way. We’re
      not leaving until you give us our money.
      MEL
      Oh yeah? Well you’re gonna have to find it first.  But I won’t tell you where I keep my money.  You can torture me all you want, I still won’t tell you!
      STAN
      Tor-torture you?

      MEL
      Ha! So you DO intend to torture me, huh?!  Well go ahead! Do your worst!
      You STILL won’t get your ticket money back! I can take whatever you can dish out!
      STAN
      We don’t want to torture you.

      MEL
      I get it, but you don’t have a choice, is that it?! Well go ahead! I just sure hope you don’t use those whips over there on the wall!

      Posted by Mike_W on 2007 03 19 at 06:01 PM • permalink

 

    1. #24 Mike_W, it’s the   straw man technique.

      Posted by anthony_r on 2007 03 19 at 06:52 PM • permalink

 

    1. morbid and steamy schoolboy crush … fetishism … kinky desire to strip me naked and administer humiliation– Micky, take a long cold shower, mate, before you blow a gasket.

      And after you have got your urges under control, consider that bleeding-heart lefties don’t actually save lives. They talk about it a lot but they prefer jobs such as teachers, academics, journalists,  union officials or full-time activists A.K.A. ferals. They are the B-ark people, like cartoonists who draw ducks.

      Posted by Contrail on 2007 03 19 at 06:56 PM • permalink

 

    1. “there is also evidence of some fierce, kinky desire to strip me naked and administer humiliation”

      He’s hopeful the perpetrator of this act has an inhumanly large “humiliation”.

      Posted by Dorian on 2007 03 19 at 07:14 PM • permalink

 

    1. #11

      exactly what I thought.

      #12 boxof

      Leunig-loving firies?

      oops, read that as Leunig-loving fairies.

      Posted by kae on 2007 03 19 at 07:30 PM • permalink

 

    1. Nice, ain’t he? Feel the lurve in that last quoted para. ‘Naive’ and ‘bleeding-heart’ aren’t quite the words to describe someone with those sort of revenge fantasies.

      Posted by DaneF on 2007 03 19 at 07:38 PM • permalink

 

    1. He accuses others of fetishism after his numerous displays of duck love?

      Posted by Nic on 2007 03 19 at 07:39 PM • permalink

 

    1. First sentence ought to say “are” rather than “is”: He’s missing more than a dash.  In fact, Leunig is several fries short of a Happy Meal (Not sure the Micky D’s reference will play in Perth, but it fits).

      Posted by Hucbald on 2007 03 19 at 07:43 PM • permalink

 

    1. #31 not necessarily, Hucbald.  Leunig may actually be impressed by the number itself.

      Posted by anthony_r on 2007 03 19 at 08:06 PM • permalink

 

    1. and there is also evidence of some fierce, kinky desire to strip me naked and administer humiliation …

      I’ve been a naughty cartoonist…

      Posted by richard mcenroe on 2007 03 19 at 09:21 PM • permalink

 

    1. Oh my. What is PETA going to say about all your leather accoutrements?

      Posted by Merlin on 2007 03 19 at 09:24 PM • permalink

 

    1. Hey Leunig: Wring your hands over this.

      Posted by Dan Lewis on 2007 03 19 at 09:31 PM • permalink

 

    1. Tim,

      Here is a picture of the surgeon upon whom you may be depending before too long.

      Payback’s a bitch.

      Posted by Dan Lewis on 2007 03 19 at 09:40 PM • permalink

 

    1. carefully combing through my words and my drawings of little ducks, looking for contradictions and moral tumours with a passion and diligence that would seem beyond the call of duty

      “Comb”?  As in “fine-toothed comb”?  How fine a comb is that, Mike?  Wouldn’t take more than an afro pick.

      Posted by Mark V. on 2007 03 19 at 10:04 PM • permalink

 

    1. “It has come to my notice that there is an impressive number of columnists, intellectuals and commentators – mostly serious, highly educated men, who spend much time studying and much energy proclaiming my depraved leftism…”

      Noticing that you’re a Jew-hating friend of terrorists and a skanky fucking little rat, and then saying so, doesn’t expend much time or energy, Mickey boy.

      Posted by Dave Surls on 2007 03 19 at 10:21 PM • permalink

 

    1. #38

      If the shoe fits.

      Posted by kae on 2007 03 19 at 10:25 PM • permalink

 

    1. The signs of obsession, jealousy and fetishism are all there in their writings about me, and there is also evidence of some fierce, kinky desire to strip me naked and administer humiliation – and presumably, having escalated themselves to that threshold, to then disembowel me and eat a piece of my flesh by way of stealing my secret and magical left-wing pixie powers.

      Reads vaguely like an come-on. And, btw, EWWW.

      I recall on the eve of the Iraq invasion, a hallucinating American military commander declaring that “Iraq has the cancer and America’s got the chemotherapy”. What he really meant was that America had the cancer and was giving it to Iraq.

      Oh up yours, you freakin’ weirdo.

      Posted by Kyda Sylvester on 2007 03 19 at 11:43 PM • permalink

 

    1. “If the shoe fits.”

      I want to apologize for calling Michael Leunig a skanky fucking little rat.

      That comment was unfair.

      To rats.

      Posted by Dave Surls on 2007 03 20 at 12:29 AM • permalink

 

    1. Maybe loonpig was a bit turned on by this.

      I assure you a man with a head like a greying brillo pad whos face resembles a blistered pisspot is a loooong way down my list of fantasies.

      Posted by thefrollickingmole on 2007 03 20 at 03:18 AM • permalink

 

    1. I would like to say that I go to sleep every night with the image of all sorts of betrayers shrieking in agony as their freshly skinned bodies are lowered into barrels of brine… but I’d be fibbing. I’m usually not all that creative at that time of night.

      But, I do count betrayers as they drop with a jerk through trap doors in hangman’s platforms when sleep is hard to get started.

      Posted by Grimmy on 2007 03 20 at 04:08 AM • permalink

 

    1. fierce, kinky desire to strip me naked and administer humiliation
      I think he has you mixed up with his buck’s night comrades, Tim. Or he wrote this article while making out his cheque to providers of certain – ahem -* salacious services.

      *please note second dash duly supplied.

      Posted by carpefraise on 2007 03 20 at 04:50 AM • permalink

 

    1. mostly serious, highly educated men,

      We serious women with degrees don’t think much of your political rantings either, bro.

      Stick to the ducks.

      Posted by carpefraise on 2007 03 20 at 04:57 AM • permalink

 

    1. oh geez, will I ever master these format buttons!? Sorry if the above is not clear…:(

      Posted by carpefraise on 2007 03 20 at 04:59 AM • permalink

 

    1. Lefty arse-wipes. Can I use that?

      Posted by blogstrop on 2007 03 20 at 05:36 AM • permalink

 

    1. What idiocy! The people he mentions do their work irrespective of their own political views, or of the politics of the people they are helping – which is how it should be in a free and civilised society.

      According to Leunig’s argument no-one is allowed to be conservative if there is even one left wing nurse in the world. So much for political freedom.

      Posted by Charles Murton on 2007 03 20 at 06:17 AM • permalink

 

    1. I’m a Firefighter, have been for over 22 years and I might remind Mr Loonig that his “brother”, Osama bin Laden, was directly responsible for the murder of 343 of my brothers in New York on September 11 2001. I’d suggest he drive carefully.

      Posted by Toosmoky on 2007 03 20 at 06:39 AM • permalink

 

    1. I am also a medic and I know of no one who would administer poor care to indulge the rage of Leunig.

      Posted by captain on 2007 03 20 at 07:20 AM • permalink

 

    1. ‘… there is also evidence of some fierce, kinky desire to strip me naked and administer humiliation … ‘

      The right wants to sodomise those whose only crime is dreaming of a better world. Well, of course.

      Is there a Yahoo! group for this?

      Posted by Inurbanus on 2007 03 21 at 12:21 AM • permalink

 

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