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Last updated on March 6th, 2018 at 12:29 am
* “Here’s what really makes bloggers mad: I know stuff.”—the Minneapolis Star Tribune’s Nick Coleman, who boasts that he has “reported from almost every county in the state”
* “That’s not a grand coalition.”—John Kerry disses the nations united in liberating Iraq
* “About 80 republicans showed up to picket the event. I was so happy to see them. Every minute they spend protesting me is another minute I’ve kept them away from getting out the Republican vote.”—Michael Moore, whose Slacker Uprising Tour kept tens of thousands from getting out the Democrat vote
* “Nature is celebrating last night’s presidential debate. The trees are alive with the sound of Kerry.”—Vanity Fair’s James Wolcott
* “He was a cruel dictator. We helped to prop him up. We started him off in the first place. But if the alternative is carnage on the scale we’re now seeing, what do you think that the Iraqis want? I mean, history shows that what Bush did, and what Kerry thinks he might be able to do, cannot work, especially in Iraq.”—Robert Fisk opposes Iraqi democracy … during an interview with Democracy Now!
* “It’s quite obvious to us that they are prepared to sell out Tasmanian jobs to get a few votes in CBD Melbourne and Sydney.”—Tasmanian Forestry Industry Association boss Terry Edwards on the ALP’s tree-saving, vote-losing environmental policy
* “America’s most decorated soldier, Colonel David Hackworth, has repeated the claim that the US has no option but to re-introduce the draft in 2005: How long before a re-elected Coalition government follows suit?”—the Sydney Morning Herald’s Antony Loewenstein, whose pledge is to “unload the bias”—buckets of it, all over his readers
* “There was no trace of the scowling, growling candidate who scared children during last week’s presidential debate when he faced his rival John Kerry and came off second best.”—the Sydney Morning Herald’s Marian Wilkinson maintains her usual standards
* “Only two of President Hamid Karzai’s 30 ministers are women; only about 20 public management posts are filled by women.”—the Sydney Morning Herald’s Paul McGeough notes the lack of progress in Afghanistan, where women were previously arrested for leaving the house unaccompanied
* “Vote Howard and bid your children farewell!”—fear-mongering draft cartoon in the Byron Bay Echo
* “I was tired of Sudan being on the Human Rights Commission of the United Nations. I was tired of dictators with Swiss bank accounts, like Castro and Arafat and Mugabe, masquerading as men of the people. I was tired of Europeans picking on cowboys, everybody picking on the Jews, and the whole supposedly civilized world of gutless wonders, including the dinosaur graveyard called Berkeley, picking on America and Israel. As I write this, 1.2 million black Christian and Muslim Sudanese are starving to death thanks to the Arab government in Khartoum and the worldwide mafia of France, Germany, China, Russia, and practically every Islamic country on the face of the earth. What happened to the little boy who cried when Adlai Stevenson lost? He died in Darfur.”—lifelong Democrat Kinky Friedman explains why the Democrats lost his vote in 2004
* “Cross ytour fingers the voters of Bennelong gewt risd of him on Saturday.—Sydney Morning Herald columnist Typo Kingston
* “I’M CHANGING THE CLIMATE!”—delightful bumper sticker on a twin-turbo Porsche Cayenne
* “Dear God, don’t let Howard get re-elected.”—athiest Phillip Adams appeals to a non-existent power on the morning of Australia’s election
* “It’s over at 1820 EST.” — commenter TT calls the Australian election correctly just 20 minutes after polls closed on the East coast
* “Can Latham survive? 2004 was certainly not a re-run of 1969, when Gough led Labor to the brink of victory before truiumphing in 1975.”—the Sydney Morning Herald’s Margo Kingston, whose grief caused her to forget that Gough Whitlam didn’t ‘truiumph’ in 1975
* “On Saturday night the giant, lumbering road train known as the will of the people, aka the democratic process, smashed through the pretensions, delusions and manipulations of the unelected and unaccountable who presume to tell Australians what to think and who to be.”—the Sydney Morning Herald’s Paul Sheehan
* “How on earth could we have put this scheming, mendacious little man and his miserable claque back in office for another three years? Worse, how could we have brought them to the very brink of absolute control of the nation’s entire parliamentary process and authority?”—the Sydney Morning Herald’s Alan Ramsey
* “The decision of Australians to return Mr. Howard to office is a strong statement that Australian voters cannot be intimidated by terrorist acts.”—editorial in the New York Sun
* “Writing to a Clark County voter is a chance to explain how US policies effect you personally, and the rest of the world more generally, and who you hope they will send to the White House. It may even persuade someone to use their vote at all.”—The Guardian launches Operation Clark County
* “Cancer claims snowy-haired philosopher.”—AOL headine announces the death of Jacques Derrida
* “When John Kerry is president, people like Christopher Reeve are going to walk. Get up out of that wheelchair and walk again.”—Democrat VP candidate John Edwards gets all Pentecostal
* “Tell the police immediately if your estranged husband is coming to murder you. They can give you ‘advice and support’ until you are killed.”—British legal help from Natalie Solent
* “He looks like he shops at Wal-Mart. That’s not what the president is supposed to be.”—Oliver Stone wants George W. Bush to dress all fancy-like
* “France is that way!”—an anti-Moore demonstrator’s response to the plus-sized director’s fans
* “Our hearts overflow with tears for the suffering of Iraqui prisoners.”—a sign held by members of America’s most pitiful
* “If I say it out loud, it’s death.”—Alexandra Wolfe, daughter of Tom, quietly admits she’ll be voting for Bush
* “We’re the majority and they’re the minority, and on Jan. 20, they’re going to be the official minority.”—Michael Moore keeping it real with the kids during his Slacker Uprising tour
* “There was a reason to kill (British hostage Kenneth) Bigley, there was a reason to kill the (two) Americans (kidnapped with Bigley). There was not a reason to kill me.”—SBS reporter John Martinkus, following his release from insurgent Iraqi capture
* “If the editor of the Guardian’s up for it, fifty quid says Bush will win a higher proportion of the vote in Clark County on November 2 than he did last time.”—Mark Steyn, who would have won his bet
* “The relative safety of the Afghan capital and a stunning demonstration of the people’s yearning for a new life when they came out to vote in their millions on October 9 are proof that good things might happen in this crazy world.”—the Sydney Morning Herald’s Paul McGeough credits Afghan advancement to random craziness
* “Can I get me a hunting license here?”—John Kerry employs yokel-speak in a bid to gain Ohio critter-killing authorisation
* “You couldn’t fail to be a little shocked by the volume and pitch of the invective directed our way.”—The Guardian’s Ian Katz is alarmed by reaction to Operation Clark County. His paper had earlier run this line about the US, from director Ken Loach:”Today, your country is reviled across continents as never before”
* “On November 2, the entire civilised world will be praying, praying Bush loses. And Sod’s law dictates he’ll probably win, thereby disproving the existence of God once and for all. The world will endure four more years of idiocy, arrogance and unwarranted bloodshed, with no benevolent deity to watch over and save us. John Wilkes Booth, Lee Harvey Oswald, John Hinckley Jr – where are you now that we need you?”—The Guardian’s Charlie Brooker. Reader Arty wrote this in reply: “Somebody flies a plane into the Guardian headquarters and the bastards are all burning or being crushed alive. Hundreds of the fuckers, from the publisher down to the cockroach-office-support-staff. Burning! Burning! like only leftist shitbags can burn. Charlie jumps out of his office window rather than get burned but spectators throw him back inside. (now here’s the funny part) It’s take-your-kid-to-work day at The Guardian.”
* “The other day John Kerry, as part of his campaigning, took a gun, dressed in camouflage, and went off to shoot some geese … To foreign eyes, this gratuitous violence had to be the most extraordinary moment of a larger-than-life US presidential campaign.”—the Melbourne Age’s Michelle Grattan demonstrates goose solidarity
* “I will be worried. I will be concerned for the world.”—Salon columnist Joe Conason considers the possiblity of a GWB second term
* “Vote for us or your children will die. It is a compelling message and President George Bush has no qualms about delivering it.”—Sydney Morning Herald US correspondent Marian Wilkinson is insane
* “Eat your soylent green, clutch monkeys.”—reader Matt from Denver defends automatic transmissions
* “Don’t get sick.”—one-liner penned by Kerry scriptwriters to counter George W. Bush’s healthcare plan. As delivered by Kerry, however: “And don’t get sick. Just pray, stand up and hope, wait – whatever. We are all left wondering and hoping. That’s it”
* “If Africa was to vote, Kerry would get a landslide.”—Ugandan political analyst Robert Kabushenga
* “Clueless people love Bush.”—headline on a Molly Ivins column published at Working for Spare Change
* “A robber arrives to steal the dad’s red car! But the goat butts the robber and saves the day.”—terrorist and children’s literature expert Osama bin Laden summarises The Pet Goat
* “I know a great deal about the Middle East because I’ve been raising Arabian horses.”—actor and intensely informed Bush opponent Patrick Swayze
- I think you got them in the wrong order, but WTF- here’s October’s alliterative headline. Why the fuck aren’t I getting offers from the Tele?
- “I know a great deal about the Middle East because I’ve been raising Arabian horses.”
Patrick has unleashed new possibilities in the science of inane syllogisms. Here is my contribution to this new science:
There are many tents in the Middle East, especially in Saudi Arabia. Pantyhose and unshod female feet, which are featured on many Amerikkkan websites, make me pitch a rather large tent. Therefore, I know a great deal about the Middle East.
Thank you very much.
- This sociopath, there should be some sort of award for:
* “There was a reason to kill (British hostage Kenneth) Bigley, there was a reason to kill the (two) Americans (kidnapped with Bigley). There was not a reason to kill me.”—SBS reporter John Martinkus, following his release from insurgent Iraqi capture
- In fairness, Tim’s 2004 record is not clean. He never apologized for his damaging gullibility in covering a bogus report from Fallujah during the first offensive in April. He totally screwed up, and never acknowledged it.
Look at this entry from April 14th: http://timblair.spleenville.com/archives/006445.php
Tim gullibly repeated a hearsay report from Zeyad:
“Doctors from Fallujah mentioned that a large number of the dead women and children were shot in the head and that they were saving the extracted bullets to prove that they were being targetted by Marines snipers in the city.”
And—he called this “claims that, if true, are beyond obscene.”
Unbelievable.
And to think I would have missed Arty’s Guardian joke if you hadn’t posted this.