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Last updated on August 9th, 2017 at 03:40 pm
A package arrives from PETA headquarters in Norfolk, Virginia:
Dear Mr. Blair,
In the hope that you weren’t born without a mirror neuron but are just having fun at your job, I am enclosing this video apropos your column Demo Therapy.
Please know that “over-proteinization” as we call it here, like animal fat, causes and clogging of the arteries to all your organs, including your heart.
I am hoping you can reverse the effects.
Kind regards (yes, honestly)
PETA co-founder and president Newkirk isn’t all bad. A review of the video—Meet Your Meat, narrated by Alec Baldwin (!!!)—will be posted as soon as I’m done installing the batteries in all my battery chickens.
- Over-proteinization? Shouldn’t she have sent that to Jeff Goldstein?Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 05 27 at 02:30 PM • permalink
- Once again, dons tweed jacket with intellectual-looking elbow patches, gives pipe another try, coughs through stem blowing embers onto carpet, reaches for only available liquid – a bottle of Yoo Hoo – puts fire out, sighs, switches to cigarette.
My dear Ms. Newkirk, of course Tim doesn’t have mirror neurons: they are, after all, found in the inferiorparietal cortex, and as we all know, there’s nothing inferior about any part of Tim’s brain. Therefore, having invalidated your, ah, premise, we can automatically ignore your, ah, conclusions. But thank you for your concern.
- Does this mean we’ll be seeing more PETA ads featuring scantily clad, attractive young ladies?Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2006 05 27 at 03:25 PM • permalink
- Hmm. Presently marinating steak (cow meat!) in Stubb’s BBQ sauce, am about to marinate jumbo shrimp in lime-garlic-cilantro sauce, must shop for eggs (fetal chickens!), butter and cream (stealing from mama cowsies!) for mousseline sauce for salmon fillet.
Last night I made scallops (our little shelly friends!!) in tumeric seared butter.
Evil it is I am.
Found a great recipe for kobe beef, involving much butter. I’m surprised my arteries didn’t blow up 30 years ago or so…my dad always believed in huge chunks of bloody red meat for holidays…
- Yum, ushie! I have a chicken fiesta chili cooking away in the crockpot, which is fairly healthy, but I did have a great bacon and cheese double hamburger last night, at the local Dairy Queen. With fries. I felt much better afterwards.Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2006 05 27 at 03:52 PM • permalink
- 5 days and counting down ‘til my arrival Stateside…Zocor and Cartia packed? Check!
Map and Schedule of Good Old American Food stops between SFO and Mendocino packed? Check!
Here I come, and I’m bringin my appetite!Posted by MentalFloss on 2006 05 27 at 04:43 PM • permalink
Here I come, and I’m bringin my appetite!
OK big guy, as has been said, Bring It On….:).
If this is close enough……
Best Fish Tacos, or Scallop Burritos around, from what I understand.
Probably ain’t to shabby in the Margarita department either.
- I like PETA.
PETA serves many useful purposes.
PETA helps in identifying the moronites by providing them with a common language.
PETA helps to ensure that I and my kind have plenty good selection of the foods we enjoy by convincing the moronites to avoid them, thereby reducing competition for the finer cuts.
I would love to see PETA launch a massive and comprehensive campaign to reach the entirety of the moronites all over the world and change them to the PETA way, especially if the PETA way would then have them all believe they’re really fish and should march into the nearest ocean.
- Muchas Gracias, El Campeador.
Ah, Fish Tacos…memories of the ‘91 eclipse in Baja, 11 minutes of totality, me truning in circles, involuntarily mumbling over and over …“oseh ma’aseh vereishit”, then off to Loreto and a tiny, wheeled taco stand right by the water.
I think I ate about ten before I lost count.Posted by MentalFloss on 2006 05 27 at 06:36 PM • permalink
- It is impossible for vegan kids to have normal friends. I had a mate of mine when i was about 12 whos parents (seppos) were militant vegans. Wheat bags of nuts scattered around the house, tofu sausages, the lot.
The poor kid had all the toys in the world but couldnt visit his mates places or stay over in case he ate something that tasted good.
he was eventually allowed to go to the shops with my family where we all had ice creams. He ended up getting a flavoured ice block so as to avoid cow nipples or something. His old man still went ape shit and accused my old man of being the worst parent since the Medicis. His ranting ended with him being punched in the face and, as his spindly, anemic, beardy weirdy body lacked any healthy red blood cells or muscle mass he left.
FANTICS of ANY sort are useless sods.Posted by thefrollickingmole on 2006 05 27 at 06:59 PM • permalink
- One of my little tykes has a bit of an eating disorder, frollicking (allergic to tree nuts).
It really sucks when the poor little bugger goes to visit mates. We have to worry about him eating something he shouldn’t. and he has to take an epipen wherever he goes…
That said, he quite enjoys a lamb chop.
Epipens are great. Id love to know how many lives have been saved by them. Your situation is a bit different though I can understand your caution. Depending on the sensitivity it can only take a minute amount. You are aware that the epipens are quite short duration? If you are outside a metro area it might be worth having more than one.Posted by thefrollickingmole on 2006 05 27 at 07:33 PM • permalink
- Quick, Call PETA now, Cattle on forced death marches!..
PETA’s President Ingrid Newkirk said, “We believe conscientious Muslims will reject Indian meat falsely labeled “halal” when it is really “haram” (forbidden).
but it’s pine nuts for the rest of us!.
- You were joking about putting the batteries in your battery chickens, weren’t you, Tim?
Oh well… I don’t suppose it can do you any harm. Just forget about marbled beef though, okay?Posted by SwinishCapitalist on 2006 05 27 at 07:50 PM • permalink
- #21 tried it – can’t say it was great.
Rumour has it that many chefs find vegetarians objectionable. One exec chef interviewed by the BBC recently said he despises them. He travels a lot and eats food offered to him in all countries, including baby seal when with the Inouit.
He made the point that you are on the wrong side of ninety percent of the human race if you refuse to eat meat, not to mention its nutrition value. He would not risk being that offensive to his hosts.
If the best that PETA can do is invoke the fear of heart attack they are on a loser; you can bet London to a
- After His big hissy fit, G-d literally “threw us a bone”:
“Then G-d blessed Noah and his sons, saying to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number and fill the earth. The fear and dread of you will fall upon all of the beasts of the earth and all the birds of the air, upon every creature that moves along the ground, and upon all the fish of the sea; they are given into your hands. Everything that lives and moves will be food for you. Just as I gave you the green plants, now I give you everything.” [Genesis 9:1-3]Posted by MentalFloss on 2006 05 27 at 09:40 PM • permalink
- Check out this ‘dead pool’ for famous people-
Risk factor ‘vegetarian’.Posted by Islam/cancer-Chuck Norris/answer on 2006 05 27 at 09:45 PM • permalink
Be sure to bring your appetite to Claim Jumper. Gigantic steaks, humongous baked potatoes slathered in butter (or sour cream, or both), and milk shakes … ohhhhh, the milk shakes.
And just wait till you see the dessert tray with the 7-layer Motherlode Cake.
- 17- It is impossible for vegan kids to have normal friends
I have two cousins who were brought up on tofu and soy milk by their vege mother, a life-long Labor supporter. She looked like she could have used regular servings of beef lasagne herself, as she was a skinny as a rake and prematurely aged.
Anyway, on visits I’d take the kids to the local pool and stop off for fish and chips and icecreams on the way home: “But don’t tell your mum”. They kept quiet; and thanks to me they turned out normal.Posted by walterplinge on 2006 05 27 at 09:59 PM • permalink
- After wiping the drool off my keyboard, Achillea, I checked our itinerary.
We’ll be passing through Thousand Oaks on my nine year old’s haj to Disneyland, and there’s a Claim Jumper’s right there!
Gonna call my sister in Ventura right now to make the reservations.
You rock, Achillea!Posted by MentalFloss on 2006 05 27 at 10:27 PM • permalink
In-n-Out is a must. It’s not on the menu, but ask for a 4×4 “Animal Style.” (secret menu)
- Speaking of the mentaly
Bob Brown opposes global warming sollution because it might hurt the environment?
No dams, no nukes, no coal,no brain.Posted by thefrollickingmole on 2006 05 27 at 11:09 PM • permalink
- Sounds like they forgot about wronwright’s last visit.Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 05 28 at 12:21 AM • permalink
as I’m done installing the batteries in all my battery chickens.
Love to wake up to a good laugh. And then an all-you-can-eat Malaysian buffet lunch at a lcoal restaurant! I’m absolutely going to eat kilogrammes and kilogrammes of chicken, beef and fish Malay curries. Over-proteinization for the low, low price of $12. Life is cheap, eh, Ingrid?Posted by James Waterton on 2006 05 28 at 12:39 AM • permalink
- Well, thanks to vitamin B complex deficiencies you really can’t accuse long term vegetarians of good sense.Posted by mythusmage on 2006 05 28 at 03:12 AM • permalink
- #37 – I agree, I believe that in the spirit of a good natured exchange of ideas exhibited by the PeTA crowd, Tim should respond with an example of some of the tasty goods available to us thanks to the processes seen in Meet Your Meat. Perhaps a gourmet meat products hamper. Tim could use some of the PeTA blogad revenue to purchase and send said gift.
Woah, I ate too much meaty curry at lunch.Posted by James Waterton on 2006 05 28 at 03:33 AM • permalink
- Last night and today I had turkey steaks that looked like the donor buzzard had been fed Carl Lewis’ leftover steroids.
Huge and tasty!Posted by Islam/cancer-Chuck Norris/answer on 2006 05 28 at 03:34 AM • permalink
- #35, James – You’re in Perth, yeah? Can I ask which restaurant that is? It sounds superb!Posted by HisHineness on 2006 05 28 at 03:38 AM • permalink
- If in Brisbane The Norman Hotel is the venue to go.
When I first went there and saw the waitresses getting around with “Brisbane’s Worst Vegetarian Restaurant” emblazened on the back of their uniforms I felt right at home.Posted by Hank Reardon on 2006 05 28 at 03:54 AM • permalink
- HisHineness – it’s in Victoria Park on Albany Highway where all the shops are. It’s near the shopping centre (Centro) that houses the Woolworths, although on the other side of the road and a bit closer to the city. It’s called Makan2 (squared) so I suppose you’d say it “makan makan”. Which means food or something. I learnt Indonesian some time back but I’ve forgotten most of it. Anyhoo, this place does buffet lunch, consisting of Malay meat curries, dahl, vegie and tofu curries, papadams, samosas etc on weekdays for $10.50 and $12 on weekends. To be balanced, the curries rate a 7 out of 10 – they’re not fantastically good – but they’re still good and you can eat a ridiculous amount for bugger all.
Tip – get there earlier, between 12-12.30. Even the best food doesn’t stand up to the harsh lights of a bain marie if exposed for long enough. Also, if you get there earlier you can take your pick the best bits of meat (really only important for the chicken curry). If you get there later someone else will have beaten you to it and all that’s left are the bony bits.Posted by James Waterton on 2006 05 28 at 05:54 AM • permalink
- There’s a GREAT restauant on the outskirts of Nairobi called Carnivore.
Basically if its meat in Africa you can eat it there.
mmmmmm ….. giraffe
Here in Oz, visitors really should try kangaroo. SHould be marinated though; goes really well with a plum sauce.Posted by Stop Continental Drift! on 2006 05 28 at 06:55 AM • permalink
- Because I had an unexpected 12 hour shift today, and the better half is working late on my birthday this week, she surprised me tonight with a truly magnificent Beef Wellington. She makes the BEST beef Wellington, and completely from first principles, too, (as in first, make the pate…).
I love being a member of PETA (People Eating Tasty Animals).
Which reminds me, the kangaroo supply in the freezer is running low. Must shoot some more of them soon (only on legal and proper damage mitigation licence, of course!). Winter time is the best time to shoot ‘roos for the pot. Have to make some more kangaroo chorizo, as well. A man’s work is never done!
- Oh, and one of my sons shot the biggest hares I have seen in many years last time out – headshot at 95 metres with a .22, uphill with a slight crosswind. I like those little Predator rounds, it was a damned fine shot for a young lad at two in the morning. Time for a bacon-wrapped stuffed hare cooked in a sealed clay pot. Home made bacon, of course.
#45 Basically if its meat in Africa you can eat it there.
Try the missionary.Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 05 28 at 11:36 AM • permalink
- >“from PETA headquarters in Norfolk, Virginia”<
Or as we know them around here:
AreaPosted by Stoop Davy Dave on 2006 05 28 at 06:54 PM • permalink
- Damn, just talked to my Mom. We’re stopping at “Tommy’s Landing” in Sausalito on the way north.
Chinese food. Like I need more of that!
Poor thing, she lives up country so it’s a treat for her, but I’m damned if I’m gonna miss the “In-n-Out” in Rohnert Park.
(thanks profeti, for the tip. Man, I used to live on Golf Course Drive when studying at Granola State—Cal State Sonoma, that is—and seriously, in the late ‘70s they offerred Frisbee scholarships, all the girls wore overalls and had armpit hair)Posted by MentalFloss on 2006 05 28 at 09:32 PM • permalink
- Tim you have to stop posting these food related articles. I have done nothing but drool while reading subsequent posts.
As for a good carnivore feed, if you are ever in Canberra, make a detour to the Central Cafe in the main street of Queanbeyan. Best mixed grill ever. Ever.
So hungry, need protein, off to maccas.Posted by The (WHMECDM) President on 2006 05 28 at 09:36 PM • permalink
Not as much protein as a big hunk of steak but still about 20g per burger. Cheapest and quickest option by far. Will tide me over until tea when the real proteinisation begins.Posted by The (WHMECDM) President on 2006 05 28 at 10:22 PM • permalink
- Oh, hell, go Whole Hog. In fact, cook the whole hog…Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 05 29 at 12:23 AM • permalink
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Good luck with the battery chickens, Mr. Tim. I’m off to indulge in some over-proteinization.