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Last updated on March 6th, 2018 at 12:30 am
Tasmanian reader Anthony notes that Sydney’s heat and humidity work against optimum sandwich construction:
A truly good sandwich must be designed, constructed, and consumed in a cooler climate—such as that of Tasmania.
Maybe one day technology will allow you to replicate perfect sandwich conditions. Until then, be content with looking at my basic Hobartian combination of meats, cheese, and lettuce, with a slight bit of wasabi:
Impressive.
UPDATE. Anthony responds to sustained sandwich criticism.
- Is that authentic Tassie mould on the bread?Posted by Islam/cancer-Chuck Norris/answer on 2006 05 19 at 06:56 PM • permalink
- Eww. Only poor people eat white bread.Posted by Tony.T.Teacher on 2006 05 19 at 06:59 PM • permalink
- Bread? Is that what those whitish, spongy squares are?Posted by Andrea Harris, Administrator on 2006 05 19 at 07:00 PM • permalink
- No, that’s the cheese. Kraft Singles. Appalling.Posted by James Waterton on 2006 05 19 at 07:14 PM • permalink
- Whoops, that Kraft Singles comment was meant for #3. And here’s a house of horrors gallery of Kraft Single victims.Posted by James Waterton on 2006 05 19 at 07:17 PM • permalink
- I meant “Singles”. No, wait, that’s plural. Singular nouns that imply plural? Cast them unto the fire… along with dodgy cheese that isn’t.Posted by James Waterton on 2006 05 19 at 07:23 PM • permalink
- I’m relatively new to New York State, only lived here six months, and today went for lunch at the Old World Deli in Binghamton, NY.
Holy. Freaking. Cow.
Roast beef, lettuce, mozzarella and black olives on white bread, which had been lightly brushed with egg whites during baking to give it that perfect, crispy, glazed texture.
Afterwards, I got some authentic New York Style cheesecake, and actually licked the plate without shame.
Posted by Aaron – Freewill on 2006 05 19 at 08:44 PM • permalink
- Bread makes a sammich lordly. Amorosa/Cheesesteak in Philly, Sourdough/Salami in SF, Pastrami/Rye NYC and sliced white bread/green mold or the optional sliced white bread/thumb print on poorly sliced non molded white bread in Sydney.
You Aussie could win a gold medal in the Olympic 1000m BBQ relay, whats up with the crappy deli’s and even worse bread selection.
- Bah! That’s not a sandwich.Posted by Brian Tiemann on 2006 05 19 at 08:50 PM • permalink
- Please, spare a thought for your antipodean cousins. The art and, dare I say, science of sandwich construction was lost here long ago.
The example portrayed is a brave and fearless attempt to recover ancient glories and should not be too loudly decried.
As an ex-Northron, familiar with the one true multi-layered faith that is the Temple of the Eternal Sandwich, I grieve and hope for redemption simultaneously.
Posted by MentalFloss on 2006 05 19 at 09:04 PM • permalink
- Gerrae. I worship you in so many ways, Tim Blair, but not in the ways of sandwich making. Poor child, observe: whole wheat bread, extra sharp cheddar cheese, turkey or ham slices as you wish, lettuce (preferably the crunchy kind which means, alas, iceburg), dill pickles, a slice of hothouse tomato (the kind with actual tomato flavor, not the colored-posterboard kind), and a healthy squiggle of mustard or mayo as you please. And note, this is the mere plebeian sandwich. Patrician sandwiches take a bit more care.
- Turkey and ham are sandwiches of the heathen.
Eat what Aaron eats:
A big, sesame seeded white roll, pile on pepperoni and lean roast beef generously. Add black olives, munster (tuma) cheese, fresh lettuce, and red wine vinegarette.
Tell it you love it before you eat it.
Posted by Aaron – Freewill on 2006 05 19 at 09:18 PM • permalink
- Poor bastard gets his sanger posted and we trash it. Oh, well, my turn…
White bread – ugh. Rye.
Kraft singles? Ugh. Swiss or provolone.
Ham looks OK.
Iceberg lettuce is fine – you need the crunch.I love you Aussies, but your sandwich-fu is weak. Tomorrow I will purchase and photograph a Gut Bomb, a specialty of the deli across the street. It consists of a sub roll, cut in half, the two halves opened to become the top and bottom of the sandwich. Ingredients – just about everything. Ham. Roast beef. Salami. Cheese. Olives. Peppers. Pickles. Onions. Tomatoes. Weighs about three pounds.
Tonight I had a Blimpie’s sub – ham and provolone on a marble rye roll, with lettuce, tomato, onion and mayo, toasted. It was sublime.
- #9, #11, #12 and for good measure, Nos 27 through 35 – Iceberg is the ONLY lettuce. All the rest are leafy weeds foisted on us by cooking shows.Posted by Tony.T.Teacher on 2006 05 19 at 09:39 PM • permalink
- BTW – and because I can’t help myself – I think the main problem with this sandwich is the lack of juice. Say what you like about salami, processed cheese, and iceberg lettuce, but they’re not going to yield much by way of juices. Sandwiches should be like a ripe fruit; they should wet the palate as well as whetting the palate.
Tomatoes, mustard, or (used sparingly) mayonnaise should do the trick.
- poach chicken breasts in water with a splash of white wine, lemon zest, black pepper, a pinch of salt & a few leaves of italian parsley. drain & let cool, preferably in the fridge overnight. when you get hungry, take the chicken out of the fridge while you make its dressing so it’s a little less chilly by the time you eat it. very finely shred (not chop) mint & mix into salad cream (defo not mayo) with just a smidge of yoghurt & a few drops of lemon juice. mix in the coarsely shredded chicken. the aim is a not too gloopy mixture with reasonably chunky chicken bits.
sparingly butter a crusty baguette, fill with chicken stuff, season with more pepper & salt if you want, & stuff into your gob at a rate of knots. another goody is leftover roast chicken with green peppercorns & avocado. or very rare roast beef with red peppers roasted with garlic & a red chilli. or alternating layers of very finely sliced hot salami & parmesan & shredded lettuce.and the ultimate for reminiscence, date & walnut, or crunchy peanut butter, plastic cheese & lettuce. these ones are more for the memories than the taste
- Tim’s gone mad. Soggy sandwiches are disgusting. I bet you put tomato in your sarnies BEFORE you go to work.Posted by Tony.T.Teacher on 2006 05 19 at 10:00 PM • permalink
- I shall be redeemed. Flying into MEL->SFO on 2nd June, going up to the Family Home at Sea Ranch through the Napa Valley then out HWY 1.
First purchase: a block of Monterey Jack.
Then, Family-style Mexican Food at a little hole in the wall I know in Sebastapol, massive sandwiches —I mean REAL snadwiches—from the deli in Gualala.
(and yes, I will admit, I am stopping at every Taco Bell on the way)
Posted by MentalFloss on 2006 05 19 at 10:00 PM • permalink
- In defense of Australian sandwiches, we don’t make them to be a meal. The lovely thing about a sandwich is that with a few pieces of fruit and a drink, it fills you up at lunch but doesn’t leave you so full that you’re unable to eat dinner. I’ve eaten American deli sandwiches, heck, I’ve eaten regular sandwiches over there and can only ever manage to get through half before giving up and abdandoning my sandwich to fate and the dustbin. Also, the number of salty ingredients in your sandwiches are enough to pickle me from the inside out.
That said, my ideal sandwich is made with two slices of dark rye bread, a thin scraping of butter, swiss cheese, fresh chicken (not the shiny kind) with lots of pepper and wholegrain mustard. Sometimes it has iceberg lettuce, sometimes it doesn’t. MMMMMMMMM.
- Tasty Slices? I take it that’s Oz-speak for American Slices?
You cannot go wrong with pulled pit-cooked Tennessee pork barbecue, a dollop of cole slaw and a couple slabs of Seventh-day Adventist whole wheat bread.
Posted by Harry Eagar on 2006 05 19 at 10:30 PM • permalink
- Gotta like wry rye commentary. Looks like a pretty good sammitch, but here’s my favorite.
Slip a few pork tenderloins on the barbie, rubbed with chipotle/paprika, black pepper, fennel, oregano. Grill until seared all over, move to a cooler spot on the barbie and roast until pork is done thru. While you’re at it roast a few red bell peppers on the grill. Let the peppers cool then peel (save the juice!) and cut the roasted peppers into strips, add a garlicky vinegarette and the reserved pepper juice. Let this marinate at room temp.
When your pork is done, remove from the grill and let it rest 10 minutes or so. Once the juices have returned to the meat, slice the loin across the grain. Slice a sweet onion, sprinkle the onion slices with a bit of wine vinegar.
Cut a garlic clove in half, rub the garlic all over a fresh baguette or two until the garlic is absorbed by the bread crust. Lay the loaf or loaves on the grill, turn every 10-15 seconds until it toasts on all sides. Slice the bread into 6 inch chunks, slice those in half horizontally. Pour a bit of olive oil on the bottom half of your bread, add a layer of roast pork, a layer of roasted bell peppers, top with the pepper’s vinegarette. Now add muenster cheese, sliced onion and top with your favorite spicy mustard. Give the sandwich a few minutes for the bread to absorb the assorted juices, dig in. Cold beer mandatory. Postprandial belt adjustment allowed.
- Mmmmm … sixty-four slices of American cheese …Posted by Crispytoast on 2006 05 19 at 10:58 PM • permalink
- THIS is a sandwich…commonly referred to and as Dave S mentioned, a Gut Bomber.
Delicious, somewhat messy, great with cold brewski’s, or Dago Red wine and gimme a break, (on the Dago Red) I’m Sicilian…ever hear of Jimmy Hoffa…me either…:).
The real name of this delight, is Italian Beef.
- The simple bruschetta:
Get yourself some tomatoes, a clove of garlic, extra virgin olive oil, fetta cheese (or a similar soft cheese) and some Italian bread (like a ciabatta).
Place the bread on a hot, open pan or tray and toast both sides. Dice the tomatoes, mix them lightly with a little olive oil, salt, sugar, pepper, and basil, torn apart with your hands, and grated cheese
Place the bruschetta on the bread, drizzle some more olive oil over it to taste, rub your stomach with your hands, and eat! Mmm mmm!
- …and let me tell you another thing… The Spiedie is God’s sandwich: Pure meat. No cheese, no vegetables. Just marinated chicken, in a very special marinade, grilled and piled on a bun.Posted by Aaron – Freewill on 2006 05 20 at 12:02 AM • permalink
- If ever there were evidence of the ultimate victory of the VRWC over the forces of low-fat left, it is the unabashed reverence for the Sandwich—in all its forms—demondtrated here.
Yes, the Sandwich, herein characterised as “a little of what you fancy does you good”—and so it should—is a hallmark of the free, the brave and the replete.
Posted by MentalFloss on 2006 05 20 at 12:18 AM • permalink
- #47 TimT
It was only a matter of time before someone mentioned bruschetta. TimT will be the first against the wall come the revolution!. Ham, tomato and cheese is the Peoples Sandwhich!.Posted by Daniel San on 2006 05 20 at 12:24 AM • permalink
- Hmmm.
Ok that’s just *wrong*.
A proper sandiwch has:
1. fresh Romaine lettuce, not iceberg. Iceberg is garbage you feed to pet rabbits.
2. Bacon.
3. Shaved ham.
4. coarse stone ground mustard.
5. You don’t stick lettuce between the meat and cheese. You stick a slice of tomato there! It gives each layer it’s own separate personality.
6. You don’t use Kraft singles, or whatever that is. They don’t have any taste at all. Use something with a bit of flavor.
7. And where the heck is the kimchee??
Posted by memomachine on 2006 05 20 at 01:30 AM • permalink
- Hmmmm.
here in New England
Home of the pepperoni grinder.
sigh. I need to get one tomorrow, no matter how bad it is for me.
Posted by memomachine on 2006 05 20 at 01:31 AM • permalink
- Hmmmm.
oh & tomatoes straight off the bush & into a white bread sandwich
What’s truly sublime is a sandwich made with fried green tomatoes on a kaiser roll with portobello mushroom, crisp Romaine lettuce, a slice of sharp white onion and a small amount of stone ground mustard.
Posted by memomachine on 2006 05 20 at 01:34 AM • permalink
- I once again find myself forced to stand up for the humble iceberg. Fancy lettuce has its place, and is very much appreciated when used in a salad, but aside from peppery rocket (arugula to non-Aussies), no other lettuce belongs on a sandwich. And what’s with the mixing of pig parts?! I’m sure there’s a sandwich rule which prevents two meats from the same animal on one sandwich. Unless, of course, one of those meats is salami, containing many suprise animals, some of them not from the barnyard.
- What on earth is pulled pork? It sounds vaguely worrying.
Here’s what I get when I go to the Cool Spot. Smoked salmon (Tasmanian – the best), avocado, artichoke hearts and semi-dried tomato on white bread (don’t want any bread that might muck up the taste of the fillings) +/- iceberg lettuce (for the crunch).
erin_j is perfectly correct. Iceberg is the best lettuce for sandwiches. The rest are for salads, though Kos goes well cooked with oyster sauce if you have no bok choy or mustard greens.
- Forgive me, compatriots, but one phrase from your local deli-hand should convince anyone that the regal sandwich is in exile down under: “Beetroot with that, right, Mate?”Posted by MentalFloss on 2006 05 20 at 04:07 AM • permalink
- White sliced bread, a modest spread of butter, a generous spread of Vegemite and ……a sprinkle of Kraft crushed roast peanuts. Mum picked up this recipe in the Women’s Weekly in about 1960. I ate them by choice for school lunch every day for about two years, except for Fridays during winter when the pie monitors would walk to the bakery to pick up pies for the lucky kids whose parents forked out 6d for a hot meat pie. I used to be very pleased I wasn’t Catholic.
- But where is the beetroot?
<Ducks for cover>
Posted by Stop Continental Drift! on 2006 05 20 at 04:50 AM • permalink
- Only sandwich with bacon a BLT?
BLTs are for ladies in High Street, Malvern.
The best sandwich bar none in the history of the world is a toasted bacon and egg sandwich smothered with butter on top, sliced diagonally and eaten for breakfast at six in the morning while driving interstate. White bread, please.
The next best sandwich is the second one because you have to have two.
- #44- That ‘gut bomber’ samich looks like an exploded dildo –
sorry-Posted by Islam/cancer-Chuck Norris/answer on 2006 05 20 at 05:31 AM • permalink
- 64
If I may, a companion to the “exploded dildo” is muffuletta.
One or two during the course of a day, week or month, depending on…well, several factors, can bring such pleasure…:).
- Right- I get home from work and find people dissing my sandwich. I’m pissed off after nine hours of taking shit from customers, I sure as hell wont take it in my own home…
Admittedly it was a quickie job- and your criticism of the Kraft processed stuff is valid and accepted. Any King Island cheese, thinly sliced and well layered should be found in the snack, not Kraft stuff.
Iceberg lettuce is fine. It is, in fact, classical. Beetroot on sandwiches is like pineapple on pizza. You deserve a slapping Continental Drift.
The not so kosher meat is honey-glazed ham and great stuff. Moist, and tears as easily as smoked salmon to ensure you don’t pull out whole slices each bite.
White bread is fine, these modern day fancy breads, ranging from vegemite infested to rye speckled distract from the taste created by a combination of what should be good cheese and good meat- my fault it wasn’t so with the cheese. The salami was in the fridge, I have no idea what it was- probably Hans, or how old. But that’s what the wasabi is for. Noting that wasabi is essentially mayo, it has the same effect on the taste buds, while also giving slight heat to the snack- and in this case distracting from the Kraft.
10- JLC- you are correct, I didn’t use margarine. Not a sin- a technique- try it before you mock it.
13- Gravelly- Pickles? Go drown yourself.
25- Looneyc- artificial rubbish, you hippy new ager. Recirculated air ruins the meat! I made this sandwich on top of Mt. Wellington, where the cool air strengthens its mightiness… or would have, had I actually done so…
26- Dave- Rye bread is for fools! You should use freshly baked white bread, recently cooled, in the fresh Tassie climate not by recycled air- again, I made the mistake of not doing so here.
Whoever posted the sandwich at Grotto is also a fool. Dogs in the kitchen? BAH! Olives? Idiot!
- What, no beetroot? Stone the bloody crows. (nod to #62 Drift who also noticed this Yank-like tendency to normal)Posted by crittenden on 2006 05 20 at 07:32 AM • permalink
- My favourite sandwich is made on salada or other similar large crackers. (It’s fine in a crusty bread roll, too.)
butter or avocado used like butter
pepper (on the avocado)
ham
mushroom (sliced)
iceberg lettuce or alfalfa sprouts (it’s a texture thing)
(you can add cheese (tasty, of course) and tomato if you like them)Assemble the toppings on the cracker, the lettuce/alfalfa on the top allows you to eat the snack without putting another cracker on top.
yum
Bacon and avocado toasted sandwich is great, too.
- uhrrrrrrr… why are the lights so bright in here?…
Saturday breakfast menu: McD’s dubble cheeseburger, aged 14 hours, microwave at 50% power for 55 seconds. Must gobble completely before the bread re-un-softens itself. Or before olfactory sensory suite gets fully deployed. Cold PBR helpful but not mandatory, must be very cold.Posted by Huck Foley on 2006 05 20 at 08:50 AM • permalink
- A-27 /66 is mad, mad I tell you:
Noting that wasabi is essentially mayo, it has the same effect on the taste buds
If wasabi is essentially mayo then kerosene is essentially sugar-water.
mmm… sugar water… any more PBRs around here?Posted by Huck Foley on 2006 05 20 at 09:00 AM • permalink
- Aaron 24/
Eat what Aaron eats:
A big, sesame seeded white roll, pile on pepperoniBack quietly out of the kitchen where Aaron brandishes his dangerous instruments of sandwich construction. Meditate quietly on the composition of pepperoni. Flee premises.
Posted by Huck Foley on 2006 05 20 at 09:04 AM • permalink
- Ed /54
Home of the pepperoni grinder.
sigh. I need to get one tomorrow, no matter how bad it is for me.I’d like mine with extra lymphatic organs, mucous membranes, and cartilage please. Hold the eyeballs. And maybe two more PBRs, very cold please.
Posted by Huck Foley on 2006 05 20 at 09:16 AM • permalink
- You people are sick.
Aussies eat cold roast lamb and beetroot sandwiches.Can you see Crocodile Dundee scoffing a baguette?
Posted by Pedro the Ignorant on 2006 05 20 at 09:20 AM • permalink
- Rebecca, the pork loin is slowly smoked over a hickory fire then pulled (shredded). A dry rub is used to flavor the meat during the smoking process. Once the pork is pulled from the bone, BBQ sauce as added.
That is Tennessee pulled pork BBQ. I prefer it with a spicy vinegar-based West Tennessee sauce, not a sweet tomato-based East Tennessee Sauce. And put the slaw on the side. Nothing green between the buns.
Posted by Some0Seppo on 2006 05 20 at 12:12 PM • permalink
- #71- Huck,
I’m not talking about real wasabi here. I’m afraid I don’t invest that much in my sandwiches. I’m talking about the paste substitute, it’s made from oil, egg and horse radish. Mayo, of course, being made from oil and egg, and some other stuff, which is insignificant. I maintain that the two are similar.
- Hmmm.
I’m sorry but any sandwich without kimchee is just wrong.
🙂
Posted by memomachine on 2006 05 20 at 12:44 PM • permalink
- #44, In regards to your crappy Eye-tralian mess, http://www.answers.com/topic/cheesesteak?method=22
is a real sammich.Sorry, Andrea, that instalink thing mocked me, mocked me, I say, when I tried to use it.
- And in a nod to Twin Peaks, and because some Frog periodical published the Mo’toons, the following is delicious and somewhat naughty: A baguette (or Frog bread) buttered and spread with Brie, then toasted so the Brie and butter melts into the bread.
Nuts! That’s all I have to eat here, these stupid cashew nuts…
- Can anyone please tell me what is wrong with white bread (preferably a big, fat unsliced loaf from a bakery), butter and vegemite? I could eat a whole loaf with just those two additions.
In fact, I might go do that right now…
Posted by mr creosote on 2006 05 21 at 01:27 AM • permalink
- Hmmm.
I once saw a jar of vegemite.
**SHUDDER**!
Posted by memomachine on 2006 05 21 at 01:33 PM • permalink
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