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Last updated on August 5th, 2017 at 03:53 pm
A creature appears in the yard. I attempt to communicate with it:
A stand-off develops.
The beast LUNGES!
Finally, retreat.
- What the heck is that thing?Posted by paco on 2007 05 06 at 11:56 AM • permalink
- Dammit Tim! I thought you’re an Austrayan!
If a possum appears in your yard, chuck half of an orange into your neighbours yard! Not only will the little guy disappear into your neighbour’s yard, he’ll never return to your own, because “the neighbour” fed him.*
*Can also be used to bribe possums to inhabit the yards of people you don’t like.
- I’m jealous. Your possums are cuter than our possums.Posted by Andrea Harris, Administrator on 2007 05 06 at 12:11 PM • permalink
- Ash_: See here. Looks more like a rat.Posted by Not My Problem on 2007 05 06 at 12:19 PM • permalink
- Well, I blame Goreble worming.
Tim, I take it back. You don’t resemble Charles Laughton.
More like W.C. Fields: “Godfrey Daniel, I’ve been savaged by a kinkajou!”
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2007 05 06 at 12:21 PM • permalink
- ”…and he was brandishing an assegai!”Posted by richard mcenroe on 2007 05 06 at 12:23 PM • permalink
- “T’aint a fit night out for man nor rightwing deathbeast…!Posted by richard mcenroe on 2007 05 06 at 12:25 PM • permalink
- “Must have been a Newfoundland possum…!”Posted by richard mcenroe on 2007 05 06 at 12:26 PM • permalink
- Oh my!
That’s no possum, that’s a Chupacabra!Chupacabras are widely described as otherworldly, and, according to one witness report, NASA may be involved with this particular alien’s residency on earth.
- Ernie G, I apologise. The [I]Virginia O’Possum is still no real possum. You haven’t had a possum around your house until you’re laying in bed at 3 am, with possums mating in the roof above you, while you silently wait for the better half to wake up and ask you to help them make noise to rival the possums.
- Big ears for a possum. Here’s what we call possums, ugly things:
http://plantanswers.tamu.edu/recipes/possum.jpg
Though Tim’s mistake was he didn’t let the creature share his/her concerns. He didn’t try to understand the root causes of the critter’s unease. He didn’t call a critter therapist.
Bad Tim. Insensitive Tim.
Posted by rightwingprof on 2007 05 06 at 02:20 PM • permalink
- #14 Only in Japan.Posted by Not My Problem on 2007 05 06 at 03:20 PM • permalink
- When I first came over to New Zealand to work on my Masters, there was a lot of discussion by DoC about possums. Nobody stopped to specify they were brushtail possums from Aus. So I walked around for weeks trying to figure out how the hell they got opossums over here from America, and why the hell someone would do that.Posted by TattooedIntellectual on 2007 05 06 at 03:29 PM • permalink
- I bet it voted Labor in the last election. You can tell by the eyes.Posted by Spectre765 on 2007 05 06 at 04:04 PM • permalink
- Ash, a real Aussie would blast away at the thing until it was well and truly dead. There’s nothing cute about possums – dirty, stinky creatures that get into your roof and foul up the ceiling, make lots of noise, strip all the fruit off your trees and fight with each other throughout the night. It’s our duty to kill as many as possible, like they do in New Zealnd. None of this namby-pamby building possum boxes for them ,inner city luvvie sentimental nonsense, please!
- It looks like a marsupial rat.Posted by Wimpy Canadian on 2007 05 06 at 04:31 PM • permalink
- Are your possums as stupid as ours? You can set a North American possum on fire and it will sit there convinced that stillness = invisibility.Posted by Kyda Sylvester on 2007 05 06 at 04:37 PM • permalink
- Since this is Australia, it has to be either a kangaroo, a kuola, or a Tasmanian devil. There are no other animals in Australia.Posted by wronwright on 2007 05 06 at 05:09 PM • permalink
- At least this critter has a place of refuge, unlike so many refugees either turned away or used in medical experiments by little Johnny Howard and his close friend Dubya McBushHitler.Posted by Margos Maid on 2007 05 06 at 05:50 PM • permalink
- Dons tweed jacket with the intellectual-looking elbow patches, and puts on professorial coke-bottle eyeglasses . Stuffs tobacco into pipe and lights up
I’m afraid you all are quite wide of the mark (puff, puff). That is not something as common as a mere possum. That is a young specimen of the heretofore-considered extinct marsupial lion, or Thylacoleo carnifex (puff, puff). Mr. Blair demonstrated considerable intrepidity in getting so close to the beast, and is lucky that his wreckless disregard for safety did not lead to his untimely demise ( bumps into test-tube rack, covering floor with shards of glass). I would suggest getting up an expedition to follow the lion’s spoor (puff, puff, crunch, crunch, crunch)and track him down to his lair, where, no doubt, his parental units will be found (knocks contents of pipe into bowl of isopropyl alcohol, mistakenly taking same for ashtray). I’m sure that the Prehistoric Animal Conservation Organization could be induced to take charge of the expedition, in return for funding from the Australian government (suddenly, the sprinkler system is activated). However, we’d best get started before we get too far into this blasted rainy season.
- Which joker switched the Ratsak for steroids?Posted by SwinishCapitalist on 2007 05 06 at 06:58 PM • permalink
- #2 Ash, funnily enough I have noticed the remnants of citrus fruit in my backyard, where I don’t have any citrus trees.
The neighbors have done a good job on me because the cute lil’ bugger is eating the new leaves of my mango tree, destroying the nowhere-near ripe fruit on my pommegranate tree, and mutilating the budding fruit on my paw-paw tree. What can you use to poison the bastard? (PS – not my neighbor – murder and all that)
- You call that a yard beast do you blair? this is a Yard Beast tensed like a steel spring and ready to kill.Posted by Harry Buttle on 2007 05 06 at 07:19 PM • permalink
- The Australian possums were so named because of their resemblance to the New World opossum, the English word being derived from the Algonquin wapathemwa. Thus we see an animal name sourced from the language of an aboriginal people used for a natively Australian animal, which at the same time is not a name that originates with the Aborigines of Australia.
All hail English, Devourer of Words, Ravager of Vocabulary!
Posted by Warmongering Lunatic on 2007 05 06 at 07:45 PM • permalink
- Harry Buttle—Just send him along to Dinsdale’s…Posted by richard mcenroe on 2007 05 06 at 07:49 PM • permalink
- #45
“Never get into an arse kicking contest with a porcupine.” Cohen the BarbarianPosted by Michael Lonie on 2007 05 06 at 07:57 PM • permalink
- At least this particular battle did not end in a quagmire where little Johnny Howard and Dubya ordered Iraqi children to be thrown into the ocean.Posted by Margos Maid on 2007 05 06 at 07:59 PM • permalink
- You want Possums? Be careful what you wish for. Running on your roof all night with the more inventive devils living inside your ceiling cavity then deciding to gnaw a hole in your ceiling to use as a toilet! Try getting them out, then the real fun begins.
Throw the fruit next door Tim, throw the fruit…..
- Remind me to tell y’all someday about the time my brother traded a possum (American) for a six pack of beer at three in the morning to the sales clerk of the 7-11 in Okeechobee,Fla.Posted by joe bagadonuts on 2007 05 06 at 08:03 PM • permalink
- #40: Laugh if you will, Dr. Alice. All the great visionaries have been ridiculed at first: Paul Ehrlich, Al Gore, my cousin, Bobo Vanhoy (he invented a pork-filled cookie, but the concept was stolen and modified by an evil corporation. His product? Pig-Newtons). I shall capture the marsupial lion, and he will drink from a dish of milk in my kitchen.
- I tried the very same thing with a possum one night. I’d never encountered one before. I called it like I was calling a cat, clicking my fingers to attract its attention. To my surprise the creature stopped, turned around and charged straight for me!
ps… Shocked and horrified I screamed and ran like hell!
Bloody thing.
- #30, a real Aussie doesn’t really blast away until its dead, because s/he is a better shot than that. A real Aussie calls the kids, shows them how SWEEEET it is with its little baby clinging to its back, then gets out his AK, then realises he can’t shoot because the wee kids will think him a heartless monster and the neighbours will dob on him for the AK.
Instead he borrows a humane trap (PIMF, almost said HUMAN trap!). Catches the little sucker, drives 20 minutes to his neighbour’s place (so he can throw the half orange), and releases the little sod unharmed.
Then goes home to find another one has chewed a nest in the plasterboard, and there is four square inches of possum fur pretending to be wallpaper in a nice warm spot beside the fireplace.
Finally, retreat.
I have to say, Tim, I’m impressed with the clarity of the picture you took while running away from that ferocious … possum…
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2007 05 06 at 09:16 PM • permalink
- If the possum wants to rid himself of the Creature, I would advise him to throw a bottle of chardonnay into the neighbouring yard.Posted by Margos Maid on 2007 05 06 at 09:19 PM • permalink
- I have the solution.
This letter appears in today’s Herald:
Cars worse than cats
Oh for goodness sake, talk about tunnel vision (“Killers in your backyard”, May 1). Hasn’t anyone noticed the number of birds, possums, wallabies and lizards that are flattened on our roads each day? Perhaps someone should write an article headlined “Killers in your garage”, an exposé on the family car which is not only obliterating our fauna but is playing a pretty damning role in killing off the whole bloody planet.
Colleen Starkey Mount Colah
The answer, Tim, is to drive around your backyard at ludicrous speeds.
- #45 Harry
Yes, I am always tensed like a steel spring.
.
.
Grrr, damn paparazzi…Posted by Spiny Norman on 2007 05 06 at 09:52 PM • permalink
- Paco the Scientist.
Paco the Kid.
Detective Paco.
Paco the Multiglobalist.
This blog wouldn’t be the same without Paco.
Posted by wronwright on 2007 05 06 at 10:07 PM • permalink
- #38 margos
At least this critter has a place of refuge, unlike so many refugees either turned away or used in medical experiments by little Johnny Howard and his close friend Dubya McBushHitler.
————————–Wow! Medical experiments even!
“Pass the scalpel Igor, let’s see what the brain of a Gitmo resident looks like….”Ah ha! Just as I thought! The cranial gord is empty!”
- #71
The Logies were boring!
And Ray Martin was a complete wanker, when he accepted the prize for best interview, for the Bindi Irwin piece.
He carried on about how it’s “moments like these” and how wonderful it is to be a journalist, before giving a nod to Terri Irwin – the subject of the interview. Her face was absolutely ashen. He didn’t bother to note that the interview was unfortunate or that Steve Irwin would be missed. It was all about moi.
What an ass.
No rabies in Australia.
We do have Bat Lyssavirus, though, which is just about as bad. If you get bitten by a bat, go to the hospital!
- Tim’s report reminds me of my honeymoon.Posted by Margos Maid on 2007 05 07 at 01:14 AM • permalink
- 76/ Dan, I’ve had the pleasure of meeting Ray M. He used to be nice. It appears he’s not now. Didn’t he once have an affair with Hilary (producer) a long time ago or was that rumour? That’s what I was told!
Memo to Paco: Okies, shall do partner!
Wronwright a memo for you!!!
Please present this voucher to 1618 (I’ve lost my decimal point I can’t find it I think rebecca found it in another story) and you will receive a 25% discount on the “Paco is Back” T-shirt!Margo have you been married? Tim B are you going to marry me?
- When I was a kid, an uncle and aunt had a house in the country, and I always wondered why the ceiling tiles were a faint shade of yellow, given that all our ceilings were white.
As I grew older, I would notice on each visit that the ceilings were turning a darker shade of yellow.
At last, my useless uncle sent me up a ladder with some chicken wire to block up all the holes in the eaves – the yellow staining was being caused by possum piss. If you looked closely, you could see rings of piss, just like the rings in a tree. I should have tried to date when the possums moved in by counting the number of rings.
But it was too late. Eventually, the amount of piss in the plasterboard grew to be too much, and parts of the ceiling came down in a shower of soggy, stinky yellow plaster.
Posted by mr creosote on 2007 05 07 at 02:08 AM • permalink
- A closet greenie Tim?Posted by http://kalimna.blogspot.com/ on 2007 05 07 at 02:44 AM • permalink
- my cats regularly kill brushtails. greenies are outraged by this, but there is a possum plague in melbourne so bugger them. there used to be a huge and grumpy one eyed brushy that lived under the sink at a family shack. every time we visited, we kids would open the cupboard door to have a geek at his wonderful demonstration of outraged malevolencs at having his nap disturbed. ringtails are smaller & all round finer animals with a much reduced capacity for pissing in the ceiling
#88 masterful description of the noises that rudely wake many australians across this wide brown land, but you neglected to mention the prodigious thumping, reminiscent of the stumbling of several drunken peglegged pirates, that also signals possum orgies in the roof
- Obviously what is required is a Possum Annihilating Contraption Option on your camera. Guaranteed to reduce all possums to meat paste in a flash.Posted by mr creosote on 2007 05 07 at 09:18 AM • permalink
No rabies in Australia.
blink! Really? I don’t think rabies shots are nearly as nasty as they used to be. And I’ve lived around possums all my life, but never heard of them on the roof. Is this an Australian possum thing?
Posted by rightwingprof on 2007 05 07 at 09:43 AM • permalink
- #92 not just on the roof – they nest in it, the bastards. there is a whole industry dedicated to removing them
linky
nother linky
- #79;
Them’s good eatin’, whatever the hell they are.
Possums?
I grew up in a suburb of Los Angeles, with a storm runoff channel behind the property. Now it’s concrete-lined, but in the mid-50s, it was full of trees and brush, with a channel for water down the middle.
Also racoons, squirrels, snakes, frogs, toads, birds. And possums.
We’d see the latter on occasion wander through the back yard on the way to our fruit trees.
Some would continue on into the neighbor’s back yard.
From where they’d never seem to return.
Seems the neighbor had grown up poor in West Virginia during the Great Depression.
And his favorit tucker was ‘possum pie. He’d offer to share, but none of us local kids ever took him up on it.
- #81 rebase,
If you’re bitten by a moonbat, do you become one with the next full moon, like werewolves?
Posted by Spiny Norman on 2007 05 07 at 02:05 PM • permalink
- Spiny Norman… no, the influence can be fought with willpower and faith… it can be fought… it…
Gosh, doesn’t that John Edwards have lovely hair?
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2007 05 07 at 09:46 PM • permalink
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