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Last updated on March 6th, 2018 at 12:30 am
The Washington Times reports:
Al Qaeda has introduced an online women’s magazine with articles including dietary advice for suicide bombers …
You’ve tried Ab Blaster! You’ve tried Thigh Blaster! You’ve tried Butt Blaster, you filthy whore! But only our Total Body Blaster can GUARANTEE you’ll lose POUNDS of unsightly limbs, eyes, bones, and internal organs … INSTANTLY!
And the best part is—you don’t have to diet at all! Simply attach the Total Body Blaster with the help of our trained body-mass reduction experts and take a brief walk, perhaps over to those Jews across the street, standing around ruling the world somehow. Then be AMAZED as your excess weight (and head) LITERALLY FLIES OFF!
Your friends won’t recognise the NEW YOU (for that, they’ll have to conduct DNA testing on brain particulate). Order NOW and receive a free copy of Rachel Corrie’s best-selling Shout Your Way to Slenderness!
Dial 1-800-FRAG. Offer void where prohibited.
- Can we get Mike Moore to try it out, or is he still doing those ads for Subway?Posted by cuckoo on 01/18 at 12:44 PM • permalink
- Bowflex, Semtex… I’m sure there’s something there, but I can’t get to it.Posted by Jim Treacher on 01/18 at 01:04 PM • permalink
- Semflex?Posted by Jim Treacher on 01/18 at 01:18 PM • permalink
- ‘buttblaster’ ? sounds like a gay porn star.Posted by Deo Vindice on 01/18 at 01:36 PM • permalink
- Only a painted whore of Babylon would exhibit such concern for her own looks!Posted by Aaron – Free Will on 01/18 at 02:20 PM • permalink
- Eh, I think I’ll just stay with the low-carb, walk-a-lot diet I’m on. I think I’m allergic to semtex. Or was that mold spores? I get so confused…. And I think I’ll stay away from the Jews across the street here for the time being. See, they have bagels and hammentaschen, and rugelach, oy vey!Posted by Andrea Harris on 01/18 at 02:21 PM • permalink
- I was going to write something flip in response to this….but that’s hard to do when your jaw is nestling the keyboard through horrified disbelief.
For me, this is nearly the money quote:
“…must learn the Koran by heart, have basic first aid training [and] be able to prepare an emergency kit “in which natural honey and water from the Zemzem spring at Mecca are indispensable since they flow directly from Paradise.”
This totally does my head in. Rational thinking packs it in when confronted with this sort of mediaeval gibberish, doesn’t it?
Someone please be sexist enough to assure me that women are naturally more sensible than to go for this crap?
- What IS the burst radius of an exploding Michael Moore? Was Team America accurate in this regard?Posted by richard mcenroe on 01/18 at 04:55 PM • permalink
- It wasn’t shouting that made Rachel Corrie thin. It was a twenty ton armoured Caterpillar Killdozer.Posted by David Gillies on 01/18 at 06:13 PM • permalink
- mark buttblaster makes ok movies but jeff stryker has more compelling attributes.Posted by Deo Vindice on 01/18 at 06:24 PM • permalink
- Why not try for the teen market? A catchy jingle could bring in a whole new lot of recruits- You Won’t Need No More Phisohex, Your Pimples Dissapear With Semtex!
Or how about Think You’re Too Fat To Get A Fella? Why Not Give Your Life To Allah! You May Be A Chubby Gal, But More Kilos Mean More Shrapnel!
- You’re NEVER too young for the Total Body Blaster!
http://www.homestead.com/prosites-prs/suicidebombers.jpg
Sick, sick, sick
Posted by Spiny Norman on 01/18 at 07:03 PM • permalink
- Well, given the restrictions of many Muslim societies, this is one way that the Muslim ladies can have a blast.Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 01/18 at 10:22 PM • permalink
- You sure about the phone number? I was sure it was 1-800-SUICIDE.Posted by Joe Bonforte on 01/19 at 06:12 PM • permalink
