Little aussie adventurer

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Last updated on August 5th, 2017 at 03:29 pm

Jew-hating freak David Hicks returns to Australia “eight years after he left his Adelaide home for the adventure of a lifetime in Pakistan.”

Well done, SMH. That’s the friendliest reference to Nice Dave since the Bulletin this week described him, in a cover line, as an “Aussie ratbag” or similar.

UPDATE. Hicks wishes to pursue a career in ecology and the environment. But of course.

Posted by Tim B. on 05/20/2007 at 10:39 AM
    1. The SMH is a rag. I can’t believe people still buy a newspaper like that.

      But I’m still not willing to discount a high-paying job with them:

      “David Hicks, the true-blue Aussie man whom the evil empirical Americans have oppressed for the past five years, has landed in the country which welcomes him as it’s own. Hicks originally went to Pakistan eight years ago to help its citizens liberate themselves years ago, but his valiant mission was interrupted by evil men. George W Bush is believed to be responsible.”

      Posted by Ash_ on 2007 05 20 at 11:09 AM • permalink


    1. …he left his Adelaide home for the adventure of a lifetime in Pakistan.

      OK, that made me choke on my coffee. I’d be willing to wager that the next time Osama bin Hidin’ makes headlines, they’ll have a sidebar chronology of his “militant” career entitled, “Osama’s Excellent Adventure”.

      Posted by Spiny Norman on 2007 05 20 at 11:25 AM • permalink


    1. I’d congratulate Australia on not having to endure any more “Free David Hicks” nonsense, but now you’ll have to listen to him crying his tale of woe everywhere he goes.  Best to keep him drugged up or drunk and sleeping it off in a corner.  I doubt that’ll be a problem.

      Posted by RebeccaH on 2007 05 20 at 11:33 AM • permalink


    1. These people are utterly insane. It’s a shame we don’t still practice shunning.

      Posted by CraigC on 2007 05 20 at 11:51 AM • permalink


    1. SBS devoted 6 minutes of news time tonight on this useless f….

      Posted by Observer on 2007 05 20 at 12:24 PM • permalink


    1. From the SMH photo caption:

      David Hicks (in red overalls) is escorted from the charted jet afterlanding. . . .

      I’m guessing “afterlanding” is something like “afterbirth”?

      Posted by m on 2007 05 20 at 12:53 PM • permalink


    1. What an abortion of a newspaper.

      As much as I love you guys, I admit I’m glad he’s back with you.  I’m glad that we’re no longer paying for his considerable upkeep.  Maybe you could cut costs by putting him on a diet.  And in the general population.

      Posted by saltydog on 2007 05 20 at 01:01 PM • permalink


    1. Hicks, convicted of providing material support to a terrorist organisation, has spent more than five years at Guantanamo, one of the world’s most oppressive prisons.

      Too, too fatuous. Prison life, anywhere, tends to be tedious, at best, and dangerous, at worst. I doubt that Gitmo is anywhere near as bad as certain maximum-security prisons on the U.S. mainland. And its probably several orders of magnitude less oppressive than the kind of filthy holes maintained in other parts of Cuba by Fidel.

      Posted by paco on 2007 05 20 at 01:49 PM • permalink


    1. Now the spineless turd can get a job and start paying child support (backdated 8 years) for the kids he abandoned.

      Posted by Honkie Hammer on 2007 05 20 at 01:52 PM • permalink


    1. Ecology and the environment, eh?  Well one fascist mindset is as good as another, I suppose.

      Posted by tabitharuth on 2007 05 20 at 02:14 PM • permalink


    1. I’m curious as to why the US government didn’t want him flying in US airspace.  What was he going to do, shit on our heads as he passed over?  Not that I’d want to see him on a commercial plane, but jeebus!  $500,000 to fly this jerk home?

      Posted by RebeccaH on 2007 05 20 at 02:23 PM • permalink


    1. Wow

      sounds like this spirited adventurer could be the replacement for Steve Irwin.  Go Hicksey!

      Posted by procrustes on 2007 05 20 at 02:23 PM • permalink


    1. #12 Crikey, these infidels have teeth!

      Posted by flying pigs over mecca on 2007 05 20 at 02:35 PM • permalink


    1. #11: for the fairly obvious reason that if he had been in US airspace, the ACLU would have rushed off and got a tame left-leaning federal judge to rule that he should be landed and put on trial (or something similarly obfuscatory and embarrassing) in a US court and establish all sorts of precedents of the type we most definitely do NOT want. even the remotest chance of such a can of worms being opened was worth spending whatever to avoid.

      Posted by Bullockbefriending Bard on 2007 05 20 at 02:55 PM • permalink


    1. “Adventure of a lifetime”?
      Who’s lifetime are they comparing it to, a reporter’s?  What sad miserable lives they must have.
      I crap bigger adventures than David Hicks will ever have.

      Posted by Diggs on 2007 05 20 at 03:00 PM • permalink


    1. “he has an interest in ecology, zoology and the environment, and he hopes to make a contribution in some way.”

      David Hicks – a one-man moronic convergence.

      Posted by Bruce Rheinstein on 2007 05 20 at 03:27 PM • permalink


    1. “he has an interest in ecology, zoology and the environment, and he hopes to make a contribution in some way.”
      How about as worm food?

      Posted by AlphaMikeFoxtrot on 2007 05 20 at 03:50 PM • permalink


    1. #15. I crap bigger adventures than David Hicks will ever have.

      Pray, don’t tell !

      Posted by JAFA on 2007 05 20 at 04:15 PM • permalink


    1. I suppose his conviction precludes him from becoming a Democrat? Otherwise his victimhood as an innocent Aussie adventure tourist who got sidetracked would make him a shoo-in…

      Posted by Abu Chowdah on 2007 05 20 at 04:45 PM • permalink


    1. Where’s a sniper when you need one?

      Posted by MB on 2007 05 20 at 05:05 PM • permalink


    1. Paco—Or Germany, or Marseiiles, or Japan…

      Posted by richard mcenroe on 2007 05 20 at 05:11 PM • permalink


    1. Hicks will spend 23 hours a day in his cell – exactly the same size as the one in Guantanamo Bay

      But, but, I thought Guantanamo…they said Guantanamo was the worst, they kept showing pictures of his tiny little cell. I’m confused.

      Posted by Dminor on 2007 05 20 at 05:14 PM • permalink


    1. I confidently expect the first move of a new rudd socialist/green/conservative feral gummint will be to declare hicks a war veteran and put him to the top of the benefits queue.

      Serves him right…. they’re worth bugger all


      Posted by Rod C on 2007 05 20 at 05:18 PM • permalink


    1. Why can’t they put him in medium security prison where the inmates can educate in the errors of his ways?

      Posted by Hoges on 2007 05 20 at 05:28 PM • permalink


    1. Ecology and the environment, eh?  Well, you can’t say the man’s inconsistent.  If he can’t wield totalitarian power one way, he leaps to another.

      RebeccaH, perhaps they were concerned he might try something, like crash the plane or sumpin, if he flew over US air space.  Given that guards must handle with extreme care, they were probably forbidden to do anything to stop such a thing, and since there would be no civilians on-board, there’d be nothing and no one to stop him.

      Posted by saltydog on 2007 05 20 at 05:29 PM • permalink


    1. ”…he left his Adelaide home for the adventure of a lifetime in Pakistan

      “… a 31-year-old former Muslim with a bad back and receding hairline.

      “… Hicks will enter G Division, where he will strip naked, get prison clothes and be put in a two-metre by four-metre cell.

      “Sydney man Mamdouh Habib … said he hoped Hicks would soon have the chance to tell his story.

      “It’s a big relief that David Hicks is home,” Mr Habib said. “We can show who is right and who is wrong. Any question can be answered.”

      Gag.  Truly sickening.  Where’s the violins?

      And by the way, let’s have those answers!

      For a start, what about chapter I of Hicks’ “adventures”?  His activities in Bosnia?  His terrorist training in Afghanistan?

      What about his betrayal of his country and his people?  His anti-Semitic views?

      Let’s have the real answers.

      Posted by ann j on 2007 05 20 at 05:59 PM • permalink


    1. #21: Exactly so.

      Posted by paco on 2007 05 20 at 06:01 PM • permalink


    1. Way O/T: Senators ready to greet Lord Stanley

      Posted by Wimpy Canadian on 2007 05 20 at 06:05 PM • permalink


    1. Hicks wishes to pursue a career in ecology and the environment

      Yes, he wants to grow opium and kill infidels.

      Posted by Wimpy Canadian on 2007 05 20 at 06:07 PM • permalink


    1. “A handful of protesters — including two people holding placards, one of which read “This is a travesty of justice” — stood outside the prison along with a big media contingent.
      Protester Steve Patroni said: “David Hicks is a political prisoner and it is just a complete human rights violation* that our government can completely neglect one of its own citizens and leave him to rot in Guantanamo Bay.”

      No comment necessary.

      Posted by blogstrop on 2007 05 20 at 06:09 PM • permalink


    1. #17 AMF, I was thinking of a career in pushing up daisies, but there’s no reason Hicks couldn’t help the worms and the daisies at the same time—talk about multitasking.

      Either that, or he could become a missionary amongst the polar bears.

      Posted by rbj1 on 2007 05 20 at 06:24 PM • permalink


    1. Hicks will spend 23 hours a day in his cell – exactly the same size as the one in Guantanamo Bay

      At least he’ll feel at home I suppose.  We seem to be living in the twilight zone, where criminals are treated like rock-stars and ordinary people are ground into dust.

      Posted by darrinhV2 on 2007 05 20 at 06:34 PM • permalink


    1. Where Hicks could have been held had he been any where else in Cuba.

      Posted by geoff on 2007 05 20 at 06:49 PM • permalink


    1. Crikey! It’s a rare sugar glider!

      Posted by Margos Maid on 2007 05 20 at 07:05 PM • permalink


    1. THANK GOD! Hicks is now on Aussie money…HooRah!

      We really should have killed the bastard, saved our countries boatloads of bucks AND…we’re nasty like that, just ask the Islamists.

      Posted by El Cid on 2007 05 20 at 07:08 PM • permalink


    1. According to the ABC last night, they aren’t going to put him into general population, presumably because the pedophiles and serial killers aren’t too fond of him.

      With any luck, they’ll move him to a shared cell – with his cellmates being two lovely gentlemen and a barrel.

      Posted by mr creosote on 2007 05 20 at 07:36 PM • permalink


    1. Hicks – A Jihad On Carbon!!  AIEEEEEEEEEE, GAIA ACKBAR!!!!!!!

      /Sound of stun grenades and AK47 fire in Pit Street mall

      Habib – Kill the filthy Zionist polluters!!!

      Swampy – Jihad is fucking AWESOME!!!!

      Posted by bondo on 2007 05 20 at 07:40 PM • permalink


    1. Given the SMH’s headline, maybe Dave should become a tour director upon his release, offering trips that would rival the old Womens’ Weekly World Discovery Tours.

      As for the ABC and Fairfax it always sound like this:

      David Hicks, mmmmmmmm, yes, Home, mmmm, groan, yes, yes, Guantanamo, pant, groan, pant, moan.

      Posted by Nic on 2007 05 20 at 07:44 PM • permalink


    1. He demonstrated his deep commitment to ecology by hanging mice.

      He will be assaulted by more “edjamukated” pussy than a bear can shit if he gets anywhere near a Uni. Sad but true.

      Posted by thefrollickingmole on 2007 05 20 at 08:12 PM • permalink


    1. Why not send him off again on “the adventure of a lifetime in Pakistan”. Some nice person may help him find his virgins.

      Posted by stackja1945 on 2007 05 20 at 08:28 PM • permalink


    1. Just heard Louise Adler, who published Antony L (The Questionable Jew)on 3AW.

      She compared Hicks to Nelson Mandela, on the grounds that Mandela was originally jailed for treason and as a terrorist and is now acknowledged as a freedom fighter.
      She is aching to publish Hicks’ story and thinks that if he got paid he would donate his money to “charity”.

      Posted by carpefraise on 2007 05 20 at 08:52 PM • permalink


    1. #41 – if there is any justice in this world, if Hicks does manage to publish anything, hopefully he will blame his predicament on his sorry upbringing by a stupid, useless father.

      Posted by mr creosote on 2007 05 20 at 08:54 PM • permalink


    1. #41: So, continuing the analogy, does that mean that Hicks will be PM someday? I am doubtful . . .

      Posted by paco on 2007 05 20 at 08:55 PM • permalink


    1. A caller to 3CR talkback the other day proposed fund-raising for Hicks.

      Melbourne has some interesting problems connecting some people with reality.

      Posted by carpefraise on 2007 05 20 at 08:56 PM • permalink


    1. #28 Wimpy

      Is there another team in the SC final?

      I seem to have missed something

      Posted by Jack from Montreal on 2007 05 20 at 09:01 PM • permalink


    1. “he has an interest in ecology, zoology and the environment, and he hopes to make a contribution in some way.”

      I know the perfect spot up here in NQ where he could commence his studies. All he needs to do is to wade around this certain river with some dead chickens as berley. (Dhabiĥa halal chickens available at extra cost.)

      Posted by Spag_oz on 2007 05 20 at 09:03 PM • permalink


    1. Terry Hicks hasn’t shut the fuck up about his terrorist son for years. He’s been the cornerstone of the campaign to free/exonerate/glorify/deify/consecrate the little jerk; but guess what he said toto ABC reporter Leigh Sales this morning?

      TERRY HICKS: … you know, I can’t see why everybody is making all this fuss about someone that has just come home …

      Posted by ilibcc on 2007 05 20 at 09:05 PM • permalink


    1. The adventure of a lifetime.  Hmmm

      Stewart Little 4

      Stewart Little does Pakistan

      Stewart Little: Road to Pakistan.  Who plays Bing and who plays Dorothy?

      Sometimes you simply want to choke the living……

      Posted by yojimbo on 2007 05 20 at 09:09 PM • permalink


    1. Nice alternate universe f–khead.

      Posted by yojimbo on 2007 05 20 at 09:10 PM • permalink


    1. I cant understand why we let him back in the country I would have sent him back to the middle east at least there hes not costing us money Im sick to death of working my arse off to pay for criminals to be fed and watered.

      Stick them out in the middle of no where I say test their survival skills at least then the Australian tax payer isnt footing the bill for them. I mean doesnt Australia have the largest unoccupied land mass in the civilised world????

      Posted by Killaette on 2007 05 20 at 09:10 PM • permalink


    1. Mel & Kochies Jihad On Climate with David Hicks.

      Kochie – Well today we have a very special guest, thats right its Australia’s own David Hicks.  David, how does it feel to be an Australian of the year winner?

      Hicks – Beaut Kochie, just beaut.  Bonza.

      Mel – giggles

      Kochie – So why don’t you tell us a little more about our new segment.  Perhaps you could explain the meaning of the word jihad and why we need a jihad on climate?

      Hicks – Well Kochie, Jihad usually means killing infidels, especially Jews and Americans.  But sometimes, like when your speaking to the Age or Sydney Morning Herald, it means a peaceful inner struggle.  In this case it means killing our worst polluters.

      Mel – giggles, flutters eyelashes

      Kochie – Sounds a bit extreme David, why go to all this trouble?

      Hicks – Its for the polar bears Kochie.  You see, pollution emits carbon, and carbon goes into the sinks, but because of the greenhouses the sinks are getting blocked which causes a feedback loop in the atmosphere and that causes more rain, and less rain, and rising temperatures and colder weather.  The main culprits are Zionists.

      Mel – Twirls hair, giggles

      Kochie – So if the average person wants to make a difference, you know, because they really care, how can they help.

      Hicks – They can start by replacing their old light bulbs with new environmentally friendly ones and also by ensuring their car uses only biodegradable plastic explosives.

      Mel – Giggles, licks lips suggestively

      Kochie – Thanks David.  Tune in next week when we take the Jihad to the Lucas Heights reactor!

      Posted by bondo on 2007 05 20 at 09:13 PM • permalink


    1. #51


      Posted by Killaette on 2007 05 20 at 09:16 PM • permalink


    1. Bravo Bondo!

      Posted by dean martin on 2007 05 20 at 09:29 PM • permalink


    1. #51 Bondo,

      Hicks – Well Kochie, Jihad usually means killing infidels, especially Jews and Americans.  But sometimes, like when your speaking to the Age or Sydney Morning Herald, it means a peaceful inner struggle.  In this case it means killing our worst polluters.

      I’m laughing my arse off, well done.

      Posted by Nic on 2007 05 20 at 09:30 PM • permalink


    1. Beautifully done, Bondo (#51)

      Posted by Pedro the Ignorant on 2007 05 20 at 09:38 PM • permalink


    1. #44 – A caller to 3CR talkback the other day proposed fund-raising for Hicks.

      That’s why 3CR has always been known as ‘Three Communists Radio’.

      3CR is At It Again! with our annual Radiothon. In order to provide you with progressive media, diverse community voices and an eclectic array of great music, we need to raise $200,000 this year.

      Diverse? Only if you call extreme-left-to-left diverse.  What on earth were you doing listening to it?

      Posted by walterplinge on 2007 05 20 at 09:40 PM • permalink


    1. The local version in Brisbane is 4ZZZ, the oldest public broadcaster in the country- at least their supported by listeners and not the taxpayer; I listen to it more than JJJ, as the music’s better and there’s LESS idiot leftist ranting- I expect Hicksie to be doing the drivetime show on JJJ as soon as he’s paroled. I’ve been running a complaint campaign against the parasitic fuckers, but it’s a fairly pointless exercise- written complaints to the minister don’t even get answered; if enough people did bith to Coonan though about the politicisation and promotion of private agendas (and products) on the ABC she might have to get off her flabby arse and do something about it.

      Regarding ‘Mo Daewoo, I reckon ratbag sounds about right- it’d be a hoot to stuff the fat bastard into a burlap sack full of starving Rattus Norvegicus, and watch it wriggle. Wonder what a burping rat sounds like?

      If that seems a little harsh, perhaps prison management will let him keep a pet.

      At least he’s not going to be incarcerated here, where they indulge in punishment which would be viewed as torture by a devout follower of the prophet such as Hicksie.

      Posted by Habib on 2007 05 20 at 09:54 PM • permalink


    1. Convicted terrorists and supporters shouldn’t be allowed to study anything other than fine arts.

      Posted by Pericles on 2007 05 20 at 09:58 PM • permalink


    1. PIMF- they’re, and bitch.

      Does anyone else think that Terry’s looking more and more like Graham Kennedy by the day? I think Tezza’s got the shits as well now he’stwigged he’s wasted the last five years, there’s not going to be a razoo in it; even if that silly bint from MUP publishes a tome about Davey’s idiocy, the Feds will snavvle any revenues to offset the poultice they’ve spent on the dickhead. I’m sure a couple of 5.56mm injections would have been much cheaper, and saved the daffiness of Hicksie’s elevation to lefty icon status (which will last until he opens his gob and starts snorking on about filthy Jews and where’s all the sheilas with big norks?)

      Posted by Habib on 2007 05 20 at 10:00 PM • permalink


    1. So, ol’ Mo wants a career in ecology and the environment, eh?  How about a stint at an Aussie version of this place? For once in his sorry existence, he’d actually be useful.

      Posted by Blue State Sil on 2007 05 20 at 10:06 PM • permalink


    1. #59

      Au contraire -the more he rabbits on about the bloodsucking Jews, the more the left scum will lap it up


      Posted by Rod C on 2007 05 20 at 10:10 PM • permalink


    1. Blue State Sil

      We have all sorts of damn neat things, in East TN. All of Libya’s WMD, some of which I still believe may be Iraqi.

      Oak Ridge just cranked up, nuke production again, after refurbishing.

      Posted by El Cid on 2007 05 20 at 10:13 PM • permalink


    1. #56 “What on earth were you doing listening to it?”

      Well I can’t afford the circus.

      Posted by carpefraise on 2007 05 20 at 10:15 PM • permalink


    1. #56 3CR is also touting for people to leave them money – that’s right, the offal of foul capitalism – to them in their will.

      You should listen to the ads for this – they do not seem to fear catching trickle-down capitalist cooties.

      Posted by carpefraise on 2007 05 20 at 10:20 PM • permalink


    1. oops, IN their will.
      *scratches out “to them”*.

      *brushes away the dust* That’s better.:)

      Posted by carpefraise on 2007 05 20 at 10:21 PM • permalink


    1. “A handful of protesters — including two people holding placards, one of which read “This is a travesty of justice” — stood outside the prison along with a big media contingent.

      Interesting that they don’t mention the other placard, which read: “Forget Hicks, remember 9-11”.

      Posted by Art Vandelay on 2007 05 20 at 10:30 PM • permalink


    1. El Cid

      I’ve always wanted to visit TN.  All the nifty stuff there makes it sound even more appealing.

      Thanks to the Powers of Google, I took a peek at Oak Ridge’s site – the newly revamped nuke program is great!  *drinks to the fine folks of TN and the scientists at Oak Ridge*

      Posted by Blue State Sil on 2007 05 20 at 10:35 PM • permalink


    1. Unlike the filthy inhuman dungeon at Gitmo where Hicks rotted to the point of starvation it can be reliably reported his new modern Australian rehabilitation accomodation will have an external window.

      Posted by geoff on 2007 05 20 at 10:43 PM • permalink


    1. Oops that was standard Cuban accomodation for political prisoners. Hick’s Australian accomodation with external window is here.

      Posted by geoff on 2007 05 20 at 10:48 PM • permalink


    1. Bloody hell. Here!

      Posted by geoff on 2007 05 20 at 10:50 PM • permalink


    1. bugger the window if i was in charge he would be put in a box barely big enough to stand up in with no room to move his arms or legs and then i would fill the box with itchy grubs and leave him in there for the duration of his sentence

      Posted by Killaette on 2007 05 20 at 11:38 PM • permalink


    1. The time: Jan 2008

      The place:  SMH offices.

      Phone rings.

      SMH: “Hello, Sydney Morning Herald”.

      Caller: “Help, it’s David Hicks here.  They’re trying to kill me”.

      SMH: “Who are trying to kill you?”

      Caller: “Al-Queda.  They found out that I am no longer a muslim and they are out to get me.  They call it ape-something.”

      SMH: “Look, I don’t know who you are, but Al-Queda don’t exist.  They were manufactured by the Great Zionist Conspiracy to provide an excuse for the conquest of the middle east”.

      Caller: “That’s bollocks.  I fought for Al-Queda in Afghanistan.  I know they bloody exist – I even had an Al-Queda paybook, until I ate it just before I was captured.  Who have you been talking to – who has fed you this rubbish?”

      SMH: “Terry Hicks.  He’s a very wise man you know”.

      Caller: “Who the fuck are you anyway?”

      SMH: “I’m a cadet reporter.  I’m writing the newspaper today. All the journalists went on strike yesterday because the photocopier broke down”.

      Caller: “Fuck!”

      Sound of phone slamming down.

      The Place – Office of the Grand Panjandrum of News, the ABC.

      Phone rings.

      ABC: “Hello, Grand Panjandrum”.

      Caller: “Help,it’s David Hicks here.  They’re trying to kill me”.

      ABC: “Who are trying to kill you?”

      Caller: “Muslims.  I used to be a Muslim, and now they are out to get me.”

      ABC: “That’s impossible.  Muslims don’t kill people.  That’s official ABC policy.  I have that written down in front of me on memo 2004/3AX981-B.  And Muslims certainly don’t kill other Muslims – that policy was spelt out on circular 2003/NAB-C.  You can’t contradict ABC policy”.

      Caller: “You don’t understand.  They said that they are going to slit my throat”.

      ABC: “Don’t be overdramatic.  I’m sure they meant to say ‘come over and play with our pet goat’”.  Muslims are very fond of goats.”

      Caller: “I know they’re fond of fucking goats, and I mean that literally. They also said that they are going to chop me into little pieces”.

      ABC: “That’s silly.  Again, you mis-heard them saying ‘Islam is a religion of peace’”.

      Caller: “Look you idiot, I’ve got a Palestinian hit squad on my tail.”

      ABC: “ABC policy explicitly states that all Palestinians are peaceful and that they only shoot at Israelis in self defence.  And they use paper-mache bullets that don’t hurt anyone.  They certainly wouldn’t send a hit squad overseas to kill anyone.  Well, unless they are Jewish.  An addendum to policy 2002/FG18-1 states that Palestinians may travel overseas in order to execute Jews that have annoyed them”.

      Caller: “You fool.  You know nothing of the Middle East and Islam”.

      ABC: “Au contrair, we have been reporting on the middle east from comfortable bars in Jerusalem for 50 years. We know all about the middle east.  Why, I ate some pistachios last night.  What would you know about Islam?”

      Caller: “Well, I was a bloody muslim for 10 years.  I think I’d know a bit more about it than you!”

      ABC: “I’m afraid not.  The ABC Charter states that the ABC knows more about everything than anyone else on the planet.  We are the source of all knowledge and wisdom.  And we have in house experience with Islam.  We had a gardner named Achmed here for two weeks a few years ago.”

      Caller: “I tell you, these people are ruthless and will stop at nothing.  They all went to terrorist training camps in Pakistan”.

      ABC: “Rubbish.  The only people that go to those camps are backpackers in search of a bit of adventure.  They’re really just a dusty version of Club Med.  But I am told that they offer ‘the adventure of a lifetime’, which sound much more exciting than sitting here in a cardigan.  I wonder what the ‘adventure’ is?  I bet they teach you to cheat at Bridge.  That would be very adventurous.  I might be adventurous tomorrow and wear a yellow cardigan”.

      Caller: “Who fed you all this crap?”

      ABC: “David Hicks and his lawyer, Major Mori”.

      Caller: “Urgghklk”.

      Posted by mr creosote on 2007 05 20 at 11:48 PM • permalink


    1. comic genius

      Posted by Killaette on 2007 05 20 at 11:54 PM • permalink


    1. #72

      Two “reporters” and not one question as to whether he has been able to get his weight back to normal.  Incompetent boobs.

      Posted by yojimbo on 2007 05 21 at 12:17 AM • permalink


    1. I, for one, am heartened that Mr. Hicks seeks to help the environment.  Let’s start by recycling Mr. Hicks.  I am sure the worms would be appreciative.

      Posted by JAWolf on 2007 05 21 at 01:11 AM • permalink


    1. Meanwhile, the SMH and AGE editorial teams converse by video-conference:

      Jaspan: Fuck! Fuck Fuck! He’s back, we need to sell papers, erm I mean, ‘maintain the rage’ over Hicks’ oppression by the Howard junta. What do we do now? I want ideas.

      Horin: Well, the poor man has been brutally incarcerated

      Hack: But then released.

      Jaspan: Shit, ok what else?

      Horin: Well he may have been released, but how much money was wasted on his return. $500,000 is money that could have been well spent on creche’s for newly arrived Sudanese refugees.

      Hack: Hang on, weren’t we the ones who said we wanted the Government to bring him back NOW?

      Jaspan: shut up, that’s not the point. Adil, you are a genius. I’d kiss you if it wasn’t for the fact that you would have me on a sexual assault charge and an AVO within 5 minutes. Of course, we hammer home the waste of the Federal Government. Ok what else?

      Ramsey: how is the poor boy’s health?

      Jaspan: Yeah, I want reports, breakfast lunch and dinner menu’s I want stool samples for crissakes!

      Horin: Don’t forget the horror of that tiny cell in Guantanamo

      Hack: But he isn’t there any more

      Jaspan: Who hired you? Wait, no, no, you’re right Adil, we go after the Government because his Aussie cell is WORSE than the American one. Beauty, I can see it now, ‘our heartless, fascist Government’

      Hack: But its for his own good. Do you want him mixing with the Snowtown murderers?

      Jaspan: Now you’re talking. the Government that takes away his right to socialise!

      Horin: Those, those bastards!

      Jaspan: Right on comrades, we’ve got a fair amount more to go on this in our, erm, yeah, struggle for our brother, David Hicks.

      Jaspan: Ok, right. The next story, Abbo’s…..

      Posted by Nic on 2007 05 21 at 01:39 AM • permalink


    1. The place:  The Age.

      Phone rings.

      Caller: “Help, I’m David Hicks and I’ll be dead by this time tomorrow if someone doesn’t help me”.

      The Age: “I’ll have to put you through to our Editorial Collective.  The sub-committee that deals with this issue is at a holistic conference on bio-dynamic tea boiling and the dangers of radiation at the moment, but I’m sure you’ll get through to their mobile phones.”

      Call is diverted.

      Caller: “Help, Palestinian terrorists are trying to kill me.”

      The Age: “I’m afraid we don’t use that term here.  We prefer ‘militants’, or even better, ‘freedom fighters’.”

      Caller: “In that case, a bunch of hairy men wearing towels want to do me in”.

      The Age: “I’m going to have to report you to the Victorian Vilification Tribunal.  I don’t know where you’ve been for the last 5 years, but vilification in Victoria is serious business these days.  Grade 1 vilificiation like you just used will get you locked up for life”.

      Caller: “Life?  What do you do to terrorists then?  Boil them in oil?”

      The Age: “No.”

      Caller: “Put them on the rack and break all their bones with mallets?”

      The Age: “No.”

      Caller: “Feed them to wild pigs a joint at a time?”

      The Age: “No.”

      Caller: “Well what then?  What do really bad, hardened terrorists get?”

      The Age: “You mean the baddest of the bad, the meanest of the mean, the most hardcore warriors?  The proven fighters?  The plotters and the schemers?”

      Caller:  “Yes.”

      The Age: “233 days in prison”.

      Caller: “Well bugger my goat.”

      The Age: “Now the sub-committee on Freedom Fighting Protocols has asked me to inform you that Palestinians have never been known to kill anyone.”

      Caller: “Then what do you call all the fighting between Hamas and Fatah at the moment?”

      The Age: “Well, that’s just staged for the camera.  The ambulances turn up at a shooting, load a body on the gurney, drive around the corner and the ‘body’ jumps up and goes back into the ‘fight’.  It’s all directed by a man in a green helmet.”

      Caller: “But they’re killing each other for real at the moment.”

      The Age: “No they’re not.”

      Caller: “Yes they are.”

      The Age: “No they’re not.”

      Caller: “Yes they are.”

      The Age: “No they’re not.”

      Caller: “Yes they are.”

      The Age: “I’m telling you, no one is dying.  You know why we know?  Because no one is holding a wake.”

      Caller: “That’s because they’re Muslims and they don’t drink”.

      The Age: “Oh”.

      Caller: “Why don’t you report the story about the guy in the green helmet?”

      The Age: “Because he threatened to kill us if we do.”

      Caller: “But I thought that the Palestinians were non-violent freedom fighters?”

      The Age: “They are.”

      Caller: “But they are threatening to kill you.”

      The Age: “No they’re not.”

      Caller: “But you just told me that they are.”

      The Age: “Only if we report the story.  They’re non-violent towards us so long as we do as we’re told”.

      Caller: “Bloody hell, if this were any funnier, it would be a Monty Python skit”.

      The Age: “Monty Python is not funny.  The Arts Sub-Committee issued a directive about Monty Python in 1978 and decreed that no Age staff are ever allowed to find it funny.  They made fun of Stalin and Mao once.  The editorial collective takes these things very seriously”.

      Posted by mr creosote on 2007 05 21 at 02:02 AM • permalink


    1. There once was a fellow named Hicks,
      Who from El Que’da learned a few tricks,
      But shed his religion,
      Became a stool pigeon,
      And strung up mice for some kicks.

      A Talib called ‘Mo Dawood,
      In ‘Gitmo was pulling his pud,
      But he bargained a plea,
      Cross the sea he did flee,
      Now he’ll just use his jihad for good.

      Hicksie was found in a ditch,
      ‘Cos to Islam he made the switch,
      Was shipped off to Cuba,
      He blew like a tuba,
      Now he’s the shower-rooms bitch.

      Posted by Habib on 2007 05 21 at 02:07 AM • permalink


    1. O/T and source to be considered but…

      Leb mil fights AQ linked terrs at Pali camp.

      AQ joining up officially and formally with Palis would be a nice convergence to see.

      Posted by Grimmy on 2007 05 21 at 02:14 AM • permalink


    1. UPDATE. Hicks wishes to pursue a career in ecology and the environment. But of course.

      If Hicks keeps talkin’ like that Bob Brown will be around to pay him a ‘friendly’ visit.
      Real, real friendly like.

      “Hey Dave, need a bit of company mate? Do you like men? Was it tough in Gitmo? What were the men like? Any big rough, tough muscelley guards? Any prisoners you really liked?
      Tell your Uncle Bob all about it……”

      Posted by Bonmot on 2007 05 21 at 02:14 AM • permalink


    1. #80 Bonmot, something about that scenario has scared me.

      Posted by Ash_ on 2007 05 21 at 02:47 AM • permalink


    1. Hicks, a fuckwit from the sticks
      Might have got himself in a fix
      He knew how to slice up ‘roos
      Decided he would progress on to Jews
      So the Left put the cunt up at the Ritz.

      Posted by geoff on 2007 05 21 at 03:00 AM • permalink


    1. I wonder if the SMH had in mind that Hicks went down to the Kashmir border and, on the inviation of his Pakisitani hosts, who were giving him ‘training’, took to firing bullets across into the Indian lines? I suppose not, but such ignorance is not only appalling, but very worrying. Just how is it that journalists for a papare such as SMH can be so ignroant of what Hicks was up to, or is there some other explanation?

      Posted by ujamaa on 2007 05 21 at 03:06 AM • permalink


    1. O/T – our very own Infidel Tiger has been thrust into the blinding glare of fame and fortune!  He has been quoted on this weeks edition of the most excellent Shire Network News…

      You might be a bigshot now Infidel, what with your fancy clothes and groupies and such, but don’t forget where you came from eh!

      Posted by bondo on 2007 05 21 at 03:10 AM • permalink


    1. I love Such interesting people.

      Posted by dean martin on 2007 05 21 at 03:25 AM • permalink


    1. #84 better directions please bondo – been listening in amusement, but no mention of tigers & have to go do something

      Posted by KK on 2007 05 21 at 04:43 AM • permalink


    1. #81
      G’day Ash.
      Yeah. Something scarey about Bob Brown alright.
      That aesthetic thin rimmed glasses look, thin lips, studied manner. Terrifying.
      Hide you childrens’ eyes.

      The apple isle’s very own Hannibal Lecter.

      PS you hit the jackpot over at Bolta’s the other day…..

      Posted by Bonmot on 2007 05 21 at 04:48 AM • permalink


    1. Coming soon to a theatre near you;

      David’s Big Adventure

      The love of David Hick’s life is his RPG(Rocket Propelled Grenade launcher). When it is stolen, he goes on a wild cross world adventure after a fortune teller tells him his RPG is in Bin Laden’s cave hideout. Along the way, David encounters an escaped jihadist, a Ma malakat amanukum called Dottie who has a jealous Mujahadeen boyfriend, and some very pissed off Americans.

      David Hicks(on his detention in Guantanamo):

      The mind plays tricks on you. You play tricks back! It’s like you’re unraveling a big cable-knit sweater that someone keeps knitting and knitting and knitting and knitting and knitting and knitting…

      David Hicks(to his new girlfriend, Dottie):

      There’s a lot of things about me that you don’t know anything about, Dottie. Things you wouldn’t understand. Things you couldn’t understand. Things you shouldn’t understand. You don’t want to get mixed up with a guy like me. I’m a loner, Dottie. A rebel.

      Posted by Mike_W on 2007 05 21 at 04:59 AM • permalink


    1. #87

      PS you hit the jackpot over at Bolta’s the other day…..


      I think we’re far enough into this thread for me to be off topic.
      1. Saga of the Tooth Extraction: Back at work, still in pain. Ran out of codeine. Now I’m taking tramal – we’ll see. It’s not infected, wonder if it’s like a “ghost limb” pain thing (more like a fracture – there are bits of jawbone in there!!). I just want it to stop hurting.
      2. Kae’s diet – I’ve not been strict this week, due to tooth extraction trauma (and getting into yummy greek yoghurt and some roasted pumpkin). So, this fortnight 11 days(since Friday 11/5) another 1.1kg lost.
      Total weight loss since 16/4 is now 6.4kg.
      I was told that the stuff I ate this week might go on next week, but we’ll see.

      Posted by kae on 2007 05 21 at 05:12 AM • permalink


    1. Wimpy (#28) – I’m with you. GO SENS GO!!!

      Posted by AlphaMikeFoxtrot on 2007 05 21 at 05:15 AM • permalink


    1. #3. RebeccahH. A 5.56mm slotting would be more practical. So now the rat would like to join the Gaia Cult. I hope he succeeds, it would do wonders for the greens/leftard marketing and cult worship crap that we have become inundated with over the years. Why, the little turd could become another Horst Wessel, complete with soundtrack and all. The only difference being that pimp (Wessel) was dead when ‘Dolf and Co’ decided to gee up the collective with their brand of politicking.

      Posted by BJM on 2007 05 21 at 05:37 AM • permalink


    1. #87 Bonmot, it was spectacular how many people missed the point I was making over at Bolta’s. I would have used only little words if I thought he was going to ask to put it up as a thread to make it easy on those who have difficulty with comprehension.

      Posted by Ash_ on 2007 05 21 at 06:07 AM • permalink


    1. #89 kae

      Maybe I shouldn’t tell you this, but you probably know anyway – ever asked your chemist for “Panadeine 15”? Just be careful on top of the tramal.

      Posted by Dminor on 2007 05 21 at 06:21 AM • permalink


    1. Additional: for short term use only!

      Posted by Dminor on 2007 05 21 at 06:24 AM • permalink


    1. Wuzzup Doc D?
      Wot’s Panadeine 15 (I was taking codalgin)?
      I didn’t know that Nurofen raises blood pressure (today 178/82!!! And I haven’t had any nurofen, but have had the other stuff – must be the pain).
      If it gets worse I think I’ll be begging for the lead pill.
      I AM a pain, I don’t want to be IN pain.

      Posted by kae on 2007 05 21 at 06:25 AM • permalink


    1. Oh, and scroll down to Bolta’s reply to nobull warning’s comment.

      Posted by kae on 2007 05 21 at 06:26 AM • permalink


    1. Ash_ gonna send you a joke.

      Posted by kae on 2007 05 21 at 06:27 AM • permalink


    1. You sounded in pain, kae. Panadeine 15 is twice as strong as panadeine/codalgin, half as strong as panadeine/codalgin forte, which is only available on script. All of them have 500mg paracetamol – maximum 8/day or it’ll rot your liver, and codeine 8mg/15mg/30mg respectively – no dose limit as such to codeine, just nausea, constipation, sedation the higher you go (and dependance/tolerance if you’re silly enough to take them long-term). But yeah, they can get you out of tight (usually dental!) spot.

      You can take nurofen 400mg 4 x daily on top of the above (don’t combine with aspirin).

      Tramal really shouldn’t be taken with codeine, but essentially you’re just taking a higher dose of a codeine-type substance, without so much of the drowsiness. A lot of people complain about the nausea on tramal, though, so be warned. But no, it won’t kill you.

      And maybe skip the nurofen, good though it is, if your BP’s up that high.

      Posted by Dminor on 2007 05 21 at 06:34 AM • permalink


    1. Alright Kae. I thought Bolta’s reply to nobull warning was great.

      Posted by Ash_ on 2007 05 21 at 06:35 AM • permalink


    1. D, thanks much appreciated. I got to see the nurse at work, who got me squeezed into the quack, er, Doc. The tramal hasn’t kicked in yet. Took two one hour ago.
      My boss is giving me grief, it’s a guilty thing to be sick. Arrgh.
      I’m due back at the dentist on Monday, but I think I’ll be seeing him before that. Nothing’s swollen so I don’t think it’s infected.
      Has anyone else had this? (It was a dry socket, but was dressed on Thu and felt better, now it gets all achy-breaky after about 12 or 1pm. And gets ‘worser’ as time progresses.

      Posted by kae on 2007 05 21 at 06:40 AM • permalink


    1. And Infidel Tiger, I wish I’d realised you were in Sydney, I was there recently and met up with some of the denizens from this happy little family!

      Posted by kae on 2007 05 21 at 06:42 AM • permalink


    1. At risk of sounding callous, kae, might I suggest that you find something to distract you from your pain? A hockey match, perhaps?(I’d find an appropriate photo to link to but I’ve burned up all my fast time for this month.)

      Posted by SwinishCapitalist on 2007 05 21 at 06:56 AM • permalink


    1. #100.

      The account’s in the mail.

      Posted by Dminor on 2007 05 21 at 06:57 AM • permalink


    1. Wot? You don’t bulk bill?
      Thanks again!

      Posted by kae on 2007 05 21 at 07:02 AM • permalink


    1. Conference Time
      Editor: Ok, people. Hicks is back, and we need to keep this rolling along until the election. Don’t let it die on us, please. Talk to anyone, as long as they have a grievance.
      Reporter1: I have a terrific piece on the AWB …
      Editor: Yes, great. Old news, but there’s a bit left in it while the conservatives fight amongst themselves about the Single Desk. If nothing else, it is now part of the “mistakes history” we run until election time.
      Reporter2: I would like to go in very hard on these huge government advertising campaigns.
      Editor: Go for it, just avoid any mention of the huge union funded advertising campaign which started this cycle off. You realize that we are on tricky ground with this one. None of these grandstanders give a damn about the worker, but the unions are fighting for survival, and the ALP depends on them for so much, it is a symbiotic relationship.
      Cub Reporter: What’s symbiotic? Is it like shambolic?
      Editor: In this case yes, but do get yourself a dictionary, Tarquin.
      Reporter3: We have been on election mode for so long now, and there’s still months to go. Do we have to cover “election stuff” to the exclusion of other news?
      Editor: Thanks for the thought – you remind me that Climate Change is an ongoing, non-political subject we have to follow closely. Watch out for those looming loonies who are trying to say that the global warming debate has been overdone and exaggerated to hell. They might be scientists, the ones emerging now, but they are not scientists we wish to give coverage to.
      Reporter4: I have prepared a piece along the lines of “Labor governments have avoided planning for water supplies in all states, and have locked up all suitable dam sites in new National Parks”.
      Editor: Sorry, Rebecca, didn’t I tell you about your posting to Booligal? You leave immediately.

      Posted by blogstrop on 2007 05 21 at 07:13 AM • permalink


    1. KK – it was in the blog news section at around 7:00 to 8:10 mins when Tom reviews one of Tims blogs posts.

      Posted by bondo on 2007 05 21 at 07:26 AM • permalink


    1. #106 ta muchly

      Posted by KK on 2007 05 21 at 07:40 AM • permalink


    1. #102
      It’s OK, Your Swinish Callousness. I’d ignore it, but it’s a bit hard to when it’s building up, and ‘in your face’, so to speak. I think the drugs are working now, and I’m surfing the net… must go to bed early-ish, though.

      Posted by kae on 2007 05 21 at 07:44 AM • permalink


    1. Sex is the best painkiller, kae.

      You might need to kick your partner in the nuts a couple thousand times to make it work long enough, though.

      Posted by Mike_W on 2007 05 21 at 07:51 AM • permalink


    1. The Gulfstream roared and left the ground,
      It shook and groaned as it turned around,
      And when it sped from Guantanamo Bay,
      Its shackled cargo had nothing to say.

      A man-child as stupid as can be found,
      Mohammed Dawood had a last look around,
      His thoughts then turned to what lay ahead,
      It was not shame, but fear, which filled his head.

      A devious coward who turned and fled,
      The Australian people he spurned and bled,
      Would their anger now come down on his head,
      In jail, at home, at night, or in bed?

      His father, his lawyers, and various writers,
      Who spoke up for him and his Jihadi fighters,
      Are not they ashamed of ‘David Hicks glory’,
      And still they insist that he tells his story.

      University Press, foolish left, for shame,
      Only once do the right, not mention the name,
      With no courage, a cretin, a moron, a bore,
      The tale is ended, to us he’s no more.

      Posted by CO² max on 2007 05 21 at 08:00 AM • permalink


    1. *sob*

      Thanks Mike W.

      I’m a divorcee.

      I have a pulse.
      I move.

      I have a BFS**.

      What more could a man want?
      **BFS (Big Fucking Shed)

      Posted by kae on 2007 05 21 at 08:03 AM • permalink


    1. You have a Big Fucking Shed?
      Gotta ask – have you ever done anything else in it?

      Posted by SwinishCapitalist on 2007 05 21 at 08:15 AM • permalink


    1. No, it’s a figure of speech.
      BFS (11m x 5m x 2.6m)
      3 phase power
      It was the ex’s ‘folly’.
      His Pride And Joy.
      He didn’t take it with him when he left…
      or his big-screen TV.
      Or the mowers.
      Or the whipper snipper.

      But he took my teapot.
      And some tupperware.
      And the hedge shears.

      Never understood why.

      Posted by kae on 2007 05 21 at 08:20 AM • permalink


    1. Teapot, tupperware, shears – what about the lingerie?
      Bloody pervert.

      Posted by SwinishCapitalist on 2007 05 21 at 08:22 AM • permalink


    1. Man … if I had a BFS, I’d build a full scale B-17 Flying Fortress.

      Sorry kae, priorities and all understand… ahem…

      Posted by Mike_W on 2007 05 21 at 08:23 AM • permalink


    1. #115

      Yes, Mike W, I think it’s a ‘bloke thing’.

      I’m a good distractor, though. And familiar with the etiquette of “Beer o’clock”.

      Oh, and Swinish, I never saw him in lingerie – but it would have been funny. 6’1, long legs, short body, blonde.
      Looked a bit like Bart Simpson, actually.

      married divorced Bart Simpson…
      He was a fan, too.

      Posted by kae on 2007 05 21 at 08:27 AM • permalink


    1. Oh well Kae – better to have loved and lost some Tupperware, and gained a big screen TV, than never to have had a big screen TV in the first place.

      Posted by bondo on 2007 05 21 at 08:35 AM • permalink


    1. Yeah, Bondo, that’s very philosophical. But the teev is on the fritz, it’s ancient!
      I’m off to bed. Night all.

      Posted by kae on 2007 05 21 at 08:55 AM • permalink


    1. #118
      And as she brushed her teeth, she remembered
      “The washing.” Arrgh.

      It’s a beautiful night, still and foggy. Wish I could take a photo. It might be a foggy morning tomorrow – doesn’t usually get foggy this high. It was foggy when I was travelling home, it’s rained here today after a long dry – not much rain. The sky was clear and the fog was rising. It rained again a few hours ago. Now it’s cleared and the fog has taken over.

      Nite, again!

      Posted by kae on 2007 05 21 at 09:20 AM • permalink


    1. Maybe the drugs are working…

      Posted by kae on 2007 05 21 at 09:21 AM • permalink


    1. the tupperware eh?  that would hurt (sniggering)

      Posted by KK on 2007 05 21 at 10:31 AM • permalink


    1. Just a mention for all the Canadian Blairbots.

      Victoria Day in Canada. Although I suspect that 99% of you might have started just a tad early.  Hmmm, let me see about halfway through overtime on Saturday is my wild guess!

      Posted by yojimbo on 2007 05 21 at 10:47 AM • permalink


    1. OT, Ant Lowenstein’s book is now at #208,672. How long do you reckon it’ll be before he buys another copy?

      Posted by Ash_ on 2007 05 21 at 11:11 AM • permalink


    1. Hey, Ozzies… is the cooking in Australian prisons?  Maybe Terry Hicks can start a new campaign to improve prison chow.

      Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2007 05 21 at 11:13 AM • permalink


    1. TRJS, hopefully it’s worse than the stuff they serve in hospitals.

      Or even better, catered by Spotless Catering.

      Posted by Ash_ on 2007 05 21 at 11:14 AM • permalink


    1. Still sliding… #212,018.

      Posted by Ash_ on 2007 05 21 at 12:13 PM • permalink


    1. One of my “extra special” Che burgers will fix him right up!

      Free of charge.  My pleasure.

      Posted by yojimbo on 2007 05 21 at 12:32 PM • permalink


    1. TRJS, I believe Hicks is entitled to all the Vegemite he can eat.  Which, as I understand it, comes down to about a half cup, they recycle it endlessly.  Sometimes they add a little salt to the intermediate product.

      Posted by Steve Skubinna on 2007 05 21 at 12:36 PM • permalink


    1. Is this article saying that since I no longer have to pay fees for something I don’t want or need, Kevni Ruff’s government are going to force me to take out a loan to pay for it? And presumably, I’m going to get hit for interest too?

      Posted by Ash_ on 2007 05 21 at 12:40 PM • permalink


    1. Geez, Ant’s sales are dropping in a hurry. Now at #219,196.

      Posted by Ash_ on 2007 05 21 at 12:43 PM • permalink


    1. #129 ash_

      Yes it’s a compulsory loan

      One thing which really p*ssed me off at Uni while doing my Masters in the evening – after a long day at work, and using NONE of the Uni facilities except those paid for by taxpayers like the library, I still had to fork out hundreds of dollars in Union fees

      Ten years later I’m still p*ssed off about this blatant extortion

      Posted by aussiemagpie on 2007 05 21 at 12:58 PM • permalink


    1. #131 Damn AussieMagpie. I was hoping I read it wrong.

      I might have to start spreading the news at uni now. At least we now know that Labor is going to get a ton of money through interest to finance some of their stupid policies.

      Posted by Ash_ on 2007 05 21 at 01:05 PM • permalink


    1. I see that expletive deleteds new movie is again a big hit at the Cannes Film Festival.

      Trying to comprehend the incomprehensible is just too tough so I won’t try.

      Posted by yojimbo on 2007 05 21 at 01:12 PM • permalink


    1. I also see that Tripoli has moved!

      Reminds me of the old joke about the guy who moved his family a thousand miles only to discover that the milkman was the same guy.

      Posted by yojimbo on 2007 05 21 at 01:15 PM • permalink


    1. #132 ash_

      Compulsory is the key word

      Just like the old Union fees – except now probably heaps more with interest

      What an extortion racket

      Uni students – vote Labor and be in more debt

      Posted by aussiemagpie on 2007 05 21 at 01:34 PM • permalink


    1. #136 Aussie, I’m just glad that I finish my degree this year and won’t help Kevni score extra money.

      Though I’m sure he’ll find someway of extracting money from me. I suspect he’ll backflip on this policy though.

      Posted by Ash_ on 2007 05 21 at 01:46 PM • permalink


    1. Ant’s down to #225,678. He’ll hit 500,000 in no time!

      Posted by Ash_ on 2007 05 21 at 01:49 PM • permalink


    1. OT

      Good news for the ladies…

      Find me a better bra! Although personally, I kind of liked it the other way.

      I’ve been looking at women’s breasts a lot lately. Can’t help it. It’s my job.

      Since the weather warmed up, our figures (including those pesky bust lines) are on display. And it has quickly become clear to me that a lot of us have been dropping the ball, so to speak, when it comes to uplift.

      This is why I’ve launched a Springtime Bosom Patrol—to diagnose the problems and find solutions.

      In addition to droop, there is what is euphemistically known as lack of “complete coverage” at the “apex of the breast” or, to us plain talkers:nipple show-through.

      The article goes on…I just happened to stop at the point (no pun intended) above.

      Posted by El Cid on 2007 05 21 at 02:26 PM • permalink


    1. #72: Hilarious, Mr. Creosote!

      You know, I realize this is never going to happen, but I swear I’d eat Lowenstein’s book (hell, I’d even read it) if Hicks or some other similarly-deluded western quisling would have a genuine epiphany, and tell the world, “Look. I made an immoral and idiotic decision the day I turned my back on my homeland and pledged my life to a violent and alien worldview, and I’m going to dedicate the rest of my life to making amends any way I can, and I’m going to start by denouncing militant Islam and by thanking God for giving me the opportunity to return home to the best country in the world.”

      Never happen, I suppose. If it did, you’d probably never know about it because the big media outlets wouldn’t be interested (except, perhaps, as another example of our predilection for torture and brainwashing).

      Posted by paco on 2007 05 21 at 02:41 PM • permalink


    1. #139, Paco, even if someone like Hicks said that, it would simply be as a result of being tortured in Gitmo. You know, feeding him, letting him study, that kind of thing. You monsters!

      Posted by Ash_ on 2007 05 21 at 04:21 PM • permalink


    1. #140: Exactly! Hicks would vanish from the first page faster than good economic news.

      Posted by paco on 2007 05 21 at 04:29 PM • permalink


    1. It’s almost time for Ant to rip out his Visa and buy another copy. It’s at #245,697.

      Posted by Ash_ on 2007 05 21 at 04:32 PM • permalink


    1. #141 Not to mention that tape recording of Greg Combet’s girlfriend reading “Das Kapital” in German that the Men in Charge were playing in a loop over the PA system.

      Oh wait, that was just a terrifying dream…

      Posted by Ash_ on 2007 05 21 at 04:34 PM • permalink


    1. Or…..was…

      Posted by yojimbo on 2007 05 21 at 04:38 PM • permalink


    1. I’m still waiting for Das Kapital – The Movie. Thesis, antithesis and synthesis fight it out in a no-holds-barred struggle for economic primacy, where steady nerves, a quick draw, and a cheesy (albeit unique) soundtrack all come together in a dusty graveyard to determine who will ride off into the sunset with a bag full of suplus value. Or has this been done before?

      Posted by paco on 2007 05 21 at 05:00 PM • permalink


    1. Geez, for a second there I though you were referring to the roadshow for the initial offering of which you still haven’t gotten around to.

      Posted by yojimbo on 2007 05 21 at 05:12 PM • permalink


    1. G’morning, Paco.
      I caught the tail end of a news item in the last few days. It appeared to be one of Mohammed Dawood’s minders assuring us that Dawy was not going to sell his story and he was going to be a good Australian boy in the future.
      Hardly the epiphany of your dreams.  I wouldn’t start eating any books yet.
      But it may be an indication that Dawy wants to be out of the limelight.

      Posted by Skeeter on 2007 05 21 at 05:19 PM • permalink


    1. Another post would be nice, you lazy jerk.

      I demand more unpaid entertainment!

      Posted by TallDave on 2007 05 21 at 05:46 PM • permalink


    1. Oh, look what I’ve found!

      Posted by kae on 2007 05 21 at 06:26 PM • permalink


    1. Here you go, Dave.

      Posted by dean martin on 2007 05 21 at 06:28 PM • permalink


    1. And g’morning Kae.
      How’s your jaw this morning?
      During my last descale the dentist said that he wants to remove two wisdom molars next visit. After reading about your woes, I have decided to keep em.

      Posted by Skeeter on 2007 05 21 at 07:13 PM • permalink


    1. Hi Skeets
      I think I’ve just been unlucky.
      Only 5% of extractions have this dry socket problem…

      Why couldn’t I win lotto?

      If it wasn’t for BAD LUCK, I wouldn’t have any luck!

      Enough of my tooth thingy.
      How is everyone?

      I have forgotten where you are Skeeter, did you get any rain recently?

      Posted by kae on 2007 05 21 at 07:20 PM • permalink


    1. There were patches of fog in the low areas this morning. Sunrise was quite pretty.
      I like dawn, I just wish I didn’t have to be driving to work in it! (And home after dark!)

      Posted by kae on 2007 05 21 at 07:23 PM • permalink


    1. Hi kae. Gold Coast hinterland. There has been just enough rain to keep the grass green until the first frosts brown it off next month. Our tanks are full and we can now last until the summer rains.

      Posted by Skeeter on 2007 05 21 at 07:26 PM • permalink


    1. Looks like another internal promotion for an ABC ‘personality’.

      Posted by craigo on 2007 05 21 at 07:31 PM • permalink


    1. My brother and SIL are at Mudeegraba Mugeeraba (however it’s spelt).
      I’m out past Ipswich.

      My SIL came up for a job on the Coast. My brother came up and they looked for houses, he was up the day the Hinze Dam filled up. One day it was looking quite empty, the next it was full! Amazing. It was built in a good spot.

      Posted by kae on 2007 05 21 at 07:33 PM • permalink


    1. Kae. Nearly right—just needs a “d” to make it Mudgeeraba. Quite close to us and much the same climate.

      Posted by Skeeter on 2007 05 21 at 07:40 PM • permalink


    1. O/T, but the dollar has really slid in value overnight.  According to the SMH:

      Cutty Sark had been closed to visitors since last year for a £25 million ($602 million) renovation.

      Hell, that means it takes $24 hopeless Australia dollars to buy a single pound.  When I watched the news last night, I was sure our dollar was worth a bit more than that.  Did we suddenly stop all mining activity while I was asleep?


      Posted by mr creosote on 2007 05 21 at 07:45 PM • permalink


    1. #155 Craig: After a career of reading BOM forecasts into a microphone, Mike Bailey should be well equipped to run the country. (/sarc)

      Posted by Skeeter on 2007 05 21 at 07:47 PM • permalink


    1. OT: Rudd’s new candidate for a seat is weather man Mike Bailey !!!

      Who next? Claude Crow? Fred Bear? Miser Meanie?

      Posted by Nic on 2007 05 21 at 07:50 PM • permalink


    1. Sorry Craigo #155, I missed yours.

      Posted by Nic on 2007 05 21 at 07:51 PM • permalink


    1. #85 Damn you, Dean Martin, you’ve gotten me watching watching watching…Monty Python.

      Posted by Wimpy Canadian on 2007 05 21 at 08:14 PM • permalink


    1. Is anyone else having trouble with Google Earth?
      For the last few days, every time I try to start it, mine comes up with “Google Earth has encountered a problem…”

      Posted by Skeeter on 2007 05 21 at 08:17 PM • permalink


    1. O/T
      I am sick to death of hearing about how we should be sorry and we should have reconcilitation with aborigines and we should do more

      “we” have been throwing money at the aboriginal health (and other problems) issue for many years and STILL they are not thriving.

      Some are too busy being activists, fighting for absolute shit.

      The bloke up in Toowoomba who had a big protest about the E.S. (Nigger) Brown grandstand at the football ground has won. It annoys me. It was not meant as a derogatory name for anyone, we used to have Nigger Brown Boot Polish and he was white, with blonde hair and so the name Nigger Brown (like boot polish) was a perfect Australian nickname for him.

      The bloke up tin Toowoomba has won. They are demolishing the stand because he says it is an insult.

      He’s a fucking moron.

      He should be activising for more important things, like stopping wife bashing, stopping drunkenness, stopping child abuse, stopping child sexual abuse, stopping sexual abuse, stopping violence, stopping petrol sniffing.

      But no. Steven Hagan wants to get rid of a grandstand. He also wanted to ban Coon cheese, named for the Coon family who patented the process for the accelerated ripening of natural, unprocessed cheese in 1926. Coon cheese history.

      Posted by kae on 2007 05 21 at 08:21 PM • permalink


    1. #163

      Probably due to Global Warming and the end of the world (is nigh).

      Posted by kae on 2007 05 21 at 08:23 PM • permalink


    1. 164

      Gosh kae and I thought my find me a bra story was important.

      Posted by El Cid on 2007 05 21 at 08:26 PM • permalink


    1. David Hicks – the final installment.

      phone rings.

      GLW: “Hello, Green Left Weekly, how may we destroy capitalism for you?”

      Caller: “You’re my last hope.  It’s David Hicks here.  The Muslims are trying to kill me.”

      GLW: “Sorry, we’re only interested in stories that promote the smashing of the capitalist state, or the slaughter and murder and destruction of whales and the planet.  Your fate as an individual snowflake is of no interest to us.  You should welcome your return to the arms of Gaia though, but we would recommend a carbon-neutral funeral.  Can we interest you in some carbon offsets to go with that?”

      Caller: “What?  You care more about the whales than you do about me?  Hell, the Taliban were right all along.  If I had an RPG and a knife, you’d all be a foot shorter by sundown.”

      GLW: “We would run a story if you were a whale.  Are you a whale?”

      Caller: “Fuck you.  I know I put some weight on whilst in Gitmo, but I’m not that fucking fat.”

      GLW: “Are the Japanese after you?  We hate the Japanese.  They rape everything.  Nanking.  The planet.  Whales.”

      Caller: “No, I am being followed by people with beards, not people with slitty eyes.”

      GLW: “Beards hey?  Are you sure it’s not a delegation from our sales office?  Can I interest you in a subscription?”

      Caller: “Look, why won’t you run a story about Muslims wanting to kill me?”

      GLW: “Because Muslims are very friendly towards Gaia.  Muslims produce very little CO2.”

      Caller: “You idiot.  Where do you think all the oil comes from?”

      GLW: “Oh no, you see all the oil is dug up by evil Amerikan corporations.  The Muslims just happen to be perched on top of it.  It’s not their fault that Gaia happened to leave all that oil under them.  We would run a story though if the CIA or Mossad were after you.  Are they trying to kill you?”

      Caller: “If they were, they had 5 years in which to do it.  No, Mossad are not after me.”

      GLW: “That’s a pity. Go eat some more KFC and if you get big enough, we might run a story on you.”

      Caller: “Great.  How am I supposed to run away from the Palestinians with a bucket of drumsticks under my arm?”


      Posted by mr creosote on 2007 05 21 at 08:32 PM • permalink


    1. Try The Big Issue; or, failing that, the Moreland Leader.

      Posted by ilibcc on 2007 05 21 at 08:50 PM • permalink


    1. This’ll teach you guys to get me watching Monty P. again.

      Posted by Wimpy Canadian on 2007 05 21 at 09:05 PM • permalink


    1. A Survey for Readers

      Anyone here heard of George Forbes?

      No, I didn’t think so.

      He was convicted yesterday by a Sudanese court of the murder of man found hanged. Never mind that the autopsy reported suicide as the cause of death.

      He faces the death penalty.

      If only Forbes had converted to Islam and tried to kill Jews and Americans, or was arrested by Americans, he’d be getting a bit more support from some people.

      Posted by Dan Lewis on 2007 05 21 at 09:15 PM • permalink


    1. #168.  ilibcc, thanks for the tip on the Moreland Leader.  Interesting to see that they call a spade a spade when doing stories on men of no appearance.

      Posted by mr creosote on 2007 05 21 at 09:28 PM • permalink


    1. O/T and shameless plug, but if you’re having trouble getting a space for your curtain tugger in a subsidised childminding centre while you’re out raping the third world at the stock exchange, on the piss and the pokies or pointlessly burning our dwindling oil reserves and adding to the pall of greenhouse gas by hooning around a public reserve on a 2 stroke moped, why not try Put A Child Out rugmonkey gulags?

      The name refers to placing the kiddie out-doors in healthy fresh air and vitamin D rich sunshine, not because we inadvertantly set the little bastards on fire with fag ash.

      We have plenty of spaces, and what’s more our brat wranglers are sourced from nature and the third world, providing revenue to places in need and leaving a minimal carbon footprint.

      Our carers are highly vigilant and agile, and little Tarquin and Tiffany-Schapelle won’t be allowed out of their sight, let alone be whisked away by some kiddy-fiddling pervie or fall into an open cesspit.

      Try PACO all natural creches, they’re top of the scale!

      Posted by Habib on 2007 05 21 at 09:30 PM • permalink


    1. Good lord! Habib pushing the Paco line? There’ll be no stopping us, now! Bill Gates will be my personal help-desk! Warren Buffet will be my knife and boot boy! George Soros . . .

      Wronwright, great news! George Soros is going to replace you as my food taster!

      Posted by paco on 2007 05 21 at 10:04 PM • permalink


    1. #160 – At first I thought of Channel 10’s Sydney weatherman (Tim Bailey) and had a quiet chuckle to myself…

      Posted by Ian Deans on 2007 05 21 at 10:18 PM • permalink


    1. OK, I have a question. After reading the comments thread for the Hicks story, is this a commonly held belief in Australia? That Hicks was tortured daily at Guantanimo, and that he is an innocent victim of a mix up? Or are his supporters and defenders extremely vocal and all show up to comment at every opportunity?

      Posted by moptop on 2007 05 21 at 10:22 PM • permalink


    1. His supporters and defenders are extremely vocal and all show up to comment at every opportunity.

      It’s kind of pathetic really Moptop.

      Posted by Ash_ on 2007 05 21 at 10:25 PM • permalink


    1. #175- The dwindling readership of Fairfax and audience of the ABC are convinced Hicksie is a mere pawn, a backpacker who was led astray and is being persecuted by HoWARd and Bushitlerburtonmacfeastexxon for their own propaganda ends, and is a true working class hero, battling goliath-like forces to defend his beliefs. Why else would he have been named David?

      Meanwhile, the remaining 99% of the population either don’t give a fuck and wish they’d go back to putting items about Kylie’s arse and the latest Big Brother inanity on the lead news and front pages of the print meeja, or would like the fat little bastard to be sewn into a sackful of rabid ferrets and used as the ball in a game of elephant soccer.

      I’m in the latter category, plus I’d like to see the end of the endless reporting of every boring facet of his futile, pointless and insignificant life. The only item I want to read about ‘Mo Daewoo is that he has been eaten by the Snowtown boyos or has had to be rushed to hospital for emergency rectal repairs after his first shower in the general population.

      I wish his idiot father would STFU an’all.

      Posted by Habib on 2007 05 21 at 10:32 PM • permalink


    1. #146 Yojimbo – I’m working on, but I’ve got a thrilling new twist: books rewritten while you wait! Don’t like the way the Civil War turned out in Gone With the Wind? No problem! We knock off General Grant in a drunk buggy-driving accident and the South wins! Do you think The Feminine Mystique would be a better read if it had been written by Habib? So do I, so – Presto! – feminism given the bluff and hearty treatment! “Antony Lowenstein’s, My Israel Question? Isn’t that the gorgeous new coffee table book on the mating habits of the Nubian ibex?” It is now!

      Oh, this is big . . .

      Posted by paco on 2007 05 21 at 10:36 PM • permalink


    1. Keep sliding Ant. In the nicest possible way. Now at #289,954.

      Posted by Ash_ on 2007 05 21 at 10:37 PM • permalink


    1. “Manufacturing Consent” from a monster truck derby perspective?

      Posted by Habib on 2007 05 21 at 10:39 PM • permalink


    1. “Watership Down” as a barbeque cookbook?

      BTW- when my old man was lecturing at the couter disaster college in Mt Macedon, Victoria in the ‘80s there was a butcher shop in the main street- he reckons it used to have dressed rabbit carcasses hung in the window with the following sign below-

      Watership Down- you’ve read the book, you’ve seen the movie, now eat the cast.

      Posted by Habib on 2007 05 21 at 10:42 PM • permalink


    1. Or how about “Watership Down Syndrome”– a hilarious romp where retarded rabbits get up to all sorts of hijinks, like leaping into oncoming combine harvesters, tongue kissing calicivirus carriers and holding 10-80 chugging competitions. A lepus laff riot!

      Posted by Habib on 2007 05 21 at 10:46 PM • permalink


    1. ?”Redwall as a manual on rodent control?

      Posted by Grimmy on 2007 05 21 at 10:49 PM • permalink


    1. umm..about that leading ? thingy.. pretend I was translating from Spanish or something, ok?

      Posted by Grimmy on 2007 05 21 at 10:49 PM • permalink


    1. “Das Kapital” as how to profit from the booming new industries of the 20th century.

      Posted by Grimmy on 2007 05 21 at 10:52 PM • permalink


    1. “Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus”: space opera.

      Posted by Dminor on 2007 05 21 at 10:53 PM • permalink


    1. “An Inconvenient Truth”: waste of space opera.

      Posted by Dminor on 2007 05 21 at 10:56 PM • permalink


    1. “The Secret” – everyone thinks you’re an A-grade fuckwit.

      Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 05 21 at 10:59 PM • permalink


    1. #84 – And they said I’d never amount to anything. In your face parole board!

      Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 05 21 at 11:03 PM • permalink


    1. #188 Come again?

      Posted by Dminor on 2007 05 21 at 11:06 PM • permalink


    1. “My Israel Question” – why on earth did they let Ant into the country?

      Posted by Ash_ on 2007 05 21 at 11:07 PM • permalink


    1. O/T, as if this thread has any semblance of its original plot…

      Could some of the Lefty lurvvies be finally waking up and smalling the coffee?
      Ayaan Hirsi Ali is finishing speaker at the Sydney Writers’ Festival, good news, the better news is she has sold out already!

      This festival appears to have some class acts this year, including Antony Beevor . Something for every RWDB!

      Posted by thefrollickingmole on 2007 05 21 at 11:08 PM • permalink


    1. “Lord of the Rings” – Ron Walker and the Olympic Games

      Posted by Ash_ on 2007 05 21 at 11:08 PM • permalink


    1. #190 – Don’t tell me you haven’t heard of this latest wankarama extravaganza that’s taking the world by storm, one clueless dickwad at a time? All you need to know is that it’s helped Oprah get her groove on – pity it hasn’t helped the lying cow come out of the closet.

      Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 05 21 at 11:10 PM • permalink


    1. #194 Infidel, isn’t that the thing where if you visualise yourself having it, one day it’ll just be handed to you? Geez, don’t work for it or anything.

      Posted by Ash_ on 2007 05 21 at 11:14 PM • permalink


    1. I think a soldier’s “adventure of a lifetime” of slaughtering moslems is far more worthy.  But hey, that’s just me and my crap has a higher IQ than any journalist who has ever lived, so who’s going to listen to me?  No reporto-tard, that’s for sure.

      Posted by Hucbald on 2007 05 21 at 11:15 PM • permalink


    1. #195 – That’s the one. I’m sick of this new age baloney, whatever happened to relying on a rabbit’s foot or a lucky pair of undies?

      Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 05 21 at 11:17 PM • permalink


    1. #181 & # 182: If laughter is, indeed, the best medicine, then I believe I’ve just overdosed.

      Posted by paco on 2007 05 21 at 11:18 PM • permalink


    1. I’m with you now, Infidel. Clearly I lead an overly sheltered existence. Had no idea it was popular.

      Keep your eyes open then for Dminor, world’s bestselling author, composer and cricketer, coming soon.

      Posted by Dminor on 2007 05 21 at 11:21 PM • permalink


    1. #197 I still rely on my lucky pair of boxers. Can’t break tradition now.

      Posted by Ash_ on 2007 05 21 at 11:22 PM • permalink


    1. #199 – Apparently it’s the biggest selling self help book of all time. Funnily enough I thought that was Playboy.

      Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 05 21 at 11:24 PM • permalink


    1. #194 & 195
      Yeah, the power of positive thinking.

      Sure, and that works.

      Posted by kae on 2007 05 21 at 11:26 PM • permalink


    1. #188: Infidel Tiger – Hadn’t heard about the show but it sounds hilarious. For those not in the know, read all about it!. And no, it’s not part of the Paco Enterprises family of fine consumer products and services (although it sounds like it ought to be).

      Posted by paco on 2007 05 21 at 11:27 PM • permalink


    1. The Secret is just another way to swindle gullible people out of money.

      It really should be one of your products, Paco. It’d fit in.

      Posted by Ash_ on 2007 05 21 at 11:29 PM • permalink


    1. We’re being unkind.  The TaliTubby has a real contribution to make to the environment. Ideally as landfill or fertilizer…

      Posted by richard mcenroe on 2007 05 21 at 11:29 PM • permalink


    1. But kae, the authors have made squillions from it, therefore it must work.

      Posted by Dminor on 2007 05 21 at 11:29 PM • permalink


    1. #205, richard mcenroe:

      TaliTubby and his kind could be processed into a low cost powdered protein supplement for starving victims of islamofascism all over the “3rd world” area.

      Posted by Grimmy on 2007 05 21 at 11:36 PM • permalink


    1. The Secret was described as Psychology 101.

      I have heard it from a ‘spiritual’ friend.
      “Send it out into the universe and it will come back to you.”

      Sure, whatever.

      Posted by kae on 2007 05 21 at 11:36 PM • permalink


    1. “Send it out into the universe and it will come back to you.”

      Sounds like the warning label on a boomerang.

      Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 05 21 at 11:38 PM • permalink


    1. “Mein Kampf” – hilarious German parody of a really camp Austrian.

      Posted by carpefraise on 2007 05 21 at 11:42 PM • permalink


    1. Das Boot Where the submarine disappears from the pier at the last second before the allied bombs hit, and reappears in a Beatles movie. The captain gives John Lennon his hat.

      Posted by moptop on 2007 05 21 at 11:50 PM • permalink


    1. Ok ok, this stuff should be left to professionals.

      Posted by moptop on 2007 05 21 at 11:53 PM • permalink


    1. moptop:

      I thought “Das Boot”was a history of european naval footwear?

      Posted by Grimmy on 2007 05 21 at 11:57 PM • permalink


    1. The Koran by Tom Clancy: Jack Ryan singlehandedly takes down an international paedophile ring.

      Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 05 21 at 11:57 PM • permalink


    1. Bambi – the inspiring story of a small-time stripper who works her way up the ladder, lap dance after grueling lap dance, to become the star attraction at the Champagne Room.

      Posted by Blue State Sil on 2007 05 21 at 11:59 PM • permalink


    1. Your thinking of “Der Boots”

      Posted by moptop on 2007 05 21 at 11:59 PM • permalink


    1. #215 – I’ll wait for the movie.

      Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 05 22 at 12:00 AM • permalink


    1. ask and sports star and they will tell you that at some point in their career someone has told them to visualise winning.  Visualise what you will have to do to win.  I dont think the secret is any different to that its just that you pay a fortune for people you have never met to tell you that when you should have just listed to your Phys Ed teacher in high school

      Posted by Killaette on 2007 05 22 at 12:00 AM • permalink


    1. I know someone who paid good money for “The Secret”. She lost 20 pounds, but so far, her visualized desire to make a movie star living as a bikini wax magnate has not panned out.

      Posted by moptop on 2007 05 22 at 12:07 AM • permalink


    1. #215 sounds like that Nando’s chicken ad where the mother is a stripper with a nando’s patch on her backside.

      Does anyone else find that ad disturbing?

      Posted by Killaette on 2007 05 22 at 12:07 AM • permalink


    1. #215- What about “Bambi Meets Godzilla”?

      Posted by Habib on 2007 05 22 at 12:09 AM • permalink


    1. Five Go Camping Again by Dan Brown:

      Uncle Quentin’s investigations into ancient architecture and painting had taken a sudden nasty turn and he was in no mood to be disturbed.

      Which made it all the more annoying that, just as he had realised that the fact of Jesus Christ’s marriage to Mary Magdalene had been publicly revealed, the children had stormed into the kitchen, home for the holidays. Timmy had immediately set up a barking fit to bring the house down.

      Uncle Quentin came to the door of his office, glared at the children and then without a word, slammed his office door on the noise and returned to his desk. Pulling over his rolodex, he located the names of his Opus Dei colleagues. He had some quick work to do and there wasn’t much time.

      Posted by ilibcc on 2007 05 22 at 12:12 AM • permalink


    1. The final brutal injection of reality into the Harry Potter series-

      “Harry Potter and the Act of Gross Indeceny With Hogwarts Housemasters”.

      Posted by Habib on 2007 05 22 at 12:21 AM • permalink


    1. guy rundle in crikey smells a jewish conspiracy…

      And why is Pearson so vehemently arguing that Hicks is a terrorist, when no-one else is? Doubtless it has nothing to do with his close connection to right-wing zionist Isi Leibler, or the fact that the firm Arnold Bloch Leibler is running internships and mentorships for young Cape Yorkers …

      Posted by KK on 2007 05 22 at 12:22 AM • permalink


    1. Mossad made him confess to being a terrorist.

      Posted by Habib on 2007 05 22 at 12:30 AM • permalink


    1. Last week the Chaser boys did a bit about the Secret

      They visualised a few things – with very funny results

      Posted by aussiemagpie on 2007 05 22 at 12:32 AM • permalink


    1. Ant is now at #300,336. I would have thought he’d buy another copy by now.

      Posted by Ash_ on 2007 05 22 at 12:32 AM • permalink


    1. Deliverance With porker David Hicks in the Ned Beatty role.

      Posted by moptop on 2007 05 22 at 12:32 AM • permalink


    1. The Chaser Boys on The Secret.

      Posted by Ash_ on 2007 05 22 at 12:35 AM • permalink


    1. Diggers in Iraq.

      Posted by flying pigs over mecca on 2007 05 22 at 12:36 AM • permalink


    1. #221 – I haven’t seen that in AGES.  Thanks for the link!

      Alas, the book version isn’t anywhere near as entertaining.  It’s billed as the true story of Bambi’s desperate international quest to recover her diamond-encrusted G-string from the Yakuza boss who claimed it as a souvenir of the private dance she gave him, but thus far all reviews have panned it as everything from “a beastly work of wretched fiction that reads as though it were written by a dirty-minded seventeen-year-old Dan Brown wannabe on a three-day bender” to “complete and utter bollocks.”

      Posted by Blue State Sil on 2007 05 22 at 01:09 AM • permalink


    1. #230 BTW, that’s three links, it just looks like one.

      Posted by flying pigs over mecca on 2007 05 22 at 01:51 AM • permalink


    1. #229 ash_

      Thanks for finding that link to the Chasers on YouTube!

      Posted by aussiemagpie on 2007 05 22 at 01:53 AM • permalink


    1. No problem Magpie. The Chaser are funny.

      Posted by Ash_ on 2007 05 22 at 02:48 AM • permalink


    1. Most annoying thing to happen to me today?

      Get in the lift. Woman gets in lift with bicycle with fellow traveller in lift. Another person gets in. Gets off next floor.
      Bicycle lady’s travelling companion gets out of lift. Then Bicycle lady speaks with me.
      “Sorry the bike takes up so much space… but look on the bright side, it’s clean.” paraphrase “I’m doing my bit to save the planet.”

      I replied “Yeah sure, well, I wouldn’t be riding a bicycle 92km to work and back every day, there’s a couple of BIG hills on the way.”


      Posted by kae on 2007 05 22 at 04:50 AM • permalink


    1. #232, Muzzie Zapper:

      Doing it proud!

      Posted by Grimmy on 2007 05 22 at 06:19 AM • permalink


    1. Grimmy—Charity begins at home.  We should be feeding that protein supplement to starving vegan babies…

      Posted by richard mcenroe on 2007 05 22 at 09:37 AM • permalink


    1. To cheer you up I see antiwar poster boy Jesse ‘liar’ MacBeth/Al-Zaid is getting charged for being the con artist he is.,2933,274097,00.html

      Posted by rsloch on 2007 05 22 at 09:39 AM • permalink


    1. #173 paco –

      Wronwright, great news! George Soros is going to replace you as my food taster!

      Oh, I hate it when paco does that.

      People, for the record, I am not paco’s food taster.  I do that exclusively for Karl Rove, along with changing his bathroom tissue dispenser, spraying Glade, emptying his trash can, shredding his evil plans of world domination, and a few other choice tasks.

      I am not paco’s flunky!

      Posted by wronwright on 2007 05 22 at 02:41 PM • permalink


    1. And right you are wronwright!

      Oh, yeah, before I forget. Paco directed me to remind you that the floor in the stockroom needs mopping.

      Posted by Grimmy on 2007 05 22 at 06:41 PM • permalink


    1. #220, Killaette

      Does anyone else find that ad disturbing?

      I found it disturbing and am relieved to know at least one other person did.  But I also thought the movie “Pretty Woman” (Julia Roberts, Richard Gere) was disturbing because to my mind it put prostituion forward as a viable career choice for young women.

      My family though thinks I’m just “not cool”.

      Posted by ann j on 2007 05 22 at 06:51 PM • permalink


    1. #220 and #241

      I can’t quite get the connection between a stripper/pole dancer and a Chicken shop.

      There are some pretty sick adverts out there – the tongue one for beer is one.

      Posted by kae on 2007 05 22 at 07:04 PM • permalink


    1. #241

      I also find Pretty Woman quite disturbing however its more because of Julia’s hair and clothes


      The tongue one is gross but did you see the chicken in a biscuit ad where all the boys are on the bus and they cough and a chicken comes out of their mouth.  The first time I saw it I literally threw up.

      Posted by Killaette on 2007 05 22 at 09:00 PM • permalink


    1. 241 / 243

      I found pretty woman to be the usual Hollywood “glofirifcation” treatment of anything they wish to focus on.

      eg – Backdraft – make firefighting look cool
      eg – topgun – make flying a jet really fancy and make you look cool
      eg – apollo 13 – the astronauts walking to the spacecraft are cool
      eg – pretty woman – don’t show julia giving blow jobs for $100 to b grade movie stars and get bashed by her pimp when she needs an extra $50 for her coke – instead make her land a BILLIONAIRE and live everyone’s fantasy – like a whore is supposed to “get” opera – please!!

      The biggest part that disturbs me about ms roberts is her pacman mouth.

      poor little david is having trouble making friends – obviously the guards can’t give a shit about talking to him – hopefully in between saving the environment and freeing the world from jewish slavery he discovers the joy of consuming less, the fat little shit

      Posted by peter m on 2007 05 22 at 09:49 PM • permalink


    1. #241. You are definitely not alone. I won’t have PRetty Woman in the house, and my girl is not going to be allowed to watch it until she’s at least 25.

      In any case, Dodgeball and Spiderman are far more appropriate for a young girl than crap that places prostitution in career stakes.

      Posted by Nilknarf Arbed on 2007 05 22 at 10:09 PM • permalink


    1. Nilknarf:

      Proper young ladies should be content to read their Bible and, if they’re really good, be allowed to watch “Pride and Prejudice” on their 21st birthday, just before they go out on their first date.

      I thank God every day that I was never a dad. No way in hell I could handle the stress of knowing that my kids were out doing some of the same idiot crap I did as a kid.

      Posted by Grimmy on 2007 05 22 at 11:01 PM • permalink


    1. Hahaha! My girl is not a ‘proper young lady’. She wants to do martial arts like Jackie, and kick butt like Atomic Betty does.

      Needless to say, I encourage that attitude.

      Posted by Nilknarf Arbed on 2007 05 22 at 11:49 PM • permalink


    1. Good on you!

      Posted by Grimmy on 2007 05 22 at 11:57 PM • permalink


    1. OT but still islamic

      Chaser just wimped out on Sheik Hilali. Having ambushed him last week, like they do to all and sundry, this week they staged a set piece to mollify Muslim outrage. So Chaser’s balls are indeed much smaller than they think.

      Posted by Contrail on 2007 05 23 at 07:21 AM • permalink


    1. Agreed, Contrail. They let themselves down there, which is a shame. I guess that takes the Chasers off my very short viewing list.

      Posted by Nilknarf Arbed on 2007 05 23 at 09:55 PM • permalink


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