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Last updated on August 5th, 2017 at 06:37 pm
Latest column.
- You’ve hit the nail on the head about the left, Tim. I put it down to a widespread imbalance in brain chemistry, amenable to more efficient distribution of Zoloft or Prozac, or drugs of that nature. Of course, those drugs generally won’t alleviate ingrained social inadequacies or lifelong beliefs in failed philosophies.
- Vexorg:
If y’all discover the benefits of the “Light Fail” let me know. In the Houston version, I was only able to discern the slight benefit of regularly running down “optimists” who thought they were faster than the train. But other than an incredibly expensive and inefficient gene pool filter, I’ve seen no benefits.
- “I’ve got news for Mr Howard,” Rudd said. “The world has changed since Leave It To Beaver.”
She climbed the stairs that morning
Found him rather pale
His eyes they were the color
Of half-drunk ginger ale.Faithful as a magnavox
Hung up on a song
She cried down to the breakfast nook
Ward, there’s something wrong.Something’s wrong with the Beaver
Something’s wrong with the Beaver
Something’s wrong with the Beaver
The Beaver I believe is gone.(Kinky Friedman)
- It has been my experience over the years, that lefties, by their very nature, are usually sad, self obsessed ideologues, who parrot the latest fad lines ad nauseum, have a collective, ‘legislate and be damned’ mentality. They have an insatiable need to get into everybody’s lives with more laws and regulations, telling us how to live, what we can and cannot do.
‘My name is Kevin Rudd, I am from Queensland and I’m here to help’. Well, I and a lot of people are very happy, we don’t, need his ‘help’, nor dare I say it, his brand of ‘help’ will definitely not do much for our nation. Things are going great, the economy, employment, our place as a nation on the world stage etc. But, of course Rudd and his ilk see all that and they just have to try and put a negative spin on everything.
The only people, that slogan will appeal to, are the unproductive, collective nanny state loving drones and ideologues, who think a Government grant/handout is a God given right. We, has a nation cannot afford Mr Rudd’s and his associates ‘help’, so thank you, but NO thanks.
- Tim, I think you’ve made a small error in referring to Ward Cleaver as “impish”. Ward was the dad – Beaver (Theodore) Cleaver was the “impish” one.
/sad, geeky pedantry
Posted by AlburyShifton on 2007 04 27 at 05:00 PM • permalink
- One more point. What are the ALP going to do about their ‘accolade events’, when ‘St Gough, He of a Dodgy Economy’, finally kicks his mortal coil. Hell, I cannot think of too many Heavenly Deity’s that would attend an ALP conference, although there are probably some delegates who think that they are already ‘heavenly’ and omnipotent.
- I think “a polar bear in every pot” might be an even better phrase, but they probably aren’t very tasty.
To the contrary, bear meat is delicious – kind of porky, but sweeter.
I should know – I’ve got the black bear skin (head on, thank you) to show for it. Despite the wife’s best efforts to misplace it.
- The front door swings open, the hinges squealing like demon hamsters. A weary figure in a rumpled suit walks in, dropping his battered grip on the floor. He removes his fedora and pokes an index finger through the bullet hole in the crown, waggling it a couple of times. The Weary Figure reluctantly decides to clear the debris from the bulging pockets of his trench coat, placing the contents on the small table in the foyer. An inventory of the items would have revealed the following:
1) One (1) false beard (Babylonian style)
2) A topographical map of Northern Azerbaijan
3) A joy buzzer
4) A bus token from Hackensack, New Jersey
5) A parking ticket issued by the Nairobi Municipal Police Department
6) A lavender garter belt bearing the name “Hot Legs Hattie”, stitched in silver thread
7) Two drink coasters from the Gamboge Parrot Bar and Grill in Singapore
8) A paperback edition of Pride and Prejudice, translated into Chiricahua Apache
9) A Magic Eight-Ball
10) A half-stick of Juicy Fruit chewing gum.The Weary Figure shouts a greeting to the wife, who can be heard making dinner noises in the kitchen: “Hi, honey! I’m home!”
in fringe media such as the ABC
So true. Here in Canada, we could write “fringe CBC” as its audience is so small that when it went on strike last year, no one noticed.
Posted by Wimpy Canadian on 2007 04 27 at 06:59 PM • permalink
- #1 Dr. Alice, well if they taste like regular bear…Posted by Wimpy Canadian on 2007 04 27 at 07:00 PM • permalink
- #5 Brett, We here in Ottawa almost bought that Siemens system too. Glorified street cars. So, there is a down side to them eh? Quelle surprise!Posted by Wimpy Canadian on 2007 04 27 at 07:03 PM • permalink
- Huzzzah its Paco!Posted by thefrollickingmole on 2007 04 27 at 07:06 PM • permalink
- SO, Paco, what did you do with Mentalfloss?Posted by Wimpy Canadian on 2007 04 27 at 07:14 PM • permalink
- The Australian left is more despicable than average. For them it is not about maintaining an oppressed peasant class but about creating one. It is an active aim of the Australian left to impoverish people to ensure a permanent pool of support. The left’s welfare policy is always enough money to suppress the desire to get off welfare while at the same time not being enough to open up opportunities to escape. There is but one way out – membership of the party/union. That was Latham’s ticket, seems to have been Rudd’s too.
Re the Ward Cleaver error. It proves the point. Only someone of a certain vintage (such as me) or someone living in the past (such as Rudd) recalls all members of the Cleaver family.
- #1 Misigisaq Chinese restaurant in Greenland, besides offering caribou hotpot, sells Polar Bear Wine: `An energy booster made from Chinese schnapps (Erguotou) with a variety of traditional Chinese medicinal herbs and polar bear bone essence.’
- YAY, Paco! Welcome back, you have been missed.Posted by Nilknarf Arbed on 2007 04 27 at 08:01 PM • permalink
- I once worked in public relations for a regional university. On one occasion we had announced cuts to our course offerings, and were anxious about a negative media reaction.
I recall listening to the radio with my boss, a card carrying member of the left-o-sphere. When the first story came on the news bulletin and it wasn’t our story she exclaimed in all seriousnees, “Oh good, an Aboriginal death in custody.”
BTW Howdy Paco – good to have you back.
Posted by Margos Maid on 2007 04 27 at 08:16 PM • permalink
- OT – a scientist defrocked. After 28 years at the helm, Dr Marilee Jones PhD of MIT turns out to be plain old ordinary Ms Marilee Jones of MITPosted by Whale Spinor on 2007 04 27 at 08:23 PM • permalink
- PACO!PACO!PACOPACO!PACO!PACO!PACO!PACO!PACO!PACO!PACO!PACO!PACO!PACO!
PACO!PACO!PACOPACO!PACO!PACO!PACO!PACO!PACO!PACO!PACO!PACO!PACO!PACO!
PACO!PACO!PACOPACO!PACO!PACO!PACO!PACO!PACO!PACO!PACO!PACO!PACO!PACO!
PACO!PACO!PACOPACO!PACO!PACO!PACO!PACO!PACO!PACO!PACO!PACO!PACO!PACO!
PACO!PACO!PACOPACO!PACO!PACO!PACO!PACO!PACO!PACO!PACO!PACO!PACO!PACO!
PACO!PACO!PACOPACO!PACO!PACO!PACO!PACO!PACO!PACO!PACO!PACO!PACO!PACO!*ahem* So, uh….. what’s up, dude?
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2007 04 27 at 08:34 PM • permalink
- p.s. America Blair Bloggers welcome to Australia 2007.
Welcome to Lefty Suburbs, funded by NSW government. The best part about it is, we’re introducing delusional “education courses” funding by you guessed it “us” that will “appease” the Islamic masses that are growing in numbers here by the minute.
Well done NSW Labor Party!
- Whilst the point of the article was so very true, this made me laugh:
Rudd mentioned at one point that conservatives were “anchored in the past”, a line that didn’t exactly sit well with the rest of Rudd’s nostalgia-loaded speech.
Even by ALP standards, this was an absolute wallower, including references to John Curtin (five times), Gough Whitlam, Ben Chifley (seven times), Bob Hawke, the great strikes of 1891 (!), Henry Lawson, Banjo Patterson, Andrew Fisher (four times), “the Bretton Woods conference in 1944”, Paul Keating, and someone merely identified as “Watson”. Even Labor tragics sometimes struggle to remember Chris Watson, who was Prime Minister for a few months in 1904.
- OT
So what kind of people would be easily fooled by the sheep for poodles story amd also see it as an opportunity to criticise George Bush? Thus:
“sheep all found good homes on farms, and at least GW Bush isn’t their president. so there’s a bright side here…”
Posted by Margos Maid on 2007 04 27 at 08:52 PM • permalink
- #33 I’m going to have a drink or two in honor of Ms Jones.Posted by dean martin on 2007 04 27 at 09:04 PM • permalink
- #19 Ramsey may finally have gotten something right, akin to the stopped clock, I suppose.
Best news in the article is that anti-nuke fruitcake Bradbury can’t get funding for his rubbish. Progress at last.
Posted by Margos Maid on 2007 04 27 at 09:05 PM • permalink
- YAY PACO!
(Don’t stint on the fonts, folks! CELEBRATE!)
Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2007 04 27 at 10:02 PM • permalink
- PAAAACOOOO!
Glad to see you back. And, ahhh, so is she.
Posted by Spiny Norman on 2007 04 27 at 10:14 PM • permalink
- #13
Yeah, yeah, we know. You should see the supply warehouse floor.
Scores of amphorae of Babylonian date wine. <Hmm. Who ordered that? Oh, The Dark Lord, for delivery to the US Democratic party Convention?? wtf? hang on, what’s that on the end of the maked clay tag, az/zu/ en/ ta. Oh, Babylonian date wine with medical purgative. That’s more like it>
Skins from 150 Azerbaijani snow tigers.
<OK, they are for Mistress Andrea and the new upholstery for the black helicopter fleet. OK, check>9,000 kilos of Kenyan elephant tusks.
<Excellent! We can re-handle the handles of all the whips, knouts and sjamboks for all the Dark Masters!>One live giant squid.
<Hmm. Not on the request order. Oh well, calamari tonight for dinner, then.>356 empty single malt bottles, 112 empty bottles of original Napoleon Brandy and 45 empty amphorae of Sumerian mead. Wronwright is going to be unhappy!
Hey, where are the damned trilobites? Oh, over there.
Umm. Paco? Someone with an evil glint in her eye and answering to ‘Hot Legs Hattie’ just emerged from a Chinese booze cupboard and is asking about her new career options in the VRWC! I’ll send her by your office, OK?
MarkL
Minionmeister to the VRWC
- Welcome back Paco. There is a story in the stuff you removed from your pockets. Maybe more than one, but don’t let the wife find out about Hattie.Posted by Michael Lonie on 2007 04 27 at 10:32 PM • permalink
- #13
5) A parking ticket issued by the Nairobi Municipal Police Department
Lies. There is no such thing as the Nairobi Municipal Police Department – which means that this must be an impostor! Break out the soy sauce, boys, there’s going to be a burning tonight!
Posted by Stuart Lord on 2007 04 27 at 10:48 PM • permalink
- Great column Tim. No doubt the lefties (particularly the global warming bed-wetters) are despondent about this good news story:Posted by Art Vandelay on 2007 04 27 at 10:50 PM • permalink
- #53 – I think we can safely assume, Paco has finally graduated from Clown College.Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 04 27 at 10:54 PM • permalink
- #1, 11, 25, 30
Want to take advantage of the promise of a polar bear in every pot but it takes too darn long to cook? Hundreds of pounds of polar bear meat on hand but not enough time? Then you need to buy the latest Polar Atomic Convection Oven®. The 27-cubic-feet PACO® is large enough to take on most any polar bear. And its clean-source nuclear engine not only powers the PACO® and fully cooks an average-size polar bear in 34 minutes, but mimics grilling and leaves the crispiest skin without unhealthy deep frying. When your cupboard is bear, think PACO®, back where you belong. [Note: all service warranties void if used to cook koalas.]Posted by andycanuck on 2007 04 27 at 11:32 PM • permalink
- 1.1618—you could put “Paco’s Back!” on the back…Posted by richard mcenroe on 2007 04 28 at 12:13 AM • permalink
- Goodness me. I am hoping this Paco person lives up to the hype. Perhaps he should run against Kevni in the Federal erection?Posted by Abu Chowdah on 2007 04 28 at 12:28 AM • permalink
- How is it that Kevni can remember Ward Cleaver better than his own childhood?Posted by Jack Lacton on 2007 04 28 at 01:05 AM • permalink
- Tim,
You KNOW thats a spurious argument…
LOL
Invig
Posted by the-invigilator on 2007 04 28 at 01:46 AM • permalink
- PACO, welcome back big guy. We have missed your wit.Posted by curious george on 2007 04 28 at 02:24 AM • permalink
- #13 Welcome back PACO!
I feared you had absquatulated and we would not see you, your noirratives or your like again!
Andy Canuck filled in manfully for you.
Posted by carpefraise on 2007 04 28 at 02:57 AM • permalink
- # 43 Bail? I think it was worse than that.
“As to my absence: I’m afraid it will have to be the stuff of mystery for now. I not only am not in a position to explain it, I can’t even explain why I can’t explain it.”
Electric shock treatment is a terrible thing for the brain.
Stick to the blue pills Paco!!
- #65, Mister Pogria. Thank you. Long time reader, but only recent emergence from my burrow.Posted by Abu Chowdah on 2007 04 28 at 03:41 AM • permalink
- The clouds shrouding Mt. Olympus have been cast aside and the deep melodic baritone has proclaimed that Paco has returned.
and all is well.
Posted by Mr. Bingley on 2007 04 28 at 09:35 AM • permalink
- Welcome back, Paco.
Spiny, you can look up joy buzzer on Wikipedia or Urban Dictionary. The UD bit is, of course, not what Paco was carrying.
A picture of the most likely version found along with Paco pocket lint is here.
Posted by Some0Seppo on 2007 04 28 at 11:14 AM • permalink
- Of course it’s not sad that exactly describes the leftist. He’s rather a product of an ancient formula, soap opera, permanently popular with 40% of women, women who are easily attracted to nightly news geared to their needs.
James Thurber, in “Irovytown, Rinsoville, Anacinburg and Crisco Corners’’ (The Beast in Me and Other Animals) closes with this characterization of radio soap opera:
The characters in Soapland and their unsolvable perplexities will be marking time on the air long after you and I are gone, for we must grow old and die, whereas the people of Soapland have a magic immunity to age, like Peter Pan and the Katzenjammer Kids. When you and I are in Heaven with the angels, the troubled people of Ivorytown, Rinsoville, Anacinburg and Crisco Corners, forever young or forever middle-aged, will still be up to their ears in inner struggle, soul searching and everlasting frustration.
Because that’s what attracts women. The left has glommed onto that same attraction, for the same reason.
Not growing old goes with the permanent immaturity, nothing ever learned, no perverse result ever noted but that it is ascribed to the evil right.
More abstractly, women are obsessed with perfect love, love beyond the human condition of love (for men it is knowing beyond the human conditions of knowing, which results in various disorders, but many leading to progress), and perfect love is not possible. Love is more like taking your kids to the dentist, in real life. You do it because you love them, but it’s not at that point a feeling, but rather a priority, that leads to satisfaction.
The left hooks into this, which is a good reason not to let women vote.
Perhaps he should run against Kevni in the Federal erection?
Paco’s an American. Besides, if he did run, longtime readers will recall that it might interfere with my obsession with dredging Victoria Harbour…
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2007 04 28 at 04:33 PM • permalink
- rhhardin—Uranium train, especially dangerous to the Australian polar bears…Posted by richard mcenroe on 2007 04 28 at 09:44 PM • permalink
- And here I thought that Australian polar bears were extinct, along with the Giant Hoofed Crocodile.Posted by Michael Lonie on 2007 04 28 at 11:37 PM • permalink
- Am I the only one who finds “I’m here to help” from a politician incredibly uninspiring?
One: “I’m from the government, I’m here to help” is accounted amongst the ten Biggest Lies.
Two: The whole “I’m Kevin Rudd…” aside from being nauseating, sounds almost exactly like the campaign slogans from that movie, what was it? “The American President”. Kinda funny, if you can ignore the sound of Hollywood lefties shivering in delight.
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Beutifully put, Tim, and quite accurate. We are the optimists, they the pessimists.
I think “a polar bear in every pot” might be an even better phrase, but they probably aren’t very tasty.