Last temptation of bunzl

Last updated on July 2nd, 2017 at 01:27 pm

Philosophy professor Martin Bunzl:

I spend most of my waking hours worrying about how to reduce my output of carbon dioxide and other greenhouse gases.

If that’s all you’re doing, problem solved.

Yet my behavior seems to march to a different drummer.

It sure does; Bunzl craves a HumVee and is the ashamed owner of the world’s filthiest hedge trimmer (“a behemoth when it comes to producing carbon dioxide”). How does Bunzl think his vile urges might be controlled?

Don’t clutter my world with things I should not have. Don’t dangle them in front of me, creating desire, only to then try to have me renounce them. Just ban the damn two-cycle hedge trimmer and let me be done with the matter.

Via Paco, who – in the manner of sane people everywhere – generally doesn’t buy something if he doesn’t think he should. Although visitors to Seville, Spain, are encouraged to spend, spend, spend at Paco’s latest money-spinning venture:

image

(Pic by Corey H.)

Posted by Tim B. on 01/05/2008 at 12:01 PM
    1. Hey, dude! Don’t clutter my world with nutty professors, OK?

      Posted by SandiM on 2008 01 05 at 12:13 PM • permalink

 

    1. He demands that government make his purchasing decisions for him.  Even down to what hedge trimmer he buys.
      Hmmmmm. I wonder what political party he belongs to?

      Posted by Diggs on 2008 01 05 at 12:15 PM • permalink

 

    1. I want to know who he bribed made a generous donation to for this.

      Posted by Spiny Norman on 2008 01 05 at 12:25 PM • permalink

 

    1. That’s right, Tim! Your pesetas or euros will go much farther at Casa Paco’s (How much farther? Well, ultimately, all the way to Paco’s Bank & Trust in the Cayman Islands).

      Note the historically authentic, antique-mildew-blood-and-sand decor. A packet of Beano comes with every meal. And don’t forget to try our sangria zombies!

      But, hey, you don’t have to take my word for it; check out these testimonials:

      Francisco Franco: “The worst thing about being dead is missing out on the Caudillo Specials at Casa Paco.”

      King Juan Carlos: “Why don’t you just shut up and eat!”

      George Santayana: “A meal eaten at Casa Paco’s is doomed to repeat itself.”

      Luis Buñuel: “For a surreal meal, you can’t beat Casa Paco’s!”

      Posted by paco on 2008 01 05 at 12:44 PM • permalink

 

    1. Professor Bunzl: If I Can’t
      Have Scarlett Johansson,
      She Should Be Against the Law
      In simmering outrage I stare
      At full lips and cascading hair;
      They ought to arrest
      Her just for her chest,
      And for her legs, give her the chair.

      Posted by lyle on 2008 01 05 at 01:24 PM • permalink

 

    1. Liberals really just don’t have a single ounce of self-control, do they? No wonder they love nanny government.

      Liberty is not for pussies.

      Posted by Dave S. on 2008 01 05 at 01:31 PM • permalink

 

    1. We spent a week at Casa Paco’s one night, and let me tell you, the quaintly lovely little outhouse in the back was sparkling!  Or, at least it was before the Caudillo Special and the Pseudo-Sangria.  (I never realized bean burritos were part of Spanish cuisine!)

      Posted by RebeccaH on 2008 01 05 at 01:37 PM • permalink

 

    1. #4 paco

      “A meal eaten at Casa Paco’s is doomed to repeat itself.”

      That, and the “antique-mildew-blood-and-sand decor” has put me off my feed. Thanks.

      =^0

      p.s. How does one get a park in Manila named after one’s self? (My #3)

      Posted by Spiny Norman on 2008 01 05 at 01:43 PM • permalink

 

    1. Prof. Bunzl would make better use of his time by just masturbating.
      Paco #4, ROFL.

      Posted by Latino on 2008 01 05 at 01:48 PM • permalink

 

    1. Professor Bunzl: While
      You’re at It, Get Rid
      of Gerard Butler, Too
      My tummy is sloppy and fat
      While his is all chiseled and flat.
      It gets on my nerves;
      I think he deserves
      A sentence of death just for that.

      Posted by lyle on 2008 01 05 at 01:50 PM • permalink

 

    1. #3 and #8 Spiny: No bribery involved at all, I assure you. The bureaucrat with whom we were negotiating just turned out to be a, er, numismatist . . . Yeah, that’s it . . . a numismatist. Out of gratitude for his final sign-off on the deal, we showed our appreciation by making a small gift of collectible currency (mostly, old tens and twenties, unmarked).

      Posted by paco on 2008 01 05 at 01:51 PM • permalink

 

    1. Lyle scores again (and again)!

      Posted by paco on 2008 01 05 at 01:52 PM • permalink

 

    1. 11

      Out of gratitude for his final sign-off on the deal, we showed our appreciation by making a small gift of collectible currency (mostly, old tens and twenties, unmarked).

      Yes, I witnessed the bribery DONATION myself.

      (mostly, old tens and twenties, unmarked)

      Well yes, if you don’t count the picture of President Paco on those old tens and twenties as “unmarked”, that is.

      Posted by El Cid on 2008 01 05 at 02:01 PM • permalink

 

    1. #11 paco

      “Numismatist”

      Hmmm… I see. It all seems so reasonable when you put it that way.

      Posted by Spiny Norman on 2008 01 05 at 02:12 PM • permalink

 

    1. I should also point out that when Bunzl went into the Paco Lawn and Garden store, he headed straight for our top-of-the-line Black Hood Behedger & Shrub-Decapitator III. He knew exactly what he wanted.

      Posted by paco on 2008 01 05 at 03:06 PM • permalink

 

    1. Nice work, Lyle!

      Bunzl is what my great-grand-mother would have called an “educated fool”. All that book-larnin’ gone to waste on a jackass.

      It’s no surprise that Bunzl has involved himself in Climate Change.

      Posted by Harry Bergeron on 2008 01 05 at 03:25 PM • permalink

 

    1. The good Professor owes it to himself to purchase a one way ticket to North Korea or Cuba.
      Life there will be just grand for him, threatened with the awful temptation of illuminating a room at night he’ll be comfortable knowing that electricity isn’t availble for “ordinary” citizens.

      Posted by Hank Reardon on 2008 01 05 at 05:08 PM • permalink

 

    1. I spend most of my waking hours worrying about how to reduce my output of carbon dioxide and other greenhouse gases.

      Sealed garage. Length of rubber tubing. Car. There you are, professor, problem solved. If you were really enthusiastic, you could substitute the evil 2-stroke hedge trimmer for the car (I think that is what you philosophers call an ‘ironic reference’).

      Don’t thank me, professor, it’s all for the planet.

      Posted by squawkbox on 2008 01 05 at 05:16 PM • permalink

 

    1. I can write an essay on a stupid topic that’s at least as self-absorbed. How come I never get invited to contribute to the Washington Post?

      Posted by Merlin on 2008 01 05 at 05:37 PM • permalink

 

    1. Bunzl is the kind of intellectual responsible for marxism.  ‘To each according to his need..’ meant ‘as long as you don’t have any serious needs’.
      Socialism is the perfect theory that just has insuperable performance problems.Never blame the individual, always blame the implementation.
      Just look at their god-like leaders – Castro, Mugabe, Boy Wonder Sung-ill, Stalin etc etc.

      They NEVER learn…

      Posted by Barrie on 2008 01 05 at 05:49 PM • permalink

 

    1. Paco, send me a cheque for another ad line:
      Salvador Dali: Time just melts away eating at Casa Paco.

      Posted by Barrie on 2008 01 05 at 05:50 PM • permalink

 

    1. Clearly the professor couldn’t think his way out of a paper bag.

      Where do useless professors go to die? University climate change departments.

      Posted by Wimpy Canadian on 2008 01 05 at 06:08 PM • permalink

 

    1. It isn’t global warming that is a a threat to humanity, it is academia. If people such as Bunzlbub are the best brains humanity can produce, we’re in deep doo-doo.

      Paco, do you do home delivery?

      Posted by Contrail on 2008 01 05 at 06:10 PM • permalink

 

    1. … the two-cycle contraption uses a mixture of oil and gas to cool the engine as well as fuel it, …

      It’s obvious that the professor did not become learned by studying internal combustion engines.

      Posted by Skeeter on 2008 01 05 at 06:22 PM • permalink

 

    1. He’s not completely wrong on this one point, though.

      Air-cooled engines tend to be designed to run a bit rich, carrying off a lot of their heat output through their exhaust.

      One of the tradeoffs you make when you try to reduce weight, say, by not going with liquid cooling.

      Posted by steveH on 2008 01 05 at 07:05 PM • permalink

 

    1. #24
      I thought the oil was to lubricate the engine. I thought maybe it was some kind of new engine?

      Posted by kae on 2008 01 05 at 07:16 PM • permalink

 

    1. #21: Good one, Barrie. I was actually trying to think of something from Dali, but couldn’t come up with anything. The check is, er, in the mail.

      Posted by paco on 2008 01 05 at 07:18 PM • permalink

 

    1. #25
      Is that why the Goldwing and similar were so heavy?
      Or were they just powerful?

      Posted by kae on 2008 01 05 at 07:18 PM • permalink

 

    1. I am not alone in loving Hummers. An effective tax will have to take into account all variety of Hummer lovers, the strength of their preferences and the size of their wallets.

      No, you are not alone in your love of hummers, dear Professor.

      Not quite sure I want the tax man involved with them, though…

      Posted by Mr. Bingley on 2008 01 05 at 07:20 PM • permalink

 

    1. #29

      Not quite sure I want the tax man involved with them, though…

      That’d be a threesome.

      Posted by kae on 2008 01 05 at 07:22 PM • permalink

 

    1. The mead at casa Paco is a little pricey though. Never ending supply though, Im assured his contacts for obtaining the stuff never spend long enough in jail for safecracking to ever restrict the supply.

      Posted by thefrollickingmole on 2008 01 05 at 07:49 PM • permalink

 

    1. #25 SteveH. That may be so, but the learned professor was comparing two air-cooled engines, (2-stroke and 4-stroke).
      It was the lubricating oil in the 2-stroke fuel that he claimed was added for cooling.

      Posted by Skeeter on 2008 01 05 at 08:12 PM • permalink

 

    1. Someone’s on to Paco.

      And where’s Pedro, I wonder. Resting at your “park”?

      Posted by Henry boy on 2008 01 05 at 08:29 PM • permalink

 

    1. #33: Oh, man! Wronwright’s been selling top secret information to writers again.

      Pedro? He’s busing tables at Casa Paco.

      Posted by paco on 2008 01 05 at 08:55 PM • permalink

 

    1. #31, try getting there for happy hour (or is that just for the ladies?)

      Posted by missred on 2008 01 05 at 09:09 PM • permalink

 

    1. Pedro partied last night.

      Pedro is now a sick puppy, gazing at a world that unaccountably has a reddish tinge and is grey around the edges.

      Rum is the Devil’s invention.

      Posted by Pedro the Ignorant on 2008 01 05 at 10:20 PM • permalink

 

    1. We philosophers need to get Bunzl onto the mind-body problem. We need his thoughts on the First Mover conumdrum.  Urgently, before we lose another genius to Polar Bear Studies.

      Posted by Big Jim on 2008 01 05 at 10:35 PM • permalink

 

    1. Bunzl’s dilemma was originally written about by St Augustine in his famous words “I see the better course, and approve of it, but I follow the worse”, referring to his use of prostitutes as a young man. Had he been a 21st century lefty wankademic instead of a 5th century churchman, I suppose he would have deported prostitutes wholesale, cut his own balls off, or both.

      Posted by squawkbox on 2008 01 05 at 10:58 PM • permalink

 

    1. This is really depressing – we have people in positions once regarded as fairly exalted, who don’t know that the absence of sin without temptation is meaningless. Virtue is achieved only through self control. That’s why in the Genesis myth, the Tree of the Fruit of Forbidden Knowledge isn’t in a locked enclosure.

      Of course, this presupposes that the professor even cares about virtue. I suppose someone so morally lazy really doesn’t. Virtue for him comes in saying the right things.

      Posted by Dave S. on 2008 01 06 at 12:46 AM • permalink

 

    1. 38. squawkbox

      “..I suppose he would have deported prostitutes wholesale, cut his own balls off, or both..”

      Nah if he was a true lefty hed be nuts deep in poontang telling us he was only doing it to educate us on the dangers, and we should get our nuts cut off. And “deportation” would be remarkably similar to “have them all sent to my room” for the same reason.

      Posted by thefrollickingmole on 2008 01 06 at 12:59 AM • permalink

 

    1. Dave S – I think you’re right when you suggest he doesn’t care about virtue. There are plenty of people who will argue to the death about what moral choices we should make, as individuals or groups, but Bunzl represents an increasing number of people who hate the very idea of making choices, making decisions, and taking the responsibility when their decisions turn out to be wrong – in short, the whole awkward idea of being human.

      Posted by squawkbox on 2008 01 06 at 02:26 AM • permalink

 

    1. #41

      an increasing number of people who hate the very idea of making choices, making decisions, and taking the responsibility when their decisions turn out to be wrong

      I know a death cult that can take care of that.

      Posted by kae on 2008 01 06 at 02:31 AM • permalink

 

    1. The scariest line on that whole page is the very last one:

      Martin Bunzl, a philosophy professor, directs the Initiative on Climate Change, Social Policy and Politics at Rutgers University’s Eagleton Institute of Politics.

      This is exactly the sort of thing that people mean when referring to the self-serving nature of climate scaremongers.  The whole global warming thing is an excuse to give people silly jobs and silly grants that wouldn’t have existed 10 years ago and shouldn’t exist today.  What the hell is a philosophy professor doing running a program on climate change?  It’s just another excuse to suck on the public teat because they control the purse strings.

      (This situation, of course, now reinforces the idea in their heads that man-made global warming just has to be true.  The alternative is too scary to contemplate, given that it’s the excuse by which they make their living.)

      Posted by kcom on 2008 01 06 at 04:09 PM • permalink

 

    1. #43

      an excuse to give people silly jobs and silly grants that wouldn’t have existed 10 years ago and shouldn’t exist today.

      It’s another excuse, but a more widely peddled* and therefore accepted in the general populace.

      *Including the brain-washed kids in schools.

      Posted by kae on 2008 01 06 at 05:41 PM • permalink

 

    1. This Bunzl probably thinks A Clockwork OrRange is an optimistic uptopian tale.

      paco, how’s this –

      Edvard Munch: Try the tapas, they’re a scream!

      or this –

      Bill and Ted: Excellent! (air guitar)

      Posted by Steve Skubinna on 2008 01 07 at 06:59 AM • permalink

 

    1. Bunzl’s piece had to be the most contemptible, hand-wringing burst of moral self-indulgence I’ve seen since… since… since Kofi frickin’ Annan got asked abut Rwanda.

      As the spineless creep parades his neuroses over his piston-envy, I’m suddenly deeply grateful for Ann Coulter’s bon mot

      Liberals go to therapy.  Conservatives go to church.

      Posted by Renegade Lawyer on 2008 01 07 at 09:18 AM • permalink

 

  1. “Many people have eaten a full meal at Casa Paco and gone on to live normal, productive lives!”

    Posted by mojo on 2008 01 07 at 12:51 PM • permalink