Lane no twain

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Last updated on March 6th, 2018 at 12:31 am

Terry Lane, somehow still employed, absolutely destroys one of the best-known quotes of modern times:

Mark Twain, or someone else, once said: “We all grumble about the weather but nothing is done about it.” Which made us laugh because we knew then that nothing could be done about it. Well, it is no longer so funny. Now we know that there is something we can do about it …

But can something be done about Lane?

UPDATE. Paco presents other famous quotes and sayings mangled by Terry Lane:

• “Honesty is one of the better policies.”

• Nathan Hale: “I regret that, countrywise, I have a maximum of one life to give.”

• Queen Victoria: “That’s not funny!”

• Harry Truman: “If you can’t stand the heat in the kitchen, go into the living room.”

• Winston Churchill: “I have nothing to offer, but blood, toil, tears and perspiration.”

UPDATE II. Jim Treacher:

• “Every 60 seconds there’s a baby that’s born who will grow up to be naive.”


• “Jesus burst into tears.”


• “Was his father the same way? Because the fruit of the apple tree rarely hits the ground at a distance from the trunk.”

• “You can lead a horse to water, but Wronwright stole the lake.”

• “Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and maybe get some headtilts, tops.”


• “A suture promptly rendered saves the square root of 81.”

• “All things are equanimous as they relate to both emotional relationships and armed conflict.”


• “We have nothing to fear except for those things that make us afraid.”

• “Now that it’s winter, no one is very happy.”


• “Good grief, Miss Molly.”

• “Winning’s not everything, but it’s at the top of the list.”

• “Run out the clock for the Gipper.”

• “One if on foot; two if in boats.”


• “Early birds have to eat worms.”

• “Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what your country can do for me.”

• “Mr. Gorbachev, paint that wall!”


•”Charlie don’t windsurf!”

Kyda Sylvester:

• “Half a loaf is better than sliced bread.”


• “Shall I compare thee to July 27th?”

Jack Lacton:

• “A bush in the bird is worth two hands.”


• “It’s only popular music with a simple beat, played by a quartet or perhaps a quintet, but I am fond of it.”


• “One small step for a man – one giant leap for conspiracy theorists.”

As Spiny Norman says: “What’s truly amazing is Lane gets paid good money to write that mush … and you guys produce better for free!”

Posted by Tim B. on 12/30/2006 at 12:18 PM