Hostage threatened

Last updated on August 6th, 2017 at 07:13 am

Carbon credits are so 2006. This is the modern eBay way to scam cash from Gorelings:

Show your concern for global warming and your love of nature by paying to keep a tree alive. If a tree does not sell it dies, I will cut it down and burn it releasing all the carbon it has stored. So save a tree or help heat the world, your choice.

The fate of several trees hangs in the balance:

If nobody bids on this tree I will kill it and trees 4 and 5. 5 is just a baby but I will kill it anyway, I will rip it up by the roots and let it die slowly in the sun.

Should environmentalists negotiate with this arboreal hostage-taker? If they do, I suggest we all join the insurgent treenapping movement.

1. Eco-terrorism!

   Posted by Tai Chi Wawa on 2007 03 22 at 11:48 AM • permalink

1. He should have named the trees, not referred to them by number. “If no one bids I will kill Gaia.”

   It puts the lotion on its bark or it gets the hose again.

   Posted by Ernst Blofeld on 2007 03 22 at 11:49 AM • permalink

1. Oh! The Luanity.

   Posted by joe bagadonuts on 2007 03 22 at 11:52 AM • permalink

1. I’m off to plant a few hundred saplings in support of our endeavor.

   Back soon.

   Posted by SSG Pooh on 2007 03 22 at 11:55 AM • permalink

1. We need an Entebbe-style rescue. Oh, wait! Then it would be a Zionist plot.

   Posted by Brentbo on 2007 03 22 at 11:58 AM • permalink

1. I am so having one of those “why the hell didnt I think of that?” moments.

   Posted by Grimmy on 2007 03 22 at 12:05 PM • permalink

1. Oh, this has got to be one of the commenters here.  It has all the earmarks:  greed, selfishness, utter indifference to the environment.  Actually I can think of 5, 10, ok, 122 people here who are so depraved that they would do it.

   Heck, maybe it’s a conspiracy.  All we need now is special effects.  Black helicopters carrying bounded trees possibly.

   I think I’ll whisper something about this to Novak.

   Posted by wronwright on 2007 03 22 at 12:21 PM • permalink

1. It puts the lotion on its bark or it gets the hose again.

   LOL, excellent

   How much could one demand, threatening to mow the lawn?
   All those innocent blades of grass, *sniff*

   Posted by Mike_W on 2007 03 22 at 12:22 PM • permalink

1. Reminds me of the old National Lampoon cover showing a puppy with a gun to its head, “Buy the magazine or we’ll kill this dog!”

   Posted by Merlin on 2007 03 22 at 12:25 PM • permalink

1. Dear Sweet Baby Jeebus! I hope this guy makes money. Really, I may just see if I can get an autograph.

   Posted by brett_l on 2007 03 22 at 12:45 PM • permalink

1. ‘He should have named the trees, not referred to them by number. “If no one bids I will kill Gaia.”’

   Just the sort of calculated cruelty one would expect from the head of SPECTRE!

   Posted by Dave Surls on 2007 03 22 at 12:54 PM • permalink

1. Lovely Sequoia ya got here Guv’nor. Be a shame if something happened to it.

   Posted by Bill Spencer on 2007 03 22 at 01:12 PM • permalink

1. #7 Wronwright, I’m blushing.

   Our eco-terrorist group must have a name:
   the Perfect Arboreal Criminal Organization.

   Sadly, I only have one tree on my small plot of land, but I am willing to cut it down, turn it into a bat, and club baby seals.

   Posted by rbj1 on 2007 03 22 at 01:15 PM • permalink

1. Won’t someone please think of the saplings?

   Posted by Carl H on 2007 03 22 at 01:27 PM • permalink

1. He should mail the trees to Al Gore, one branch at a time.

   Posted by Don Charleone on 2007 03 22 at 01:36 PM • permalink

1. You beat me to it, Merlin. He’s not very original. This cover was done in 1973.

   Posted by ErnieG on 2007 03 22 at 01:53 PM • permalink

1. Hmmm.

   He should mail the trees to Al Gore, one branch at a time.

   ROFLMAO!

   Posted by memomachine on 2007 03 22 at 01:57 PM • permalink

1. I fear the World Court must soon get involved.

   Posted by Mr. Bingley on 2007 03 22 at 02:06 PM • permalink

1. Oh no Mr Bingley. The horror, the horror….

   Posted by alien kiwi on 2007 03 22 at 02:19 PM • permalink

1. Too late.

   Trees number 1 and 3 are dead. The Auctions ended and nobody cared enough to save a tree so now they are dead. When they dry out and their poor little leaves turn brown and start to fall off I will burn them adding all the carbon they had locked up in their brief lives to the atmosphere. I hope you are happy.

   Posted by RebeccaH on 2007 03 22 at 02:30 PM • permalink

1. #20 That brings a smile to my face.

   Posted by rbj1 on 2007 03 22 at 02:55 PM • permalink

1. LOL! Just like Dr. Phat Tony’s Kill Jill campaign—send money or the goat gets it!

   Posted by rightwingprof on 2007 03 22 at 04:01 PM • permalink

1. Don’t move, or the Melaleuca gets it!

   Posted by CO² max on 2007 03 22 at 04:50 PM • permalink

1. There was also the guy a year or so back who did the same thing with a rabbit. Gave it a cute name, posted cute pictures and everything and said if he didn’t get $50,000 he’d kill it and eat it.

   People went crazy trying to have him charged with just about anything but there was no law against it – as long as he killed the rabbit humanely.

   Not sure how it worked out though. Maybe it went the way of trees 1 and 3.

   Posted by Francis H on 2007 03 22 at 05:06 PM • permalink

1. Unfortunately as a grower of trees I’m now having to take the chainsaw to some 400 20 year olds because due to the drought and resultant horticultural downturn, the market has well…dried up and I need to make a living from the land they occupy.
   So you’ll forgive me if I don’t belly laugh at the scam.

   Posted by 81Alpha on 2007 03 22 at 05:35 PM • permalink

1. Already, some of the trees (especially the Nordic spruces) are displaying signs of Stockholm syndrome.  A re-captured conifer insisted it had been treated well.  In other developments, PETA activists destroyed 20 fir trees before realizing their tragic spelling mistake.

   Posted by cuckoo on 2007 03 22 at 05:52 PM • permalink

1. *stands whistling and applauding*

   Bravo, Cuckoo, bravo!!!

   I kneel in awe, rise, and salute.

   Posted by SSG Pooh on 2007 03 22 at 06:44 PM • permalink

1. Blazing Saddles

   to paraphrase… “Don’t move or the black guy gets it.”

   Posted by kae on 2007 03 22 at 07:17 PM • permalink

1. Thinking of not building a power station, not starting an airline and not buying a fleet of Humvees. How do I go about claiming my $10 million in carbon credits?

   Posted by Contrail on 2007 03 22 at 07:50 PM • permalink

1. And, I’ve got a barrow load of prunings sitting there from last Sunday!!  Whatwas i thinking?  What was Mrs Razor thinking making me do that??

   Posted by Razor on 2007 03 22 at 08:43 PM • permalink

1. Or, if you hate the world and hate trees, if you win you can ask me to cut and burn it so you don’t have to be a tree hugger to enjoy this auction.

   This man knows how to expand his potential customer base.

   Posted by peter m on 2007 03 22 at 09:17 PM • permalink

1. #25 Dang that sucks.  Can’t you get anything out of them at all?

   Posted by Synova on 2007 03 23 at 03:32 AM • permalink

1. Does anyone know if Al Gore is in Europe right now? I can find no other explanation for the snow storm we’re currently experiencing.

   Posted by Texas Bob on 2007 03 23 at 06:17 AM • permalink

1. Oh, the Gorelings will bite!

   Posted by filcan on 2007 03 23 at 11:19 AM • permalink

1. Purchase Another Captive Oak

   Posted by triticale on 2007 03 23 at 11:59 AM • permalink

1. If nobody bids on this tree I will kill it and trees 4 and 5. 5 is just a baby but I will kill it anyway, I will rip it up by the roots and let it die slowly in the sun.

   I think I’m in love.

   Posted by Tungsten Monk on 2007 03 23 at 12:51 PM • permalink

1. #13 Sadly, I only have one tree on my small plot of land,
   Would that be a Zionist plot?

   Posted by carpefraise on 2007 03 24 at 05:36 AM • permalink

1. #26 brilliant!

   Posted by carpefraise on 2007 03 24 at 05:38 AM • permalink

1. Times certainly have changed. I remember the day when you would simply get a plain enveloped, slipped under the door, containing couple of hacked off leaves wrapped in a sap soaked handkerchief. “The Phone Call” would follow shortly thereafter.

   Posted by GPE on 2007 03 24 at 02:29 PM • permalink

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