Grantus monoxide

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Last updated on March 6th, 2018 at 12:30 am

Circus Monoxide, the grant-funded tumbling troupe that by last year had drained $653,349 in clown taxes from the Australian public (who were then asked to pay up to $30 each to see a show they’d already financed) is heading towards the $1 million mark. Listed in this year’s grants from the NSW Ministry for the Arts are the latest gifts to our circusy friends:

$23,521 towards the upgrading of the ‘Big Top’ touring venue

$115,000 towards the Circus Monoxide 2006 Big Top Tour

$40,000 towards the employment of a General Manager year 3

$40,000 towards the production and performance of Crash ‘n’ Burn

That takes Circus Monoxide’s grab up to $871,870. One more tent upgrade and another brief tour should push them into seven figures. No wonder this Monoxider is smiling:


On the subject of grants … it’s late, and I’m unwell, which may be causing me problems seeking details of grants awarded by the Australia Council for the Arts. Alert and healthy readers are urged to hunt through the council’s site for ridiculous grantings.

Posted by Tim B. on 04/05/2006 at 12:32 PM
    1. The council seems to be very fond of making grants in the $600M range. What a coincidence! For that precise sum, I have in mind some conceptual art featuring Lara Bingle and myself (So, Lara, where the bloody hell are you?).

      Posted by paco on 2006 04 05 at 01:02 PM • permalink


    1. Hmmm

      Prefer ouzo.glut myself.

      But that’s just me.

      Posted by yojimbo on 2006 04 05 at 02:25 PM • permalink


    1. Well here’s one.

      $20,000 “towards final development and performance of ‘Blood Puppet’.

      Wonder who the ‘Blood Puppet’ might be?
      Yea, that was a rhetorical question.

      Posted by yojimbo on 2006 04 05 at 02:32 PM • permalink


    1. #3:

      So, Chris Sheil copped $20,000 for his, er, “writing”?

      Posted by paco on 2006 04 05 at 02:37 PM • permalink


    1. They’ve suffered for their art.  Now it’s our turn.

      Posted by Mystery Meat on 2006 04 05 at 02:48 PM • permalink


    1. Is it necessary that Oz have its own Cirque de Soleil? In fact, aren’t clowns just creepy? Why do we need circuses? I’m happy with just the bread. In fact, I’d like to keep more bread and to hell with the tax-funded circuses.

      Posted by Monroe Doctrine on 2006 04 05 at 03:46 PM • permalink


    1. I think Tim got this picture confused. It’s actually of the DHS spokesman who was arrested yesterday during his Australian vacation.

      Posted by Rob Crawford on 2006 04 05 at 03:46 PM • permalink


    1. Tonight on It’s the Arts, handing out carbon credits and gluten-free bread to keep the masses happy. Does it work?

      Posted by andycanuck on 2006 04 05 at 03:48 PM • permalink


    1. If you want to get some bang for the buck, spend $653,000 for a traveling circus featuring a Piss Mohammad.

      Posted by perfectsense on 2006 04 05 at 03:55 PM • permalink


    1. I guess my question is, how does a kid in Australia end up with a North Dakota State University Bison t-shirt?

      Go Bison

      Posted by David Crawford on 2006 04 05 at 04:10 PM • permalink


    1. Well, that particular clown is certainly creepy.  I hope Mum was nearby.

      Posted by RebeccaH on 2006 04 05 at 04:49 PM • permalink


    1. Webdairy should’ve applied for a grant as a circus … plenty of clowns, acrobats, some monkeys and the bearded lady …

      Posted by Stevo on 2006 04 05 at 05:00 PM • permalink


    1. Well, Circus Monoxide ain’t spending your dough on its website, for sure.  What interdimensional crapitude.

      Posted by ushie on 2006 04 05 at 05:09 PM • permalink


    1. The young man on the left seems more angry than amused.

      Must be a taxpayer, no?

      Posted by R C Dean on 2006 04 05 at 05:42 PM • permalink


    1. I heard the AWB were applying for a grant to on sell the piccies of Trevor Flugge (?). Downer has put in for a few grand to get some more fishnets and poor old gutless Costello is searching about for some cash to perfrom a one man Madam Butterfly this XMAS.

      Posted by ansteybranchopolous on 2006 04 05 at 05:56 PM • permalink


    1. Could someone explain the appeal of clowns to me? Frankly I’ve never gotten it. If I were a child and something like that appeared in front of me I’d start screaming.

      Get well, Tim! Have a nice hot cup of tea with lemon in it.

      Posted by Andrea Harris, Administrator on 2006 04 05 at 06:15 PM • permalink


    1. Yes clowns are frightening John Saffren nailed their horror a few times on his wonderful SBS TV show

      Posted by ansteybranchopolous on 2006 04 05 at 06:17 PM • permalink


    1. I can’t seem to find any local government cartoon grants!

      Passes a tissue to Tim.

      Posted by 1.618 on 2006 04 05 at 06:17 PM • permalink


    1. Personally this is my favorite artistic comment of the year

      “F— you! Go to hell, mate.”

      I hope tegan gets a grant

      Care to guess the “unique cultural background” of her attackers?

      Posted by knuckleheadwatch on 2006 04 05 at 06:20 PM • permalink


    1. How about filling our the grants application.

      Make sure your application is well-planned:
      do some research and find out if similar projects exist ensure your project doesn’t duplicate existing ones ask yourself if your project will meet a need in your community.
      Show a demonstrated need or demand for the project: 
      consult with your regular clients and other members of the community consider if you need the support of Council or other levels of government to develop your project.

      blah blah blah…

      Posted by 1.618 on 2006 04 05 at 06:23 PM • permalink


    1. oh ….and Remember to keep a copy of your grant application for your own records.

      Posted by 1.618 on 2006 04 05 at 06:25 PM • permalink


    1. Tap tap tap ….
      “puter says”….. (cough)
      “puter says”… no…no grant (cough).

      Posted by 1.618 on 2006 04 05 at 06:32 PM • permalink


    1. From FTC’s linked story 19

      “As the eldest brother, identified only as MSK,”

      How THE FUCK come the convicted rapists get more privacy than the victim does?
      And what the fuck do you bet the M stands for “Mohammed”?

      Upset?  I’m … okay, I’m upset.

      Posted by Stoop Davy Dave on 2006 04 05 at 06:34 PM • permalink


    1. The Cirque de Soleil phenomenon shows there is some kind of market for parents pretending they’re not just taking their kids to the circus. An Aussie circus that had to find that market would look less ridiculous than a circus so subsidised to the gills that finding an audience is a secondary concern.

      People concentrate on tax reform as one thing ten years of conservative government hasn’t delivered, and it is much more important, but the Australia Council is an utterly unreformed institution.

      Posted by Andrew R on 2006 04 05 at 06:50 PM • permalink


    1. Their father was a practising doctor in Australia. Kinda puts the word “examination” into a new catagory for Australian patients particularly women.


      but hang on, didn’t Gen Musharraf Pakistan say that rape had become a way and opportunity to make money and emigrate? He was quoted as saying: “You must understand the environment in Pakistan. This has become a money-making concern. Yeah, it must be cultural Islamic thingy, just as the convicted ones said. cough

      Posted by 1.618 on 2006 04 05 at 06:51 PM • permalink


    1. #19

      Good on her. I hope other victims come forward.


      The father blamed the media for the boy’s gaol sentence.
      Piss him off back to Pakistan.
      And the camel he rode in on.

      Posted by kae on 2006 04 05 at 06:54 PM • permalink


    1. #25 from the link

      And if his sons were guilty? “It is to go before Allah,” he said. “We all have to stand before God in the end.”

      They won’t be “before Allah” soon enough.

      Posted by kae on 2006 04 05 at 07:02 PM • permalink


    1. null

      this could be why they cry’s ok to rape..One cannot be prosecuted for marital rape or for rape in cases where a marriage between the perpetrator and victim has been contracted but not solemnized. Although rape was widespread, prosecutions were rare. It is estimated that rape victims reported less than one-third of rape cases to the police. Police were at times implicated in the crime. That’s why Islam has no rape cases (cough) ahh..they don’t report the crime…

      Posted by 1.618 on 2006 04 05 at 07:03 PM • permalink


    1. Well, immigration looks promising, with this kind of attitude now coming to our shores.

      Posted by 1.618 on 2006 04 05 at 07:05 PM • permalink


    1. Grant Idea…. to make bullet proof bras.

      AD break out now out now….. it’s a bit late but April 4 was the International Day for Mine Awareness and Assistance in Mine Action.

      Posted by 1.618 on 2006 04 05 at 07:11 PM • permalink


    1. I love how she says

      “I stood up, I fought it and I’m a strong person” … Tegan Wagner speaks out yesterday. She hopes to inspire the other victims: “They shouldn’t have to hide.”

      —-I hope a feminist group gets a grant to study Tegan–

      Posted by knuckleheadwatch on 2006 04 05 at 07:25 PM • permalink


    1. Have you thought about applying for a grant Tim tam?

      Here’s one, we should all apply so we can give them some paper work and processing jobs. It closes in May so there’s not much time. Apply now type and write away!! 45,000 for two years. It could pay for the site here…


      Posted by 1.618 on 2006 04 05 at 07:40 PM • permalink


    1. 31——> You betcha!!!!

      Posted by 1.618 on 2006 04 05 at 07:42 PM • permalink


    1. #26 kae

      Shouldn’t that be “And the camel he rode on in”

      Posted by Whale Spinor on 2006 04 05 at 07:49 PM • permalink


    1. #34

      er, yeah, prolly

      Posted by kae on 2006 04 05 at 08:07 PM • permalink


    1. The Sunday Programme did a show concerned with Terror target no.1: The Jewish Community of Australia. Transcript
      here – well worth reading. After mentioning Al-Manar, Hezbollah television, it detailed this:

      And then there’s an Internet site called Virtual Palestine, which was funded by Australian taxpayers through the Australia Council. The site invites people to throw a virtual stone at Israel.

      The Virtual Palestine site is here. I believe are the same people responsible for Indymedia in Australia. Nice to see where my taxes are going. Chuck a rock here – now with a disclaimer that “no offence is meant”. Tell that to the victims of terror…

      Andrew Bolt has also had plenty to say about grantwank.

      Media Watch called him on some of his statements and then apologised half-heartedly.

      Posted by Dan Lewis on 2006 04 05 at 08:39 PM • permalink


    1. If I can indulge in some ‘semiotic deconstruction’ of my own on that photo, it seems that the deeply creepy performer on the right is meant to be a property developer: white socks and shoes, lairy hawaiian shirt, evil slicked back hair, and a cocktail.  I guess their props department couldn’t find a top hat, cigar, and sack with a dollar sign on it.  Why not have clowns making fun of smelly hippies, or moonbats?  I’d pay to see that.  Oh no, wait, the real ones do it so well themselves…

      Posted by cuckoo on 2006 04 05 at 08:40 PM • permalink


    1. Moreland Council does grants better than anyone in the whole world. Look, there are grants for everyone: Major grants, Community grants, Cultural grants, Sustainable Environment grants, Quick Response grants, Community grants, Cultural grants, Cultural achievement grants, Recreation achievement grants, you name.

      Hurry! Get in now for your Quick response Grant!

      And don’t complain about your crumbling footpath, old lady on a walking frame. Deal with it. Your trip to the shops is better enhanced with public art for you to look at along the way than a stupid footpath.

      Posted by ilibcc on 2006 04 05 at 09:29 PM • permalink


    1. There is another aspect to this – it is unfairly disadvantaging the real professional circuses, which I know something about. They don’t get any grants – in fact they pay ordinary taxes and very high insurance and if they fail to attract a voluntary, paying audience they go broke. It is a quite vicious incidence of anti-private enterprise discrimination. Some of the real circus families have been in the business for hundreds of years and are a great institution.

      Posted by Susan Norton on 2006 04 05 at 09:44 PM • permalink


    1. #19

      What is it with theses uncouth Australians?

      First Douglas Wood calls his hosts “arseholes” and now this young lass shows a complete lack of cultural understanding with her “F— you! Go to hell, mate.”

      The Religion of Blow You To Pieces is finely nuanced and our lack of understanding can only lead to more “misunderstandings”.

      Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2006 04 05 at 10:05 PM • permalink


    1. I propose a name change to “Circus Carbon Monoxide” followed by one final performance extravaganza in which hippies drive their flower adorned combies around and around the big top until, well, until it all stops. This special VIP showing will only be attended by Circus CO performers and organisers and the associated hangers-on that usually turn up at any kind of arts related VIP showing.

      Posted by HC44 on 2006 04 05 at 10:07 PM • permalink


    1. #38

      Your trip to the shops…

      “trip” being the operative word

      Posted by kae on 2006 04 05 at 10:13 PM • permalink


    1. Circus Scramjet*

      Scramjet is a derogatory term a friend used for a coworker who was so busy she couldn’t do any work; sort of equates to ‘oxygen thief’.

      Posted by kae on 2006 04 05 at 10:19 PM • permalink


    1. Come on, can’t you blokes even deconstruct the photo?

      The lad on the left is making a parodic and symbolic gesture against halliburtonbushitler neoconazism within the hoWARd contextual meta-continuum, but using an inverted Che Guaverist symbol to demonstrate (I mean OBVIOUSLY) his appreciation of the progressivist nature of the contemporary art-as-politics displayed by the anti-establismentarianism of Circus Monoxide, themselves symbolising the Gaia-raping propensities of the fundamentally evil lickspittle fascist capitalists. This is clearly demonstrated by his appeal to the ancient earth-mother rlationship of the native American people, through use of their bison-related universe before it was cruelly annihilated by evil lickspittle fascist halliburtonbushitler neoconazism capitalist oil barons. So it IS all about oil, so there!

      The gentleman on the right merely thinks that the lad is offering him a right royal fisting, and he is excited.


      Posted by MarkL on 2006 04 05 at 11:20 PM • permalink


    1. I propose a name change to “Circus Carbon Monoxide”

      #41, if they do, I bet they qualify for a grant from the Australian Greenhouse Office. They’ve got more money than they can handle so anything with ‘carbon’ in the title is a sure bet.

      Posted by Art Vandelay on 2006 04 05 at 11:27 PM • permalink


    1. Look, if anyone should get a grant it should be me. My first name is “Grant”, actually “Grantley”, but I truncated it years ago to save breath.

      Further, I always use the term “first name”. It’s time we got away from using “Christian name” in Aust lest it cause unnecessary suffering and offence within our multicultural society. Voluntary hopefully, but legislation if that doesn’t work.

      Posted by Whale Spinor on 2006 04 05 at 11:51 PM • permalink


    1. Mark L

      We are not worthy!

      Posted by yojimbo on 2006 04 06 at 12:13 AM • permalink


    1. #41, 45:

      I must say the guy in the picture already looks like he’s taking in rather large amounts of carbon monoxide.

      Posted by PW on 2006 04 06 at 12:23 AM • permalink


    1. Oh how we mock what we don’t understand.

      I myself am aiming for a hefty grant from the good old ATP based on my idea of ‘Le Cirque du Sapho”

      At the moment, my submission highlights key words such as Phallocracy, gender aware, minority, women’s issues, HoWARd, and aims to let young women explore their non-conventional sexuality in a womb-like tent environment.

      Im looking for a grant that will enable me to visit say, Bangkok as a way of researching this innovative idea.

      Posted by Nic on 2006 04 06 at 01:40 AM • permalink


    1. I require a grant for a reality performance art piece, which celebrates the irony of living in a country essentially run by socialists.

      It involves me getting out of bed at 5:30am, five days a week, working a 10 hour day and having my hard earned money stolen from me by a pack of pinko-poofo-greeno-commo-lezzo, arty-farty, circle-wankers, who then proceed to use it to shit fair all over everything that I hold dear.


      Posted by murph on 2006 04 06 at 02:05 AM • permalink


    1. Hmm, interesting theory murph. My performance art grant would be spent on ammunition and bait for hippies.

      Posted by CB on 2006 04 06 at 02:18 AM • permalink


    1. Good to hear from you CB.  Are you coming down to Brisbane for ANZAC Day?

      Posted by murph on 2006 04 06 at 02:24 AM • permalink


    1. Y’know, seriously, Nic (Nr 49) is on to something.

      I wonder if they’d even realise they were being taken for a ride if we got together and actually DID that, really did put in for a grant?

      I think we have the appropriate talent for writing bullshit-infested wording, here.


      Posted by MarkL on 2006 04 06 at 02:46 AM • permalink


    1. #48:
      I must say the guy in the picture already looks like he’s taking in rather large amounts of carbon monoxide.

      I’d say he’s already taking in large amounts of fist (ROFL, MarkL)

      Posted by Stop Continental Drift! on 2006 04 06 at 03:33 AM • permalink


    1. A real circus (who actually have to attract a paying audience to eat) has pitched their tent a few hundred metres up the road from my house. Am taking the kids next week. they were great last year.

      Let me describe their show. They perform for two full hours every night plus matinees at the weekend. The show has everything, trained animals, high wire, acrobats, clowns, the lot. Tickets are about $12/$20.

      It’s not until you are buying your hot dog at interval you realise the entire cast are working the concession stands. The entire cast that is of one family. That is about (from memory) eight people. Even the kids perform and are then selling novelties during the breaks.

      Now I wonder if they qualify for a grant? Not likely. But they are getting my dough and will again next year.

      I should do a Greens and withhold my portion of federal taxes given to Monoxide. I would gladly donate it to the real performers up the road.

      Posted by Dean McAskil on 2006 04 06 at 04:14 AM • permalink


    1. Ugh reminds me of “Carnivarlay”..these creeps are causing Global Warming.Let’s donate them to the U.N.

      Posted by crash on 2006 04 06 at 08:13 AM • permalink


    1. The guy on the right looks like the caliber of person we’ve been getting at the RWDB Job Fairs.  Hell, some of them are my assistants.

      Still, they do seem to enjoy their job.

      Posted by wronwright on 2006 04 06 at 01:37 PM • permalink


    1. 8645 tap tap tap … $2.00 fine

      8745 tap tap tap … $2.00 fine

      8796 tap tap tap … $2.00 fine

      8741 tap tap tap … atm fee

      I would like a grant to find out why banks are so greedy and I would like to work out a grant for them to shove it up their @@#@

      Posted by 1.618 on 2006 04 06 at 06:26 PM • permalink


    1. Today’s illusion is bought to you by the Banks, banks, banks that like to make up nothing and make up education and psychological illusions so they can make lots of numbers.

      Don’t invite them to your dinner parties.

      Posted by 1.618 on 2006 04 06 at 06:43 PM • permalink


    1. So banks are at fault if you can’t remember your friggin’ PIN?

      Posted by PW on 2006 04 06 at 06:56 PM • permalink


    1. Hi you are at fault and have to pay the price for forgetting your pin number. I wouldn’t want demencia. Then you’re really in trouble!!

      Posted by 1.618 on 2006 04 06 at 07:05 PM • permalink


    1. Banks and corporate greed will be the next factor to bring down the core of a good civilization. They forget that numbers do effect the little persons life.

      Posted by 1.618 on 2006 04 06 at 07:08 PM • permalink


    1. Why do we need them?

      Banks should be shut down. They are useless information, and only provide greedy boring jobs to boring people.

      It’s like keeping your typewriter from 1805 in working order. It’s a useless service. And a stupid game men play.

      Posted by 1.618 on 2006 04 06 at 07:13 PM • permalink


    1. Oh this is a fantastic grubby concept, like the banks, universities and primary school maths teachers could start charging two bucks a pop when the students don’t put the correct number down, this will pay for the admin and red pen costs as well. This will lull them into a false psychological persona, and make them feel inadequate for the rest of the incorrect answer days.
      Well done banks, good greed and happy money making you poncers!!

      Posted by 1.618 on 2006 04 06 at 10:05 PM • permalink


    1. If the banks are charging people two bucks for not putting in numbers correctly in the automatic machine (pin number) I can’t help but think this is fraud and really not a service at all.

      What’s the difference, if this person has done this and the banks do the same thing but on a really grand scale? null

      Credit unions and the ceo’s need to go back to the basics otherwise human rights should get onto them!!

      Deceit; trickery; cheating; hello two bucks is trickery!!!

      Something said or done to deceive; trick; artifice

      A person who deceives or is not what he presents to be; impostor; cheat.

      Posted by 1.618 on 2006 04 07 at 02:43 AM • permalink


    1. Geez, goldenly ratio’ed one, you do have some issues to work out, methinks. Here’s a free hint (though maybe I should charge two bucks for it): If you hate banks that much and you honestly think we don’t need banks anyway (re: #63), keep your money under the mattress like generations did before banking became ubiquitous. Problem solved; well, at least the things you seem to perceive as being problems.

      Posted by PW on 2006 04 07 at 09:30 AM • permalink


    1. Hugs thanks pw.. passes a dollar.. lol

      Posted by 1.618 on 2006 04 08 at 02:47 AM • permalink


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