Last updated on August 9th, 2017 at 06:13 am
Al Gore, the two-term vice president and the White House nominee in 2000, was in Seattle on Tuesday …
According to respected climatologist Dr Seth Adipose, of no fixed address, the manifestation of Gore in the pointless northwestern city should have generated localised cold snaps, snow, and sleep.
“Instead,” noted Adipose, “Gore caused a mere three-degree drop compared to average temperatures for this season. We may be witnessing a weakening of the Gore Effect as other long-term weather variables come into play. Although many people did, in fact, fall asleep during Mr Gore’s appearance. Including Mr Gore.”
That analyis is violently disputed by Professor Harley Ribbon, of Shreveport, La.’s respected Climatina Turner Advanced Colding Institute.
“Reckless talk from Gore denialists is funded by Big Tanning Oil and other sun-profit groups,” said the professor, whose many charts, statistics, and personally threatening manner make him a convincing advocate for his cause.
“Besides,” added Ribbon, “even if our knowledge of the Gore Effect is only half right, or a quarter right, it is the issue. Of survival!”