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Last updated on August 9th, 2017 at 03:51 pm
Scream with joy, James Wolcott! Your favourite team is scheduled for a road game in your very own city:
New York will one day be hit by a ferocious hurricane that will flood the streets and knock out the transport system, the director of the US National Hurricane Centre says.
“It is not a question of if a major hurricane will strike the New York area, but when,” Max Mayfield, director of the hurricane centre in Miami, Florida, told a US Senate committee.
As Wolcott says: It only seems fair.
- Our home is girt by sea, f—- yeah.Posted by chinesearithmetic on 2006 05 25 at 12:49 PM • permalink
- Maybe James Wolcott will throw himself into the ocean just to appease the gods and save New York.
Or he could just get drunk and fall in. Either way works for me.
Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2006 05 25 at 12:52 PM • permalink
- “It is not a question of if a major hurricane will strike the New York area, but when,” Max Mayfield, director of the hurricane centre in Miami, Florida, told a US Senate committee.
It is not a question of if a the sun will turn into a red giant, but when.
It is not a question of if you will break a newly-manicured nail, but when.
It is not a question of if James Wolcott will write something interesting, but when.
- James has written about this before; he *wants* a hurricane to come to New York, doesn’t he? – as if it would give him a thrill that is, er, lacking in his life otherwise.
Here’s what you do, James. Manhattan at its highest point is 284 feet above sea level (Bennett Park, at 184th Street and Ft. Washington Blvd. – not your usual neighborhood, I know). When the day finally comes when sensible people are either battening down or leaving the city, go sit in the park wearing a slicker and carrying a kerosene lantern. And when the winds pass 100 mph and the rain is lashing down so hard as to knock you off your feet, scream like the Liza Minnelli character in “Cabaret’’ does every time a train goes by. You might get swept off into the Hudson River of course, but it will have been worth it. And if you survive, you might even get a column out of it.
Posted by Sonetka’s Mom on 2006 05 25 at 02:38 PM • permalink
- The big one hits and I’m on the porch, watching Midtown float by. There’s Walcott, clinging to his Prada raft and all I do is wave.
Boy can I fantasize.Posted by Gary from Jersey on 2006 05 25 at 03:58 PM • permalink
- And in a massively ironic occurrance, Mr. Wolcott’s raft is punctured by the torch of the Statue of Liberty, jutting out of the storm surge…Posted by Major John on 2006 05 25 at 04:47 PM • permalink
- Hurricanes are in Jehovah’s arsenal for fighting the United Nations, false religions, goats and all intellectuals, according to Harold Bloom’s analysis of Jehovah’s Witnesses. Also in the arsenal are forest fires, floods, avalanches, earthquakes and terrible plagues. It’s not a matter of if, but when.
New York City is a likely first place to hit, for intellectuals. You’d hit Montanna first to take out the goats.
Maybe James Wolcott will throw himself into the ocean just to appease the gods and save New York.
Just what Manhattan needs. A breakwater with blood in its cholesterol…
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 05 25 at 08:07 PM • permalink
- Sonetka’s Mom—Any chance we can persuade him to go down to Battery Park and wait for it there, instead?Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 05 25 at 08:49 PM • permalink
- 17 Rhhardin
Hurricanes are in Jehovah’s arsenal for fighting the United Nations, false religions, goats and all intellectuals, …
New York City is a likely first place to hit, for intellectuals. You’d hit Montanna first to take out the goats.Jehovah and his Witlesses are gonna hafta work for it, is alls I can say. First thing they’ll find out is that our goatly legions are widely dispersed and deeply entrenched; taking out Montana might take out some middle management and support staff, but it’ll be far from decisive, even if they CAN push a hurricane that far up the Missouri valley. Ha!
As for the false religions, it doesn’t matter what happens to them; new ones will spring up in the aftermath, just like they always have.
And as for the intellectuals, well, as long as Wolcott is numbered amongst ‘em, an alliance is out of the question. No goat blood for bad prose!Posted by Stoop Davy Dave on 2006 05 26 at 11:38 AM • permalink
- I, for one, would hate to see Wolcott drowned by Gaia.
I’d much rather see him skinned alive, basted with fresh lemon juice, rolled in sea salt. Then drawn, quartered & slow-roasted by Gaia, Kali, Nike and the whole badass goddess gang. I bet they’d coat him with crushed habanero, comino and oregano as a dry rub. I understand that your badass goddess likes her TV loud, her beer ice cold, and her slowroasted assholes spicy.
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