Flipper flips boats, freaks french

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Last updated on August 9th, 2017 at 09:05 am

vicious dolphin torments French fishermen:

For several weeks, an enraged dolphin has been terrorising the French Atlantic coast, attacking boats and knocking fishermen into the sea, French media reported on Wednesday.

“He’s like a mad dog,” complained Henri Le Lay, president of the association of fishermen and yachtsmen of the port of Brezellec, in Brittany.

The dolphin, who has been named Jean Floch, has destroyed rowboats, overturned open boats, flooded engines and twisted mooring lines.

Worse, two fishermen were knocked into the sea after the dolphin overturned their boat.

“I don’t want to see any widows or orphans,” Le Lay warned. “This could end badly.”

Le Lay’s solution:

“We put mad animals to sleep”, he was reported as saying. “I like dolphins, but this one should be removed or locked up very quickly”.

(Via Andrew Landeryou, who also observes that Jeff Kennett is the new Malcolm Fraser.)

UPDATE. Consider, please, the root causes:

Experts say that the dolphin, which has been named Jean Floch, must have been excluded from its group recently to have turned so violent.

UPDATE II. Reader Geoff:

This is a load of crap. I routinely find myself swimming among a school of bottle-nosed dolphins around here. All they do is grin at you. It’s like a wet Mormon convention.

Mind you I’m not French.

Posted by Tim B. on 09/03/2006 at 12:39 AM
    1. The dolphin is simply expressing concern about global warming.

      I bet its head is tilted as well.

      Posted by Rafe on 2006 09 03 at 01:12 AM • permalink


    1. the dolphin is protesting about the occupation of his homelandsea, part of a worldwide anti-dolphin campaign orchestrated by the jooooos

      jeff is, sadly, suffering from rds

      Posted by KK on 2006 09 03 at 01:22 AM • permalink


    1. So far the dolphin has only attacked French people. Let’s not be too hasty to judge here.

      Posted by geoff on 2006 09 03 at 01:51 AM • permalink


    1. #3 Vous avais raison, mon ami.

      Vive les saboateurs!

      Posted by MentalFloss on 2006 09 03 at 01:56 AM • permalink


    1. Haste makes waste.

      Posted by Spiny Norman on 2006 09 03 at 02:11 AM • permalink


    1. Time for a letter of concern. Followed by a letter of DEEP concern.
      If the dolphin persists in fwightening fwenchmen, then it’s time for the biggie:
      A letter expressing deep! dismay!
      That’ll show the bastard.

      Posted by Crusader rabbit on 2006 09 03 at 02:55 AM • permalink


    1. Now now, Le Lay, just try to think of those boats as barbecued cars.  Mess with Flipper and you’ll find yourself on the receiving end of a PETA fatwa.  Your country is enough of a laughingstock as it is without the spectacle of Chirac surrendering to some airheaded wench in a skimpy woolly lamb getup.

      Posted by Achillea on 2006 09 03 at 03:13 AM • permalink


    1. Scenes from new French movie:
      (Jacques is scooping fish guts overboard to lure the terror of the Mediterranean within reach – suddenly, an enraged dolphin rears up out of the water)
      JACQUES: (avec grand peur) Eh, Henri, you are going to need a bigarr beaout, mon ami!!


      (Crusty old dolphin-hunter Henri confronts scubaman Jacques Cousteau, preparing to cage-dive in search of ‘Jean Floch’)
      HENRI: You go in ze cage, non?  Cage goes in ze watt-airr, non?  Dolphin’s in ze watt-airr?  Farewell and au revoir to you fair Spanish laydeeezz…

      Posted by cuckoo on 2006 09 03 at 03:25 AM • permalink


    1. I didn’t think the French could get any more pussyfied, I was wrong. Just surrender and collaborate already.

      Posted by Daniel San on 2006 09 03 at 03:57 AM • permalink


    1. Sandy! Sandy! Come quick!
      Why Bud? What’s up?
      Sandy, I think Flipper‘s escaped.

      Posted by Bonmot on 2006 09 03 at 04:23 AM • permalink


    1. This is a load of crap. I routinely find myself swimming among a school of bottle-nosed dolphins around here. All they do is grin at you. It’s like a wet Mormon convention.

      Mind you I’m not French.

      Posted by geoff on 2006 09 03 at 04:55 AM • permalink


    1. If the French are out-fought by humans and now ocean-based mammals, should they be matched up against (in order of increasing timidity and helplessness):

      a. butterflies
      b. Malcolm Fraser
      c. Carlton Blues starting 18

      Posted by AusDoug on 2006 09 03 at 05:09 AM • permalink


    1. My pick, Fleeper is the spawn of parents radiated by French nuclear tests at Muraroa atoll and trained by irate kiwis with long memories.

      Posted by Nic on 2006 09 03 at 05:34 AM • permalink


    1. Double flip too from the ABC News very recently..
      1.“People -today were arrested for attempting to blow up planes on Transatlantic flights”.No people to be seen.
      followed by “John Howard was today accused “of being anti Muslim for his comments on (joining in and speaking English)”.Lots of Muslims shown and speaking out against P.M.
      2.“Today a second person was arrested after a two day police hunt following a hammer attack on a young policewoman”.Two mostly blotted out people shown -but on Channel nine news they were aboriginal and not obscured.Followed by..
      “Former governor,Lt Gen Sanderson has been chosen to head a group which will assist young aboriginals (some shown) to fulfill their potential.”
      In BOTH examples a negative story did not identify the subjects and the immediately following positive- to -the- group story—DID.

      Posted by crash on 2006 09 03 at 05:47 AM • permalink


    1. Eef you put heem behind bars eet weel be a derg’s life for Fleeper. Le fin for dolphin.

      Posted by blogstrop on 2006 09 03 at 06:22 AM • permalink


    1. Time to call in Kofi and the blue helmet dolphin brigade.

      Oh, the dolphanity!

      Posted by Mike_W on 2006 09 03 at 07:23 AM • permalink


    1. Aha! Eet ees ze lost dauphin! ‘e ‘as come to claim ‘is rightful throne!

      Posted by Wally on 2006 09 03 at 07:36 AM • permalink


    1. Ah those Muslim terrorists. Just when you close down their training schools in the Middle East they infiltrate Schools in the Deep Blue Sea.

      Posted by Mick Gill on 2006 09 03 at 07:47 AM • permalink


    1. We must ask ourselves, why do the dophins hate us?  What have we done to provoke this attack?

      Posted by Conrad on 2006 09 03 at 09:20 AM • permalink


    1. #16 Kofi has both “issued a STARK warning “to the West over the growth of opium in Afghanistan and simultaneously is “ujjently searching for a solution in Teheran..”
      He’s not dolphin friendly…

      Posted by crash on 2006 09 03 at 09:20 AM • permalink


    1. it seems that jean floc’h is a food company that is passionate about pork.  that dolphin is one of us

      Posted by KK on 2006 09 03 at 09:28 AM • permalink


    1. Ummmmm – how do you lock up a dolphin?

      And where do you slap on the cuffs to lead him to this mythical lockup?

      Posted by Barbara Skolaut on 2006 09 03 at 09:35 AM • permalink


    1. No tuna for dolphins!

      Posted by RebeccaH on 2006 09 03 at 09:39 AM • permalink


    1. Q. How do you say “Give me liberty or give me death!” in French?
      A. Do you want some more mackerel, mon ami dolphin?
      Q. What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen holding mackerel?
      A. The French Army.

      Q. Why was the Chunnel built under the English Channel?
      A.  So the French government could to flee to London without the dolphins noticing.

      Q: Did you hear about the new French tanks?
      A: They shoot mackerel.

      Q: Why don’t they have fireworks at Euro Disney?
      A: Because every time they shoot them off, the dolphins demand more mackerel.

      Q: Why do they have trees in Paris?
      A: So the Dolphins can swim in the shade.

      Q: Why is good to be French?
      A: You can surrender at the beginning of the war, and US will send you mackerel.

      Q: What is the first thing you are taught when joining the French army?
      A: To say “I surrender” in Dolphin
      Q: Did you hear about France’s new weapons contracts?
      A: They gave one to Cabela’s to produce 250,000 fishing poles.

      Posted by Some0Seppo on 2006 09 03 at 09:42 AM • permalink


    1. Ah, my plan goes well.  Now to attach the laser beam generator.


      Posted by joe bagadonuts on 2006 09 03 at 09:44 AM • permalink



    1. Perhaps this is a muslim immigrant dolphin up from the African coast that has been denied job opportunity. (I mean, you can’t expect him to be able to light a match….)

      Posted by Shaky Barnes on 2006 09 03 at 10:41 AM • permalink


    1. It could be worse, you know.  I am reminded of the scene in Carl Hiaasen’s novel, Native Tongue, where Dickie the Dolphin ‘loves’ a man to death.  Since most of Hiaasen’s novels are only slight exaggerations of reality, I’d recommend to France’s fishermen that they stay far away from ‘Jean Floch’.

      Posted by Eric Jablow on 2006 09 03 at 11:23 AM • permalink


    1. The dolphin is simply protesting the unforgivable publication of the Mohammed cartoons by European infidels.

      Posted by NoAcuteDistress on 2006 09 03 at 11:28 AM • permalink


    1. Pilger is grinning into his warm beer right now.  “The resistance is growing….BWAHAAAHA!”

      Posted by Patricia on 2006 09 03 at 11:32 AM • permalink


    1. How dare you all make fun of our fine flippered friends!

      Oh, wait, you’re making fun of the French.


      Posted by ushie on 2006 09 03 at 11:48 AM • permalink


    1. Some0Seppo

      Q. Why was the Chunnel built under the English Channel?
      A.  So the French government could to flee to London without the dolphins noticing.



      Posted by Spiny Norman on 2006 09 03 at 11:52 AM • permalink


    1. “We put mad animals to sleep”, he was reported as saying. “I like dolphins, but this one should be removed or locked up very quickly”.

      So, the French have an aquatic prison?  Reopened Devil’s Island, did they?

      Posted by Major John on 2006 09 03 at 12:36 PM • permalink


    1. TwentyMajor has very firm views on dolphins – Dolphins are shifty looking cunts.

      Well I’m onto you, you squeaking underwater cunts. That’s clever and shifty. Dolphins also have a permanent smirk on their faces like they know something we don’t and I bet they do know something we don’t. They’re not fucking telling though, are they, the cunts. That’s how clever they are. They give us enough to make us know they know something but you could make tuna steaks out of all of them before they’d tell.

      And don’t get him started on beagles…

      Posted by JAFA on 2006 09 03 at 01:50 PM • permalink


    1. I for one welcome our new dolphin overlords.

      Posted by Bruce Lagasse on 2006 09 03 at 02:38 PM • permalink


    1. “For several weeks, an enraged dolphin has been terrorising the French…”

      I’m on the dolphin’s side.

      Posted by Dave Surls on 2006 09 03 at 02:53 PM • permalink


    1. I thought tuna steaks were made out of tuna.

      Posted by Andrea Harris, Administrator on 2006 09 03 at 03:17 PM • permalink


    1. Actually, male Atlantic bottlenose dolphins unattached to a pod are nasty bastards.  In pods, they’re not much better.  Flipper is basically the wife-beater of the cetacean world.  They’ve also been observed attacking smaller breeds, such as harbor porpoises, quite violently.

      And they are, quite simply, horndogs, as anyone who’s ever worked around them will testify.

      This sort of behavior is not exclusive to dolphins.  On land, male Cape Buffalos and adolescent African elephants show similar behavior when excluded from a herd.

      Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 09 03 at 04:30 PM • permalink


    1. “They’re shooting the sequel to that movie Foam, about the giant dolphin with rabies that terrorizes a small New England town.”

      – From One Crazy Summer (1986)

      Posted by Apostic on 2006 09 03 at 05:06 PM • permalink


    1. Apostic:

      Good film, excellent film! 🙂

      Posted by Patrick Chester on 2006 09 03 at 05:23 PM • permalink


    1. Nom de plume!  Thees attacks, they are as loathesome as a French comb.  We demand that ze Americains and le Roasbeefs send in their fascist criminal troops, so that no Frenchman must die.  Send le Marlboros as well, yes, no, maybe!

      Posted by Carl H on 2006 09 03 at 07:10 PM • permalink


    1. Perhaps he is simply seeking his rightful place as the head of the French government…

      Posted by Not My Problem on 2006 09 03 at 07:46 PM • permalink


    1. #34: JAFA, laughed until I cried! Thanks for the link.

      I have a beagle mix, and I’ve always found them affectionate and gentle, but there is a certain shiftiness about them. Had no idea that they were all just trying to lure us into a false sense of security.

      Posted by paco on 2006 09 03 at 07:57 PM • permalink


    1. I’ve just opened a tin of dolphin chunks in brine for lunch: the label on the side assures me it’s “Frenchman-friendly”.

      Posted by cuckoo on 2006 09 03 at 09:29 PM • permalink


    1. So, richard mcenroe, this means that adolescents and males are similar across species, eh? Interesting. 🙂

      Posted by Muslihoon on 2006 09 06 at 02:48 PM • permalink


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