Fifth test, day four

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Last updated on August 8th, 2017 at 01:37 pm

Australia only 46 runs from a 5-0 whitewash. As it happens, the last 5-0 result (in 1920-21) was concluded by a nine-wicket win in Sydney.

UPDATE. Australia wins by ten wickets. Farewell to Shane Warne, Glenn McGrath, Justin Langer, and Damien Martyn.

Posted by Tim B. on 01/04/2007 at 08:40 PM
    1. Its a pity Warnie & Macgrath didn’t open the batting. I suppose Justin Langer deserves to be out there though.

      Posted by curious george on 2007 01 04 at 08:42 PM • permalink


    1. I do hope that this thread doesn’t degenerate into a string of jokes about British people…

      Posted by Margos Maid on 2007 01 04 at 08:45 PM • permalink


    1. You know the kinds I’m talking about.

      Posted by Margos Maid on 2007 01 04 at 08:45 PM • permalink


    1. No chance of that, maybe just jokes about the English instead.

      Posted by brucey bonus on 2007 01 04 at 08:46 PM • permalink


    1. How many Poms does it take to ….

      Sorry MM, I could not resist. I am very childish sometimes.

      Posted by curious george on 2007 01 04 at 08:46 PM • permalink


    1. Well okay – I am willing to see some examples of these jokes…just for educational purposes only, mind.

      Posted by Margos Maid on 2007 01 04 at 08:52 PM • permalink


    1. Langer to get the last runs from a six. Heard it here first.

      Posted by CB on 2007 01 04 at 08:54 PM • permalink


    1. In that case…

      Q. What would Glen McGrath be if he was an Englishman?
      A. An allrounder.

      Q. What advantage do Kevin Pieterson, Andrew Strauss and Geraint Jones have over the rest of their team-mates?
      A. At least they can say they’re not really English.

      Q. What is the English version of a hat-trick?
      A. Three runs in three balls.

      Q. What do you call an Englishman with 100 runs against his name?
      A. A bowler.

      Posted by CB on 2007 01 04 at 08:55 PM • permalink


    1. Keep ‘em coming CB…

      Posted by Stop Continental Drift! on 2007 01 04 at 08:59 PM • permalink


    1. Well there was the teacher who asked the kids what their fathers did for a living and one boy said that his father did pole dancing and stripping in a club and sometimes he was home late because he had to go off with patrons and give sex for money.

      Later the teacher said he was suprised to hear about the boy’s father and the kid said that wasn’t really what dad does for a living, he actually plays for England.

      Posted by Rafe C on 2007 01 04 at 09:03 PM • permalink


    1. Re: Griffith murder. The 15-year-old boys charged with his murder, may have already committed bashings (40 year old man) prior to the murder.

      Spoke to a resident in Griffith today, apparently the aboriginal boys after the killing, gloated to the people/witnesses on the street about how they murdered the young man.

      There’s a bikie gang, rumoured (resident spoke to) have passed the murderers home and bashed them up (revenge)

      Posted by 1.618 on 2007 01 04 at 09:05 PM • permalink


    1. Hang on. STILL 19 to win, ONLY 10 wickets in hand – England can still win this.

      Posted by Tony.T.Teacher on 2007 01 04 at 09:08 PM • permalink


    1. Oh, piss off, 99.

      Posted by Stop Continental Drift! on 2007 01 04 at 09:09 PM • permalink


    1. Q. What is the most proficient form of footwork displayed by English batsmen?
      A. The walk back to the pavilion.

      Q. Who has the easiest job in the English squad?
      A. The guy who removes the red ball marks from the bats.

      Q. What does “Ashes” stand for?
      A. Another Sad Horrific English Series.

      Q. What’s the English version of LBW?
      A. Lost, Beaten, Walloped.

      Q. Who spends the most time on the crease of anyone in the English team?
      A. The person who ironed the cricket whites.

      A distraught woman rushed into a Police Station claiming she had been sexually assaulted. The Desk Sergeant calmed her down and asked her to provide details. She told him that it was a man of average height dressed in white and that he was wearing protective pads on his legs and forearms, additionally he had on a helmet and gloves.

      “That sounds as if the man was a cricketer” observed the policeman. “Oh yes he was” replied the woman, “and what’s more he was an Englishman”. “I suppose you guessed that because of his accent ” said the Sergeant.

      “No” the woman said, “it was because he didn’t stay in very long.”

      Posted by CB on 2007 01 04 at 09:10 PM • permalink


    1. Worth noting that this series is a good deal more one-sided than 1920/21. Back then, Tests had no time limit, and at least one of the matches would have been drawn, if played under modern conditions.

      Australia’s overall batting average this series has been just about double that of England. This is a far bigger performance gap than in 1920. And back then, English cricket had been more deeply affected by war and flu epidemic than in Australia. No such excuses for the present mob.

      Posted by zscore on 2007 01 04 at 09:14 PM • permalink


    1. Here’s something remarkable from the past. Ironic considering Johnson’s recent comments.

      “England have only three major problems. They can’t bat, they can’t bowl and they can’t field.”
      Martin Johnson’s famed assessment in The Independent at the start of England’s tour of Australia 1986-7. England’s recovery to win the Ashes later led Johnson to remark: “Right quote; wrong team.”

      “Look at the scoreboard…clap clap clap, Look at the scoreboard….clap clap clap”

      Posted by CB on 2007 01 04 at 09:15 PM • permalink


    1. WIN!!! YAY

      Posted by curious george on 2007 01 04 at 09:18 PM • permalink


    1. Well, wrong batter. Still, a 10 wicket win, and the Gnome was there at the end. With any luck, that was Billy the Dill’s last game too.

      Posted by CB on 2007 01 04 at 09:19 PM • permalink


    1. This is the wattle
      The symbol of our land
      You can stick it in a bottle
      Or you can hold it in your hand.

      Australia You F**** beauty!

      (Written by a Pom – Python)

      Posted by Stop Continental Drift! on 2007 01 04 at 09:20 PM • permalink


    1. Hayden just hit the winning run, Australia wins the match by 10 wickets and the series 5-0.

      Poms flogged like red headed step children.

      Gloating. . . .  . begin.

      Posted by Pedro the Ignorant on 2007 01 04 at 09:21 PM • permalink


    1. All over, 5-blot. The poor old poms are rated #2 in the world as well- cricket is rapidly becoming summer’s answer to rugby league. It’s not as if the current Australian side is that good, it’s more that the opposition is so bloody hopeless.

      BTW- A father and son are driving through the Western Plains Zoo at Dubbo, looking at all the various critters. They ‘round a bend, and there’s two lions, one of which is licking the other’s arse. The son asks his dad“what’s that lion doing to the other lion, dad?” His old man replies “well son, that lion at the back has just eaten a Pom, and he’s trying to get the taste out of his mouth.”

      Posted by Habib on 2007 01 04 at 09:24 PM • permalink


    1. Flogged like rented mules, more like it.
      Beaten harder than a 15 year old boy’s…

      Posted by CB on 2007 01 04 at 09:25 PM • permalink


    1. Hmmm, I still have not forgiven the poms for their form after the Rugby World Cup…does anyone know any good English pubs in Melbourne- it’s time to begin the healing.
      *CB- Lol.

      Posted by Mattofact on 2007 01 04 at 09:26 PM • permalink


    1. If the PM doesn’t award the Australian Sports Medal to all members of the Australian Test cricket squad, well, he needs rootin’.

      Posted by CB on 2007 01 04 at 09:29 PM • permalink


    1. Just now…

      Interviwer (Healy) to Warne: “You want to talk it through ball by ball?”

      Warne to Interviewer: “This won’t take long, eh?”

      Posted by MentalFloss on 2007 01 04 at 09:29 PM • permalink


    1. Is it true that the Poms are planning on moving ‘extras’ up the batting order?

      Posted by Harry Buttle on 2007 01 04 at 09:31 PM • permalink


    1. By the way, the Oz coach’s last Test too. Don’t forget John Buchanan’s contribution to this teams enormous success. Three cheers for Buck as well.

      Posted by CB on 2007 01 04 at 09:32 PM • permalink


    1. Roy’s gonna have a couple of foamy bits. Understatement of the year.

      Posted by CB on 2007 01 04 at 09:33 PM • permalink


    1. The English need to invent a new sport for us to beat them in. This is becoming predictable.

      Posted by Penguin on 2007 01 04 at 09:35 PM • permalink


    1. These are golden times.

      Yes, I know everything is crap, or going worse.

      Except for this.

      Except for this.

      Posted by DaneF on 2007 01 04 at 09:55 PM • permalink


    1. I was in England in 2005 during the Ashes series and the mood there was blissful as they got on top of us.  I have to say that even though we lost the series it was a pleasure to be with the English at the time.  As an Australian I knew, and apparently the English didn’t, that on the return bout in Australia they would have to be a whole lot better or they would be crushed.  Let’s hope they are off to the coaching clinic this afternoon to put as much effort as possible in before we meet again.

      Posted by allan on 2007 01 04 at 09:56 PM • permalink


    1. Loved the Aussie cricket boss who thanked the public for supporting “this great Australian game”.

      Posted by C.L. on 2007 01 04 at 09:59 PM • permalink


    1. Poignancy reigns supreme.

      How priveleged we were to see such luminaries continue to win games for Australia seemingly by their own efforts. How deep the sadness of their departure.

      Posted by Jack Lacton on 2007 01 04 at 10:01 PM • permalink


    1. fantastic to see the 3 guys retiring bring their kids onto the SCG to join in celebrating the win – nice contrast with other team sports.  good to see the poms not blubbing as well – similar contrast with the crybabies of rugby & AFL

      Posted by KK on 2007 01 04 at 10:07 PM • permalink


    1. And where to from here? The batting will take care of itself but the bowling looks problematic.

      I don’t rate Brett Lee as a Test bowler (he proved that when McGrath was injured in the last Ashes series), Shaun Tait is a spastic and Mitchell Johnson still has a little way to go. Our only hope is that Troy Cooley can weave his magic on the up and comers in the fast bowling ranks.

      Not only that but this season Stuart MacGill has been bowling like Stephen Hawking and I’ll make a prediction that Dan Cullen will be a chronic under achiever at the highest level.

      Luckily, there’s 11 months until next November so there’s time to work it out.

      Posted by Jack Lacton on 2007 01 04 at 10:09 PM • permalink


    1. oy oy oy

      Posted by eeniemeenie on 2007 01 04 at 10:10 PM • permalink


    1. Q.What do Geraint Jones and Michael Jackson have in common?
      A. They both wear gloves for no apparent reason.

      Q. What is the height of optimism?
      A. An English batsman applying sunscreen.

      Q. What does Ashley Giles put in his hands to make sure the next ball almost always takes a wicket?
      A. A bat.

      Q. Who has the easiest job in the English squad?
      A. The guy who removes the red ball marks from the bats.

      Q. Why is Andrew Flintoff the unluckiest English player?
      A. Because he was born in England.

      Posted by AlphaMikeFoxtrot on 2007 01 04 at 10:17 PM • permalink


    1. Bwahaha. Stick that up your arse, Tony Greig 🙂

      Posted by Tex on 2007 01 04 at 10:38 PM • permalink


    1. Margo’s Maid… sorry, I just can’t get my teeth into British humor.  Or is it that I can’t see the humor in British teeth?

      And now that I’ve posted on topic, a question.  Got me a shiny new laptop with wireless capability so I’m looking into high-speed broadband accounts in the US (Sprint, Cingular, T-Mobile, etc.)  Anyone have any experiences to share?

      Posted by richard mcenroe on 2007 01 04 at 10:41 PM • permalink


    1. I am marking January 5th, 2007 down as the most significant day in Australian history. Jan.  26th, 1788 may have seen a short arse Pom establish the greatest colony on earth, but I did not hear of Warne and McGrath retiring that day.

      Twas truly a pleasure this summer to watch 13 strapping Australians treat the best of Britain like $5 rent boys. When next they venture for some rough trade with our lads, I suggest they not only learn about cricket, but pack more lube.

      Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 01 04 at 11:08 PM • permalink


    1. Next stop – the Rugby World Cup!  Alas, I fear we will have much more of a, er… struggle to win that one, this time.

      Posted by Stop Continental Drift! on 2007 01 04 at 11:11 PM • permalink


    1. #41 – SCD, The RWC gives us another fantastic opportunity to crush the dreams of all New Zealanders (no, not the sheep dream)and stop them once again in the semi-finals.

      Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 01 04 at 11:18 PM • permalink


    1. Infidel – yes, whilst beating the Kiwis in the RWC is only marginally less satisfying that beating the Poms in the Ashes, I fear our current lot have a long way to go.

      Did you see Tuqiri and 3 others were sent home from the Canberra training camp yesterday for failing fitness tests?  Gotta wonder where Tuqiri’s heart is right now.

      Posted by Stop Continental Drift! on 2007 01 04 at 11:23 PM • permalink


    1. I guess it could be worse.  I’d rather have Tuqiri’s heart than Wendell’s nose.

      Posted by Stop Continental Drift! on 2007 01 04 at 11:24 PM • permalink


    1. #15

      Thanks for pointing that out.

      Posted by pommygranate on 2007 01 04 at 11:27 PM • permalink


    1. richard

      Anyone have any experiences to share?

      Not with what you mentioned…I have cable…but this may assist you.

      Posted by El Cid on 2007 01 04 at 11:28 PM • permalink


    1. Yeah, the importation of high priced mungo’s has cost union plenty. The only one worth a pinch of shit was Tuqiri and he’s busy working out his new league contract as we speak.

      Still, should be fun watching the last ever RWC in France played without Sharia Law governing it.

      Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 01 04 at 11:30 PM • permalink


    1. For those wanting to re-live this morning (sorry harry, sorry pommygranate), have a look at the BBC on-line commentary..

      They can’t play cricket but the Poms, through the Beeb, can put up a terrific dry and anguished commentary .

      Posted by Stop Continental Drift! on 2007 01 04 at 11:50 PM • permalink


    1. OK, sounds like you guys are done testing down there…  Does it work?

      Posted by Vexorg on 2007 01 04 at 11:56 PM • permalink


    1. #49. Vexorg, magnificently ( Unless you are English. )

      Posted by curious george on 2007 01 05 at 12:06 AM • permalink


    1. #48 SCD, thanks for that link. Hilarious.

      I’m off home for a cold one.

      Pigeon and Hollywood, Gnome and Marto…Punter and the rest—this Vic’s for you!

      Posted by MentalFloss on 2007 01 05 at 12:20 AM • permalink


    1. Clankylad

      Wake up.

      I need someone to share the pain.

      Posted by pommygranate on 2007 01 05 at 12:45 AM • permalink


    1. ABC Radio reported this morning the rumour that Kevin Rudd had demanded equal time to John Howard on Channel 9’s coverage. Did anyone see Rudd’s attempt at being ‘blokesy’ in an interview during a break in play yesterday? Pretty pathetic all round Mr Dudd.

      Posted by AlphaMikeFoxtrot on 2007 01 05 at 01:44 AM • permalink


    1. Ok, I know I shouldn’t be posting videos here and I promise I won’t do it again, but this is so funny I almost threw up:

      Posted by mencken_cynic on 2007 01 05 at 01:49 AM • permalink


    1. SCD and others:
      Had a great day at the SCG, despite the limited play.  I won’t add much more, for those who watched it on TV or at the ground will agree with me, unless you’re a pom.

      Ah, the Barmy Army were good.  I sat near them in the Doug Walters Stand last Ashes, but was in the Bradman Stand this time.  Just far enough away.  I think the Barmy Army were well behaved and they add something a bit different to the day.  I sure they’ll all go on a 2 day bender from this afternoon to drown their sorrows.

      Posted by Stevo on 2007 01 05 at 02:35 AM • permalink


    1. #55 Stevo

      You were part of history in the making! And so glad you had a great day – it looked a marvellous scene on telly

      We couldn’t get tickets sadly

      Posted by aussiemagpie on 2007 01 05 at 02:57 AM • permalink


    1. Hope you arrived on time Stevo.

      Posted by Stop Continental Drift! on 2007 01 05 at 03:10 AM • permalink


    1. #55

      Either that or they’ll find some Juventus fans to kill

      Posted by murph on 2007 01 05 at 03:38 AM • permalink


    1. SCD and others:

      Walked into the Bradman Stand just as Pietersen was caught by Gilchrist off McGrath.  I was chin wagging to tons of people I knew whilst waiting in line at the ticket office.  The tickets I got were from Cricket NSW, not Cricket Australia.  It was a nice gesture by Cricket NSW to reward cricket volunteers with complimentary tickets to Day 4.  Stevo Jr castigated me for wasting time to get to the seats.  I thought play wouldn’t commence until 1030.

      I got my hands on a “Barmy Army Harmonies” handbook at the SCG today.  It’s welcome includes the following words, “If you’re Australian and get your hands on this then good luck to you, but we hope you get stuffed.  If you’re English then welcome to the Barmy Army …”  I feel so touched.  It’s all in good spirit and fun in my opinion.

      Posted by Stevo on 2007 01 05 at 03:40 AM • permalink


    1. o/t

      Move along.  Nothing to see hear.

      Posted by murph on 2007 01 05 at 04:30 AM • permalink


    1. o/t 2

      How good?!

      Posted by murph on 2007 01 05 at 04:30 AM • permalink


    1. hi murph … yes, both o/t … if they’re M72s, only good against tanks and bunkers … I’ve fired one and hit the target (stationary) … send Tim an email to get a new thread going if you think both are worth sharing …

      Posted by Stevo on 2007 01 05 at 04:45 AM • permalink


    1. yeah…typical of little jonny jackboots chrome dome pants on fire hoWARd for a terror plot to be revealed right when Australia beats England 5-0 in the Ashes…

      …oh wait…

      Posted by murph on 2007 01 05 at 06:35 AM • permalink


    1. Extraordinary story in The Times re England’s preparation for the Ashes Series.

      Posted by Stop Continental Drift! on 2007 01 05 at 06:38 AM • permalink


    1. #61 Murph.

      Interesting find. I wonder if the David Hicks supporters will now level criticism at the Ethiopians for infringing upon this “lost dreamer’s” rights.

      If the report is correct then it’s one less to worry about.

      Now there’s a turn for the books. I never would have thought I’d have cause to say thanks to the world renowned Ethiopian army!

      Posted by Penguin on 2007 01 05 at 07:13 AM • permalink


    1. Penguin

      As somebody else commented on this site: why do you reckon there’s been almost nobody else sent to Gitmo.

      Gitmo was an olive branch.  All the bitching about Hicks and his bastard mates has led the US into a situation where they have no choice but to blow these pricks away as soon as they get hold of them.

      Further, all the whining and bitching about Iraq has driven the Yanks into getting 3rd world countries to fight proxy wars on its behalf.

      I have no doubt that Ethiopia will be richly rewarded for their swift and decisive belting of the goat rooters in Somalia.  More of this to come.  The Ethiopians were able to do what they did because they don’t have any tolerance for treacherous journalists (embedded or otherwise) telling them how to run a war.

      Posted by murph on 2007 01 05 at 07:30 AM • permalink


    1. Andrea … please fix …

      Posted by Stevo on 2007 01 05 at 07:40 AM • permalink


    1. #65 Penguin, I think the Ethiopian army is renowned only for losing to the Italian army…

      Posted by anthony_r on 2007 01 05 at 07:40 AM • permalink


    1. rebase

      I think it was the spagetti slurpers second go.  At one stage, the Italians held the title of only modern European state to lose a war in Africa.  They got their backsides kicked by the Ethiopians in 1895(?).

      Posted by murph on 2007 01 05 at 07:58 AM • permalink


    1. Will the world and in particular the U.S. and Israel allow the Ethiopians to lose?

      Al Qaeda No. 2 Ayman al-Zawahiri Calls for Jihad in Somalia
      Fox News

      A Web video of Al Qaeda’s No. 2 leader, Ayman al-Zawahiri, surfaced Thursday and called on Muslims throughout the Middle East to wage a jihad against Ethiopian forces occupying Somalia.

      “You have to use ambushes and mines, and raids and suicidal attacks until you rend and eat your prey as the lion does with his prey,” al-Zawahiri declared.

      Addressing the Somali Muslims directly, Zawahiri refers to the U.S. military’s campaign in Somalia between 1992 and 1994, saying that America has been defeated before, and due to terrorist strikes in Afghanistan and Iraq, the American army is relatively weaker.

      Nice work Bill. Did you discuss the Mogadishu thingy with Hillary?

      Further, Zawahiri also claim a Mujahideen victory over America in Afghanistan and Iraq, and urges patience and steadiness.

      Rather nice to know you can count on the leftist world media and the peace at any price appeaser Democrats in the U.S.

      Ethiopia has strong ties to Judaism. (The Lost Ark of the Covenant theories) The hope of the world just may rest on you, Ethiopia. Maybe, just maybe the Israeli’s with American funding, (until the leftist media uncovers the funding…and blames Bush for the ‘present’ war in Somalia) can eradicate the Islamist Cult, at least in that part of Africa.

      Posted by El Cid on 2007 01 05 at 08:47 AM • permalink


    1. Correct me if I err…BUT the ONLY time the Italy had anything close to a formidable and fierce fighting force, was when ‘they’ were the headquarters of a group of people called, Romans.

      Posted by El Cid on 2007 01 05 at 08:59 AM • permalink


    1. Farewell to Shane Warne, Glenn McGrath, Justin Langer, and Damien Martyn.

      Are they gonna be executed? Will there be video? Will someone explain cricket one more time?…

      Posted by mojo on 2007 01 05 at 11:35 AM • permalink


    1. #mojo

      Are you in the US? Well if you are you’ll be proud to know that you have a cricket team coming to play here in OZ in July in Darwin – I think I read somewhere that there is a development programme for about 10 countries including the US and this comp will be those countries playing one another

      This is the cricket invasion slowly, stealthily… a certain religion but without the violence

      Posted by aussiemagpie on 2007 01 05 at 11:46 AM • permalink


    1. #60 murph

      Ha! My first thought was about the Melbourne scumbag – one less to worry about

      As for the rocket launchers – more evidence to put those mongrels away for ever that were arrested a few months back in Melbourne amd Sydney

      Posted by aussiemagpie on 2007 01 05 at 11:48 AM • permalink


    1. Rebase
      Not quite: Battle of Adowa


      Posted by J.M. Heinrichs on 2007 01 05 at 02:55 PM • permalink


    1. the gnome should not have been out there…… one likes him.

      hi ho hi ho……

      Posted by vinny on 2007 01 05 at 04:02 PM • permalink


    1. mojo
      Will someone explain cricket one more time?…

      Nope.  Going back over all the discussion & links over umpteen threads over the past couple of months, I’m sure you’ll figure it out.

      Posted by Stop Continental Drift! on 2007 01 05 at 05:26 PM • permalink


    1. But this is great news.

      Posted by Stop Continental Drift! on 2007 01 05 at 06:37 PM • permalink


    1. The ALP were quick to blame Howard for the defeat in the last Ashes series. Will they be congratulating him now?

      Posted by curious george on 2007 01 05 at 07:51 PM • permalink


    1. Obviously the English team hired the wrong consultants:

      ‘Is That Banana Active?’
      Civil servants are used to dealing with red tape – but a group are now having to adjust to black tape to show them where to put things on their desks.

      National Insurance staff in Longbenton, North Tyneside, are taking part in a pilot scheme on desk management.

      “We had a situation in some offices in Scotland where staff were asked ‘Is that banana on your desk active or inactive?’, meaning were they going to eat it? If not, it had to be cleared away.”

      “This office has been open for 60 years and people have managed to find their pens and staplers without consultants helping them in that time.”

      I think this article sums up everything that’s wrong with Britain at the moment.

      Posted by Art Vandelay on 2007 01 05 at 09:05 PM • permalink


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