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Last updated on July 26th, 2017 at 12:21 pm
With no help coming from evil Chimpster Hitlerburton McGhraib, the young of New Orleans know they can rely on mighty Sean Penn:
Efforts by Hollywood actor Sean Penn to aid New Orleans victims stranded by Hurricane Katrina foundered badly overnight, when the boat he was piloting to launch a rescue attempt sprang a leak.
Penn had planned to rescue children waylaid by Katrina’s flood waters, but apparently forgot to plug a hole in the bottom of the vessel, which began taking water within seconds of its launch
.
The actor, known for his political activism, was seen wearing what appeared to be a white flak jacket and frantically bailing water out of the sinking vessel with a red plastic cup.
With the boat loaded with members of Penn’s entourage, including a personal photographer, one bystander taunted the actor: “How are you going to get any people in that thing?”
- Umm….I THINK this is a joke…isnt it???!Posted by Sharon_Ferguson on 2005 09 04 at 07:48 PM • permalink
- Jeff Spicoli – come on down.Posted by TruthHandler on 2005 09 04 at 07:53 PM • permalink
- Looks good on the “wanker”Posted by starboardside on 2005 09 04 at 07:58 PM • permalink
- This stuff is parody, PW. These entertainers don’t live in the real world, they just parody it.
—Nora
Posted by The Thin Man Returns on 2005 09 04 at 07:59 PM • permalink
- With the boat loaded with members of Penn’s entourage, including a personal photographer, one bystander taunted the actor: “How are you going to get any people in that thing?”
The answer is, of course, he merely intended to pluck a small child from the filthy waters, get his picture taken in that brave act, and then throw the child back. They’re too small to keep, after all.
- Is there a language anywhere in which the words ‘Sean Penn’ translate as ‘Tool, loser, idiot’? Apart from the English language, that is.Posted by SwinishCapitalist on 2005 09 04 at 08:23 PM • permalink
- I’m stunned that a F.A.G. could forget to plug the bung hole…Posted by Harry Buttle on 2005 09 04 at 08:30 PM • permalink
- According to this insult generator, Sean Penn’s name translates as Willy Fart Knocker.
Arrggh, I’ve got to get back to work!
—Nora
Posted by The Thin Man Returns on 2005 09 04 at 08:33 PM • permalink
- #10: Is there a language anywhere in which the words ‘Sean Penn’ translate as ‘Tool, loser, idiot’?
Sean Penn in Chinese is 西恩.潘 Xien Pan (xi in Mandarin is pronounced roughly – stressing roughly – like she).
西 [xi] = West. Which is where Penn should have stayed.恩 [en] = kindness or favour. We all wished he’d do us one by going down with his boat.
潘 [pan] = water that rice has been washed in. I rest my case.
Not strictly speaking ‘tool, loser, idiot’, but the Chinese obviously knew something when they gave him that name
- Sean Penn – putting the ‘F’ back in .uckwit.
Why, whenever I see the words effort and entourage, do I get an oxymoronic chill up my spine?
Ronery, I’m so ronery…I got no boatie to call my own…
Posted by Jay Santos on 2005 09 04 at 08:58 PM • permalink
- On a related note it appears that whilst Kim Jong Il is a big supporter of FAG, Robert Mugabe isn’t so keen–
(url fixed. Please use either the “link” formatting button to make links for long urls or standard “< a href= >”—without the spaces—code for long urls with character entities in them. Thank you. The Management.)
- Went to see the captain, strangest I could find //
Laid my proposition down, laid it on the line. //
I won’t slave for beggar’s pay, likewise gold and jewels //
But I would slave to learn the way to sink your ship of fools.Ship of fools on a cruel sea, ship of fools sail away from me. //
It was later than I thought when I first believed you, //
Now I cannot share your laughter, ship of fools. //Saw your first ship sink and drown, from rockin’ of the boat, //
And all that could not sink or swim was just left there to float.//
I won’t leave you drifting down, but woh it makes me wild,//
With thirty years upon my head to have you call me child.Ship of fools on a cruel sea, ship of fools sail away from me.//
It was later than I thought when I first believed you,//
Now I cannot share your laughter, ship of fools.The bottles stand as empty, as they were filled before.//
Time there was and plenty, but from that cup no more.//
Though I could not caution all, I still might warn a few://
Don’t lend your hand to raise no flag atop no ship of fools.Ship of fools on a cruel sea, ship of fools sail away from me.//
It was later than I thought, when I first believed you,//
Now I cannot share your laughter, ship of fools.It was later than I thought when I first believed you,//
Now I cannot share your laughter, ship of fools.
- Off-this-topic but nevertheless a regular topic, I came across this passage in Henry Root’s World of Knowledge (Stephen Donaldson). Just goes to show that nothing has change since 1983. The same goes in spades for our ABC and, I imagine, NPR.
BBC, The: Paul Johnson writes: ‘If there is one place where patriotism is a dirty word it’s Broadcasting House. The BBC’s lofty disdain for its ordinary paymasters (that’s you and me) ought to be examined now that the Corporation has its begging-bowl out again. God knows what it will do with the vast sums it will collect now that the licence fee has been raised to £50. Start a regular spot for IRA funerals and other Irish folklore, I wouldn’t wonder.’ Wise words indeed. No one is in favour of political interference in broadcasting, of course, but we must preserve a national voice. Either the BBC must put its own house in order or defer to the powers that be. Mrs Thatcher, not Robert Kee, speaks for England.
The ‘voice of the people’ was certainly right on the IRA – the BBC has to be muzzled in the end, as it turned into an IRA cheer squad.
And now look at the BBC’s and the ABC’s tendentious reporting on Iraq and now the New Orleans disaster. “President Bush, not AP/Reuters/AFP, speaks for America”.
Posted by walterplinge on 2005 09 04 at 09:12 PM • permalink
- He couldn’t learn this in deeper water? ‘cause flak vests are such great buoyancy aids…Posted by richard mcenroe on 2005 09 04 at 09:13 PM • permalink
- Scrappleface are gonna have a hard time improving on this story.Posted by Lucky Nutsacks on 2005 09 04 at 09:19 PM • permalink
- Oh dear. That’s really sad. I actually feel sorry for him.
What’s even sadder is I just saw footage (on one of the cable news networks) of a man doing personal rescue efforts pointing out his house as they went past it. All that was visible was the roof, and another boat that he said was actually his boat—I guess they were using someone else’s—but that salt water had gotten into it and it was now useless.
Posted by Andrea Harris, Administrator on 2005 09 04 at 09:35 PM • permalink
- Just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale
A tale of a fateful trip,
That started from this tropic port,
Aboard this tiny shipThe mate was a mighty actor man
The skipper…I’m not sure,
The passengers set sail that day
On a three-hour tour,
A threeee- hourrr tourThe bungs had not been hammered in,
The water bubbled up,
If not for the courage of the actor-man,
And his little red plas-tic cup.etc., etc.
With Freddy Penn (deedle-eedle-doo)
The skipper too,
A millionaire (the same guy)
A movie star,
and the rest (a photographer, a personal stylist, accent coach, etc.)
- #14 I think you’re being a bit mean to Mr Penn.
Pan is a normal Chinese surname.
In fact, it is the 51st most common Chinese surname.
Posted by pog-ma-thon on 2005 09 04 at 09:39 PM • permalink
- No doubt Penn will alter the facts a little and turn this into an epic movie starring himself – something on the order of the Dunkirk evacuation. The story is funny, but incomplete. Did the National Guard have to send out a rescue party? Did Penn jettison members of his entourage to lighten the load? What a sad anticlimax to all that great work he did ending the war in Iraq and tamping down the extremist fires of the mullahs in Iran. Oh, wait, the war in Iraq is still going on, and the Iranians just put one of their premier nut cases at the head of the government. So, just what has his political activism accomplished, anyhow?
- Sean Penn has to know it’s all over when he can’t pull off what even Geraldo Rivera can do, “saving” flood survivors in front of a TV camera. In the Battle of the Aging, Tattoed Narcissists with Nauseating Facial Hair, it’s Rivera 1, Penn 0.Posted by Jim Treacher on 2005 09 04 at 10:10 PM • permalink
- The mere fact that a goose like Penn is able to get hold of a boat (which should be invovled in the rescue effort) and create press coverage is a worrying sign.
Persoanlly, I think this will end up looking very bad for the Bush administration. It does not matter if this outcome is fair or not (and there are many, many reasons as to why this is unfair), this will be the outcome.
- Hmm. Well now. We have a pretentious buffoon on a boat in a “war zone” with an entourage including a “personal photographer”. Who might that remind you of?Posted by Spiny Norman on 2005 09 04 at 10:31 PM • permalink
- Aw c’mon I like Geraldo, he’s got character compared to the usual blow dried airheads on cable tv, sure he’s a bit of w*nker but a likeable one.Posted by Harry Flashman on 2005 09 04 at 10:36 PM • permalink
- #26: All three characters used in the Chinese version of Sean Penn’s name are Chinese family names. And yes, I am being mean. I know many a Pan in China, none of whom come close to being as big an idiot as Penn.
I didn’t, however, know that Pan was the 51st most common name. Thank you for contributing to the list of things I have learnt today.
- Just looking at the way the boat is set up (the fuel tank, where they are all sitting, etc.) and the way they are sitting/kneeling/standing in the boat suggests to me they don’t have much idea about using small boats.
I would be surprised if any of those clowns have ever spent any time in a tinny before.
- With ideas like that, Penn should quit acting and get a job with Homeland Security. He would fit right in with Chertoff and crew.Posted by reverse_swing on 2005 09 05 at 12:03 AM • permalink
- In the face of all the misery that is New Orleans at the moment, there comes a clown/jester to lighten the mood.
Thanks for the giggles, actor/girlie man with flak jacket and little red cup.
A pointy hat with bells would have been a nice touch.
Posted by Pedro the Ignorant on 2005 09 05 at 12:43 AM • permalink
- Mr Swing, of course, should be named head of Homeland Security instead. You’d run everything right, wouldn’t you, swingie?Posted by Andrea Harris, Administrator on 2005 09 05 at 01:44 AM • permalink
- Forgot to mention. The link to the Penn photos came via L.G.F.Posted by Lucky Nutsacks on 2005 09 05 at 01:58 AM • permalink
- I’m in a profession that is absolutely useless in any emergency. Sometimes, it feels pretty bad to know there’s nothing I can do, personally, that couldn’t be done better by my mom. You wonder if it might be a good idea to actually turn some Walter Mitty fantasies to reality.
Then I see a story like this, and I realize that the best thing I can do is keep at my useless job and write a check.
Posted by John Nowak on 2005 09 05 at 02:58 AM • permalink
- HAH! Nice to see F.A.G. really exists. I always worried that it was just a parody.
Now, if Penn had brought a bigger boat, or left behind a person or two, I might have reconsidered my stand that F.A.G. is not a parody. Too late, BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
re, #47: personally, reverse_swing, I think you’d make an excellent Assistant Secretary of Homeland Defense. I really do!
Chertoff would have to make a new position, though: “Assistant Secretary of Homeland Defense for Actors, Activists, Opprotunists, and other Asshats Who Snipe Disaster Responses Without Bothering to Really Help”.
Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2005 09 05 at 03:15 AM • permalink
- John, maybe your job is useless, but you aren’t. It would take a few dozen Sean Penn’s to match your heart and mind.Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2005 09 05 at 03:17 AM • permalink
- oopsie! “Sean Penns”, drop the aprostrophe, before Chris Sheil jumps in!!!!Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2005 09 05 at 03:18 AM • permalink
- Nice of you to say, Jeff; believe me, though, it’s only useless in this context.
“Oh no—a Cat 5 storm is heading to New Orleans! John, help!”
“Don’t worry—I’ll insure that all our new software development matches quality standards. It won’t take more than six months!”
“Uh, great. Hey, didn’t the dev manager work on a tall ship once?”
Posted by John Nowak on 2005 09 05 at 03:40 AM • permalink
- John, LOL!Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2005 09 05 at 04:32 AM • permalink
- John: I work on a help desk, I know how you feel. 🙁Posted by Patrick Chester on 2005 09 05 at 04:40 AM • permalink
- Re #44: Yep, that’s ballistic armor Senn is wearing. Real smart, I hope he doesn’t go into deep or flowing water, or he’ll find out how buoyancy works first hand. F.A.G. would have a hard time finding a suitable replacement.
At a guess, it’s rated no more than 9mm or .45, probably the sort of protection VIPs and celebrities wear. It ought to protect against shotguns (depending on), but not rifles. Such a trusting fellow. I wonder if he bought it special, or selected it from a rack in his closet?
Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2005 09 05 at 08:48 AM • permalink
- Maybe he was prepping for his new movie flop…Stupid Man Sinking or Dead Man Bailing or Fluffer Boy Fluffing. I always wondered what rats did on a sinking ship…Posted by wingsndagger on 2005 09 05 at 09:41 AM • permalink
- Well, just to be fair, with the reports of armed gangs shooting at helicopters, I’d probably wear ballistic armor if I could as well.
Still, since he doesn’t have a floatation device, I’m sure the Coast Guard will be citing him soon. Right?
Posted by John Nowak on 2005 09 05 at 10:10 AM • permalink
- Fair enough, John, but unless the other guys in the boat were smarter and wore their armor under their shirts, they lack similar protection.
Smarter? Oh, yes. The armor only protects vital organs from the front and back, and his protection is in the open. Someone now knows to what aim for….the unprotected parts.
Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2005 09 05 at 10:30 AM • permalink
- If he were successful, he’d be able to get away with doing photo-ops.
If he were unsuccessful but wasn’t doing it for photo-ops, at least he could say he tried his best.
But as it is,
You are worthress Sean Penn,
You are worthress Sean Penn,
There shourd have been a prug,
But it seems you have forgotten
- Oh well, he’s not all bad:
The Mugabe regime thinks he’s behind a anti-Mugabe plot .
John: I work on a help desk, I know how you feel. 🙁
Oh cripes—now I remember what movie this reminds me of. Spartacus. Remember that scene?
Kirk: What do you do?
Bit: I’m a mason.
Kirk: Good; we need masons. And you?
Tony: I tell stories, sing songs, and teach literature. I can also juggle.Posted by John Nowak on 2005 09 05 at 10:53 AM • permalink
Fair enough, John, but unless the other guys in the boat were smarter and wore their armor under their shirts, they lack similar protection.
Good point—I hadn’t thought of that.
You know, give everyone armor and take away the photographer, and I’d actually respect him for trying. I wouldn’t emulate him; unless he actually has small boat experience (and this I doubt) it was a stupid thing to do, but you can kind of admire the stupidity.
Posted by John Nowak on 2005 09 05 at 10:57 AM • permalink
- Looks like the gear Robert Duvall should have been wearing in Colours, but then again appearing with that ugly, talentless troll I’d take the kiss of hot lead.
That white-lite gear is usually show-off gear for late arrival management types, with some ceramic plate in webbing, weighs about 10 kgs. A decent combat/tactical vest with kevlar and plate armour weighs between 25-40kg, depending what you’re expecting. I had a jolly time with some RUC boyos down in the South Armagh, and they had vests with 3in armour plate, and weighed 50kg, and the boyos in Boston had supplied the provos over the border with 50cal Barretts, which would knock a hole through that at 2000 metres. ‘Aint ordnance fun?
- I do not think it would be going to far to say Penn has polititcal ambitions. I know a president want to be who had pictures and video taken of himself to use in future campagning and oddly enough he involved a sinking boat too. Good thing his boat kept sinking during the 2004 elections. Should be at the bottom by now but you know how these liberals are. Easy to sink but harder to flush….Posted by wingsndagger on 2005 09 06 at 02:45 AM • permalink
You beat me to it. I was just about post that here.
What a self aggrandizing prat he is.
Why doesn’t he donate a huge wad of cash instead.
—Nora