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Last updated on August 8th, 2017 at 02:26 pm
Email is arriving. Oh, yes. No problem with that. But reply emails are simply hanging around in the “out” rather than “sent” file, genially chatting amongst themselves about the cricket and what-not.
Repairs are underway. Meanwhile, apologies to anyone expecting replies lately; this problem dates back to the 23rd.
- Get yourself an email client that works, my good man. Anything other than Microsucks should see you right.Posted by CB on 2006 12 28 at 08:40 AM • permalink
- Okay Tim, I know what to do. Open the casing of your computer, open it right up until you can see the gnomes. Tell them the next time they screw up you’ll send them on a lavatory odyssey. Works for me.Posted by Daniel San on 2006 12 28 at 09:03 AM • permalink
- # 4 – WTF????Posted by surfmaster on 2006 12 28 at 09:29 AM • permalink
- Geez Tim, looking at number four you may have already one the readers digest lucky numbers contest, you need to get that email thingy happening pronto, if not sooner!!!Posted by surfmaster on 2006 12 28 at 09:33 AM • permalink
- Avast, mateys!! Comment spammers off the port bow!
Fire all virus cannons at will, and may God have mercy on their blackened souls!
Posted by Tex Lovera on 2006 12 28 at 09:35 AM • permalink
- #9: Yeah, but Grimmy, shouldn’t we first ascertain whether Tim’s e:mail is distributed through PVC or ceramic pipes? Your suggestion sounds good, but I’m worrying about a sudden surge in pressure breaking the pipes and flooding the internet with Tim’s responses. Maybe we should snake his e:mail, or if we’re concerned about possible pipe damage from that, just use one of these .
- Cricket cricket cricket. It’s all about cricket with you Aussies and your ancestral betters, the Poms. I must say I think I’m starting to learn a bit about the game myself. A couple nights back I watched a British “comedy” called As Time Goes By. One younger bloke was trying to ingratiate himself with an older couple, the woman of which was the mother of the woman the bloke was seeing. In an effort to impress, he mentioned he was going to see the cricket match. This perked the interest of the older gentleman who mentioned that tickets were hard to get for “the tests against the Australians”. The younger man replied that as a sports journalist he could obtain a set for the gentleman. This visibly pleased the latter person, to the chagrin of his partner, generating a fairly big laugh from the audience.
In past years I would have just assumed this was one of many jokes that Americans could not understand. Now I can. A bit.
Posted by wronwright on 2006 12 28 at 10:30 AM • permalink
- #14, Retread: Was that about the anal gland?
I dont think innernet pipes have anal glands do they?
Mr. Tim could try sending an email with a recipie of 1/2 cup salt and 1/2 cup baking soda. Follow that up with an email listing a gal of boiling water. Let the pipe sit over night then flush with cool emails.
Or he could try shoving the garden hose down the pipe?
- I’ve been expecting a reply to my email since about April.
What a relief to find out it was just a systems problem all along.
Ridiculous I know. But here was me beginning to think I was being deliberately snubbed. Hah he he hah. You’ve got to laugh.
Cricket cricket cricket. It’s all about cricket with you Aussies and your ancestral betters, the Poms. I must say I think I’m starting to learn a bit about the game myself. A couple nights back I watched a British “comedy” called As Time Goes By. One younger bloke was trying to ingratiate himself with an older couple, the woman of which was the mother of the woman the bloke was seeing. In an effort to impress, he mentioned he was going to see the cricket match. This perked the interest of the older gentleman who mentioned that tickets were hard to get for “the tests against the Australians”. The younger man replied that as a sports journalist he could obtain a set for the gentleman. This visibly pleased the latter person, to the chagrin of his partner, generating a fairly big laugh from the aud …
- #13: Huh. Now we’re talking serious problems. I think 50cc of Penicillin-like Antibiotics for Crap Online (“Pacozine”) should take care of the viral threat. And we can execute the Program for Annihilating Clogs Overnite to flush out the e:mails. All in all, a potentially lucrative day for Paco Enterprises.
- Just send Tim photos of Margo, Traceeeeeee, Jon Carry, Saint Cindy of the Ditch, etc…….ought to clean out any blockages. Just like a dose of laxative.Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2006 12 28 at 11:07 AM • permalink
- “Pacozine”!!!
What about our IPO in Pacozon.com!!? I want to distribute my <redacted> shares before that “excited investor class” finds out what ” and all our merchandise is shipped from our Liberian and Panamanian registered warehouses” really means.
You have been using those “offshore investment bankers” haven’t you!?
- #18, TRJ:
But what if those are the cause of it all? It could well be a greasy build up from too many slimy images, you know?
and paco: Not that I would know anything about it, but have there been any breakthroughs in “miniaturized – Pipe Accumulation Cleaning Organisms”, yet? Not that I would suggest such a thing but Mr. Tim’s problem might be a good test run for mini-PACOs.
- #21 Grimmy: Oh, man, don’t even mention mini-Pacos. Did you ever read Michael Crichton’s novel, Prey? You know, the one about the nanoparticles – mini-robots programmed to kill? Where do you suppose he got the idea? Paco Labs’ Indian subsidiary (PacoVeddyMuch, Ltd.) was developing something similar, but instead of being programmed to kill, the mini-robots were programmed to bore holes in things. They broke out of the laboratory, which was located on the island of Lohachara, drilled right through to the bottom, and the island sank without a trace. Fortunately, we were able to blame the whole thing on global warming; even got Al Gore to sail out to the site in a dhow and throw a memorial wreath of hibiscus flowers in the water.
#18: More like Ipecac.
Actually, I should have said “Like an enema.”
Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2006 12 28 at 11:58 AM • permalink
- Like an enema gushing for the very first time… oh, are we not doing song parodies in this thread? Never mind.Posted by andycanuck on 2006 12 28 at 12:04 PM • permalink
- Did someone mention cricket?
I really don’t know why Tim hasn’t posted a cricket topic in days
Like Warnie getting his 700th Test wicket is chopped liver?
Talking about pipes how about the Rotarooter – surely that will clear the email pipes in no time
Posted by aussiemagpie on 2006 12 28 at 12:08 PM • permalink
- #30, RebeccaH:
I think you mean minno boats? I distinctly heard paco say minno boats, not nanobots. Nope, no envirowrecking nanobots would ever be produced in, near or around the Indian subcontinent by anyone even vaguely (legally, that is) associated with paco, Inc., but minno boats? sure.
But, I’m not sure he didnt say mino busts either, you know, head and shoulder carvings of minotaurs, like they make in Greece?
#31 aussiemagpie – Did someone mention cricket?
Yes aussiemagpie. But it was missed in the back and forth between paco and his investors. This happens a lot. In a few minutes, I’ll cough loudly and then repeat the brilliant observation I made before about a cricket reference on a British “comedy”.
And don’t anyone worry about the nanorobots. I’ve currently have them busy building a new office to my house. They do a great job except for the slight disagreement we had on the right color for the curtains. I finally went with the blue and mauve that the chief nano, Sean, “suggested”. He’s much happier now.
Posted by wronwright on 2006 12 28 at 12:37 PM • permalink
- #37 yojimbo
Good heavens – you are following the cricket? If only you hadn’t chucked out the Brits all those years ago you would now be watching the Test cricket and probably the next series would be
Aussies V US
Now that would be something!
Instead you have to be content with those silly footy players wearing crash helmets and baseball players wearing PJs playing what is really backyard rounders
Big mistake chucking out the Brits I say
Posted by aussiemagpie on 2006 12 28 at 12:41 PM • permalink
- #38 wronwright
Yes it was a BRILLIANT observation! Howzat?
Posted by aussiemagpie on 2006 12 28 at 12:44 PM • permalink
- #42 yojimbo
With tomato sauce of course – and it would be pies not bangers you’d be forced to eat
Now I’m hungry so I’ll go and heat up a pie I reckon for a 4am snack
Posted by aussiemagpie on 2006 12 28 at 12:56 PM • permalink
- Since this looks like it’s become an open thread, and since I’ll be out most of next week, I’ll go ahead and post a new story for you Detective Paco fans out there (and you two know who you are!). Appropriately enough, it is based on a farewell theme, and is a tale filled with looming menace, smoldering passion and indifferent train service.
- AmTrak. Their motto ought to be, “Relax. You’ll get there eventually.”
The train was over an hour late, due to “signal problems” up the line, they said. Last time it was “switch problems”. It could’ve been bandits wearing sombreros and crossed cartridge belts blocking the tracks with a fiery barricade for all I knew. For all AmTrak knew.
It was cold and damp on the station platform and a thick white fog had settled in; I felt like the lone argyle in a drawer full of white socks. Through the cloudy veil from the direction of the ticket window came the “tic-toc” sound of Sheila’s purposeful, high-heeled gait.
“Ok, Paco. The station attendant’s been in touch with the dispatcher, and the train ought to arrive in a couple of minutes.”
“Thanks for checking.” I was restless and shifted from one foot to the other. “Sheila, I don’t feel right about this. Blowing town, I mean.” I had recently helped the FBI to capture a particularly slippery Muslim terrorist, who had escaped so often from Gitmo that he might as well have had a regular week-end furlough. He had gotten away again and the word on the street was that he planned to assemble a gang to take revenge. The FBI had advised us to get out of town for awhile. I had some business in Miami, and Sheila was going to drive to her mother’s house for a week or so.
“Don’t be silly, Paco. It’s just for a few days, until Smedley and his boys from the FBI can stake out the office and pick those guys up. You’re always doing their work for them; let them do what they’re paid to do this time.”
“Yeah, but I don’t like the idea of running away.”
“Oh . . . stuff and nonsense!”
“ ‘Stuff and nonsense?’ You been reading those British mysteries again? Sheila, if I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a thousand times, we do the hardboiled stuff. We don’t do country houses and dukes drowned in duck ponds and poisoned scones. I don’t even know what a ‘scone’ is!”
“What makes you think I have time to read British mysteries? And incidentally, a scone is a rich, biscuit-like pastry”. She reached up and straightened the knot in my tie. There wasn’t much she could do about the one in my throat. There was no denying it: I’d miss her.
She looked up at me with those twin aquamarine-tinted windows on her soul. Her eyes grew misty, welling up with tears. Poor kid, I thought. Must be allergies.
“You never told me what this so-called ‘business’ in Miami was about, Paco, but I can read a map. Miami isn’t very far from Cuba. You’re going to try and catch those clowns, yourself, before they leave Florida, aren’t you?”
I couldn’t lie to her. Oh, I can tell whoppers with the best of ‘em. But not to Sheila. Somehow, she just wasn’t the kind of girl you lied to, though maybe I could stretch the truth a little.
“Baby, I don’t even know where those guys are.” Which was true; although Haroun’s House of Hummus was probably a good place to start looking. “I’ll be careful.”
She gave me a weak smile. “Maybe you ought to take Bogan with you.”
I laughed. “Are you kidding? They’d put me off the train before I got to Kissimmee.”
Suddenly, she stood on tiptoe and gave me a peck on the cheek.
I must have looked startled, because she said, “Well, you asked for it.”
“Huh?”
“You said ‘kiss me’.”
Like an idiot, I was about to explain that I had named a town in Florida, not invited a buss on the jaw, but I stopped myself in the nick of time. The horn on the train sounded; the Silver Slug was oozing into the station.
As the train stopped, the conductor jumped off. He did the typical AmTrak security check: he eyeballed the passengers quickly to make sure nobody was carrying an AK-47 slung over his shoulder, or cradling a spherical canister with a long fuse and the word ‘BOMB’ stenciled on it. Then he shouted, “Booo-ARD!”
My eyes met Sheila’s one last time. A tear rolled down her cheek. I said what any man would have said at a time like this.
“Better get yourself some antihistamines, dollface.”
To my surprise, she thumped me on the arm – hard – and said, “You’ll miss your train, you big palooka. Better go.”
I climbed aboard and the wheels squealed and the train rolled off into the night. I stood for a moment in the vestibule of the last car, staring out the back window. Sheila’s shapely silhouette lingered on the platform; she was still watching. Funny, I thought. I never noticed before that she had allergies.
- #44 paco
OK – don’t keep your two and a half Detective Paco fans in suspense any longer
Posted by aussiemagpie on 2006 12 28 at 01:14 PM • permalink
- #46 Detective Paco
Sorry as I’m in OZ my response was held up in the underwater cable to the US – probably by a shark having a chew
Posted by aussiemagpie on 2006 12 28 at 01:16 PM • permalink
- #45: That’s right, Grimmy, although we’re not actually leaving until next Wednesday.
#12 Wronwright: I’ve seen a few episodes of As Time Goes By, and they’re pretty funny, although Mrs. Paco, who is originally from Chile, has a hard time with the Pom accents. They’re not as funny as your material, however.
- #50 Grimmy
They also play Rugby Union which is a growing sport over there – according to my Japanese visitor who’s here on a work visa
Only he reckons the Japanese are too small to be any good at it as yet – but throw a few sumo wrestlers in the mix and there’s a rugby team!
If the Aussies had gone into Japan post WW11 en masse they would have been playing cricket not baseball
Unfortunately although there was an Aussie contingent there after WW11 there were not enough to counter the American influence
Posted by aussiemagpie on 2006 12 28 at 01:50 PM • permalink
- LOL, that’s why I suggested it be done in the viewing range of his DI. You’d be most very surprised how much of a supressing effect their mear proximity can have on reactions.
But yeah. Having you layed up in the hospital wouldn’t be good for further developments in the detective series.
Although, you might get some inspiration that way too!
- Paco
Three things you probably won’t hear at Paco Jr’s graduation next week.
“Can’t we stay just awhile longer?”
“The weather and the scenery were so nice here”
“Golly, everyone was just so nice to us”You should be very proud of the way Paco Jr has turned out.
I should have added “good onya” as some on this site are fond of saying-but we won’t name “islands”.
- #56 Yojimbo: Yep, I’d lay good odds on the prospects of not hearing those comments! From what I’ve heard, here and there, recruits demonstrate an astonishing alacrity in getting off Parris Island; and the first thing most of them want to do is go somewhere and eat. Should be a good time. Me and Mrs. Paco and Number One Son (the perpetual college junior, brilliant artist, and all-around genuinely loveable fellow), Old Paco, and Paco-Bro (a former Marine) will be heading down for the ceremonies. We’re staying at the hotel that’s actually on the island (imagine the wake-up call: Sound of bucket being kicked across the room. “This is your wake-up call. Outta those beds, maggots!!”)
- #56 yojimbo
Goodonya Paco Junior from another island way down south – the convict founded one
Howzat?
Paco – good for your son and I wish him well – he sounds a terrific young bloke
Posted by aussiemagpie on 2006 12 28 at 02:46 PM • permalink
- aussiemagpie-the Japs were playing baseball well before WWII. Babe Ruth and some other major leaguers even travelled there to play in the 1930s.
Dave Nilsson acted as our proxy in bringing baseball to Australia, but came up short in his ambitions. Still, there appears to be pretty good interest for what amounts to a minor sport.
- #60 91B30
Thanks for setting me straight there – I really thought thought it was a post WW11 thing in Japan
Most known (to U.S. audience) for: Tough-as-nails athletes (rugby demeanor, mate); winning silver medal at 2004 Olympics; All-Star catcher Dave Nilsson; lots of kangaroos; “FOS-TA’S! Australian for beeeeer!” (“VB,” Victoria Bitter, is the beer of choice down under, though); no matter where you live in the world, a really long airplane flight to get to, mate.
Love the stuff on your link!
Long plane flight – it’s only 14 hours from LA!
Paris Hilton arrived yesterday and hopped off the plane and went straight to Bondi Beach – but then she’s being paid megabucks to promote “Bondi Blonde” – a new beer here
Posted by aussiemagpie on 2006 12 28 at 03:01 PM • permalink
- Congratulations to Paco, Jr. I hope you have a safe and happy trip and a wonderful time.
Elizabeth
Imperial KeeperPosted by Elizabeth Imperial Keeper on 2006 12 28 at 03:05 PM • permalink
- #61 paco
Of course – we’ll take him to the cricket where he can Mexican wave, eat meatpies,yell at the umpires, drink lots of beer, wear a funny hat, and generally have a good time
And in my opinion cricket should be the sport to watch over in the US too
If only you hadn’t kicked out the Pommies when you did
Sadly you also kicked out the premier sort – cricket
Posted by aussiemagpie on 2006 12 28 at 03:06 PM • permalink
- #65 my last post
Spelling error – sport not sort – it’s early morning here so I have an excuse for not being pedantic
Posted by aussiemagpie on 2006 12 28 at 03:09 PM • permalink
- Do any of you have influence over Tim?
The Aussies are well on the way to a whitewash
5 – 0 against the Poms coming up after the Sydney Test
Bloody marvellous effort I say
This superhuman effort deserves a thread I reckon
Can any of you pull strings with Tim? To ask him to post an adulation thread?
This would also be of great benefit to the US people here – to educate them to LUV cricket
Posted by aussiemagpie on 2006 12 28 at 03:21 PM • permalink
- And just to think, on American comedy variety shows during the Seventies, when they needed an effete and pompish British character, they usually sent out a guy dressed in a sweater and shorts, weakly carrying a bat, inquiring in a Oscar Wilde style voice,
“cricket anyone?”
Always got laughs.
Posted by wronwright on 2006 12 28 at 05:08 PM • permalink
- #72, Paco, thanks for asking but by the time I got back, it was really too late to DL any photos, and half of them are in Florida anyway. Maybe next year. I couldn’t top the photos that were there anyway, especially Paco Jr.‘s class picture. Brought a tear to my eye, that did, and I mean that literally.
- #46 Paco: “Better get yourself some antihistamines, dollface.”
Mate, I deploy in a couple of days, and I am so going to use that line on Dirty Harriet at the airport! Thank you for the Detective Paco story, I really hope the Geekstapo where I’m going let us have internet access!
Oh, and all the best to young Master Paco, probably nearly a Marine. 🙂
- Ah so – another Blair Glitch Project.Posted by carpefraise on 2006 12 28 at 10:35 PM • permalink
- #81 Paco: Thanks mate, she’s already trying to work out a date for the bloody wedding. 🙂
My best mate (fellow Sergeant) is getting married in June, but his lovely future wife has given him a leave pass for August, and we’re planning to go to South America. Motorcycle through Peru, Bolivia, Paraguay, etc, for a month. Dirty Harriet wants to get married before I leave, she apparently thinks we may get into ‘trouble’, of all things?
As if, he’s 6’6 and 120 Kg, and could knock out a horse, and I come from a long line of short, angry Irishmen.
What could possibly go wrong?
- Tim, if your email trouble persists I’d recommend getting David Roffey onto the job.
He’s a absolute wizz when it comes to solving these kinds of problems.Posted by Hank Reardon on 2006 12 28 at 10:51 PM • permalink
- 185600
Good luck. You might check Skippy’s List before you cross the Start Line.Cheers
Posted by J.M. Heinrichs on 2006 12 28 at 10:57 PM • permalink
- # paco, make that a very solid quantum majority of THREE!
*taps fingers impatiently on desk while waiting for promised Paco tale to emerge from the depths….*
Posted by carpefraise on 2006 12 28 at 10:57 PM • permalink
- #86 185600 – My friend, some advice to a groom who’s still in what might be called “the larval stage”, from a husband who will shortly be completing 28 years of indentured servitude: never, ever, let fair Harriet hear you use the expression “bloody wedding”. Just a tip.
So, you’re a sergeant? Good onya, twice over! Didn’t Kipling or one of those other rhyming coves write a damned good poem about a Sergeant Major?
- #88 J.M.: Thanks mate, and I not only have studied that list, I’ve probably memorized it. 🙂
I also graduated from the kindergarten of hard kicks, the primary school of hard knocks, and the world renowned, “If In Doubt, Glass The Bugger” High.
I’m kidding of course, if you ask Dirty Harriet, I’m a kitten, honest.
- #90 Paco: I believe he did, but I can’t remember the name of the damned thing.
I understand the advice, believe me, the last thing I want to do is upset a woman who has her own handcuffs, baton, and ready access to firearms. 🙂
It’s what I want, but I’m worried that it’s a fairly short engagement is all. But, she wants, she gets, in my book, end of story really.
I hope she takes up my idea and we get married in the Cook Islands, we went last year for a mate’s wedding, and it was just brilliant.
- #60 91B30: One of my cousins played in the Aussie league for a long while, and was quite well known (at least by the fans). He played for the Gold Coast Dolphins, and was one of the few cousins who didn’t make my teeth itch.
I grew up with cricket and rugby, (dad a rugby player, lil’ brother and I played rugby and cricket, I still play today for a local team), but there are similarities between cricket and baseball. The love of quoting statistics, for example. 🙂
- Paco, 185600-Kipling wrote the “eathen about noncoms. Paco-I’d wager that your son might appreciate some of what it says about “cruel, tyrant sergeants”.
185600-what position did your cousin play (catcher is for the especially brave, intelligent and virtuous)?
- 185600-looks like he hit .352 (i.e. he hit safely 35.2% of the time-very good-with no homers and 18 runs batted in-RBIs). Sounds like he was a leadoff hitter due to the low number of RBIs and the high number of stolen bases (as a former catcher I take such a high number of steals as almost a personal affront LOL).
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