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Last updated on August 4th, 2017 at 01:19 pm
All our problems are to be solved:
Nelson Mandela celebrates his 89th birthday tomorrow in Johannesburg, launching a humanitarian campaign along with former President Jimmy Carter, ex-UN Secretary-General Kofi Annan and other “elders” of the global village. The initiative stems from an idea by British entrepreneur Richard Branson and musician Peter Gabriel to create a world council of elders to tackle issues such as conflict, AIDS and global warming.
Hold on, oldsters. You might want to start with projects of a slightly less ambitious scale. For example, a neatly-restored VW Beetle in my street has small rust pockets forming on the driver’s side door. Let’s see the Superfriends do something about it.
- They have prune juice and they’re prepared to use it.Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 07 17 at 08:44 PM • permalink
- “World Council of Elders”?
Think it’s been taken.
Do like the “time of transformation long prophesied by the wisdom-keepers or Elders of the world’s indigenous peoples” thing, though. Kinda reminds me of a combination of Hans Christian Anderson, Star Wars and Tolkien.
- “Meeting adjourned. Matlock is on.”Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 07 17 at 08:50 PM • permalink
- Well of course. When the Baby Boomers were young, they were all about Youth Taking Over and dumping the rigid and ossified rule of old, dusty white men (who started all the wars, man, and sent the young out to die! Bummer!). Now that the Boomers are oldsters themselves, suddenly what the world needs now is for wise old men (and women! and transgenders!) to tell everyone what to do.
No one escapes the human comedy.
Posted by Andrea Harris, Administrator on 2007 07 17 at 08:57 PM • permalink
- my feeble attempt
When old and you’re weary, and feeling insignificant
When tears are in your eyes, you probably have cataracts
I’m on your side. When times get rough
And friends just can’t be found
because they are killing each other,
I will try to relive my youth
and create a barrier over troubled water
just to feed my ego.
- I have a dream. That one day, all of us will have a right to an afternoon nap.Posted by Margos Maid on 2007 07 17 at 09:03 PM • permalink
- Plenty of people complain about the world council of Jews that apparently already controls the world. Perhaps there’ll be fight to the finish between the rival world councils.
The new council could publish their manifesto. I suggest calling it The Protocols of the Elders of the World.
Posted by walterplinge on 2007 07 17 at 09:09 PM • permalink
- Great. Another one-world shadow government. What’s this one called, the Triple By-Pass Commission?
Seriously, though, I’m willing to give these guys a chance. Lock ‘em in a room with a supply of Metamucil, Depends and prune juice and I bet they solve the world’s problem’s in no time. Hell, just locking Carter and Kofi Annan in a room solves two problems right there.
- So let me get this straight, these guys think that they can now fix all the problems that they failed to deal with when they were actually in office? Yeah right.Posted by Art Vandelay on 2007 07 17 at 09:21 PM • permalink
- What about Mal Fraser? *sob*
He’s old and senile too, why can’t he be on the Council of (snigger) Elders?And what about Bob Mugabe, surely. . . . . . .
Posted by Pedro the Ignorant on 2007 07 17 at 09:23 PM • permalink
- Are we talking World Council of Elders whose ideas may or may not reflect their combined and accumulated wisdom but otherwise must compete for acceptance in a free market of ideas?
Or World Council of Elders in that they banish anyone who argues and they get to root all the fourteen year old girls they want.
The latter is the only model with a historical predecent.Posted by ooh honey honey on 2007 07 17 at 09:25 PM • permalink
- Yep, that’s just what we need. A bunch of bitter and twisted, cynical old bastards like St Gough and Malcolm (I never had an opinion when I was PM) Fraser sitting around giving us the benefit of their combined wisdom. Then there is that old biddy Germaine Greer… she seems to have an opinion on just about everything, usually invloving pre-pubescent boys.
I’ve always considered age and wisdom to be seperate attributes that don’t necessarily happen together. But then again, if Peter Gabriel reckons it’s a good idea then who are we to mock?
- On and on and on bangs the blogfortz about climate change. Such a well-thought out and principled stance. So trendy, so “now”. Have you worked out your exit strategy yet? or will you simply abandon this issue when your position becomes utterly untenable, just like you have with the war.Posted by Miranda Divide on 2007 07 17 at 09:33 PM • permalink
- Kofi Anaan, pouring oil on the world’s troubled waters… now if we could only figure out where he got it…Posted by richard mcenroe on 2007 07 17 at 09:34 PM • permalink
- “Nelson Mandela celebrates his 89th birthday…”
I’ll make him a cake with 89 burning tire “necklaces” on it.
Posted by Dave Surls on 2007 07 17 at 09:36 PM • permalink
- Miranda appears to be even more confused than usual. At least incoherence is more interesting than the sheer blandness it’s been outputting the last few times it partially shook off its Level 10 Stupor long enough to post.Posted by Crispytoast on 2007 07 17 at 09:50 PM • permalink
Well of course. When the Baby Boomers were young, they were all about Youth Taking Over and dumping the rigid and ossified rule of old, dusty white men (who started all the wars, man, and sent the young out to die! Bummer!). Now that the Boomers are oldsters themselves, suddenly what the world needs now is for wise old men (and women! and transgenders!) to tell everyone what to do.
And when they were young, they were anti-authority dope-smoking free-sexing rebels. Now that they’re in charge, they’re suspending 10-year-olds for carrying Tylenol and kissing on the monkey bars.
- Say what you will about Miranda, but unlike a lot of other trolls at least he can link.Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 07 17 at 09:55 PM • permalink
- This is the best laugh I’ve had all day. Seriously.Posted by Kyda Sylvester on 2007 07 17 at 10:12 PM • permalink
- World Council of Elders
Yeah, and all of us kids better get off their lawn or their gonna use the water hose.
Don’t these guys have better things to do like having their prostates checked?
Posted by joe bagadonuts on 2007 07 17 at 10:24 PM • permalink
- These best contribution these billious old fogeys can make to the world’s poor, hunger and disposessed can be summed up in two words:Posted by Apparatchik on 2007 07 17 at 10:26 PM • permalink
- Onya randy.Posted by Margos Maid on 2007 07 17 at 10:42 PM • permalink
- Leave Miranda alone. The second week of school holidays is a traumatic time for many “special” children. Their whole structure is ruined and the basement is oh so cold and damp.Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 07 17 at 10:46 PM • permalink
It has been said that arguing against globalization is like arguing against the laws of gravity.
Kofi AnnanMany African leaders refuse to send their troops on peace keeping missions abroad because they probably need their armies to intimidate their own populations.
Kofi AnnanThe Lord had the wonderful advantage of being able to work alone.
Kofi Annanbut then these:
In their greatest hour of need, the world failed the people of Rwanda.
Kofi Annanps it was the UN who failed – don’t say “we”.
Iraq has a new opportunity to comply with all these relevant resolutions of the Security Council.
Kofi AnnanYes, another “new one”.
Globalization is a fact of life. But I believe we have underestimated its fragility.
Kofi AnnanAs fragile as your grave concern.
More than ever before in human history, we share a common destiny. We can master it only if we face it together. And that, my friends, is why we have the United Nations.
Kofi AnnanYes, it was a good idea.
- Too bad Brezhnev, Mao and Idi Amin Dada won’t be on the team.Posted by Harry Bergeron on 2007 07 17 at 11:56 PM • permalink
- I for one welcome our new geriatric overlords.Posted by anonymous guest on 2007 07 18 at 12:09 AM • permalink
- This “World Council of Elders” sounds like another name for “a circle jerk by old farts”.
While wearing a hockey helmet, right?
Why? What’s there to protect?
Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2007 07 18 at 12:18 AM • permalink
- elders shmelders. True wisdom rests with the ancient ones
- Fine article by Jim Schembri. Soon to be unemployed.Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 07 18 at 01:16 AM • permalink
- #68 – For quite a while my “joke” pick up line was: “They’ll never solve global warming with you around! You’re too hot!” I wouldn’t say it troubled the scorers too many times, but it produced less slaps than “wanna root?”Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 07 18 at 01:43 AM • permalink
- I suggest they pick a council of elders from this site.Posted by mr creosote on 2007 07 18 at 01:45 AM • permalink
- I am a little worried where this is going…Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 07 18 at 01:58 AM • permalink
- You’re off the hook, Dminor. Grimmy, however has some serious apologising to do.Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 07 18 at 02:01 AM • permalink
- Further to my link at #71, I think that the People Advertising Critters Online have a fabulous business opportunity in front of them. I am planning on putting together a site that will rival Google for traffic.
adultgoatfinder.com
Investors should form an orderly queue.
Posted by mr creosote on 2007 07 18 at 02:05 AM • permalink
- #81 – All is forgiven. It caused me to further my research into the adult Jenny Agutter.Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 07 18 at 02:15 AM • permalink
- to tackle issues such as conflict
Yep, that’s a solvable issue.
“Conflict.”
They’ve created a committee to solve “conflict.”
Come on, you all have to agree. There is waaaaayyyy too much conflict in the world.Posted by daddy dave on 2007 07 18 at 02:25 AM • permalink
- Just in: some of the first resolutions from the World Council of Elders:
* Young people on public transport must turn down their iPods. Do you think we all want to hear that tosh?
* Shops and telcos are no longer to change their names, and usage of old names shall remain acceptable, thus “Hey Ethel, have you paid the Telecom bill, because I need to duck down to Grace Brothers”.
* No more phone calls during dinner time.
* Tamper proof things are to be banned because you can’t fucking open them and;
* No more new technology. Do we really need any more gizmos?
Posted by Margos Maid on 2007 07 18 at 02:25 AM • permalink
- #86 – Why yes it is.
And in accordance with the Protocol of the Elders, here is my first submission.
Great set of gams!!
Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 07 18 at 02:30 AM • permalink
- Always the goddamn way. I meant this honey.Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 07 18 at 02:33 AM • permalink
- Here’s some more hot totty for Jimmeh, Kofi and co.Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 07 18 at 02:36 AM • permalink
- I want a proper council of Old Ones – Chairman Cthulhu, Tsathoggua, Hziulquoigmnzhah and Zvilpogghua. Why settle for inferior evil when we can have the best.Posted by Simon Darkshade on 2007 07 18 at 02:44 AM • permalink
- #92 – And they’ve got more tricks than a secondhand outboard.Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 07 18 at 02:50 AM • permalink
- Thissun’s my nomination for Australia’s representative.Posted by Margos Maid on 2007 07 18 at 02:58 AM • permalink
- So Kofi and Co. will have influence without any responsibility? Yeah… that’s a recipe for success…Posted by blandwagon on 2007 07 18 at 03:19 AM • permalink
- #101
So Kofi and Co. will have influence without any responsibility?
it will be no different from his job as UN secretary general
Posted by daddy dave on 2007 07 18 at 03:45 AM • permalink
- O/T
Bunfight up here about terrorist gold coast doctor.
The MSM would do us all a favour by burning Keyser ‘tard’s phone number.
He talks crap and is very annoying when he talks.
Leaked first intervew with Australian Federal Police. The Barrister done it.
- Geoff Clark and Ray Robinson are in the house…
- Resolution of the Council of Elders 149(b)
(i) Before turning their attention to climate change, the Council of Elders urges scientists to find a better mechanism for holding up track-pants than some stupid draw-string that you either can’t undo, or lose altogether.
(ii) The Council of Elders draws the attention of the world’s economists to the price of crumbed meats made available by butcher shops and supermarkets. Are those crumbs made of fucking gold-dust, or what?
(iii) The Council of Elders draws the attention of clothing specialists to the ridiculous new high-waisted fashions. We didn’t fight no Boer War to see 21st century crumpet covering up their poontang.
Posted by Margos Maid on 2007 07 18 at 05:20 AM • permalink
- Now we know why they’ve been saving this fossil.Posted by dean martin on 2007 07 18 at 08:48 AM • permalink
- The previous was an attempt at humor by providing an image of Lenin’s body. Carry on.Posted by dean martin on 2007 07 18 at 08:50 AM • permalink
- Despite the communist ideals of his youth, it’s impossible not to like Nelson Mandela. He’s an amazing man who united a nation and shaped 20th century history for the better.
But let the bastard alone! He’s achieved enough in his lifetime already.
Can’t he just retire in glory, without having to join this foolish committee and make vacuous declarations about world peace?Posted by daddy dave on 2007 07 18 at 09:03 AM • permalink
- Plato’s Republic – philospher kings.
Fortunately wuith track records like Jimmy’s and Koffi’s, nothing will happen.
Posted by Wimpy Canadian on 2007 07 18 at 12:29 PM • permalink
- #4 Hey I’m an indigenous person of the world, or did I invade from MArs?Posted by Wimpy Canadian on 2007 07 18 at 12:31 PM • permalink
- #15 Bondo, you know the only condemnations they’ll have is for the US and Western coutnries. The dictators, tyrants and despots get a free pass.Posted by Wimpy Canadian on 2007 07 18 at 12:36 PM • permalink
- “Despite the communist ideals of his youth, it’s impossible not to like Nelson Mandela.”
I assure you that it is totally possible not to like Nelson Mandela.
Posted by Dave Surls on 2007 07 18 at 01:00 PM • permalink
- Just a little reminder about what one of these wannabe tribal elders did…
“…Underground or in exile, the ANC leadership concluded that the methods of non-violence such as those utilised by Gandhi against the British Empire during their colonisation of India, were not suitable against the apartheid system. It was decided that terrorist tactics had to be used, which primarily involved targeting and sabotaging the government’s resources, with an initial wish to minimise the bloodshed of civilians.”
“There were occasions the ANC targeted civilians with bomb explosions in restaurants, shopping centres and entertainment complexes. Examples of these include the Amanzimtoti bombing[2], the Sterland bomb in Pretoria[3], the Wimpy bomb in Pretoria[4], the Juicy Lucy bomb in Pretoria[3] and the Magoo’s bar bombing in Durban.[5] The few ANC acts of sabotage aimed at government institutions include the bombing of the Johannesburg Magistrates Court, The attack on the Koeberg nuclear reactor and the rocket attack on Voortrekkerhoogte in Pretoria. The Church Street bomb in Pretoria was claimed to be an attack on the South African Air Force but in reality the bomb was placed in front of civilian buildings during rush hour and most of those injured and killed were civilians. Other attacks on civilians included the systematic murder of hundreds of people in Black townships who refused to take part in consumer boycotts or strikes and who were regarded as sell-outs. The preferred method of murder was to put a burning tyre around the neck of the unfortunate victim.”
“A military wing was formed in 1961, called Umkhonto we Sizwe (MK), meaning “Spear of the Nation”. However, Mandela, as its first leader, was arrested for terrorism in 1962 and sentenced to life imprisonment in 1964 on Robben Island, along with Sisulu and other ANC leaders after the Rivonia Trial.”
Mandela and his pals in the ANC were and are the scum of the earth.
Posted by Dave Surls on 2007 07 18 at 01:35 PM • permalink
- If they’re deemed to have wisdom when they’re so old why not wait til they’re dead and really benefit fromn their acculmulated experience?Posted by carpefraise on 2007 07 18 at 10:35 PM • permalink
- *sigh*. from, accumulated…
I’ll bet they know the secrets of unhurried typing too!
Posted by carpefraise on 2007 07 18 at 10:36 PM • permalink
- At least we know we are putting the world in the hands of elders of known fiber… it’s in their prescriptions, after all…Posted by richard mcenroe on 2007 07 19 at 01:19 AM • permalink
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Pretty much like his last day job.