Earth’s surface heated

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Last updated on August 6th, 2017 at 05:50 am

Latest research indicates that black-wearing Phillip Adams is a cause of global warming:

Dark colours play a major role in increasing the earth’s temperature, which in turn, leads to global warming. This came from a class VIII student of Learnium School, Divyansh Joshi who won a silver medal in the Inepo Eurasia International Environmental Project Olympiad held at Azerbaijan, for his project on “effects of colours on global warming” …

Pointing out to his award winning project, he explained that different coloured objects absorb light and heat up the earth’s surface. The heat absorbed by dark colours is retained in the earth’s surface, which slowly increases its temperature, thus resulting in global warming …

Stressing on the use of lighter colours, he pointed out that people should be discouraged from using dark colours while selecting the colour for cars or houses or fabrics for clothes.

Adams – whose left fist has been glued to his head for twenty years – should adopt a more earth-friendly style.

Posted by Tim B. on 04/22/2007 at 12:18 PM
    1. I’m willing to do alot to fight global warming, but I’ll be darned if I’ll drop my slimming black and dark blue wardrobe. They’ll have to pry my black polo shirt and dark blue pants from my cold, dead, ample ass.

      Posted by andycanuck on 2007 04 22 at 12:25 PM • permalink


    1. *Sob.*

      I wear black because I think it makes my pregnant self look slightly thinner!


      Do people think I’m fat, or is it just Jesse in a moment of drunken madness who compares me to Phatty Phil?!

      Posted by Ash_ on 2007 04 22 at 12:27 PM • permalink


    1. And just what are all the black people supposed to do, huh?

      Posted by RebeccaH on 2007 04 22 at 12:28 PM • permalink


    1. RebeccaH, breed. We all need to do our part to counter-effect the behaviour of lefties.

      Posted by Ash_ on 2007 04 22 at 12:32 PM • permalink


    1. Address the problem at the cause – paint the Sun black.

      Posted by flying pigs over mecca on 2007 04 22 at 12:38 PM • permalink


    1. But… but… what will the anarchists wear to show their defiance of the crowd?

      Posted by richard mcenroe on 2007 04 22 at 12:42 PM • permalink


    1. #6 I thought they were usually too busy wearing each other to worry about clothes. Or was that hippies?

      Posted by flying pigs over mecca on 2007 04 22 at 12:47 PM • permalink


    1. Ash, dearest, no one thinks you’re fat.  I know it’s hard, especially at the end of a pregnancy, not to despair about the fact that you haven’t seen your feet in several weeks, but you WILL return to your normal self in due time.  I remember bursting into tears in the grocery store when I saw a trim middle-aged woman and thought, “Oh God.  I used to look like that, but I never will again. Wahhhhhhh!”

      Jesse must be blissfully ignorant of his extreme personal danger to say such a thing to a hormonal pregnant woman!

      Posted by texasred on 2007 04 22 at 12:57 PM • permalink


    1. Texasred, I’m at 23 weeks, but considering I’m usually a size 4 (around a size 0 US), I look much bigger than usual.

      Was it wrong of me to lock myself in the garage and cry for an hour or so afterwards?

      Posted by Ash_ on 2007 04 22 at 01:03 PM • permalink


    1. I love wearing dark colors – I look better in them than I do in light colors (I’m a certified, card-carrying, fully-paid-up fat broad), and they please my Inner Goth Child.  If dark-colored clothing has the greenies up in arms, as a RWDB it’s my sworn duty to purchase even more of it.  Woohoo – shopping spree!

      Posted by Blue State Sil on 2007 04 22 at 01:10 PM • permalink


    1. Oh, and Texasred, Jesse stands the risk of being sent to Afghanistan or Iraq, and have the chance that Moonbats would cheer if he died.

      For some reason, he doesn’t think his half-Italian lady is much of a threat… to him. To anyone who shoots him though…

      Posted by Ash_ on 2007 04 22 at 01:14 PM • permalink


    1. Those moonbats in their tinfoil hats must really be saving the planet.

      Posted by flying pigs over mecca on 2007 04 22 at 01:21 PM • permalink


    1. Ash – re: Was it wrong of me to lock myself in the garage and cry for an hour or so afterwards?

      Nope.  Pregnant women pretty much get a pass on any kind of emotional behavior short of manslaughter.  Enjoy!

      And remember that there are plenty of ways to get even with smarty-pants fathers to be that don’t involve physical violence…  😉

      Posted by texasred on 2007 04 22 at 01:50 PM • permalink


    1. “Adams – whose left fist has been glued to his head for twenty years”

      That’s amazing.

      (Amazing that he’s able to fit them both up his ass so completely.)

      Posted by Barbara Skolaut on 2007 04 22 at 01:51 PM • permalink


    1. #14

      (Amazing that he’s able to fit them both up his ass so completely.)

      Fuck. That’s a really horrible image.

      Posted by flying pigs over mecca on 2007 04 22 at 01:54 PM • permalink


    1. He also said that asphalt roads heat up very rapidly and should be avoided. Cemented or concrete roads should be preferred.

      Hmmmmmm……usually asphalt is laid on TOP of concrete or gravel (i.e., “base course”).  This is done to protect the more expensive base course from wear & tear, thus necessitating frequent replacement.  As such, asphalt is known as a “surface course”.  Using asphalt as a surface course extends the life of the base course considerably, reducing the frequency of replacement (and thus the “carbon footprint”, although I don’t see that as a benefit).  Asphalt is also recyclable, and has been for years.

      This surface course also protects vehicle tires from the base course, which is VERY HARD on those same tires.  No surface course means more frequent tire replacement (ask anyone who frequently drives on gravel roads), which means more used tires laying around.  Gas mileage goes down as well.

      In other words, Joshi wants to stop global warming by messing up the environment.  Unless, of course, we all just stop driving cars.

      And this kid won an award? Sounds like the Azerbaijan school system still has a long ways to go.

      Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2007 04 22 at 01:55 PM • permalink


    1. So this is wrong?

      Posted by Janis Gore on 2007 04 22 at 02:56 PM • permalink


    1. This is fine for a school project, but if it strikes any adult as a novel idea, they really should go back and read their middle-school science textbook again. Presenting this as a breakthrough of some kind is just silly.

      Posted by Nathan on 2007 04 22 at 03:09 PM • permalink


    1. “And just what are all the black people supposed to do, huh?”

      Michael Jackson is the best role model for all black folks.

      What’s the best thing to fight global warming?  Cut down all the trees outside of the tropics:

      New research presented at a meeting of the American Geophysical Union suggests that the carbon reducing benefits of the trees is outweighed by their tendency to trap heat close to the ground – especially when they are planted in the normally snowy, higher latitudes. So while they cool the planet by taking carbon out of the atmosphere, they also warm it, like a winter blanket.”

      Great, schizo trees.  Cut ‘em all down.  Let God sort out the coolers from the warmers.

      Posted by Mystery Meat on 2007 04 22 at 03:28 PM • permalink



  • “This is fine for a school project”

    No, it isn’t, #18 Nathan – particularly as they gave him an award for (to put it charitably) fuzzy thinking.

    Looks like the socialist liberal lefties have taken over the school system in Azerbaijan, too.  Actual thinking neither required nor encouraged.

    How do you say “Baaaaaaaa” in Azerbaijani?

    Posted by Barbara Skolaut on 2007 04 22 at 03:50 PM • permalink


  • Oh, fer cryin’ out loud.  How does this thing work, anyway?</i>

    Posted by Barbara Skolaut on 2007 04 22 at 03:54 PM • permalink




    1. Fixed.

      Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2007 04 22 at 04:16 PM • permalink


    1. “This is fine for a school project”

      Nope.  It’s a LOUSY subject for a project.  At best, it’s a demonstration of basic thermodymanics (except that Joshi didn’t package it as such).  At worst, it’s an example of how NOT to do science projects (of which I’ve judged a few, and seen many): poor assumptions, no data collection, etc.

      And the adults who made the award are only encouraging ignorance and fuzzy thinking.

      Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2007 04 22 at 04:21 PM • permalink


    1. Learnium School?

      Posted by PW on 2007 04 22 at 05:07 PM • permalink


    1. He won an award for such a piffling project? A silver award? Were there more than two entries? As TRJ has pointed out, it’s a shocking way to do science. The environmentally aware art teachers that marked the projects must have been taken in by its truthiness.

      Posted by Jack Lacton on 2007 04 22 at 05:19 PM • permalink


    1. Oh, this is going to be fun. Next time I see a bunch of black-clad ignoranti at a global warming march, I can mention this ‘study’ and watch their brains explode. It’s got no real scientific basis, so they should latch on to it immediately.

      Am I cruel? Yes, thanks for asking.

      Posted by Tungsten Monk on 2007 04 22 at 05:28 PM • permalink


    1. #16, JeffS,

      There you go again, demanding that people look at the whole picture!  You did the same thing over at Critter’s.  The world is a simple place to the simple-minded.  That way they don’t have do actually, you know, think.  When you’re critical abilities take you no further than from step A to B, you tend to forget the rest of the alphabet.  And school becomes a place of Learnium.

      Posted by saltydog on 2007 04 22 at 06:32 PM • permalink


    1. That’s where I learniumed to write “you’re” for “your”, by the way.

      Posted by saltydog on 2007 04 22 at 06:34 PM • permalink


    1. Perhaps Hillock Adams could donate his old black clothes for use as heat absorption material in water heating plants?

      Posted by egg_ on 2007 04 22 at 06:55 PM • permalink


    1. #32
      solar water heating plants …

      Posted by egg_ on 2007 04 22 at 07:02 PM • permalink


    1. Tim, you’re being too harsh on Adams.

      He’s just pissed.

      Posted by Wimpy Canadian on 2007 04 22 at 07:49 PM • permalink


    1. #4 Ash, you have it wrong. It is the white people who should bread …. and then walk around naked so we can reflect more of those evil death giving rays back to the sun.

      Personally, I wear a, soon to be patented, tin foil hat thta reflects evil Erath killing rays and, also, prevents alians from listening to one’s thoughts.

      Posted by Wimpy Canadian on 2007 04 22 at 07:54 PM • permalink


    1. It is the white people who should bread …. and then walk around naked so we can reflect more of those evil death giving rays back to the sun

      But that could lead to global reddening… or at least pinkining…

      Posted by richard mcenroe on 2007 04 22 at 08:00 PM • permalink


    1. #16 The real jeffs: You have hit upon the enviro idios.

      Hey, what we need is roads paved with gold – that’ll reflect the maximum amoun t of sun light.

      Posted by Wimpy Canadian on 2007 04 22 at 08:00 PM • permalink


    1. Re #30, I know, saltydog.  I know.  I can’t help myself…..I see idiocy, I must stomp upon it!

      It Is My Way, you see.

      Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2007 04 22 at 08:06 PM • permalink


    1. Learnium School?

      I confess to having missed that one, PW, largely because my Latin is sporadic at best.

      So I Googled it.

      BEHOLD!!!!  The Learnium School.

      And their Mission Statement (at least, for the Hyderabad branch, the others seem to be under construction):

      Learnium School, Hyderabad was established in 2002 as the third branch of present five Learnium School branches with the idea of promoting national, international, intercivilization and intercultural peace, harmony and dialogue through education. Learnium School, Hyderabad is recognized by Government of Andhra Pradesh. Learnium School, Hyderabad has been providing best possible education for its students with the help of well-trained, dedicated, sincere and experienced staff and state of the art infrastructure facilities since its establishment.

      Education in Learnium School, Hyderabad is a student-centered approach. Students truly enjoy their education life in Learnium School, Hyderabad and have an opportunity to develop themselves academically, morally, physically and personally in a very conducive environment provided for them. Based on one to one love and care method Student-Teacher relationship in Learnium School, Hyderabad is very strong and healthy. Students are in the centre of each and every activity and teachers play the role of facilitator in all student related activities.

      We strongly believe that level of excellence in education can only be achieved on a strong tripod that is combination of student, school and parent. Therefore we always encourage and welcome our parents to involve themselves in their children’s education. Activities like, parent seminars, parent picnics, parent’s house visits enable us to built a very strong relationship with our parents based on mutual respect, care and understanding.

      Apparently there’s some sort of branch in Azerbaijan as well, although it’s not on the Web.  Sounds like some sort of franchise to me.

      Anywho, if the Azerbaijan “Learnium” School has a similar charter (and hence mission statement), and if the composer’s English is decent (the text reads stilted to me), it sounds like something I’d expect to see from a liberal arts college.  Which is consistent with the science fair Joshi won an award for.

      Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2007 04 22 at 08:21 PM • permalink


    1. Hunter Valley Coal thought that they’d found a new coal seam but, apparently, it was just Phatty lying on his stomach in one of the paddocks …

      Posted by egg_ on 2007 04 22 at 09:32 PM • permalink


    1. Latest research indicates that black-wearing Phillip Adams is a cause of global warming

      Here’s me thinking it was due to his flatulence.

      Posted by Contrail on 2007 04 22 at 09:40 PM • permalink


    1. #16 he probably meant that as asphalt is usually black, it heats up very quickly.
      Personally I don’t like the colour of roads. The stark black is fine, but prolonged use renders them a gloomy grey.

      I should prefer a cheery bubble-gum pink, or that ol’ Wizard of Oz favourite, butter-yellow.

      Permission to cringe, y’all.

      Posted by carpefraise on 2007 04 22 at 11:05 PM • permalink


    1. Now we all know what Adamski has really thought of his native country for about 60 years now.  No surprises here:

      From The Australian
      “If Italy looks a lot like a boot and the UK a little like a royal chess piece, then Australia resembles a pair of buttocks squatting over the cold toilet seat of the Antarctic. Having occurred to me at school, this image bounced back when Paul Keating made his scathing reference to Australia as “the arse-end of the world”.
      I promptly added to the bum image by placing Sydney and Perth at either side of the pelvis, with Adelaide at the anal cleft. Which doesn’t do much for Tasmania.”

      charming, patriotic man is rock-solid retentive leftist Adams…

      Posted by Barrie on 2007 04 22 at 11:06 PM • permalink


    1. #35 Wimpy Canadian

      It is the white people who should bread

      White bread?

      Posted by flying pigs over mecca on 2007 04 22 at 11:43 PM • permalink


    1. Diesel = black soot

      Europe has decided to promote the use of diesel cars in order to meet Kyoto targets.

      The extra black soot produced by all those diesel cars will case more sunlight to be absorbed generating more warming.

      In fact, it appears that the warming that occurred in the 1990s (stopped in 1998) may have been exclusively caused by Europeans trying to meet Kyoto targets.

      Posted by Not on 2007 04 23 at 02:04 AM • permalink


    1. uh oh, Howard is in real trouble now.  There he goes again stating the bleeding obvious: “Climate not overwhelming issue, PM says”

      He will never be forgiven.

      Posted by entropy on 2007 04 23 at 03:21 AM • permalink


    1. #45 I don’t think the EUcrats were doing anything about AGW prior to 1998 (or 2007, for that matter).  It’s just that petrol is so ridiculously expensive in the EU that people use frugal diesel engines instead.  It is actually a nasty problem due to the particulates many diesel engines release.  less CO2 though, and that is all that matters /sarcasm.

      Posted by entropy on 2007 04 23 at 03:25 AM • permalink


    1. And Daylight saving; don’t forget the GW caused by that extra hour of sunlight.

      Yep, black gives off more heat, which is radiated out into space. Absolutely nothing to do with global warming really, except artificially fudging up surface temp records in urban areas.

      Posted by Dminor on 2007 04 23 at 04:21 AM • permalink


    1. Can I earn a carbon credit for burning my copy of “Men in Black”?

      Just asking.

      Posted by yojimbo on 2007 04 23 at 11:43 AM • permalink


    1. #43:

      I promptly added to the bum image by placing Sydney and Perth at either side of the pelvis, with Adelaide at the anal cleft.

      Wow. Fixated much?

      Posted by Tungsten Monk on 2007 04 23 at 12:09 PM • permalink


    1. So I guess this means black bears should be hunted to extinction.

      Luckily we are still allowed to own guns in canada!

      Posted by hollingshead on 2007 04 23 at 08:29 PM • permalink


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