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Last updated on July 16th, 2017 at 06:04 am
We goblins will still have the numbers:
The human race will one day split into two separate species, an attractive, intelligent ruling elite and an underclass of dim-witted, ugly goblin-like creatures, according to a top scientist.
In California, this process is already well under way.
Posted by Harry Bergeron on 2007 10 27 at 12:59 PM • permalink
I for one look forward to dining on our betters.
Posted by Ernst Blofeld on 2007 10 27 at 01:06 PM • permalink
- Posted by richard mcenroe on 2007 10 27 at 01:46 PM • permalink
Don’t worry, it’s all part of nature’s plan. Note country-western singer Mickey Gilley’s ode to goblin girls:
(chorus)
The girls all get prettier at closing time
They all begin to look like movie stars
The girls all get prettier at closing time
When the change starts taking place
It puts a glow on every face
Of the falling angels of the back street barsIf I could rate’em on a scale from 1 to 10
I’m lookin’ for a 9 but 8 would slip right in
A few more drinks and I might slip to a 5 or even a 4
But when tomorrow morning comes, and I wake up with a number 1
I sware I’ll never do it anymoreNow I don’t mean to criticize the girls at all
Cause I know Robert Redford even overhauls
We all picture in our minds a girl that looks just right
Ain’t it funny, ain’t it strange, how a man’s opinion changes
When he starts to face that lonely nightPosted by Mystery Meat on 2007 10 27 at 02:19 PM • permalink
I don’t think I’m invoking Godwin’s Law here, but isn’t Oliver Curry simply predicting the rise of a master race (“ruling elite”) and their slaves (“underclass”)? Such talk, coming from a PC society such as the UK!
And, to paraphrase what Goering supposedly said, whenever I hear human evolutionary predictions of any sort, I reach for my shotgun.
Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2007 10 27 at 03:25 PM • permalink
Of course, due to Global Warming melting all the glaciers and polar ice caps, the “Eloi” species will also have evolved gills and flippers, since only the gnomish underclass will be able to withstand the scorching sun relentlessly pouring UV rays through the ginormous holes in the ozone upon the last remaining bits of dry land (probably Mt. Everest).
Too late the Socalist republic of China has beaten us to it.
Posted by thefrollickingmole on 2007 10 27 at 06:21 PM • permalink
In support of your theory.
Posted by thefrollickingmole on 2007 10 27 at 06:22 PM • permalink
Does this ‘top scientist’ bear an uncanny resemblance to Rod Taylor or Greg Pearce? Just to keep the joke rolling…
Posted by SwinishCapitalist on 2007 10 27 at 06:32 PM • permalink
I’m surprized he never mentioned the mineshaft gap.
Posted by Dave in Chicago on 2007 10 27 at 06:45 PM • permalink
In the future, humans will be able to survive on a diet consisting entirely of their own earwax.
Posted by Evil Pundit on 2007 10 27 at 07:48 PM • permalink
Another day in VRWC HQ (Minion Division).
Hmm. The sub-levels are delightfully dank today. The rats are frisky. Just time to check the hot sheets before Minion Muster.
Peeks out the window overlooking the assembling minions lining up on the scuffed stone floor, many leading a neocommie or leftard on a chain, for today is SUNDAY, and after church it’s minions day off, so it’s leftard racing time!
Oh, the mammoth steaks will sizzle, the Trilobites will boil, vast quantities ofSumerian meadinferior Egyptian meadstolen from Wronwright’s storebought cheap from Aelotiaxis in Alexandria will be consumed. Yep, there is Paco with the velociraptos to make sure the leftards run really, really fast. Well. Except for Michael Moore. And they never eat the bugger. Too greasy.What is this??
The human race will one day split into two separate species, an attractive, intelligent ruling elite and an underclass of dim-witted, ugly goblin-like creatures,….
WTF??
<Looks at the bechained leftards>
What does this idiot scientist mean, will ONE DAY split? What does he think a socialist is?? Has he never even seen Margo Kingston, Chris Shiels, or Michael Moore?
It’s only us that culls the buggers and stops the gene pool from getting too shallow.
MarkL
Minionmeister to the VRWC
Men will have symmetrical facial features, deeper voices and bigger penises, according to Curry in a report commissioned for men’s satellite TV channel Bravo.
Women will all have glossy hair, smooth hairless skin, large eyes and pert breasts, according to Curry.
Calling him a “top” scientist merely announces his preferred position.
One area not mentioned here is the growing use of IVF in western countries. A proportion of people undergoing IVF – only a proportion, mind – are genetically predisposed to be infertile without this medical intervention.
One can surmise that significant numbers of their children will be similarly predisposed and that there will be growing populations of people who could not breed naturally.
I don’t wish to sound discriminatory or controversial or anything – I’m just suggesting that kids born from IVF could perhaps have some kind of discrete tattoo put on their foreheads so that potential parents in law can steer their superior natural bred children away from these freak-like drones now infultrating our communities.
Posted by Margos Maid on 2007 10 27 at 08:39 PM • permalink
This is wildy O/T, but……WRONWRIGHT!!!!!!!!! Lord Karl wants a word with you!!!!
Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2007 10 27 at 08:41 PM • permalink
BTW, here’s a real science question, for one of you brainy types out there, like Michael Lonie or Real Jeff. While I was in Chicago, our refrigerator’s ice-making system started leaking, and a slow, but steady trickle of water ran down into the basement and put out the pilot light on the gas heater. The gas apparently continued to run, but the house didn’t blow up. Mrs. Paco discovered this after a day and a half, and made sure the basement got ventilated.
Now, don’t get me wrong; I’m delighted that the house didn’t blow up. But isn’t a gas leak supposed to smell? And with all that gas coming out, it seems like any kind of spark or static electricity would have tended to set things off.
Shouldn’t it be more like WRONWRIGHT!!
?
Posted by Patrick Chester on 2007 10 27 at 08:58 PM • permalink
Paco—depends how
cheap and draftywell ventilated your basement and home are, whether the gas builds up to a combustible percentage.IOW, you got lucky, bucko…
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2007 10 27 at 08:59 PM • permalink
Re #38, yes, paco, natural gas has an additive (I forget what it’s called) to make it stink, even in trace amounts (I use natural gas for heating my home). All that gas in an enclosed space might have made a nice boom under the proper conditions, which happily didn’t come together.
I’m glad to hear Mrs. paco and home are well.
What went wrong? I have no idea, of course, except to wonder if Mrs. paco had a head cold, or something that killed her sense of smell.
Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2007 10 27 at 08:59 PM • permalink
richard is right in #41, of course. If your basement is well ventilated, you wouldn’t smell the gas, except close to the heater.
But he’s right as well in that you’re lucky.
Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2007 10 27 at 09:02 PM • permalink
Re #40, Patrick, I guess I can’t do a deep space echo very well………
Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2007 10 27 at 09:03 PM • permalink
If there was no smell then there was no leak.
The automatic cut-off on the valve activated when the flame was extinguished. The actual positon of the knob after this occurence wouldn’t mean a thing, the knob would have to be reset to the pilot position to release the valve from it’s cutoff.
Posted by joe bagadonuts on 2007 10 27 at 09:04 PM • permalink
I think the additive is mercaptan, and it smells slightly ‘skunky’. If your pilot light has an electronic igniter, it almost certainly also has an automatic shut-off valve. Unless you have an extremely well ventilated basement even a minor gas leak would have accumulated enough gas to make a disastrous result possible. So, I’m guessing you’re either extraordinarily lucky or you have an auto shut-off valve. I’d check it out, were I you, just for peace of mind.
Posted by JorgXMcKie on 2007 10 27 at 09:32 PM • permalink
And, given that you were unlucky enough that a small water leak from your ice maker put out the pilot light on your hot water heater (just where were both of those located, anyhow?) I kinda doubt your luck is all that good.
Posted by JorgXMcKie on 2007 10 27 at 09:34 PM • permalink
Its called ethyl mercaptan we use it as an odour based emergency evacuation warning on the mines.
Also known as stench gas.Posted by thefrollickingmole on 2007 10 27 at 09:36 PM • permalink
- Posted by thefrollickingmole on 2007 10 27 at 09:37 PM • permalink
He’s too late, it’s already happened- ever looked at Sydney wast of the Pyrmont Bridge, ditto for Melbourne and Toorak Rd and Brisbane west of Indooroopilly Shoppingtown? Or the entire Middle East with the exception of Israel? Bloody Moorlock central, and rather than openly feeding on the more evolved they’ve adapted to parasitism.
Caveat to this is the intellecual vacuosity of many of the alleged “elites”, and the existence of a hyperintelligent and ambitious troll-like sub-species known as “RWDBs”, who secretly run the whole show, and allow the shallow, dim-witted but attractive “elites” to be the centre of attention of the Boganus Burnoutus that roam the western wastelands, allowing the RWDB to get on with the business of global domination, ravishment of nature and plunder of dwindling resources.
Would you please stop shouting my name. When you do it, everyone does a EF Hutton and stop, turn their heads, and stare at me. It’s disconterting.
Don’t worry about those reports. Our MIB, circa 1965, removed the Bird of Prey, on a flatbed truck and transported it to Hangar 13 or 51 or somethingorother. Then they passed out chunks of rock and told everyone it was a meteorite. Okay, yes, the local people are still claiming it was a Bird of Prey but that was only because Nixon was joy riding. Karl was not happy. And yes, Karl was in charge back then too.
We’ll send them an official memo typed on a 1965 Air Force typewriter (I’m got it almost finished on my computer). It’ll confirm it was a meteorite.
Posted by wronwright on 2007 10 27 at 10:07 PM • permalink
In the Fox News version it says “By 3000, sexual selection will have bred men into tall, handsome studs with deep voices, square jaws and substantial penises”.
Of course, the most highly evolved among us have those qualities now. Mead is a consolation prize for those who must hope.
Posted by Hero Schema on 2007 10 27 at 11:20 PM • permalink
Glad to hear it, wronwright. Lord Karl was most displeased to hear that there were still some loose ends lying around after all these years.
Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2007 10 27 at 11:25 PM • permalink
What the year 3000 will probably see probably is two classes of people.
The spaceborn and the earthoids. This article assumes no diaspora.
The spaceborn will be the adventurous and those looking for a freer life…the earthoids are those who stayed behind.
Sound familiar? I wonder if New Australia will be founded as a prison for global warming skeptics.
“Men will have symmetrical facial features, deeper voices and bigger penises, according to Curry in a report commissioned for men’s satellite TV channel Bravo.
Women will all have glossy hair, smooth hairless skin, large eyes and pert breasts, according to Curry.”
I think this is the bloke who’s been spamming my inbox since the Internet started. Sure bears more than a passing resemblance to whats on offer. Good to see hero has already availed himself of their services..
Posted by thefrollickingmole on 2007 10 28 at 12:22 AM • permalink
Ash_ … yeh, but as grownups, some of yez… not so much. I usedter work dadocks…
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2007 10 28 at 12:41 AM • permalink
- #61 Ash_
We make great looking babies, but unfortunately for me I look more like a Sicilian mobster who’s moniker would be ‘The Cat’ or similar.
My niece and nephews all agree that I am the spitting image of the bad guy in Terminator 2, apparently.I don’t see the resemblance at all, myself. 🙂
As long as the kids look like Dirty Harriet, she’ll be apples.
This prediction must be accurate.
If we can predict with great certainty what the climate will be like in 100 years time, we can certainly determine what humans will look like in 1000 years time.
Now all I need is someone to tell me what the interest rate will be in 12 months time, and I will be content to agree that forecasting is a 100% accurate science.
Posted by mr creosote on 2007 10 28 at 01:47 AM • permalink
#66 I know, but if they did, it’d somehow be Bush’s fault, and there would be restrictions on the sale of Tommy Gun Trees.
I can’t picture Dirty Harriet letting you call her your ‘moll’, but I would visit you in hospital anyway. And leave the baby with you for a few hours, because you wouldn’t be able to stop me. MUAHAHAHAHA!
Habib, as a resident of the area to the west of the ANZAC bridge (Five Wog is my suburb) I have to agree that the locals are well on the way to troll status.
How do I know?
You just have to look at the queues of hairy backed men out the front of the waxing salon. Dead giveaway.
That and the fact we have more than one salon offering this service.
Posted by mr creosote on 2007 10 28 at 02:12 AM • permalink
Ash_ Dadocks I was workin’ on wuz in Staten Island. We held the city record for fished-out floaters.
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2007 10 28 at 03:02 AM • permalink
Y’know, I can’t believe that it took me this long to remember that this “top scientist” is not not the first person to come up with this hypothesis.
Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2007 10 28 at 12:12 PM • permalink
- #69
There is a place in Sydney where people commit suicide. It’s called The Gap. Many people jump off the high part of it. Problem is that the high part jumpers hit rocks at the bottom. The local wallopers/Police Rescue Squad prefer those who jump off the low part. They land in the water and become the problem of the Water Police.
here is your Blackadder gobin kae.
Posted by thefrollickingmole on 2007 10 28 at 07:16 PM • permalink
The story illustrates the continuing stupidity and intellectual decadence of the Daily Mail. The Elio were NOT intelligent, That was very largely the fucking point of Wells’s story – they had degenerated with the soft life so they could not think for themselves, rather like a whoe race ofg Pribcess dians Kylie Minogies and Posh Spices. The Morlocks were at least still good machine-tenders. It it horrifying how totally culturally stupid and ignorant – Eloi-like, if act – the British media has become, incvluding, and perhaps especially, the nominally conservative parts of it like the Daily Mail.