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Last updated on July 13th, 2017 at 01:53 pm
Incoming Finance Minister Lindsay Tanner won’t be doing that sort of thing, oh no:
LINDSAY TANNER: … we certainly won’t blatantly ignore them like the previous government did, for example, announcing a $10 billion water program written on the back of a serviette yet after a long lunch without being adequately costed or assessed by Treasury or finance and without even being taken to Cabinet. We won’t do that sort of thing, I can assure you.
ALI MOORE: On the water program, will you keep it?
LINDSAY TANNER: Yes …
(Via Alex R., who recommends clicking for video)
A man arrives at the Pearly Gates and remarks on all the clocks he can see – billions and billions of them.
St Peter explains that every person has a clock and it ticks one second every time they tell a lie.
“See Mother Theresa’s?” asks Peter. “It’s never moved and Abraham Lincoln’s only moved two seconds – he only lied twice in his life.”
The man was impressed and had a question.
“Is Kevin Rudd’s clock here?”
St Peter replied: “Oh no, it’s in Jesus’ office – He’s using it for a ceiling fan.”
— Nora
Posted by The Thin Man Returns on 2007 11 29 at 09:00 PM • permalink
Look, this is just the beginning of the economic conservatism that Kev told us he was all about.
I was sceptical at first, but had a few beers last night with a mate of mine who is a plumber and my scepticism has been dampened somewhat.
Late on Saturday night he got an emergency call out. He turned up at the address and was met at the gate by none other than a somewhat sheepish looking Prime Minister Elect.
Apparently, after the hoo har had died down and the Rudd’s had fitted the kiddies up with a few Red M’s and sent them off to a rave, the Rudds ripped fair into the piss.
This all went very well until, during a bit of bathroom action, Therese slipped on the wet floor and well, somehow ended up doing the splits and well, got stuck to the floor. Try as he might, Kev couldn’t break the suction and release her.
So he called me mate the plumber. He and Kev had another go at freeing her, but did no good.
Me mate says, well Kev, we’ll just have to smash the tiles on the bathroom floor, that’ll get her unstuck, I’ll just go and get a hammer. When he came back from the ute with the hammer, he walks in and finds Kev with his tongue in Therese’s ear and going the grope and wot not.
Me mate is pretty disturbed by this and says, hey Kev, can you hold off on that till I get her unstuck and get out of here, if you wouldn’t mind..
No worries says Kev, I just thought that if I could create a bit of moisture, we might be able to slide her out of the bathroom and into the kitchen, cause if we’ve gotta smash tiles, the ones in the kitchen are heaps cheaper to replace…
Lindsay Tanner, minister for deregulation. Overnight – and I mean literally overnight- he has redefined “deregulation.”
Tanner: Kevin Rudd said over the past few months he was going to have a senior Cabinet minister specifically responsible for deregulation for tackling the overburden of red tape for business.
Deregulation is now “tackling the overburden of red tape.”
Look, that’s a good thing to do, don’t get me wrong. In fact he seems committed to it, and I hope he does a great job at it. But it isn’t deregulation.similarly, “economic conservatism” now means “having a balanced budget,” according to Rudd.
Posted by daddy dave on 2007 11 29 at 09:43 PM • permalink
Oh dear. Someday I’ll be able to breathe again.
Posted by Andrea Harris, Administrator on 2007 11 29 at 10:25 PM • permalink
#4 – Pickles, I’m forever indebted to alcohol for not been able to fully form the mental images of that story.
Kev with his tongue in Therese’s ear and going the grope and wot not.
He was just a little peckish.
Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 11 29 at 10:30 PM • permalink
O/T: Bad news and good news for that British teacher in Sudan. Bad news: she has to go to jail for 15 days. Good news: no lashes, and she’s being deported from Sudan. Be sure and click on the last link in the story for yet another example of NYT hypocrisy.
#14 – Unfortunately, the fate of the Teddy Bears is unknown
I know!
He’s on eBay – funds raise go to charity
— Nora
Posted by The Thin Man Returns on 2007 11 29 at 10:42 PM • permalink
#13 On Paco’s OT, Radio National this morning were rounding up their headlines, and on the subject of the Mohammed-teddy bear, they tut-tutted, but also quoted some Imam saying “What would happen to a Sudanese teacher in a Christian country who named a teddy bear Jesus?”. Incredibly, they made thoughtful humming noises over this, as if to say ‘Yes, well, he has a point’. Finally, one of them said, laughing, ‘Well, at least she wouldn’t go to prison’. Indeed, though any parent who dared to complain about the hypothetical Sudanese teacher and her Jesus teddy-bear would probably find themselves on a ‘hate-speech’ charge.
#16 Cuckoo: The tut-tutters are quite right. Obviously, if a roomful of school kids in the U.S. named their Teddy Bears after Jesus, the teacher would be hauled before the Inquisitor General in the regularly-scheduled weekly auto de fe, burned at the stake, and the ashes would be stuffed into a pig’s bladder and mailed to the king of Saudi Arabia.
The dog ate my homework. The teacher named the teddy bear Mohammad.
Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 11 29 at 10:57 PM • permalink
#14 It has been punished in the traditional humane islamic fashion.
Sudanese or not, I just damn well wish Muslims would stop calling them “Teddy Bears” as apparently Theodore Roosevelt hated that nickname…
Also,
Theodore Roosevelt > Mohammed
Posted by Quentin George on 2007 11 30 at 12:55 AM • permalink
At last the truth comes to the fore. I think a certain Mr Big Hawk is actually Lindsay Tanner…
Howard has just been named as the “problem” with the Water Plan. Back then, the me-too movement used a State Premier as a spoiler for various plans which might otherwise have earned the Howard Govt. some points with the public. Bracks was the spoiler for the Murray-Darling water plan. Most ok’d it. Carpenter had to be the spoiler for the Intervention in aboriginal chaos, as Martin was damaged goods – now retired, hurt.
RFLMAO *** GASP *** RFLMAO
Posted by Mambo Bananapatch on 2007 11 30 at 12:23 PM • permalink
After a long lunch, with wine?