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Last updated on July 13th, 2017 at 01:36 pm
Jemima Khan, ex-wife of Imran, on her former husband’s parenting skills:
When my son was four years old I found him playing with a one-armed Action Man. I asked him what had happened to Action Man. He replied, “[Daddy] said he’d been stealing.” Imran’s idea of a joke.
Actually, that’s not bad. I’ve an uncle with a scarred face (farming accident); when I was four or so, I asked what caused it. Thereafter followed a spontaneously-composed, brilliantly-told tale of sword battle with a rival farmer, ending with the line: “And then I cut his head off.”
Dolls are notoriously dishonest.
Stanley Cavell on dolls.
…because he named his tractor Mohammed.”
Posted by zeppenwolf on 2007 12 02 at 01:44 PM • permalink
Tim’s uncle lived in a district where they farmed goats. The rival farmer named his best looked goat Mohammed. Tim thought it was a tractor because he mis-understood the expression “I ride that thing all day, and it never gives up”.
Posted by mr creosote on 2007 12 02 at 03:31 PM • permalink
You don’t want to know what Imran did to Barbie.
Posted by Quentin George on 2007 12 02 at 05:56 PM • permalink
Had a few beers the other night with me mate the Kiwi bricklayer.
The night before, he walked into the bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says: This is the pig I shag when you’ve got a headache.
The girlfriend says: I think you’ll find that is a sheep, idiot.
Brickie says: I think you’ll find I wasn’t talking to you, idiot.
- I have some pretty good scars from a childhood incident with a glass door. When people ask what happened they get anything from “I was attacked by sharks” to “I fought off 25 Sharpies”.
My favourite though is to look down at the scars, look puzzled, then announce “shit, they weren’t there this morning”.
Gibbo, I have some fairly noticable scars on my hand plus a “tattoo” on my right knee which used to be part of my Levi’s – the result of my last motorcycle wreck. I’m going to borrow your comments, if you don’t mind? Most people don’t ask (this IS the American South & folks still tend to be aggressively polite), but I do like a witty comeback on those other occasions. Thanks!
Along the same line as Gibbo’s comment, back in my college days, I knew a girl who had been born with one hand. A lady stopped her on the street and said, “Oh, my dear, what happened to your arm?” She peeked up her sleeve, looked at the lady with a surprised expression, and said, “I’ll be damned! First my car keys and now this! I tell you, this has not been my day.”
I used to work with a guy who had some pretty good facial scaring. Someone once pulled a few of us aside and said “What happened to your mate’s face?” to which one of the lads said “You know how your Mum always said don’t pull faces because if the wind blows it will stay that way? Well, the wind blew.”
A Khan and a Goldsmith. Smiting at 2 paces, I’d have thought. Blood and carnage.