Children of the gorn

Last updated on May 20th, 2017 at 10:17 am

The ever-vigilant Algore Youth expose another eco-criminal:

Amanda Brosius, 6, of Cleveland Heights, Ohio, recently watched a television special on the plight of polar bears losing their icy hunting grounds to global warming. Soon after, she could hear the shower running way too long in the apartment above, where a 7-year-old friend lives. The boy’s long, water-guzzling showers prompted her to speak up.

“He doesn’t care about the polar bears, but I do,” Amanda says. “We’re running out of fresh water and if you don’t be careful the ice will never get frozen and the polar bears will have nowhere to go. Santa will have nowhere to live.”

Little Amanda believes in catastrophic global warmening even before she’s outgrown her belief in Santa Claus. How cute.

Posted by Tim B. on 03/03/2008 at 01:31 PM
    1. Funny aint it? Her line of reasoning is right on par with the experts in the glowball doomination game.

      She’s already talk show circuit quality in her ability to regurgitate party approved rhetoric.

      Posted by Grimmy on 2008 03 03 at 01:40 PM • permalink

 

    1. Yep, that’s it, we’re melting the Arctic in order to keep up our fresh water supplies. (Hey, it makes more sense than some of the other eco-nut stuff…)

      Posted by PW on 2008 03 03 at 01:44 PM • permalink

 

    1. Because once that water goes down the drain, it’s never seen again.

      Posted by Merlin on 2008 03 03 at 02:05 PM • permalink

 

    1. Gaia’s self-appointed high priest and Pontiff of All Things Green, Algore I, is going to leave us with an entire generation of warped children. I’d call that child abuse.

      Posted by Spiny Norman on 2008 03 03 at 02:10 PM • permalink

 

    1. Maybe Amanda would like to play with Knut to let him know that she’s his bestest friend in the whole world (at least after Al)?

      Posted by andycanuck on 2008 03 03 at 02:24 PM • permalink

 

    1. “A lot of plastic can’t be recycled,” chimes in his sister, who’s in the seventh grade. “The turtles can get suffocated…”

      Now, now. I’m sure turtle mothers tell their children not to play with plastic bags, same as human moms.

      The picture drawn in that article – inadvertently, I’m sure – of over-indulgent parents caving into the whiny reproaches of their brain-washed, moralising progeny, is contemptible, yet somehow gratifying, in that it’s good to see the chickens coming home to roost in these little domestic vignettes of leftists attempting to raise their children.

      And I love the opener: “Marika Martin is a vegetarian. So is her husband, Charles Gonzalez, who rides his bicycle to work every day in New York City traffic, rain or shine.” What a vision! Poor Charles, clad in a bright yellow raincoat, pedaling his bicycle down Fifth Avenue in a torrential downpour, the water squirting from the eyelets of his sneakers, swerving spastically to avoid New York cabbies indifferent to human life, only to arrive at the office, open his leaky Captain Planet lunchbox and find his bean burrito floating in a puddle like so much flotsam in the wake of a garbage scow. Ah, the good life!

      Posted by paco on 2008 03 03 at 02:26 PM • permalink

 

    1. My kids just broke my chops until I quit smoking. I might have to backhand any little rug rat who gave me this line about polar bears.
      Paco, #6, thanks for the image of the earnest Mr. Martin pedaling his way through Manhattan in the rain, thereby saving the earth. hee hee hee.

      Posted by Latino on 2008 03 03 at 02:35 PM • permalink

 

    1. Dear Amanda,

      Yes, there really is a Santa Claus.

      He lives at the North Pole and clubs baby Harp Seals to death when he isn’t delivering presents to over-privileged children such as yourself.

      P.S.  I converted his sled to run on pureed giant pandas.

      Sleep tight.

      Posted by joe bagadonuts on 2008 03 03 at 02:37 PM • permalink

 

    1. Little Amanda will doubtless grow up to glare at shoppers who get their purchases bagged.  I bet her mom is proud!

      Posted by ushie on 2008 03 03 at 02:55 PM • permalink

 

    1. What do you mean “before she’s outgrown her belief in Santa Claus.” What exactly are you trying to say?

      Posted by Quidnunc Savant on 2008 03 03 at 03:16 PM • permalink

 

    1. What exactly are you trying to say?

      That a child believes in Santa Claus as fervently as they believe in global warming.  Which puts a teensy weensy little tiny piece of doubt into the picture as to how credible this child is as a global warming acolyte advocate.

      Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2008 03 03 at 03:20 PM • permalink

 

    1. You mean there is no Santa?

      Posted by Quidnunc Savant on 2008 03 03 at 03:22 PM • permalink

 

    1. Keep in mind—Cleveland Heights. These people live next to one of the largest bodies of fresh water in the world. All it takes is a little filtering and some chlorine, and it’s drinkable.

      But this child is worried that Johnny upstairs will use it all up.

      (Oh, and Amanda, that white fur trimming around the edges of Santa Claus’s suit? From baby polar bears.)

      Posted by Rob Crawford on 2008 03 03 at 03:23 PM • permalink

 

    1. #11 & #12: Uh oh, RJ. Now you’ve done it!

      Posted by paco on 2008 03 03 at 03:30 PM • permalink

 

    1. If I were that little boy upstairs, I would have kicked little Amanda’s ass back downstairs.  But that’s just me.

      Posted by wronwright on 2008 03 03 at 03:35 PM • permalink

 

    1. .

      You mean there is no Santa?

      Uh oh……ummmmm…..wronwright?  Is the Tardis available for a short jaunt?

      Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2008 03 03 at 04:06 PM • permalink

 

    1. You mean there is no Santa?

      I predict that the little princess’ belief in a warming earth will be shattered before getting the real skinny on Saint Nick.

      Posted by CB on 2008 03 03 at 04:21 PM • permalink

 

    1. Another one that missed out on the abortion sale on Black Friday a few moons ago!

      Posted by paddles on 2008 03 03 at 04:43 PM • permalink

 

    1. Remember that “mighty oaks from little acorns grow.”

      Posted by paco on 2008 03 03 at 05:07 PM • permalink

 

    1. Children informers, ahhh, dat brings back der fond memories, jahwohl?

      Posted by richard mcenroe on 2008 03 03 at 05:20 PM • permalink

 

    1. Not that I want to divert the thread or anything, but 20 comments, and no one has noticed Tim’s (probably) inadvertent Star Trek reference.

      I, for one, welcome our new Gorn overlords.

      Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2008 03 03 at 05:31 PM • permalink

 

    1. Ross Gittins in the SMH draws attention to the rise in emissions caused by increased immigration. See Page 2. It’s unusual for Gittins to sound critical of Labor, so relish it.

      Posted by blogstrop on 2008 03 03 at 05:46 PM • permalink

 

    1. We must all follow Big Brother Al’s command and love the earth. We must not eat or drink anything that belongs to the earth. The young will not have to worry ever again about the earth because they will be in earth’s loving embrace.

      Posted by stackja1945 on 2008 03 03 at 05:54 PM • permalink

 

    1. I didn’t miss the reference:

      When Winston opens the door, he is relieved to see that it is not the thought police, but Mrs. Parsons, the wife of a neighbor who had come to ask for help in unblocking the kitchen sink. Mr. Parsons, Winston reflects was the kind of dull unquestioning adherent who ensured the survival of the Party even more than the thought police. Whatever the Party said was accepted with dog like obedience by Mr. Parsons and his kind.

      Winston follows the woman into her flat and tries to unblock the sink. This flat, like Winston’s own is dingy and miserable, clearly indicating the appalling living conditions under the Party’s regime. While in the Parson’s flat, Winston is horrified by the behavior of their two children. Both the boy and the girl have been indoctrinated by Party organizations like The Spies and the Youth League. They play with toy weapons of war and dance around Winston calling him “Eurasian”, traitor, “thoughtcriminal” etc. Winston reflects that within a few years they would not be playing, they would be holding real weapons instead of toys and would turn in their own parents to the thought police if they displayed any signs of unorthodoxy or nonconformity. These children who turned in their own parents as traitors were regularly lauded in the newspapers, the term used to refer to them was “child-hero”.

      The children are furious because their father has not been able to take them to see the “hanging”. Occurring about once a month, it was a ritual in which war prisoners were hung as a public spectacle and was a popular entertainment among schoolchildren.

      1984 – George Orwell

      Posted by John A on 2008 03 03 at 05:57 PM • permalink

 

    1. Fie on all you doubters!!
      I have been similarly concerned (as was this saintly young lass) that the showers taken by the nubile wenches eco sinners at the local all ladies university are also to long.I have invested much time and effort drilling holes in the walls monitering their water consumption. A great deal more investigation is still needed however, and I may have to stop it before I go blind devote myself fully to this onerous duty.

      /uncle pervy off.

      Posted by thefrollickingmole on 2008 03 03 at 06:27 PM • permalink

 

    1. You people are all meannies.

      There IS a Santa. There IS.

      I just know it.

      Posted by Spectre765 on 2008 03 03 at 06:32 PM • permalink

 

    1. I remember the time when little girls only carried about dollies and tea parties, not non-existent world threatening issues.

      Posted by Deborah Leigh on 2008 03 03 at 06:51 PM • permalink

 

    1. Someone forgot to tell little Amanda that the story about the polar bear should have started “once upon a time.” Ask her if she knows who the Grimm Brothers were. Al is one of them.

      Posted by Deborah Leigh on 2008 03 03 at 06:53 PM • permalink

 

    1. Santa will have nowhere to live.

      Looks like we can add another one to the list. First they came for the Loch Ness Monster, and I said nothing…

      Posted by Don Charleone on 2008 03 03 at 07:29 PM • permalink

 

    1. Santa never brought me my pony.  Screw him.

      Posted by RebeccaH on 2008 03 03 at 07:33 PM • permalink

 

    1. Another child’s mind twisted for the sake of Gaea ™.

      Posted by Nicholas on 2008 03 03 at 07:41 PM • permalink

 

    1. Most of Gore’s adorers beleive in Santa Clause, The real existence of “Gaia”, and a lot of other mythical things.

      She’s a fine new recruit. I see big things in her future as a priestess, and a “doubterfinder general”.

      Come the inquisistion, she’ll be right in there, lighting the fires…… which will be ironic, won’t it?

      Posted by wanglese on 2008 03 03 at 07:46 PM • permalink

 

    1. Oh, and Amanda, look at the cute cuddly-wuddly polar bearhere.

      Or look HERE.

      OK, the kid at the bottom left, eating a seal isn’t actually a polar bear.

      Posted by wanglese on 2008 03 03 at 07:58 PM • permalink

 

    1. It’s the same thing that parents did, and probably still do…eat everything on your plate because there are starving kids in China. Well, there’s still starving kids, meanwhile I have a weight problem.

      Polar bears are the new starving peasant.

      Posted by Deborah Leigh on 2008 03 03 at 08:02 PM • permalink

 

    1. This is why I’m glad I’m Jewish. Jewish parents don’t lie to their kids and say that a fat sweaty guy breaks into their house and gives them free stuff for Hanukkah.

      Posted by Attmay on 2008 03 03 at 08:03 PM • permalink

 

    1. GoreGorn.  It’s all so obvious once you see it.

      Reptiles like warmth.  Wherever Gore visits, it gets cold – like something, or someone, has absorbed all the heat.

      His massive utility bills can only be explained by his requirement for elevated heating levels – especially in the hatchling breeding vats.

      His enormous appetite for white mice (still looking for evidence to support this assertion, but hey – that’s no barrier as demonstrated by Amanda).

      Finally he is actually discrediting the theory of global warming with his boneheaded (another reptilian feature) support – thus preparing the planet for his peoples arrival.

      Posted by Mr Hackenbacker on 2008 03 03 at 08:35 PM • permalink

 

    1. I am appalled at the views on this thread. Don’t you people realise that the polar bears are drowning?

      We need to run a competition to find the 1000 most sanctimoniously green families in each country and give them a polar bear to look after.

      They could cuddle it and feed it at the same time, and it would show that we are compassionate people that care more for animals than people.

      Posted by rob w on 2008 03 03 at 09:11 PM • permalink

 

    1. #22 Ross Gittins in the SMH draws attention to the rise in emissions caused by increased immigration. See Page 2. It’s unusual for Gittins to sound critical of Labor, so relish it.

      It is more unusual for Gittens to write anything worth reading.

      Posted by rob w on 2008 03 03 at 09:13 PM • permalink

 

    1. Gore.  Gorn.  It’s all so obvious once you see it.

      We need to use whatever materials are available to defeat him. Let’s see – here’s some potassium conveniently spread out on these rocks. There’s some sulphur. Oh, look, pre-mined diamonds. Excellent. Charcoal… sturdy bamboo tube…

      Or perhaps we could fashion a rudimentary lathe…

      Posted by Dave S. on 2008 03 03 at 09:35 PM • permalink

 

    1. There’s nothing new about frauds making a handsome living out of terrifying idiots and children.

      The dirtworshippers crusade is just the latest iteration.

      (Whoops, I said “crusade”. Bad me.)

      Posted by s.r.intulom on 2008 03 03 at 09:37 PM • permalink

 

    1. Hey come on folks, the world has a long tradition of using Santa and other such “fantasy” stories as a weapon against kids. I told my son that he was one of twins but we killed the other one because he was cheeky. It is my right as a parent to bullshit to my kids!

      Posted by Gibbo on 2008 03 03 at 09:48 PM • permalink

 

    1. I always liked what Bill Cosby’s dad told him:

      I brought you into the world, I can take you out. It won’t make any difference to me because I’ll make another one that’ll look just like you.

      Posted by Spiny Norman on 2008 03 03 at 09:55 PM • permalink

 

    1. Santa Claus. Global Warming.

      They both exist in the minds of those that believe.

      I see more evidence for Santa, tho.

      Posted by rinardman on 2008 03 04 at 12:02 AM • permalink

 

    1. I guess Amanda is going to grow up age to be a real dumb Knut.

      Posted by andycanuck on 2008 03 04 at 12:05 AM • permalink

 

    1. Nowhere to live?  Pah.  I’ve got a spare room and Mrs Claus is clearly a kick-ass cook.  I’m sure we could work something out.

      Posted by Achillea on 2008 03 04 at 12:09 AM • permalink

 

    1. I am sad to admit that there was a two- or three-year period growing up where I thought it was bad that my old man drank beer, thanks to school-delivered anti-alcohol propaganda. However, I’ve more than made up for my sins since, and have the beer gut to prove it.

      Anyway, if I ever procreate a little Tommy, the first thing I’ll do each evening is ask, “What did you learn in school today?” and then spend an hour refuting most of it.

      Posted by Tommy Shanks on 2008 03 04 at 12:15 AM • permalink

 

    1. Will has begged his parents to buy a new dishwasher to cut down on energy use.

      I can think of a better solution, Will, that has a 100% saving on energy use.

      Posted by flying pigs over mecca on 2008 03 04 at 12:32 AM • permalink

 

    1. When I was a kid, they scared the heck out of us with acid rain.  We all thought the world was going to end before we were adults because of it.  This is just the most recent child-scaring scam.

      Posted by MikeTheLibrarian on 2008 03 04 at 12:42 AM • permalink

 

    1. #35 Attmay

      This is why I’m glad I’m Jewish. Jewish parents don’t lie to their kids and say that a fat sweaty guy breaks into their house and gives them free stuff for Hanukkah.

      Sarah Silverman: Give the Jew Girl Toys.

      Posted by flying pigs over mecca on 2008 03 04 at 12:47 AM • permalink

 

    1. Considering all the travel and the toy factories Santa’s operating, he’s know friend of Gaia.

      Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2008 03 04 at 01:08 AM • permalink

 

    1. know = no.

      Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2008 03 04 at 01:11 AM • permalink

 

    1. MikeTheLibrarian, when I was a kid (pre-acid rain fearmongering), the disaster du jour was air pollution, up to and including fiction stories where you had to wear gas masks just to go to school.

      Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2008 03 04 at 01:15 AM • permalink

 

    1. When I was a kid, it was strontium contamination in milk and the “Bomb!”.  Funny how each generation has a fear factor growing up—maybe it’s necessary.

      Posted by rabidfox on 2008 03 04 at 02:00 AM • permalink

 

    1. What’s happened to kids today? When I was young, the response to the latest apocalyptic scare was always “So if we’re all going to die, why do I have to do my homework?”

      Posted by squawkbox on 2008 03 04 at 02:43 AM • permalink

 

    1. The left will soon turn on polar bears when they find out they are Jewish.

      Posted by Contrail on 2008 03 04 at 02:46 AM • permalink

 

    1. #5 Andycanuck, that’s a lovely photo of Knut – such beautiful teeth. I despair when I read some of the comments though, e.g.

      The poor animal probably doesn’t know how to act like a proper polar bear. If he had been raised in the wild one can understand him acting like this, but as he was hand-reared I am surprised that he is so aggressive.

      – Pip, United Kingdom

      There’s no chance of course that large carnivorous predators are aggressive by nature. Dear idiot Pip, this is how proper polar bears behave.

      Posted by Burbank on 2008 03 04 at 03:43 AM • permalink

 

    1. #56
      I guess they think that polar bears are vegetarians.
      And that they just tickle other animals to tease them.

      Posted by kae on 2008 03 04 at 05:40 AM • permalink

 

    1. OT: And the Aussies fall in Brisbane. Harbajhan Singh – he should go back to India immediately!

      Posted by John A on 2008 03 04 at 07:26 AM • permalink

 

  1. #56 I was laughing at Pip, too, Burbank, especially as I was picturing Pip from South Park saying it. (And then Cartman kneeing him in the nuts.)

    Posted by andycanuck on 2008 03 04 at 08:43 PM • permalink