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Last updated on July 13th, 2017 at 01:53 pm
“Hey, I want to see Canada up there in this hall of fame,” writes a proud Great White Northerner. “Surely we must be #1 per capita carbonistas.” Right on cue:
Scientists have found a new threat to the planet: Canadian beer drinkers.
The government-commissioned study says the old, inefficient “beer fridges” that one in three Canadian households use to store their Molson and Labatt’s contribute significantly to global warming by guzzling gas- and coal-fired electricity.
“People need to understand the impact of their lifestyles,” British environmental consultant Joanna Yarrow tells New Scientist magazine. “Clearly the environmental implications of having a frivolous luxury like a beer fridge are not hitting home. This research helps inform people — let’s hope it has an effect.”
UPDATE. Reuters reports:
If nothing is done to combat global warming, two of Florida’s nuclear power plants, three of its prisons and 1,362 hotels, motels and inns will be under water by 2100, a study released on Wednesday said.
Well done, Canadian beer drinkers. I hope you’re proud of yourselves.
UPDATE II. Canadian beer drinker Mark Steyn: “I’ve never felt prouder.”
UPDATE III. BIWOZ:
Well, I’ve got an old fridge and an upright freezer out in the garage.
They aren’t being used.
I’m going to go home tonight and turn them on.
- I can just hear one of Joanna’s assistance calling out while she’s being interviewed “Hey wait! There’s a cord coming out the back of this thing! Let’s see where it leads……more cords! And they’re, plugged into this..thing in the wall!”
yoinks. Standard lamp and Mum’s kidney machine blink off.
“Now we’ve fixed it. It was the cords. But wait! Get a saw, and a screwdriver. There might be something going on behind the plaster!!”Posted by ooh honey honey on 2007 11 29 at 06:04 PM • permalink
“First they came for the beer drinkers, but as I was not…HEY, WAIT JUST ONE MINUTE!
Yeah, the eco-fascists want to control every aspect of your life–but you knew that already. There’s pretty much nothing left to satirize these folks about any more.
Next they’ll be telling us to just go and die and get it over with, cuz that’s the only way to completely reduce your carbon footprint…oh wait, they’re already saying that.
University of Alberta researcher Denise Young, who led the study, suggests that provincial authorities hold beer-fridge buy-backs or round-ups to eliminate the threat
I would love to see that.
I can picture the resistance movement forming already. Beer drinkers and their families smuggle illegal beer fridges from house to house. Environmentalist hit squads, dressed in second-hand suits bought from local charities, turn up in convoys of Priuses in the middle of the night.
No warning precedes their arrival.
Men are dragged away to work on tree-planting projects and papier-mache-head construction. Women scream “you bastards” as they watch their loved ones driven off to parts unknown.
The next day, beer fridges are paraded in front of the television cameras.
“This is the greatest threat to our civilization,” the police chief says on the evening news.Posted by daddy dave on 2007 11 29 at 06:18 PM • permalink
“Wolverines!!”Posted by memomachine on 2007 11 29 at 06:21 PM • permalink
Do Canadians drink warm beer?
The first case has to be cold. After that, meh, what drunk (Canuck, Seppo, or Aussie) can tell the difference?Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2007 11 29 at 06:38 PM • permalink
Frankly, this makes me want to run and buy a second hand fridge, and stick it out on the back porch, just for beer and other cold drinks. To show solidarity with our Canadian brethern, I mean. I’d have two fridges and a freezer.
Oh, wait, I don’t have a back porch. Hmmmmmm……I think I can remedy that. And increase my carbon footprint even more. A win-win scenario!Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2007 11 29 at 06:41 PM • permalink
Not only do I have a beer fridge out in the rumpus room, I have a bar fridge in the home office and one of those temperature contolled wine storage cabinets too. So including the kitchen that’s four fridges. In a three person household. How’d you like them little green apples Ms. Joanna Yarrow, hmmm. Stuff her & stuff the horse she rode in on too.
We should just laugh at these pathetic bed-wetters, but truth be told, they’re starting to piss me off. Think I’ll go buy another fridge.
In all seriousness, do these Canadian “scientists” realize just how looney* they sound? IMHO, a “frivolous luxury” really means supporting a class of people who, in another time and place, would be pimping themselves out for coins to buy beer and cheap gin.
Instead, they become “scientists”, “consultants”, and “researchers” who are afraid to work for their bread and board, and become acolytes of a new religion to support their own resource sucking lifestyles.
About all Joanna Yarrow and her ilk produce is shit and noise.Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2007 11 29 at 06:48 PM • permalink
- Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2007 11 29 at 06:49 PM • permalink
But Ms Yarrow reserved her most strident criticism for Ozzie beer drinkers:
“They have this terrible habit of using eskies. They fill these with ice, the manufacture of which creates billions of tons of greenhouse gases. The ice is wasted, as it almost always melts. Sometimes they even trip over the esky while drunk and spill the ice, or worse still chuck the ice at each other, in some sort of play.”
When journalists suggetsed that all this ice may in fact counter global warming she pleaded: “Look, polar bears are dying cause of the lack of ice and here are these antipodean dickheads just wasting it to chill beer and throw at each other”
When further pressed on the possibility of an ice lead global warming recovery, she replied: “More research is needed, we must save the planet for our children”
I’m seeing alot of “pay for your lifestyles argument’s lately….
I thought this was all supposed to be about Climate Change.Posted by Admonkeystrator on 2007 11 29 at 06:59 PM • permalink
- Here are my two favourite Canadians doing their bit to increase Canada’s per capita carbon footprint.
Here’s another pic, just because I like them so much!
Actually, in winter we use our beer fridges to keep the beer warm.Posted by Wimpy Canadian on 2007 11 29 at 07:15 PM • permalink
This should play well with the working man.
In my younger days I had a beer fridge next to my bed. Nothing like rolling over in the morning and cracking a cold one. If I’d had a toilet and a BBQ in the room I never would of left.Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 11 29 at 07:15 PM • permalink
In my earlier days, I kept the beer out on the balcony but changed this habit when I lost twelve good ones to the explosive cold.
Then I got a fridge.Posted by Wimpy Canadian on 2007 11 29 at 07:20 PM • permalink
Bob and Doug MacKenzie are gonna be ticked!Posted by MikeTheLibrarian on 2007 11 29 at 07:25 PM • permalink
I’ve got your global warming/cooling solution all worked out.
Equip your house with central heating and a massive air conditioning plant.
If it gets too warm, turn up the aircon. If it gets too cool, turn up the heating. Bonus points for using automatic controls.
Add more heaters and coolers as required.Posted by Evil Pundit on 2007 11 29 at 07:33 PM • permalink
- Posted by ooh honey honey on 2007 11 29 at 07:34 PM • permalink
“British Environmentalists need to fuck off,” regular people living normal lifestyles tell New Scientist magazine. “Clearly the implications of going back the stone ages and living in a cave without electricity are not hitting home. In future we’ll consider smacking these sanctimonious fuckwits around a bit — let’s hope it has an effect.”
Before we got the 3 grand-ferals living with us, we had two fridges, two freezers and a bar fridge for Ma and myself. We are now looking to add one more of each to go outside next to the barbecue we are putting in.
I will then invite our local MP, the Minister for Social Inclusion, around for a house warming, and see if we can drown her in the neighbours pool.
Sounds like a plan to me.
This research helps inform people — let’s hope it has an effect.
It does. It inspires me to GET a beer fridge – and I don’t even like beer.
Puritanistic idiots.Posted by Barbara Skolaut on 2007 11 29 at 07:43 PM • permalink
- Re: #32,
But they won’t be pissed if this “scientist” has her way.Yes, I’m talking to myself. It’s a dangerous sign….Posted by MikeTheLibrarian on 2007 11 29 at 07:44 PM • permalink
We’re still allowed to barbeque pandas and keep Pygmies as chimney sweeps right?Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 11 29 at 07:49 PM • permalink
Frivolous luxury??? Nay! A vital necessity!!!Posted by andycanuck on 2007 11 29 at 08:03 PM • permalink
Ater the beer fridges it’ll be the turn of the huge freezers in which Canadians keep the deer they’ve shot.Posted by David Morgan on 2007 11 29 at 08:17 PM • permalink
BTW, I have a message for Joanna Yarrow:
I don’t have a beer fridge, but I do have a lovely wood stove and lots of fire wood. Since it is snowing in southeast Washington state (and has been since last night), I lit a fire to ward off the chill, and to keep the place comfortably warm, so as to better enjoy a cold drink.
So eat me, swampie. I have better things to do than listen to your Puritanical environmentalist drivel. Like burning wood.
Lots of wood.Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2007 11 29 at 08:30 PM • permalink
This discussion just reminds me of what a pathetic excuse for a RWDB I am. 960-sq ft home, one smallish fridge, CFL lightbulbs everywhere, 40-mpg subcompact car, thermostat never over 68 degrees… and I planted twenty trees around my property.
Christ, I’ve got a carbon footprint of .00025 Algores.
Do I get a pass because it’s due to skinflintedness? Well, not the trees, but that’s because I wanted a screen to keep other people’s eyes off of my property.
#51 – Jeezus, that’s embarrassing. Please tell me your hobbies involve whales, boats and pointy metal things?Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 11 29 at 08:59 PM • permalink
- I think you should all ease up on Joanna Yarrow.
There she is, living in her rammed earth and sod hut.
Wearing clothes made only from the matted felt of her hair.
Subsisting solely upon partially digested grain gleaned from the droppings of other animals.
Warmed only with fire started by lightning.
Your frivolous greed for beer fridges is keeping you from a fulfilling existence at one with gaia.
#51, Dave S., I’m even worse. I have an overpowered motorcycle, but I don’t have a car at all and the motorcycle gets about 18km/litre (or 50mpg to you non-Antipodeans). Damn thing might as well be a Prius. My apartment has neither central heating nor airconditioning, and I have only one fridge. I do fly a lot as part of my job, but according to Toni Colette that doesn’t count towards your carbon footprint. At this rate I’m going to be drummed out the VRWC.
However, I did buy a humungous plasma screen a few months ago. Perhaps I should leave it on 24/7 playing Red Dawn on continuous loop?
Fuck all. After a week plus of busting my ass to prep for a gig, I decide to pop open a brew and catch up at “La Casa Del Blair” only to find… I don’t own a beer fridge.
That’s why I come here: For the edumacational factor. I’m buying myself a beer fridge for Christmas.
I was born in Canada. I have dual citizenship. And people wonder why I don’t travel with a Canadian passport?!
OK. So US moonbats are just as bad. Still, traveling with a US passport when I could get a Canadian one makes a statement.
A statement I’m all too happy to make when crap like this comes up.
I’m going to feel especially good driving my pickup 1,125 miles this weekend, despite the high gas prices. It’ll more than make up for the beer fridge I don’t – yet – own.
I need clarification from someone who knows about these things.
I understand that beer fridges are an existential threat to humanity but where does that leave my tofu fridge?Posted by Jack Lacton on 2007 11 29 at 09:44 PM • permalink
Canadians have beer fridges? I thought all Canadians post-Trudeau were proof that the Bible was wrong in saying “the meek shall inherit the earth”. Between Canuck contributors to this site and my Calgary mate Michael here at work, I think hey, maybe there’s hope for them yet.
Any Canadian with a beer fridge qualifies as an honorary Aussie.
Gaia Savers, here is your answer.
Produced by electric car firm Tesla Motors, the Roadster is a fully electronic sports car. Tesla claims prototypes have been able to accelerate from 0-60 mph in under 4 seconds.
Unveiled in 2006, the car was expected in 2007, but delays have pushed back its debut to early 2008. But good luck finding one. They are sold out.
I think we have amassed all the evidence necessary to prove that it is these dipwit leftie enviro-mental cases who are the real “frivolous luxury” on this planet.
There is a point at which sanctimonious stupidity becomes so egregious that one can and should call it “evil” instead of merely “ignorant”.
Cheers, everyone! (He sucks on a chilly White Zinfandel de Affordåble; No beer here, but what the heck).Posted by zeppenwolf on 2007 11 29 at 10:50 PM • permalink
“The problem is that the beer fridges are mostly decades-old machines that began their second careers as beverage dispensers when Canadians upgraded to more energy-efficient models to store whatever Canadians eat besides doughnuts and poutine.”
This is a quote from the article in New Scientist.
What I want to know is, WTF is poutine?
- Global Warming: Is There Anything It Can’t Do?
[poo-TEN] The ultimate in French-Canadian junk food, poutine is a mélange of warm french fries, topped with fresh cheese curds, then smothered with gravy. The subject of the gravy is widely debated-some say it should be beef, others declare chicken gravy is the only way to go, and still others proclaim a spicy barbecue sauce is the answer. This Québécois favorite is consumed while hot with a fork.
The Inefficient Beer Fridge is such a menace that here in Ontario our illustrious government has decided we have to get David fucking Suzuki to scold us about the use of such polar-bear-drowning soul-destroying devices. Repent!
Being a cheap bastard at heart, I’m all for paying as little electricity as possible. But I think I’ll decide what is ‘possible’, and not leave it up to some bureaucrat, thank you very much.Posted by Crispytoast on 2007 11 29 at 11:07 PM • permalink
While we’re on the subject of GW, here’s a cracking article on the loss of words that are scary enough to warn us about the impending doom associated with Climate Change.
It is complete with obligatory picture of gorgeous baby polar bear.
Warning; it has descriptions of “really bad stuff!”.
I think that in the interests of fixing Goreball Wormening, all Canadians should follow Algore’s example and use the fridge in their private jet to store their beer.Posted by JorgXMcKie on 2007 11 29 at 11:38 PM • permalink
“University of Alberta researcher Denise Young, who led the study, suggests that provincial authorities hold beer-fridge buy-backs or round-ups to eliminate the threat — methods that Americans use to get guns off the streets.”
And it’ll probably be about as successful.Posted by Bruce Rheinstein on 2007 11 30 at 12:11 AM • permalink
Do I get a pass because it’s due to skinflintedness? Well, not the trees, but that’s because I wanted a screen to keep other people’s eyes off of my property.
Trees act as an excellent windbreak in the winter, reducing heating costs. In the summer, they provide shade, reducing heating costs.
So, in terms of skinflintedness, you’re golden.
Besides, most trees are excellent sniper perches (or just for Peeping Toms), if they are large enough. Further, you can carve your initials in them, and they are handy as impromptu urinals during parties.Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2007 11 30 at 12:43 AM • permalink
Headline of the day [Mark Steyn]
From Fox News:
Study: Canadian Beer Drinkers Threaten Planet
I’ve never felt prouder.
#70 – please tell me you’re joking….Posted by Barbara Skolaut on 2007 11 30 at 01:08 AM • permalink
British environmental consultant Joanna Yarrow
I have two problems with her or him, first one is British and second is a environmental consultantPosted by Old school on 2007 11 30 at 01:35 AM • permalink
Nope, at least from the definition had. I’ve been to New Orleans, LA on several occasions.
French Canadians down in that area are known as Cajuns, but I’ve never had poutine.
Being of Sicilian heritage, I have had God knows how many Muffaletta
I don’t really think that the beer fridge initiative is going to achieve too much.
We need to have special lanes set aside for hybrid cars, we would be able to overtake Canada in no time. More hybrid cars which means more environmental damage from their manufacture, with the added benefit of more co2 caused by normal cars being stuck in traffic.
”…frivolous luxury like a beer fridge…”
So when did “enviromental consultant” become code for interfering moron? I have a beer fridge. It sits out on my front deck.
Molon labe, assholes.Posted by Steve Skubinna on 2007 11 30 at 01:54 AM • permalink
#23,*LOL* Just had this vision of you and your little beer fridge, forlorn and alone in the snowy wilderness, endlessly looking of that elusive powerpoint…
Cheers!Posted by carpefraise on 2007 11 30 at 02:44 AM • permalink
- Posted by carpefraise on 2007 11 30 at 02:44 AM • permalink
That’s it – I’m trimming my nails below the quick.Posted by carpefraise on 2007 11 30 at 02:45 AM • permalink
’Don’t like the sound of “round-ups”. No, not one bit.’
I was wondering when the socialists would get around to broaching that subject (confiscation of private property).
Ultimate goal same as always, the state owns everything, we’re allowed to own only what the state permits.Posted by Dave Surls on 2007 11 30 at 02:49 AM • permalink
A rather better presentation on poutine is at Montreal Poutine. While some balk at the description, poutine is tasty and can be addictive.
CheersPosted by J.M. Heinrichs on 2007 11 30 at 03:46 AM • permalink
I read the FAQ and, for a change, they helped!
So, if the beer fridge keeps things cold, and the problem is the earth is getting warmer, then all we need to do is put the earth into the beer fridge.
My beer fridge is too full to hold the earth so I guess I have to drink some more tonight.Posted by Captain Sensible on 2007 11 30 at 08:29 AM • permalink
The secret is in the cheese curds. Cheddar cheese curds.CheersPosted by J.M. Heinrichs on 2007 11 30 at 05:17 PM • permalink
They can have my beer fridge right after they confiscate all my guns.
They sure as hell won’t get it before.