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Last updated on August 6th, 2017 at 05:56 am
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- Is that an order?Posted by Some0Seppo on 2007 04 19 at 10:12 AM • permalink
- I’m still reading about clotheslines.Posted by Urbs in Horto on 2007 04 19 at 10:19 AM • permalink
- I guess he’s on a road trip with Tom Maguire over at Just One Minute. You know the Negroes will take their dates.Posted by richard mcenroe on 2007 04 19 at 10:22 AM • permalink
- Ash, you’ll be having a boy or girl?
If it’s a boy….either “Tim” or “Jeff”. I lean towards “Jeff” myself, for some odd reason. “Jeffery”, actually, please note the spelling. So many people get it wrong, such as “Jeffrey”, I don’t know why. ;-P
If a girl….hmmmmm…..”Debra” or “Rebecca” sounds good. Or you might try “Crystal”, that’s a favorite name in my family.
Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2007 04 19 at 10:47 AM • permalink
- So two RWDBs with well-known anamosity to white-furred ursines are “on assignment” at the same time as this. Coincidence? I guess we’ll find out soon. I hope Knut has a concealed carry permit.Posted by andycanuck on 2007 04 19 at 10:48 AM • permalink
- #11, JeffS, we’re having a girl. If she’s anything like her father, she’ll be adorable.
And because I know it’s of concern, because Jesse is in the army and so many people have asked over the past two days or so, the guns will be in the garage, and the ammo in the garden shed, so no chance for unfortunate incidents there.
- s/b ‘animosity’. I shouldn’t post before fully awakening.Posted by andycanuck on 2007 04 19 at 10:50 AM • permalink
- By the way, the Real JeffS, Jesse is part-US and insists that we take into account all possible bloodlines. Which is fucking hilarious, considering there’s US, Canadian (sob), Greek, and Italian.
Though I’m not sure we have to worry about what Jesse’s father or my parents think, considering the [sarcasm] sweet, kind, caring [/sarcasm] names they called us.
- It’s got to be Sheila or Doris doesn’t it.Posted by alien kiwi on 2007 04 19 at 10:58 AM • permalink
- Ah, a girl, Ash! Great! I see Texas Bob offered up a few names, so I’ll just leave my suggestion as is. And I won’t suggest naming a girl “Jeff”, of course! 😀
As for the guns and ammo…..an unloaded weapon is useless. Just a thought.
Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2007 04 19 at 10:59 AM • permalink
- #21, for Jesse, I am that fucking cleaning lady! And the dirt never comes off. Typical Victorian dirt!
Actually, for Jesse and two of his mates, I’m the one who does the cooking and cleaning, and everything else. I imagine that you guys won’t like his mates’ story any more than I do, because we’re all pro-army guys, right?
- Hey, cool, Ash, Greek and Italian names to choose from! I don’t know many of those, alas, so you are on your own there.
Canadian names tend to be similar to American names, I’ve found. Not that any Canuck would admit to that, naturally. ;-P
But it does make your job a tad easier.
Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2007 04 19 at 11:02 AM • permalink
- BUAWHAHAHAHAHA!!! OK, Ash, I see Jesse has a reasonable reason for his actions.
FWIW, I shot my brother in the arse as well, once. Deliberately. With a BB gun. This was a long time ago, but I still watch my backside.
Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2007 04 19 at 11:05 AM • permalink
- An Italian-Greek combo, Texas Bob? Is that like having a gyro pizza?Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2007 04 19 at 11:06 AM • permalink
- Texas Bob, you decide which set of parents to insult. If the Italian name goes first, Jesse’s par-oh wait, I see! I’m not speaking to my parents or Jess’ dad, because all of them told me what a slut I am. Jess’ dad also tells me I’m going to hell, and I was just trying to get my claws into Jesse, so that was cute.
Jess told him to fuck right out of his life, which was sweet and touching. I hate to be the cause though…
- Aiee!! Al Gore must be visiting Canada; the great Global Cooling is nigh:
100 seal boats trapped by pack ice. Strangely, the BBC neglects to blame greenhouse gas emissions for conditions described as “the worst in more than 20 years.”
Nature takes care of her own.
- Tim, Bolt AND Maguire? Somewhere out there a very crowded VW Crafter is up to no good…Posted by richard mcenroe on 2007 04 19 at 11:34 AM • permalink
- “Steyn” or “Lileks” would be good names for any of the major sexes.
Remember Dame Edna, many years ago, “Yes, I have 3 children; one of each”
Posted by Jack from Montreal on 2007 04 19 at 11:41 AM • permalink
- #41 Sheila, Heidi, Kim, Flora, Audrey, etc. are banned names in Canada.
Try Meaghan.
Posted by Jack from Montreal on 2007 04 19 at 11:44 AM • permalink
- Tim, Bolt AND Maguire
Couldn’t get much higherIs California dreamin’
Becomin’ a reality??BTW, who has the keys? Anyone seen Wronwright?? Was there any of that mead stuff left??
Posted by Jack from Montreal on 2007 04 19 at 11:48 AM • permalink
- I kinda like the name of that Bulgarian hussy they named the Melbourne tennis stadium after – Voda Fonarena.Posted by Jack from Montreal on 2007 04 19 at 11:55 AM • permalink
- Tiziana Ophelia?
Probably not the best choice.
Posted by Tai Chi Wawa on 2007 04 19 at 11:59 AM • permalink
- Sorry about monopolizing the ether, but I just found out it was Thursday and all day long I’ve been certain it was Friday.
Yet another of those cruel and cynical cards that life dels us.
Posted by Jack from Montreal on 2007 04 19 at 11:59 AM • permalink
- Ash – I hate to pry, but what is the question.
I hope it’s not too personal.
I’m not really too comfortable with anything other than the weather or the day of the week (jeeez, i was certain it was Friday!!)
Posted by Jack from Montreal on 2007 04 19 at 12:05 PM • permalink
- Ash – congratulations!
My daughter seems to be doing quite well named “Bingleyanna”, I’m sure yours would do terrifically as well!
Posted by Mr. Bingley on 2007 04 19 at 12:14 PM • permalink
who should win the most arguments?
The pregnant, hormonal female who threw out all of the males clothes. Hands down.
Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2007 04 19 at 12:27 PM • permalink
- #57 That’s a toughie. It’about 11:30 at night here in HCMC, so I think I really should be turning in.
(Of course, there are points for and against on both sides).
I’m not super religious, but I remember learning that Jesus said that we should not “let the sun go down on our anger”.
I’ve found tht to pretty good advice in the 38 years that i’ve lived with and loved the same lady.
Posted by Jack from Montreal on 2007 04 19 at 12:29 PM • permalink
- I’ve found that to be …
PERVIEW IS MY FIEND
Posted by Jack from Montreal on 2007 04 19 at 12:31 PM • permalink
- And, BTW, since this thread is growing so rapidly……
WHERE’S THE SUMERIAN MEAD!?!?!?!?!?!
Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2007 04 19 at 12:32 PM • permalink
- Jeffs – there is a conspiracy going on here.
Wronwright has pissed of with the keys (and possibly the mead – wouldn’t be he first time!)
With Paco gone, I think we have to turn to you to get things under control.
Bingley is in on this. I suggest you arrest him immediately and do a Jack Bauer on him to get those keys.
Posted by Jack from Montreal on 2007 04 19 at 12:50 PM • permalink
- … and the fucking Tardis…..Posted by Jack from Montreal on 2007 04 19 at 12:55 PM • permalink
- Messing with a woman who is half-Italian is reckless. If she’s half-Sicilian, it’s profoundly reckless.
If she’s full Sicilian, you should just put your hand in a blender instead.
Ash, my wife and I tried to have kids, but unfortunately it was not to be. A girl would have been Abigail Layne. Abigail, because everybody loves an Abby and they never become strippers or porn stars (but Gails inevitably do, so never use that.) Layne, because Abby Layne sounds so cute and because Layne Staley was only, like, the greatest rock vocalist ever.
- Since the Expos left, no-one called DeLino DeShields, either.
(when his sister produced twins, he asked her what they were called. “Well, the little girl is called Deniece”, said the happy mother.’
“What a perfect name”, says Delino. “and the little boy? I guess he’s called Denephew?”
Posted by Jack from Montreal on 2007 04 19 at 01:23 PM • permalink
- #71 “Abby Layne” sounds like a Rutles album.Posted by Mr. Bingley on 2007 04 19 at 02:00 PM • permalink
- And JeffS I ain’t saying nuthin’ about no mead.Posted by Mr. Bingley on 2007 04 19 at 02:01 PM • permalink
- 80
Nope. This one…
(born Sept. 10, 1787, near Versailles, Ky., U.S. — died July 26, 1863, Frankfort, Ky.) U.S. politician. A graduate of the College of William and Mary (1807), he became territorial attorney general in Illinois (1809). He also served in the U.S. Senate (1817 – 19, 1835 – 40, 1842 – 48, 1855 – 61), as U.S. attorney general (1840 – 41, 1850 – 53), and as governor of Kentucky (1848 – 50). He is best known for the Crittenden Compromise. In 1861 he chaired the Frankfort convention of leaders of border states, which asked the South to reconsider its position on secession.
No way. You couldn’t fill a small room with all of the Americans named Gordie.
I said “tend to be similar”, not “identical”.
Although arguing pendatic points with an Italian is like throwing ping pong balls at tanks. 😛
Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2007 04 19 at 02:59 PM • permalink
- I’ve called Onstar about wronwright and the TARDIS. They love a challenge.Posted by richard mcenroe on 2007 04 19 at 03:01 PM • permalink
And JeffS I ain’t saying nuthin’ about no mead.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be provided for you.
Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2007 04 19 at 03:01 PM • permalink
- Fox News Live…..School lockdown, Yuba City, CA. Phone call said “he’d make V. Tech, look mild”.
You know, we have a lot sick fucks to get rid of here. I vote for dropping these assholes in Waziristan. Of course, we could always just kill the bastards.
While I’m at it…How come all of a sudden Toe Fungus, is a dread ailment…have seen God knows how many ads.
Phewww, feel better now think I’ll go clean my weapons…KIDDING!
- My God, Jeff, you’re right. The top 10 baby names in Canada are pretty much the same lame ones as ours (except Abigail, which is decidedly un-lame, thank you):
1)Emma
Ethan/Ethen2)Emily/Emilie
Matthew3) Sarah/Sara
Joshua4) Madison/Madisyn
Jacob/Jakob5) Hannah/Hanna
Nicholas/Nickolas6) Olivia
Aidan/Aiden7) Hailey/Hayley
Ryan8) Maya/Mia
Alexander9) Kaitlyn/Katelyn
Nathan10) Abigail/Abigayle
Benjamin
- Heh! I was semi-kidding there, Dave. Thanks!Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2007 04 19 at 04:24 PM • permalink
- Hi Ash,
I named my son Dashiell. There’s never another one in the class, let alone the whole school. It shortens to Dash, which is a great nickname. Also, I beat Blanchett to it, my son is almost seventeen.
To get back to your baby, sorry for digressing. If I had had a girl, she would have been named Blaise.
It’s short, rolls well off the tongue, sounds good when you scream it, and you know no-one else at school will have the same name.
Also, you can avoid the Greek/Italian clash because it’s French!
Take care of yourself,
pog.
- Heh. Naming babies,what a chore. When I was expecting, and if I were in a bad mood, whenever I got asked what I’d call the baby I’d answer Ellen Ripley Nilknarf.
The idiot reply would be, Oh, Ellen’s a lovely name. Why Ripley?
Because it’s a bloody alien!
Don’t you get sick of trying to work out names?
Just make a list of ones you like, ones he likes, and on the day you’ll find something completely different that works perfectly.
In my case, I wasn’t sure what Magilla was going to be, and I couldn’t find a girl’s name I liked. I’d figured on Grace for a middle name, and I knew what to call her if she were born male.
By the time she was born I’d had it narrowed down to a choice between a couple of variations on the boy’s name.
Needless to say, I found out after I’d named her that her name is a good one – in irish/gaelic it means party. Hahhahha!
And I made the spelling up, so I’m one of those bloody new age parents who you think learnt to spell when stoned.
So don’t fuss on names, Ash, and don’t stress too much on the in-laws. What are the odds that when the baby comes along there will be a whole lot of forgiving going on?
Posted by Nilknarf Arbed on 2007 04 19 at 05:53 PM • permalink
- #89 Hahahahaha! You are eeeevil, Kae.
I can just see Ash standing on the front porch shrieking out “Naaah-RELLE! Get your arse home this minute!!” (Note the rising inflection on the second syllable.)
Posted by Nilknarf Arbed on 2007 04 19 at 05:55 PM • permalink
- I told my wife what names I liked. She laughed.
For a girl, our choice came down to Macy or Lucy, and it was only just before the big day that Lucy really won out. Middle name Grace. Yeah I know Macy Grace would have been wierd – I think we had a different one for Macy.
We had some fun with muck up names.
Boy “Wolfgang Boris Stanislaw” – I would tell people they were grandparents names and they took me seriously.
Girl “Petunia Apple Blossom” – I said I wanted her to be an actress.
It is funny how many people didn’t get we were joking.
Best wishes for a safe delivery and enjoy the screams – they actually make the quiet so much better.
Towards the end, I started a campaign for “Seven”, being my birthdate. And my wife really liked “Stella”, but I kept yelling it out like Elaine did, and she got angry with me 🙂
names are fun
Ignore the rellies – pick something you like, and don’t screw with the spelling.
Notice that radio name comeptitions now say people who have a name starting with “A” call up, and not “Adam” or “Anne”?
cheers
- I like Dionne and Daphne. Not sure how those fit into the Italian or Greek categories tho 🙂Posted by TattooedIntellectual on 2007 04 19 at 06:24 PM • permalink
TRJ, the correct spelling is Geoffrey. Any other spelling is a sure sign of Bogan parents which will be difficult to outlive.
Sorry, Skeeter, but that particular spelling went out with tyre, metre, colour, etc.
Oopsie! My bad…..
Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2007 04 19 at 06:44 PM • permalink
- Ash, are you sure it’s a girl? I was sure my last was going to be a girl too, but he turned out to be Richard. Better pick a boy’s name, just in case. Those ultrasound pictures don’t show everything.
I’m assuming Donovagi is Greek, because if it were Italian it would have more double letters in it. All sorts of lovely mellifluous names would go with that, but how about Magdalena? “Magdalena Donovagi’’ sounds like the queen of a small but unruly Balkan province, and you can be there wouldn’t be any others in her class.
I wouldn’t recommend “Abby Layne’’ though unless you really, really like Latin music (a singer named Abbe Lane was married to Xavier Cugat for a while).
Posted by Sonetka’s Mom on 2007 04 19 at 06:54 PM • permalink
- Ash, one thing to keep in mind are what her initials will spell. I’ll always remember my dad’s bowling ball with his initials engraved on it: GASSPosted by Mr. Bingley on 2007 04 19 at 06:55 PM • permalink
- Posted by Tim Blair on 10 April:
Palestinian security forces are investigating the possibility that missing BBC correspondent Alan Johnston staged his own kidnapping, an Arab newspaper reported Monday.
According to London-based Arab language newspaper, Al-Hayat, Johnston staged his capture by Palestinian militants in the Gaza Strip after he received a notice from his superiors that he would be fired in the near future.
The source may not be entirely reliable.
Apparently the source may have been:
Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas claims his intelligence officials have information that BBC journalist Alan Johnston, kidnapped more than a month ago in Gaza, is still alive.(AFP report, 20 April)
- As another Jeff (S. incidentally,) I’m glad I didn’t go through life with people calling me Gee-Off.Posted by dean martin on 2007 04 19 at 07:05 PM • permalink
- Ash_, I think a visit to this website “Baby’s Named a Bad Bad Thing” is essential before you decide on a name. Some great ‘Housing Commission’ names in there.
- craigo – I loved this one:
11. Kryslyn
Talk about textbook. We’ve got a name that’s really a cross-bred hybrid of two names, the requisite -lyn, the replacement of everything possible with a K or Y. Top it off with no obvious nickname to fall back on (Krys?) and no ethnicity to balance/account for the weirdness, and we may have engineered before you the ultimate bad baby name: simulateously strange, stupid, difficult and boring.
- On the subject of kid’s names: when I first moved to Perth I lived for a couple of months in a caravan park. In the communal (male) bathroom one night, brushing my teeth, when this kid charges into one of the stalls and starts heaving his guts out. His mother’s standing at the door calling out “Are you okay, honey?” as mothers are wont to do. We exchanged greetings as I left; then, as I walked away she looked over her shoulder and yelled, “ELVIS! GET OVER HERE AND LOOK AFTER YOUR LITTLE BROTHER!”Posted by SwinishCapitalist on 2007 04 19 at 07:54 PM • permalink
- Ash – Italian/Greek? OK, how Fleur or Michelle – being French they should be equally (in)offensive.
Zoe is of Greek origin, as is Eris (and the name of the new planet – also the Goddess of Chaos)
Having a name beginning with A has advantages, as has a name beginning with Z. Lots of things are done in alphabetical order.
No matter, Hugs to all three of you, and if you don’t tell us where the baby pictures are when the time comes, we’ll be most miffed.
- 133 – I think you can rest easy, El.
(El? EL?????)
I met a couple once who’d named their firstborn Norton after Daddy’s motorcycle. I carefully avoided asking if the boy’s middle name was Commando.Posted by SwinishCapitalist on 2007 04 19 at 08:23 PM • permalink
- I read a story last year where a lady had named her son Heffalump. As in Winnie the Pooh Heffalumps and Woozles. Yep. Even shortening it to Heff, first day of class is going to suck.Posted by TattooedIntellectual on 2007 04 19 at 08:49 PM • permalink
- RE: Virginia
I was just reading Crittenden. RebeccaH posted about University nutters she had dealt with.
I haven’t heard any more about this, but it was to do with a university.
The whole story isn’t there. The young woman was murdered, he thought she was having a relationship with a lecturer. After he murdered her (she was his ex-girlfriend I think), he drove to the campus and flagged down a vehicle with the lecturer and another student in it. He assaulted the lecturer through the vehicle window.
Many years ago, before I was on the campus I am on now, a student/tutor came into the building and threatened one of the lecturers with an ice pick. He tossed the lecturer’s computer etc. out the window. Fortunately noone was injured, but several people were quite frightened. The threatened/hostage lecturer wasn’t even the one with which the student/tutor had a grievance!
I haven’t heard any more about this.
- Someone has produced a list of the top 100 blogs in Australia.
Tim Blair comes in at 11 followed closely by Ozpolitics.
The larvae rate 24, Trevor Cook 33.
Catallaxy 46, Sauer-Thompson 63 a whisker ahead of John Ray (Dissectleft) at 64, an interesting justaposition.
Road to surfdom 70, anonymous lefty 86.
Just the ones that come to notice at a quick scan. Surprised not to see Troppo and John Quiggin.
- Dear Ash,
These names will ensure you never have to pay school or college fees and your daughter will always be gainfully employed.
Good luck!
Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 04 19 at 09:25 PM • permalink
- If you do wish for your daughter to become an exotic performance artist, this guide will be very helpful.Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 04 19 at 09:29 PM • permalink
- Two names I always wanted to name my sons:
Rocco
Bruno
Bad ass names.
Posted by wronwright on 2007 04 19 at 09:29 PM • permalink
- Will this finally bring to an end Alec Balwin’s leadership of F.A.G?
US actor Alec Baldwin has apologised for a epithet-filled tirade he unleashed by phone on his 11-year-old daughter after she failed to answer a call from him.
After [daughter] Ireland failed to answer her father’s scheduled morning phone call from New York Baldwin went berserk on her voice mail.
Hear the call on TMZ.
An enraged Baldwin unleashed a tirade of threats and insults on his daughter, calling her a “thoughtless little pig,” and calling her mother actress Kim Basinger a “pain in the ass”.
“Once again, I have made an ass of myself trying to get to a phone”, he said.
“You have insulted me for the last time.”
Baldwin then took a shot at his ex-wife, declaring, “I don’t give a damn that you’re 12 years old or 11 years old, or a child, or that your mother is a thoughtless pain in the ass who doesn’t care about what you do”.
He then threatens to “straighten your ass out”.
“This crap you pull on me with this goddamn phone situation that you would never dream of doing to your mother,” screamed Baldwin, “and you do it to me constantly over and over again.”
Just as well he’s a liberal and didn’t say “nappy-headed” or it would have been curtains for his career.
- kae
I haven’t heard any more about this.
Probably for the same reasons RebeccaH mentioned…can’t damage attendance or monies from alums.
Also as far as the U.S. ‘privacy laws’ OR a complete uncaring attitude (which I hope will come out) let this Korean, continue to walk the streets court rules Cho a danger, 2005, which assisted this sick bastard in purchasing weapons to kill 32 innocents.
- #157 – I suspect you have a broken chair or are compassionate head-tilting. Stop it at once, hippie.Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 04 19 at 09:58 PM • permalink
- Kae and El Cid, I’ve been commiserating with other people who’ve had similar experiences at universities. Everyone had a tale. There are probably too many reasons to list why universities draw unstable people more than other organizations, one of them probably being their abnormally large and diverse populations.
As for Alphie posting at Crittenden’s: Until he says something so mean and stupid that even Crittenden can’t stand it anymore and bans him, I’m afraid we’re stuck. The best thing to do is ignore him, but I know how devilishly hard that is.
- #9, Ash, hi nice to meet you and congratulations!
I like that suggestion of names to yell out if the kid gets into trouble, so what about Hepzibah Mercedes Andalusia?
Or, for the trouble-free child: Joy, Esther,
Yona (Hebrew for dove).Good luck!
Posted by carpefraise on 2007 04 19 at 11:15 PM • permalink
- # Ash, you have claws?
Hmm, this changes everything!
Name the kid Wolfmother Vixenopoulos.
That’ll fix ‘em!
Posted by carpefraise on 2007 04 19 at 11:19 PM • permalink
- Never let it be said that “Tim Blair is not a shameless capitalist pig”. First we have the PETA ads, now we have climate change ads, paid for by the Rockefeller’s.
Kudos to you, Blair.
Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 04 19 at 11:23 PM • permalink
- PIMF “their daughter” not “the daughter”.
On the topic of baby names, I recommend
this essay by economist Steven D. Levitt.
- ash – can i be serious for a minny & make a plea for a non-bogan, correctly spelled name? what seems trendy and adventurous now will brand your child as the offspring of prententious losers. i know an unfortunate 35 year old called bobbie-rainbow & another poor soul named sherilee-an. neither of them use these godawful names, but they both suffered enormously as little tackers. their parents deserve a good slapping. as does TRJ for suggesting crystal – far too close to the popular 80s boganese krystle &, as noted above, also popular for strippers & porn queens. also go look up the meaning of the names you like. something really nice may have an embarassing meaning. that said,
madisan raeleene has a ring dontcha think?
- Ash,
Have a couple of names ready, but don’t decide until after she’s born.
Tassie and I were going around in circles trying to come up with names that we could both live with (and we didn’t know her gender at that time). We went through an Alicia stage, but dropped that after a while. When our beautiful girl was delivered, Tassie’s sister said that she looked like an Alicia (not knowing that we had considered that name before). So Alicia Jane it is.
And don’t worry about initials and nicknames. You’ll go mad trying all the combinations. People will give out nicknames (appropriate or not) regardless of the name or initials of your child. Alicia’s grandmother calls her AJ. I call her Fartybum.
- Personally, I think your spritual guide or astrological chart are the best way to select baby names. Failing that, the perfume counter at your local emporium will have many worthy contributiuons…
“Cut that out, Chanel No.5”
Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 04 19 at 11:40 PM • permalink
- Ash_
Fartybum, that’s a great name for a little girl.Well, a family friend nicknamed my brother and I. Brother’s name is Terry, he got Terry-lene. I got Acetylene. We both have red hair and my name ends in ‘ene’.
Go figure….My uncle used to call me creeper.
Ha. HIS nickname in the family was Scrooge.I have another uncle nicknamed “Who?”. He used to only ever turn up to hatchings, matchings, despatchings and Nanna’s special days – mother’s day, birthday, christmas. When anyone would mention his real name the rest of the family would chorus “Who?”, and it stuck.
I’ve also had all sorts of names given to redheads.
- I’ve got some comments on the Virginia Tech tragedy at my blog, which somehow didn’t make the Top 100 from #144! The fact it’s less than three months old shouldn’t count.Posted by Jack Lacton on 2007 04 19 at 11:45 PM • permalink
- Infidel, here you are, a perfume joke…
WARNING: Tacky humour.Two Aussie sheilas walk into a David Jones store, walk up to the perfume counter and pick up a sample bottle. Shazza sprays it
on her wrist and smells it:“That’s quite noice, innit, don’t ya fink, Cheryl?”
“Yeah, what’s it called?”
“Viens a moi.”
“VIENS A MOI, what the fark does that mean?”
At this stage the assistant offers some help. “Viens a moi, ladies, is French for “come to me”.
Shazza takes another sniff and offers her arm to Cheryl, saying, “That doesn’t smell like come to me. Does that smell like
come to you, Cheryl?”I told you it was tacky.
- O/t a cheery piece on the triumph of conservatism in Australia. Too optimistic? You decide.
PS noice joke kae
- #190
Trouble is, damaging economic policies can be reversed overnight. Damaging social policies these clowns are so fond of take generations (if ever) to be corrected.
Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 04 20 at 12:08 AM • permalink
- The guys from VW just called. Andrea, tell Tim and Bolt if they bring back the Crafter undamaged they won’t press charges…Posted by richard mcenroe on 2007 04 20 at 12:14 AM • permalink
- Anyone else got a good joke fer us?Posted by Margos Maid on 2007 04 20 at 12:15 AM • permalink
- The last comment at this oz truther site has stood for a few days now – a good example of the fine art of atroposification.Posted by Margos Maid on 2007 04 20 at 12:19 AM • permalink
- 40 THINGS YOU’D LOVE TO SAY AT WORK!
1.I can see your point, but I still think you’re full of shit.
2.I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
5. I’m really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
6. I’ll try being nicer if you’ll try being smarter.
7. I’m out of my mind but feel free to leave a message.
8. I don’t work here. I’m a consultant.
9. It sounds like English, but I can’t understand a word you’re saying.
10. Ahhh. . .1 see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.
11. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
13. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don’t give a damn.
14. I’m already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
16. Thank you. We’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
17. The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re an artist.
18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
19. What am I, flypaper for freaks!?
20. I’m not being rude. You’re just insignificant.
21. It’s a thankless job, but I’ve got a lot of Karma to burn off.
22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
23. And your cry-baby whiny-butt opinion would be?
24. Do I look like a people person?
25. This isn’t an office, it’s Hell with fluorescent lighting.
26. I started with nothing and still have most of it left.
27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
31. I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.
32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
33. Can I trade this job for what’s behind door #1?
34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
36. Chaos, panic & disorder – my work here is done.
37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
38. I thought I wanted a career – turns out I just wanted paychecks.
39. Sure, you came up with that idea.
40. I’d love to help you, but it’s 5:00 PM.
- If you’ll permit my modesty, I’d like the followin gto be known:
When Infidel Tiger goes swimming he doesn’t get wet, the water gets Infidel Tigered.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Infidel Tiger.
Infidel Tiger counted to infinity – twice.
Infidel Tiger invented every colour. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
When Infidel Tiger does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
Infidel Tiger hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
Infidel Tiger gave Mona Lisa that smile.
Infidel Tiger can slam a revolving door.
Infidel Tiger once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.
Infidel Tiger’s calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Infidel Tiger.
Infidel Tiger can speak Braille.
Infidel Tiger’s tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.
Superman owns a pair of Infidel Tiger pyjamas.
Infidel Tiger owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.
Infidel Tiger sleeps with a night light. Not because Infidel Tiger is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Infidel Tiger.
Infidel Tiger doesn’t pop his collar, his shirts just get erections when they touch his body.
Once a cobra bit Infidel Tiger’s leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
Infidel Tiger divides by zero.
Infidel Tiger is always on top during sex because Infidel Tiger never f***s up.
When Infidel Tiger exercises, the machine gets stronger.
Infidel Tiger doesn’t use pickup lines, he simply says, “Now.”
Infidel Tiger sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled drinking ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Infidel kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn’t stay mad and admitted he
should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.Infidel Tiger can kill two stones with one bird.
Infidel Tiger once had an erection while lying face down. He struck oil.
Infidel Tiger once devoured a whole wheel-barrow full of clay to prove to a friend that the expression “*****ting bricks” wasn’t just a figure of
speech.The only time Infidel Tiger was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 04 20 at 12:24 AM • permalink
- In the beginning God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated Earth with broccoli, cauliflower, spinach and green, yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.
Then using God’s great gifts, Satan created Ice Cream, Custard and Cream doughnuts. And Satan said, “You want chocolate with that?” And they both gained 5 kilos. And Satan smiled.
And God created the healthful Yogurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 8 to size 18.
So God said, “Try my fresh green salad.” And Satan presented Thousand Island Dressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the meal.
God then said, “I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them.” And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and chicken, and fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.
God then created a light, fluffy white cake and named it “Angel Cake” and said, “It is good.” Satan then created chocolate cake and named it “Devil’s Food Cake.”
Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition. And Satan peeled the healthful skin and sliced the starchy centre into chips and deep-fried them. And Man gained more kilos.
God then brought forth running shoes so that His children might lose those extra kilos. And Satan gave cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and sat before the flickering blue light and put on more weight.
God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald’s and its double cheeseburger. Then said, “You want fries with that?” and Man replied, “Yes! And super size them.” And Satan said, “It is good.” And Man went into Cardiac Arrest.
God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.
Then Satan created the Queensland Health Department.
alphie is runnin’ loose at Critt’s. What an unmitigated stupid bastard.
The Alphtard™ is not one to be put down easily, El Cid. That’s because he’s slimy.
Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2007 04 20 at 12:38 AM • permalink
- #203 – I agree. But it’s pretty hard to find a chook’s bum that’s big enough.Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 04 20 at 12:41 AM • permalink
Just as well he’s a liberal and didn’t say “nappy-headed” or it would have been curtains for his career.
True enough, C.L., but as far as I’m concerned,
this was the zenith of his career.And that ain’t saying much.
Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2007 04 20 at 12:41 AM • permalink
Madison? What idiot parents would call the daughter Madison?
I know of at least one myself. The child in question calls herself “Maddie” for obvious reasons.
Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2007 04 20 at 12:44 AM • permalink
- #198 Contrast to:
JonathanH once visited the Virgin islands. They are now a leper colony.
JonathanH employs a guide dog to speak for him. Consequently his conversation is somewhat limited.
JonathanH is always on top when he urinates. He has tried it the other way. It doesn’t work.
JonathanH’s calendar goes straight from April Fools Day to Friday Thirteenth
JonathanH sold his soul to the Devil, in exchange for rugged good looks and a legendary drinking ability. He failed in a subsequent action under the Trade Practices Act.
JonathanH once had an erection.
- #197
– Explain to me one more time how this became my problem.Posted by SwinishCapitalist on 2007 04 20 at 02:11 AM • permalink
- A man appeared before St. Peter at the pearly gates. “Have you ever done anything of particular merit?” St. Peter asked.
“Well, I can think of one thing,” the man offered. “Once, on a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of gnarly bikers who were threatening a young woman. I told them to leave her alone, but they wouldn’t listen. So, I approached the largest and most heavily-tattooed biker and smacked him on the head, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring and threw it on the ground. I yelled, “Now, back off, biker scum, or you’ll answer to me!”
St. Peter was impressed. “When did this happen?”
“Oh, a couple minutes ago.”
- I hate getting tagged by italics.Posted by mythusmage on 2007 04 20 at 02:43 AM • permalink
- #142 I’m glad I’m a truck driver, safely out on the road. College campi are positively dangerous!Posted by dean martin on 2007 04 20 at 03:08 AM • permalink
- I went to school with Ophelia Dick. Mr and Mrs Dick weren’t the sharpest knives in the drawerPosted by Whale Spinor on 2007 04 20 at 03:13 AM • permalink
- #170 I thought I saw a geoff here, and was hoping I didn’t insult anyone.Posted by dean martin on 2007 04 20 at 03:24 AM • permalink
- Margos, I forgot you know how I like arty things well, one of my bloody boring masters degree is photography. yikes.p.s. blair people, I have worked on News Ltd, the Telegraph, SMH imagery, and other dumb dumb thingy magiggies…… I’ve even received dumb dumb awards.
I’m never going to drink washing up liquid ever again, or I’ll dip it in a Tim tam.
- Two guys are walking towards each other down St Catherine St in Montreal.
First guy stops and looks startledly at the second:
“Didn’t I meet you in Toronto?”, he says.
Second guy responds sharply: “No, I’ve never been to Toronto.”
“Oh”, replies first guy, “neither have I …. must have been two other people!”
Posted by Jack from Montreal on 2007 04 20 at 04:14 AM • permalink
- #226 1.618
I’m never going to drink washing up liquid ever again, or I’ll dip it in a Tim tam.
Try this instead: Soap delivers caffeine jolt.
- #214 – Truth be known, JonathanH, if I fell in a barrel of nipples, I’d come out sucking my thumb.Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 04 20 at 04:58 AM • permalink
- #223 – kae, come Monday I will be delivering the best workplace line of them all:
“FUCK YOU, I QUIT.”Posted by SwinishCapitalist on 2007 04 20 at 04:58 AM • permalink
- Could call the kid Spartacus. Gets a bit confusing at roll call though.Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 04 20 at 04:59 AM • permalink
- Christopher Hitchens thinks even France is turning right.Posted by dean martin on 2007 04 20 at 05:00 AM • permalink
