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Last updated on March 6th, 2018 at 12:30 am
It’s a well-known scientific fact that any cause or individual championed by Chris Sheil will be doomed by his support. Wesley Clark, John Kerry, Mark Latham, Craig Knowles, Howard Dean, Kevin Rudd … all of them have been taken down by the Chris of Death, who lately turned his deadly praise-laser on Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards:
Keith and Ronnie were probably in the best form I’ve ever caught them, ripping at will and weaving all over the place.
I know; it’s sad. Anyway, shortly thereafter Richards – who, despite his remarkable appetites, rarely requires medical attention – fell out of a palm tree and was hospitalised. Strike one to Chris! This wasn’t enough for the Elizabeth Bay Doombringer, however, who maliciously sent another post Richards’ way:
He’s been released, and a spokesman for the band said he’s fine.
The curse only took a few days to kick in:
Rolling Stones star Keith Richards is to undergo brain surgery … Surgeons plan to drill a hole in the skull of the guitarist and drain blood from his brain.
That’s strike two. Any further Panty Sheil updates and it’s curtains for Keith.
UPDATE. Somehow, long-term Sheil love target Bob Dylan—Sheil calls him “Bob”; evidently they’re close friends—is doing fine. Must’ve signed some sort of pact. Lucinda Williams, however, wasn’t immune. The dude has got no mercy!
UPDATE II. Richard McEnroe: “Is there any chance we can get Chris to embrace Islam?”
UPDATE III. RebeccaH: “How about a sweet ol’ hug and a smooch for Mother Sheehan? She’s been way too comfortable in that ditch. Time for a gully-washer.”
- The real test is in the Super 14. If the NSW Waratahs can win despite Chris’ support, they’ll have to go down as one of the all time great teams.Posted by Scott W on 2006 05 04 at 01:52 AM • permalink
- Hammock.Posted by Pig Head Sucker on 2006 05 04 at 01:53 AM • permalink
- Don’t you know it’s all an insidious plot ot take out a leading RWDB?
- Is there a word for a paranormal ability to get all your predictions wrong?Posted by Margos Maid on 2006 05 04 at 01:58 AM • permalink
- #1
Let me guess, Chris Sheil has been supporting the Queensland Reds hasn’t he?Dammit Chris stop it!
— Nora
Posted by The Thin Man Returns on 2006 05 04 at 01:58 AM • permalink
- #6 my guess would be chiaroscurantPosted by MentalFloss on 2006 05 04 at 02:19 AM • permalink
- as in opposite of clairvoyant, sorry.
KR is one of my heroes. He is a actually quite a profound thinker, with a brevity of expression that is the very soul of wit.
Posted by MentalFloss on 2006 05 04 at 02:23 AM • permalink
- ’Panty Sheil’ (snigger). Hey, I think I first said that.
I saw the Stones in Hong Kong a few years ago, they were embarassing, a bit like your elderly parents putting on a concert.
Surely an ageing leftist like Sheila would prefer a group les corporate, with more angst and uni-cred such as Midnight Oil, or in Chris’ own case, Queen.
- >Keith and Ronnie were probably in the best form I’ve ever caught them
I like the way he writes as though he’s been hanging out with them at their gigs for decades in smoky South London pubs.
>weaving all over the place.
That wouldn’t surprise me of Richards!
Posted by Blithering Bunny on 2006 05 04 at 03:32 AM • permalink
- Keith richards has a brain????
Well the guy needs to realise its never too late to start using it….
And apart from being one of the ugliest bands that ever assaulted the eyeballs of the public, i never would have guessed that decrepit bunch of fools had more than a teaspoonful of grey matter between the whole lot of them….
- Casanove, I wouldn’t judge a book by it’s cover.
You might be surprised at how sixty plus years of life experience, regular sex, a fair bit of self-administered psychotropic drug therapy, a goodly amount of free time —and plenty of money to indulge your personal quest for whatever knowledge you find of interest —will do for your outlook, sagacity and ability to express same.
Then again, you could just get an optorectomy—that’s where they disconnect the nerve from your eyes to your asshole to give you a better outlook on life.
Ron Wood’s a pretty damn good artist, too. Who’d a thunk it? He’s a serious alcoholic and by your criteria, uglier than a hatful of assholes.
Posted by MentalFloss on 2006 05 04 at 04:44 AM • permalink
- Oh i see, and after said operation, what garry glitter would no longer look like a washed up, child molesting shit, but would in fact be ranked right up there with the Dalai Lama would he????
I’ve never liked the “Stones” music anyway, but even if i had, i can still judge a rancid collection of swearing, drug taking, degenerate wankers at any age… and i don’t care of what ilk, philosophical outlook, or financial strata they are from…
their behaviour is what really does it for me, the fact they are dead ugly to boot is just the final straw…
- Casanova, the Stones may well be one of the ugliest rock bands ever, but they are still without doubt one of the greatest. Brainless fools? Who said you have to be a rocket scientist to be a rock legend?
It’s unbelievable that Keef has survived just about every illicit substance and intoxicant known to man, but has had a near death experience due to the affections and affectations of a pissant moonbat academic. For the greater good of civilisation, Chris Sheil should stay the fuck away from rock and roll bands. Jimmy Page should be feeling quite nervous at the moment…
- The Stones never did much for me, though I like some of their early stuff.
#11:
I’ll give Chris $500 if he’ll rave about Nickleback.
Ha hahahahaha!
Posted by Andrea Harris, Administrator on 2006 05 04 at 06:11 AM • permalink
“Keith and Ronnie……., ripping at will”
Shouldn’t that be reaping at will? I’ve long suspected Richards of being dead.Posted by joe bagadonuts on 2006 05 04 at 08:09 AM • permalink
Strike one to Chris!
{snip}
That’s strike two.
OK, Tim, are you using a baseball analogy here, or does cricket have strikes as well?!??!!?
Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2006 05 04 at 09:20 AM • permalink
- If the Stones Cretan Chris saw played anything like they played at halftime of the Super Bowl, Sheil is deaf as well as dumb.Posted by Some0Seppo on 2006 05 04 at 09:24 AM • permalink
I’ve long suspected Richards of being dead.
CARRY ONE SCYTHE IN ONE TERRY PRATCHETT NOVEL AND YOU’RE TYPECAST FOREVER. IS THAT FAIR, I ASK YOU?
Is there any chance we can get Chris to embrace Islam?
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 05 04 at 10:29 AM • permalink
- #11 Good call, dave s. My additional nomination is James Blunt.Posted by Margos Maid on 2006 05 04 at 08:29 PM • permalink
- #31 – I think someone once said that in fact Keef has been deceased for years, but he just hasn’t realised it.
I’ll bet ‘being out of your tree’ has taken on a whole new meaning for him. You’ve gotta wonder just what exactly was in those coconuts to compel those two to climb the palm trees in the first place.
- 10 Nic
Surely an ageing leftist like Sheila would prefer a group les corporate, with more angst and uni-cred such as Midnight Oil, or in Chris’ own case, Queen.
Oh crap oh crap oh crap! Did Shiel write any favorable music reviews of Queen in the late 1980s or early 1990s? If so, did he fawn especially much over Freddy?
Posted by Stoop Davy Dave on 2006 05 05 at 04:50 PM • permalink
- #30 Kae – I’ll go with sheilvoyant.
If we use it enough we might even get it in the dictionary.
Posted by Margos Maid on 2006 05 06 at 05:22 AM • permalink
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