Michael Totten has decreed that I am now among those who are it. So I have to answer these questions:
You’re stuck inside Fahrenheit 451, which book do you want to be?
Michael Moore’s Stupid White Men, because then I’d deserve to burn.
Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character?
Yes. It led to fictional stalking, a pretend restraining order, and eventually a make-believe jail term.
The last book you bought is:
In French. Trust me, no matter what discounts they offer, never order from amazon.fr. The last book in English: something by Joe Queenan. I forget the title.
The last book you read:
Rogues, Villains, & Eccentrics: an A-Z of Roguish Britons Through the Ages, by William Donaldson. Sample entry:
Carlton, Sydney (1949- ), painter and decorator. Those who argue that bestiality should be treated with understanding had a setback in 1998 when Carlton, a married man from Bradford, was sentenced to a year in prison for having intercourse with a Staffordshire bull terrier, named Badger. He defence was that Badger had made the first move. “I can’t help it if the dog took a liking to me,” he told the court. This was not accepted.
What are you currently reading?
Nothing. Starting next week: Paul Ham’s Kokoda.
Five books you would take to a deserted island.
Five copies of The Inflatable Crown Balloon Hat Kit, by Addi Somekh. Each copy contains thirty durable balloons, so I could make a boat and go somewhere that has magazines. I prefer magazines.
Who are you going to pass this stick to (3 persons) and why?
Iowahawk, because at least four books he mentions will contain the words “cammer”, “flopper”, and “Toploader”;
Professor Bunyip, because he’s Australia’s finest academic;
And Shelly on the Telly, because she’s a brand-new blogger who deserves to be put under pressure before a hostile audience of thousands. Also, Shelly is a TV reviewer/performer—from Queensland—so I don’t think she has actually read any books. Her bluffing will be sensational.