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Last updated on August 6th, 2017 at 01:39 pm
Cover caption at the childhood version of Time magazine:
A polar bear tries to hold its ground on the melting sea ice in Svalbard, Norway.
Take a look. It’s just a big fat bear looking for a seal or something.
- How cuddly!
[baby talk voice:] He’s jus’ a big ol’ doggie, yes he is, isn’t he a good little doggie? Yes he is…Posted by Shaky Barnes on 2007 03 01 at 09:24 AM • permalink
- Trying to hold its ground?
Sorry kids. Time and tide wait for no man or bear. Time and tide melts the snow and a polar bear can only eat an elephant one bite at a time. A desperate time calls for a desperate measure and that bear sure lives in an interesting time or it would if it could find the time to smell the roses. Or find the roses.
And if any of that made any sense it’s time to stop reading that silly magazine. Remember just this. That big white critter has only two thoughts in its head. Whether that flying thing with props is going to eat him. Or whether he can eat it.
- Can’t you see its tears??Posted by Jim Treacher on 2007 03 01 at 10:35 AM • permalink
- All that bear needs is a hug.Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2007 03 01 at 10:44 AM • permalink
- #6- Lay off- they’re a hoot, as long as you can get them on the piss
- Whether that flying thing with props is going to eat him. Or whether he can eat it.
My money’s on the polar bear.Posted by alexthechick on 2007 03 01 at 11:09 AM • permalink
- I am deeply puzzled by your implication that there’s a non-childhood version of Time Magazine.Posted by Paul Zrimsek on 2007 03 01 at 12:01 PM • permalink
- The polar bear has more brains than the stupid Time editor. If you were waiting for dinner would you stand by the open water where dinner is or would you stand back on the frozen ice? How far back does that frozen ice go anyway.
Couldn’t this be called an example of animal “objectivism”? Just asking.
- I couldn’t bear to read another word about drowning polar bears. Did the story mention at all that these climate challenged animals have increased their numbers by some 25,000 despite (because of?) all the goreball worming?
Smart kid, that Grave Disappointment 3. Doesn’t seem to be living up to her name.Posted by Kyda Sylvester on 2007 03 01 at 02:53 PM • permalink
Polar bear: I smell food. Not seal. Maybe human. If I just stand here nice and quiet, maybe it’ll come closer.
Further polar bear:
Come on. Come closer. You can trust me!Posted by Patrick Chester on 2007 03 01 at 03:00 PM • permalink
I am deeply puzzled by your implication that there’s a non-childhood version of Time Magazine.
Well, I did wonder why Time would bother with the extra label myself……surely they could save some printing costs without it.Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2007 03 01 at 03:47 PM • permalink
- #19 In Canada’s Western Hudson Bay, the polar bear population dropped 22% from 1987 to 2004.…
The World Conservation Union warns that polar bear populations could fall by 30% over the next 45 years.…
I’ll pass along your praise for GD3. I’m afraid though, that all the attention is going to her head. She’s begun planning her Oscar acceptance speech and designing her 20 room, 8 bathroom mansion.
- “Say, Bob, did you know we’re endangered?”
“Yeah, says right here in this human “magazine” thingy. Take a look.”
“Holy crap, Sam! That’s me!”
“Whoa! I didn’t recognize you. We all need to wear different-colored ties or something. So what’s this “hold its ground” business?”
“Dunno. I was just chillin’. Snort!”
“You keep saying that like it’ll be funny someday, Bob.”
- I don’t get it.
The bears are in Norway, right? So what does it matter if the ice does melt? No one is expecting them to man the fishing fleet and go hunt Minke. Why can’t they just move inland a bit and live off the elk and deer and the occasional passing guest worker?
And if the worst comes to the worst all they have to do is get a backpack each and spend the summer hanging around the fruit juice shops and vegan restaurants at Byron Bay.
- Is that a postmodern polar bear or a modernist one. Had to tell without turning them upside down and looking.
Sea water is a vital part of polar bear existence. They cannot depend on a diet of 60 Minutes reporters, so they eat seals. Seals eat fish. Fish live in the water, not in the freezer like at the supermarket. If the Arctic froze solid, the seals would either starve or drown and the polar bears would then starve. So polar bears, being smarter than the average environmentalist, hang about where ice meets sea water waiting for dinner to surface.
- Teaparty @ 22
Good catch re the population drop. Unfortunately, the Western Hudson Bay was the only region to record a substantial drop; the other 18 or so areas remained steady or increased. The experts have confidence in the bears’ survival.
CheersPosted by J.M. Heinrichs on 2007 03 01 at 08:05 PM • permalink
- #27 – I should have been more clear in #22 that the quotes were a response to this question from #19:
Did the story mention at all that these climate challenged animals have increased their numbers by some 25,000 despite (because of?) all the goreball worming?
Just the thought that #22 might have been interpreted as a defense of the article, or whoring of polar bears for political gain, makes me want to cover myself in seal meat and act out #2.
- An Eskimo’s Harley goes on the fritz. He takes it to a mechanic, who, after examining the vehicle, says, “I think you’ve blown a seal.”
To which the Eskimo replies, “No, that’s just a little ice on my mustache.”Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 03 01 at 10:43 PM • permalink
- sniffle whine sniffle “Look Mommy, dat wittle polar bear is going to fall into the water and drown because it’s too warm! It’s my fault, all my fault!”Posted by dean martin on 2007 03 02 at 01:09 AM • permalink
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Here’s a hint, poley, you’ve got more chance of discovering an unlimited power source from the Aurora Borealis.