Art helpfully explained

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Last updated on July 27th, 2017 at 01:10 pm

Which are closest to the actual captions supplied by ABC arts writer Emma Rogers to the images below? Test your captioning skillz:
a) Peter Adams eases out from underneath A Star Bangled Spanner after installing it on a cliff near Bondi Beach. Adams says his artwork represents the United States’ meddling in world affairs, causing unrest to continue, like a ‘spanner in the works’. Do Americans use that expression?

b) Phillip Adams is jammed beneath A Spannered Bangle Star after mistaking the artwork for a cake. Adams says the artwork clearly resembles a large, particularly delicious cake, such as he has delivered to his house whenever ‘I want cake’. Do Americans use that expression?

c) Grizzly Adams is trapped by a wheel-changing tool after attempting to replace a flat tyre on his enormous SUV. Soon bear cubs will eat him. Karma, imperialist bear-molesting dude! Do Americans use that expression?
a) A jogger does push ups on a rock in front of Refuge, by New Zealand-born Denise Hume, which, the photo notes tell me, is a response to the refugee situation in Australia.

b) A logger does push ups on a rock in front of an old-growth forest he’s just harvested, which, the photo notes tell me, is an arrogant denial of the greenhouse crisis in Australia.

c) A virgin attempts to prove he is sexually experienced lest primitive Sydney villagers burn him in a wicker man, under construction in the background.
a) Swiss-born artist Verena Truninger finalises her work, Messengers, which conveys her reverence to the mystery of spirit and nature.

b) Swiss-born artist Trerena Vuringer finalises her work, Couriers, which conveys her mystery at the reverence of spirit and nature.

c) Sydney-born artist Torana Verandah finalises her work, Staffers, which conveys her mysterious reverence of the ABC.

Posted by Tim B. on 11/02/2005 at 10:05 AM
    1. Star Bangled Spanner… you know that joke was funnier when Arthur C. Clarke did it… almost 60 years ago.

      Posted by richard mcenroe on 2005 11 02 at 11:33 AM • permalink


    1. a) in every case.

      My own captions:

      1.  Would-be terrorist discovers the consequence of messing with America.

      2.  After a hard day of pencil-sharpening, exhausted man decides to nap.

      3.  Woman artist hopes she made enough masks for Mardi Gras, and reflects that perhaps she should have colored some of them.

      Posted by RebeccaH on 2005 11 02 at 11:36 AM • permalink


    1. And Americans do not use “spanner” for “wrench”.  Just FYI.

      Posted by RebeccaH on 2005 11 02 at 11:38 AM • permalink


    1. Right. An American doesn’t “bung a spanner in the works”; he “throws a wrench in the machine”.

      Posted by paco on 2005 11 02 at 11:42 AM • permalink


    1. Tim,

      you should be in bed.

      Your Mom

      Posted by jlc on 2005 11 02 at 11:43 AM • permalink


    1. And it’s usually a muscular monkey-wrench, that jams-up the machine.  A spanner is something that spans…bridges?  A dog?  A cocker-spanner?

      Posted by -keith in mtn. view on 2005 11 02 at 12:08 PM • permalink


    1. Ummm… all of the above?

      Posted by Latino on 2005 11 02 at 12:24 PM • permalink


    1. Picture 1:
      For Islamonuts.
      Picture 2:
      After sharpening the Jolly Green Giant’s pencils, Andrew West drops for a hundred.
      Picture 3:
      Verena Truninger assembles Late Night Live regulars

      Posted by Inurbanus on 2005 11 02 at 12:31 PM • permalink


    1. 3s Title should be “Up your Janus”

      Posted by Rob Read on 2005 11 02 at 02:10 PM • permalink


    1. 1) Patriotic Limbo Dusty busts a move to the Yankee Doodle Dandy, delighting all in attendance at the annual Daughters of the American Revolution Convention held here in Poughkeepsie.
      2)After witnessing a thousand pointy sticks fall from the heavens, crushing his “partner”, Chip Hungwel falls prostrate praying to God to forgive his deviant behavior.
      3) Street vendor, Conchita Gutierrez displays her selection of genuine replica Pancho Villa death-masks during last weeks “What in the Hell am I Doing in Chihuahua” Festival.

      Posted by Texas Bob on 2005 11 02 at 02:31 PM • permalink


    1. 1. Peter Adams does limbo on Titanic just before the unpleasantries.
      2. Mutant asparagus sneak up on Islamofascist looking for latest “volunteer.”
      3. Verena Truninger realizes makeup smudged, seeks new look.

      Posted by Gary from Jersey on 2005 11 02 at 02:44 PM • permalink


    1. Picture 1 A Star Bangled Spanner

      ABC Media Watch installation ‘Bolt turned by Bush’

      Posted by Softly on 2005 11 02 at 02:53 PM • permalink


    1. #1 Craftsman Tools: when we say warrantee for life… we mean it.

      #2 Morning wood and push-up’s go togther like spam’n eggs.

      #3 We can all make fun of bad art, but this gal has some talent.

      Posted by 13times on 2005 11 02 at 03:51 PM • permalink


    1. 1.  wrench, no nuts (or man under car with tool in hand not necessarily mechanic)

      2. nut, no wench (or no point in having lead in your pencil if there is no one to write to)

      3. Paris, plastered

      Posted by rog on 2005 11 02 at 03:55 PM • permalink


    1. Richard wrote:

      Star Bangled Spanner… you know that joke was funnier when Arthur C. Clarke did it… almost 60 years ago.

      Star-mangled spanner, IIRC. Yeah, one of those really short stories he wrote. Do not go near neutron stars. It’s a Bad Thing. 😉

      Posted by Patrick Chester on 2005 11 02 at 04:22 PM • permalink


    1. If she just wanted to show her ‘reverence’, why not take the easier route and just go somewhere and pray?
      And why should her piety appeal to us?

      Posted by Barrie on 2005 11 02 at 05:29 PM • permalink


    1. #1 The US comes to the aid of the world again with its can-do, fix-it attitude and a big spanner.

      #2 The world’s largest ecologically-sustainable bed of nails

      #3 A grim reminder of Pol Pot’s mountain of skulls. This artist has put faces on the ‘skulls’ to remind the world that real people died under the brutal communist dictator.

      Posted by The Thin Man Returns on 2005 11 02 at 06:24 PM • permalink


    1. #1- Symbolising the stifling of dissent, a giant fascist Amerikkkan wrench crushes the nuts of a harmless peace artivist.

      #2- Artist Tarquin Flambe’ desperately tries to prove that he has lead in his pencil. His partner, known only as “Wig”, derided this display, stating that Tarquin couldn’t blow out a candle.

      #3- An ABC propsmaster puts the finishing touches to this week’s animatronic audience for “The Glass House”/“Vulture”/“Spics and Specs” etc. Coupled with an endless loop tape of nitrous oxide addicts, this ploy convinces Corporation directors that this shit actually pulls an audience and is not self-indulgent bollocks feeding the already over-inflated egos of unfunny hacks who haven’t had an original idea since they first kakked their Kimbies.

      Posted by Habib on 2005 11 02 at 10:10 PM • permalink


    1. Habib, you funny bugger.

      To me the spanner is a positive metaphorical tool thingy. It connotes fixing things and stuff. America, f**k yeah, coming again to be the handyman of the world yeah.

      Cripes, Sydney is full of arty crap. None of that down here in Melbourne.

      Posted by Major Anya on 2005 11 02 at 10:51 PM • permalink


    1. Haven’t been to Federation Square then Darlene- it’s uglier than the underpants Saddam was photographed in. And what about the huge, pointless Soviet-modernist geegaws that regularly pollute the view of the Tullamarine Expressway? Every time I go to Melbourne, it reminds me of Bulgaria.

      Posted by Habib on 2005 11 03 at 12:02 AM • permalink


    1. The best thing to come out of Melbourne was me.

      Would a display of impromptu artistic arson be appropriate for scene number 2?

      Posted by CB on 2005 11 03 at 12:49 AM • permalink


    1. #3 Margo makes masks for all the men who said they wouldn’t touch her without one.

      Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2005 11 03 at 12:50 AM • permalink


    1. 1. Tripping gay partyboy in boiler suit attempts to give headjob to spanner in the mistaken belief he is in an Oxford Street backroom.

      2. Hillsong penitent, Bob Brown, prays before Old Growth icon.

      3. Kim Beasley calls on the ghosts of Labour’s 36 faceless men to help improve his ratings.

      Posted by mr magoo on 2005 11 03 at 01:37 AM • permalink


    1. #3- Judges in the Sculpture by the Sea exhibition prove the widely held view of viewers that “you’d have to be off your face to like any of this dross”.

      A stunning example of the re-emergence of realism in the yartz.

      Posted by Habib on 2005 11 03 at 01:53 AM • permalink


    1. #1 The corpse of author Douglas Adams is wedged beneath a giant 3/4 1/2 Whitworth spanner in a stunning indictment of the stubborn refusal of the insular US to adopt the metric system.

      Posted by Habib on 2005 11 03 at 01:55 AM • permalink


    1. #2- A participant in next year’s Vlad the Impaler marathon trains in anticipation for the event, a highlight of Oxford St’s multicutural extravaganza celebrating exotic cultures, this one the Slavic practice of shoving sharpened sticks up the bottoms of Ottoman Turks. A veteran of last years described the event as gruelling- “frankly, it was a pain in the arse; I wound up with a rectum like a wizard’s sleeve.”

      Posted by Habib on 2005 11 03 at 01:59 AM • permalink


    1. #1 Plumber determined not to show his crack while picking up dropped novelty spanner.

      #2 Man makes love to rock. Other pricks wait their turn.

      Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2005 11 03 at 02:05 AM • permalink


    1. #1- Struck-off medical mirth-maker Patch Adams shows the smallest tool of any kind he is allowed near following his disastrous malpractice hearing, where he was found to have left a squeeze-horn, a propellor beanie and a novelty oversize surgical slipper inside a patient. While this is far from unusual in surgical procedures (especially those performed in public hospitals by winos), the patient in question was having their ears syringed at the time.

      Posted by Habib on 2005 11 03 at 02:13 AM • permalink


    1. #2- A recruit trains in front of the site of the first of many anti-terrorist bastions being erected by the progressive Waverley Council in Sydney, Australia. The council intends to circle it’s entire area with a ring of sharpened poles to ward off terrorists, especially bogans from Mt Druitt and the US Marine Corps. A spokes-being for the local authority said this- “we only wanted to use organic materials, no multi-national steel or concrete, so we swiped some Douglas Firs that were only going to be used to promote an archaic Christian festival which has been tacked on to an authentic pagan one. We got the idea from a Burt Lancaster movie- these things did such a good job of keeping the Vikings and Fresians out of Saxon villages”.

      Posted by Habib on 2005 11 03 at 02:36 AM • permalink


    1. #3- Former Fairfax staffer and now street person Margo Kingston is seen rearranging her collection of “talk people” outside her rubbish-lined cave overlooking Tallow Beach at Byron Bay. Margo is one of the attractions of the bustling seaside resort as she weaves around town on her tyreless bicycle, loudly berating one or more of her discarded mardi-gras masks over the Howard government’s responsibility for the death of General Gordon, and that Dick Cheney is stalking her and stealing her milk money.

      Posted by Habib on 2005 11 03 at 02:43 AM • permalink


    1. #6 I know that as an “American Shifter”

      Posted by kae on 2005 11 03 at 02:47 AM • permalink


    1. Right. An American doesn’t “bung a spanner in the works”; he “throws a wrench in the machine”.

      No, Paco, an American “throws a wrench in the works.”

      A spanner? Seriously? What an odd word.

      Posted by PatrickPrescott on 2005 11 03 at 03:19 AM • permalink


    1. Gimme a stilson anyday, baby!

      #29. Habib, I love it. Although I didn’t know that US Marines were bogans. I thought they were jarheads.

      Posted by Nilknarf Arbed on 2005 11 03 at 03:35 AM • permalink


    1. A spanner? Seriously? What an odd word.

      Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2005 11 03 at 04:13 AM • permalink


    1. Jeffs

      It generally has either a six–point or twelve–point recess, may be shallow or deep, and may have a built-in universal joint.

      Description of a baby boomer?

      Posted by Inurbanus on 2005 11 03 at 04:43 AM • permalink


    1. Spanner: German, an instrument for winding the spring in a wheel lock gun, from spannen to stretch.
      Not so odd?
      The_Real_JeffS, maybe you could explain why a woman’s handbag becomes a ‘pocket book’ in American. 😉

      Posted by Barrie on 2005 11 03 at 05:13 PM • permalink


    1. maybe you could explain why a woman’s handbag becomes a ‘pocket book’ in American.

      In my experience that is largely an east coast thing.

      Posted by PatrickPrescott on 2005 11 03 at 06:30 PM • permalink


    1. Oh my goodness! Artists criticising the U.S.!
      Gasp!!! What next!
      How bold!
      How radical!
      This guy is right up there with the likes of Madonna and George Michael!

      Posted by Brian on 2005 11 03 at 10:58 PM • permalink


    1. If this “Artist” thinks Australia’s treatment of “refugees” is harsh try:
      – Singapore,
      – Italy,
      – Spain,
      – Germany, recently critisised by Amnesty,
      – The entire E.U., also criticised,
      – Morocco,
      just to name a few!

      Posted by Brian on 2005 11 03 at 11:42 PM • permalink


  1. I assume I paid for this shiite with my taxes?? Ho Humm.
    In reference to some comments here: Melbourne people STILL really DO buy into that ancient, puerile slanging match, “Melbourne vs Sydney”. I know, …. business has forced me to live in Vic these last 28 interminable months. I have never encountered such myopia, paranoia, self-indulgence and over-compensation since visiting France in the 80’s. Small dick syndrome gone mad.
    “Melbourne – the most liveable city in the world”. Yeah….right! The true home of the hair-brained. It’s like Canberra – circa 1967.
    It is fitting that the classic Aussie joke uses Melbourne as the punch-line.
    “What’s the best view in Australia?”
    Melbourne,… in your rear-view mirror.

    Posted by Gravelrash on 2005 11 04 at 07:03 PM • permalink