“and then it hardens”

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Last updated on August 10th, 2017 at 12:45 pm

Australian academic Christopher Sheil discusses his writing. Or another subject beginning with “w” and ending with “ing”:

Once my writing lifts off, I can hardly put it down, and it moves every time I go to it, and I feel possessed by it, until eventually it settles, and I can read it without wishing to change anything, and then it hardens, and then it goes away from me completely …

Via J.F. Beck. Click here for an earlier item on Onan the Historian.

Posted by Tim B. on 04/03/2006 at 12:51 PM
    1. Gawd! That is disturbing. Can one describe Sheil’s prose as “turgid”?

      Posted by Spiny Norman on 2006 04 03 at 12:56 PM • permalink

 

    1. I don’t mean to be smutty or nothin’, but it sounds to me kinda “wankery”, if you know what I’m sayin’.

      Posted by paco on 2006 04 03 at 01:02 PM • permalink

 

    1. On the other hand, maybe he’s talking about [url=http://www.smuckers.com/fg/ict/?groupid=4&catid=8] this stuff {/url].

      Posted by paco on 2006 04 03 at 01:09 PM • permalink

 

    1. One more time.

      On the other hand, maybe he’s talking about this stuff .

      Posted by paco on 2006 04 03 at 01:10 PM • permalink

 

    1. Then what, exactly, hardens?

      Posted by trexkilla on 2006 04 03 at 01:56 PM • permalink

 

    1. Hmmm.

      I can hardly put it down, and it moves every time I go to it, and I feel possessed by it, until eventually it settles, and I can read it without wishing to change anything, and then it hardens, and then it goes away from me completely …

      Amazingly enought that describes me and the latest Victoria Secrets catalog.

      Posted by memomachine on 2006 04 03 at 01:59 PM • permalink

 

    1. “AND THEN IT HARDENS”

      I ain’t touchin’ that with a 10’ pole, besides the tallest one I know, is married one of my nieces and he’s only 6’8”.

      Posted by El Cid on 2006 04 03 at 02:05 PM • permalink

 

    1. Or another subject beginning with “w” and ending with “ing”

      At first, I thought Tim referred to “whining”.  Or perhaps “whinging”.  Or maybe “wanking”.

      But then I realized he meant “writing”, a word that I would never associate with Chris Sheil in a couple zillion years.

      Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2006 04 03 at 03:37 PM • permalink

 

    1. Oh gack.  He sound like he’s channeling (and damned poorly, too) Richard Farina.  Remember ‘Been Down So Long It Looks Like Up To Me’?

      Posted by texasred on 2006 04 03 at 03:53 PM • permalink

 

    1. LMAO at “Onan the Historian”! Classic! 😀

      Posted by Mr Snuffalupagus on 2006 04 03 at 04:56 PM • permalink

 

    1. What the hell is that boy talking about?

      I think he’s trying to be a literature type dude. You know, like the person who wrote Paris Hilton’s autobiography.

      Posted by Major Anya on 2006 04 03 at 05:08 PM • permalink

 

    1. thats gold.

      Posted by vinny on 2006 04 03 at 05:16 PM • permalink

 

    1. also, check out the number of personal pronouns – the lefty calling card

      Posted by Margos Maid on 2006 04 03 at 05:19 PM • permalink

 

    1. Back when Toy Story came out Robin Williams prefaced his remarks at the Oscars ceremony with words along these lines:
      “I used to have a Woody – I played with it when I awoke in the morning.”

      Posted by blogstrop on 2006 04 03 at 05:37 PM • permalink

 

    1. So in a pinch I can fix dings on my surfboard with wads of Sheil’s prose?

      It’s lift-off light, dirt cheap, impermeable, conforms to any crevice you jam it in, and there’d be no cleanup to speak of. “It goes away”…“completely”.

      Damn miracle goop!

      Posted by monkeyfan on 2006 04 03 at 05:41 PM • permalink

 

    1. Chris Shiel and Michael Leunig are a match made in heaven when it comes to run-on sentences and breathless purple prose.

      Posted by RebeccaH on 2006 04 03 at 05:44 PM • permalink

 

    1. I think if I could build a time machine the first thing I’d do was go back to whatever era contained the first writer who decided to wax poetic about his ownself’s precious writing technique (as opposed to actually writing a story or an essay or something that someone would actually want to read) and thus started a whole horrid literary trend. Then I would use my advanced twenty-first century persuasive skills (especially our way with clever mixing of metal alloys to produce certain tools of a very fine sharpness) to urge him to turn his talents in another direction.

      Here’s my technique: I write stuff until I stop and do something else. Sometimes I make a typo, which I correct. There, you have all the guidelines you need on how to write anything at all.

      Posted by Andrea Harris, Administrator on 2006 04 03 at 05:46 PM • permalink

 

    1. I use old-fashioned quick-drying model airplane glue on comments.  The kind of glue they banned because people were sniffing it.

      Posted by rhhardin on 2006 04 03 at 06:00 PM • permalink

 

    1. Shouldn’t that be, “‘Once my writing lifts off, I can hardly put it down, and it moves every time I go to it, and I feel possessed by it, until eventually it settles, and I can read it without wishing to change anything, and then it hardens, and then it goes away from me completely!’ he ejaculated.”?

      Posted by andycanuck on 2006 04 03 at 06:46 PM • permalink

 

    1. We need to be more constructive here people. Can anyone provide Chris with some handy hints on how to get ‘writing’ stains out?

      Posted by fidens on 2006 04 03 at 06:59 PM • permalink

 

    1. Aren’t writing efforts like this usually started with “I’ve never written to your magazine before, but the most incredible thing happened to me last week …”?

      Posted by Paul Wright on 2006 04 03 at 07:11 PM • permalink

 

    1. I guess you could call his prose “tumescent”, that he took matters “into his own hands, or that his writing “rose to the occasion”

      Yea, I’m done.

      Posted by joe bagadonuts on 2006 04 03 at 07:42 PM • permalink

 

    1. I’m sure the Pulitzer Committee is impressed with Cretin’s “enormous” writing talent, ready to spew forth buckets of knowledge at the slightest stimulation.

      Yeah, his writng is “hard” alright – hardly writing!

      Posted by Tex Lovera on 2006 04 03 at 07:46 PM • permalink

 

    1. and then it hardens, and then it goes away from me completely …

      That’s why they make Viagra, dude!

      Posted by rinardman on 2006 04 03 at 07:47 PM • permalink

 

    1. Not looking good here. The pen,is the symbol of the phallus, the symbol of male oppression. What elese do we have? Lift off? Hardening? Settles? Hmmm, I think that Chris may need a few more ‘gender friendly writing workshops’ from his academic sisters at UNSW to cure him of his rampant hegemony.

      Besides, ain’t we all just lucky that Chris didn’t include his usual boast about Rugby in the same piece of writing, the juxtaposition, ew. I think we all need to be thankful for that.

      Posted by Nic on 2006 04 03 at 08:01 PM • permalink

 

    1. Jeez, my Muse is much quieter and more understated…
      What?

      Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 04 03 at 08:15 PM • permalink

 

    1. Does this guy go to his urologist when he gets writers block?

      Posted by HC44 on 2006 04 03 at 08:19 PM • permalink

 

    1. Does this guy go to his urologist when he gets writers block?

      No, HC, help is always at hand

      Posted by Margos Maid on 2006 04 03 at 09:02 PM • permalink

 

    1. Sounds like a compulsive ferret sneezer to me- I’m glad I don’t have to do his laundry.

      You’d have to crack his pants with a stick before you could load ‘em in the twin-tub.

      Posted by Habib on 2006 04 03 at 09:02 PM • permalink

 

    1. Nah. He hits the massage “clinic” where the mamma-san reinvigorates his, umm… imagination.

      Posted by Spiny Norman on 2006 04 03 at 09:03 PM • permalink

 

    1. *HC44*

      Posted by Spiny Norman on 2006 04 03 at 09:04 PM • permalink

 

    1. One can reasonably infer from Sheil’s poetic onanism that he chooses the happy ending option.

      Posted by monkeyfan on 2006 04 03 at 09:20 PM • permalink

 

    1. Margo’s Maid,

      how so true, the personal pronoun, the leftists’ calling card, chuckle. Have you read the article Tim has linked to? Its sickening in its use of the LCC.

      Posted by Nic on 2006 04 03 at 09:27 PM • permalink

 

    1. Another alumnus of Bulwar-Lytton U, I see.

      Posted by Achillea on 2006 04 03 at 10:03 PM • permalink

 

    1. thank goodness tim’s back – things were getting oafish & infantile…

      Posted by KK on 2006 04 03 at 10:46 PM • permalink

 

    1. Remind me again.  Is this the guy who claims to be cretin?

      Posted by JorgXMcKie on 2006 04 03 at 10:52 PM • permalink

 

    1. And do his roots go back to Australia’s penile penal colony days? And how deep are those roots?

      Posted by andycanuck on 2006 04 03 at 11:02 PM • permalink

 

    1. Hmmm.  I couldn’t resist.  According to word, that whole entry is 876 words long.  49 are the first person personal pronoun, so it is one of just less than every 18 words.  If you include ‘my’ (at 9 times) first person pronouns are 1 in every 15 words.

      Posted by JorgXMcKie on 2006 04 03 at 11:02 PM • permalink

 

    1. Chris Shiel must be the only blogger I know with a 1-900-IP….

      Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 04 03 at 11:44 PM • permalink

 

    1. Once my writing lifts off, I can hardly put it down, and it moves every time I go to it, and I feel possessed by it, until eventually it settles, and I can read it without wishing to change anything, and then it hardens, and then it goes away from me completely …

      Anyone else need a cigarette?

      —Nora

      Posted by The Thin Man Returns on 2006 04 03 at 11:48 PM • permalink

 

    1. CS seems to have found the greatest love of all.

      Whitney Houston would approve.

      Posted by Margos Maid on 2006 04 03 at 11:57 PM • permalink

 

    1. He’s only following the party line- after all, lefties regard the Catholic Church as the source of much that is evil in the world, and CS is doing his bit by repeatedly bashing the Bishop.

      He is also getting back to his labor roots by shaking hands with the unemployed, almost manically.

      This exercise also reinforces his feminist credentials, as he grapples with the vexing issue of sexual harrassment with Mrs Palm and her five daughters; there is a worrying trend towards support for militarism though, as he seems to support the idea of sending out the troops.

      Posted by Habib on 2006 04 04 at 12:36 AM • permalink

 

    1. He’ll also win no fans from the members of PETA and Greenpeace, what with his constant mis-treatment of animals- if he’s not choking the chicken or spanking the monkey, he’s waxing the dolphin or burping the worm*.

      *Not work or nanna** safe.

      **Unless nanna is a bit of a sport.

      Posted by Habib on 2006 04 04 at 01:27 AM • permalink

 

    1. I’d say he’s been using his Rectoplasmic Energies.

      Posted by Zoe Brain on 2006 04 04 at 01:28 AM • permalink

 

    1. Habib

      You forgot…

      Going to see Uncle Doug
      and
      Working for Ingham’s

      Posted by murph on 2006 04 04 at 01:50 AM • permalink

 

    1. Could it be that Sheilsy is writing about one Gen. Wesley Clark (ret.)?

      Posted by murph on 2006 04 04 at 01:52 AM • permalink

 

    1. Mr Sheil’s (self)love explains why he never has to say sorry

      Posted by Margos Maid on 2006 04 04 at 02:27 AM • permalink

 

    1. ..you have to hand it to CS..

      Posted by rog on 2006 04 04 at 03:10 AM • permalink

 

    1. #21

      Dear Editor of One Handed Typing Monthly,

      I used to think all the letters to your magazine were made up, until the most extraordinary thing happened to me while blogging the other night…

      Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2006 04 04 at 03:36 AM • permalink

 

    1. Since we are are hard & fast on the phallic theme, when is the USA going to get its manned space programme running regularly again (you know in those big rockety things).  There’s something we need to investigate urgently:
      Alcohol cloud in space

      Posted by Stop Continental Drift! on 2006 04 04 at 03:47 AM • permalink

 

    1. The best writing on writing I’ve ever read (which isn’t much at all) was Bukowski, who wrote something like, “When I can’t drink no more, jerk off no more, sleep no more, f..k no more, vomit no more and shit no more, it must be time to write…or pick my nose, again.”

      Hopefully, if I try really hard, my own self-indulgent, spankkfest, gloryhard, gobflock, keyboard scratchings will one day spectacularly soar to the dizzying heights of CS. Now I have a peak of which to climb towards…oh yeaaahhh, baby, I’m so good to me…

      Posted by LeftieLatteLover on 2006 04 04 at 03:49 AM • permalink

 

    1. He’s not as bad as Fact Check Lambert sho literally blows his load every time he thinks of 100,000 dead Iraqis.

      Posted by murph on 2006 04 04 at 07:15 AM • permalink

 

    1. sho=who

      you know…it’s late…

      Posted by murph on 2006 04 04 at 07:15 AM • permalink

 

    1. Ah, big deal.  The same thing happens to me 1st thing every morning when I wake up.

      Posted by Texas Bob on 2006 04 04 at 07:48 AM • permalink

 

    1. Carotid? Embolism?Resolve?Integrity?Sanity?Cred?

      Posted by crash on 2006 04 04 at 08:39 AM • permalink

 

    1. #42: Habib – thanks for that adventure in etymology!

      Posted by paco on 2006 04 04 at 08:55 AM • permalink

 

    1. Rain?

      Posted by crash on 2006 04 04 at 09:05 AM • permalink

 

    1. #50 Around 130 organic molecules have also been identified so far in outer space, fuelling speculation that these complex molecules may have helped to sow the seeds for life on the fledgling Earth.

      Alcohol cloud, huh?  Explains a lot, doesn’t it?

      Posted by RebeccaH on 2006 04 04 at 02:30 PM • permalink

 

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