Amish roll numbers, take pot

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Last updated on July 21st, 2017 at 02:48 pm

Lost a flower pot recently? House numbers missing? You know who to blame:

Callers complaining about loud music coming from a buggy led deputies to charge a 19-year-old Amish man with stealing house numbers and flower pots. David Byler was charged with theft and underage consumption of alcohol, both misdemeanors.

Those younger Amish … they’re ever so sassy! Speaking of which, Scott Burgess has abundant (and link-loaded) updates to his exposure of British sass-merchant Dilpazier Aslam, which has caused The Guardian no small amount of blog-related grief. You’d have thought these clowns would have learned their lesson after Operation Clark County

Posted by Tim B. on 07/27/2005 at 10:09 AM
    1. For the love of Jehovah! An Amish numbers racket. The world’s going to hell in a meticulously handmade old Quaker-crafted handbasket. (Or potplant).

      Posted by C.L. on 2005 07 27 at 11:52 AM • permalink


    1. Callers complaining about loud music coming from a buggy led deputies to charge a 19-year-old Amish man

      Loud music? What was he doing, hammering the dulcimer too hard?

      I question the lifestyle commitment of an Amish youth with 15-inch subs in his wagon.

      Posted by Dave S. on 2005 07 27 at 11:59 AM • permalink


    1. Amish of about that age take time out to party and generally experience the outside world before they commit to their faith, so this kind of thing is really quite common.

      Posted by jic on 2005 07 27 at 12:08 PM • permalink


    1. Oh, swell. The next thing you know, we’ll be seeing Amish youth gang activity (The Clodhoppers vs.The Rubes), wagons up on blocks (their wheels missing), barn graffiti (“Dickie’s Workpants Suck!”), slouch hats worn backwards (though who could tell the difference?), cell phones whipped out at quilting bees . . . too terrible to contemplate. Oh, and Dickie’s workpants really DO suck, incidentally. My wallet wore a hole in the backpocket of six pairs in no time at all.

      Posted by paco on 2005 07 27 at 12:28 PM • permalink


    1. (Buggy)Whips rollin’ on dubs, jumpin’ low-rider wagons (leaf springs with hand-pumped bellows assist), alfalfa blunts, homies hittin’
      the ladies with, “Yo, yo, yo, thou is lookin’ fine in thy long black dress, baby!”I love making fun of the Amish on the Internet. They never know.

      Posted by Dave S. on 2005 07 27 at 01:06 PM • permalink


    1. “Amish of about that age take time out to party” – jic

      led deputies to charge a 19-year-old Amish man with stealing house numbers and flower pots

      WOOOOOOOOO! PAR-TEEEEEEEE!!!! Hezekiah, you’re a freakin’ MADMAN!

      Posted by Dave S. on 2005 07 27 at 01:09 PM • permalink


    1. Amish themed drug music?

      “I was gonna put up a barn, but I got high…”

      Posted by Aging Gamer on 2005 07 27 at 02:03 PM • permalink


    1. Jic’s right. Amish youth have the period of time called rumspringa to take a little time out to sample the world before joining the church. Only now the outside world is a bit more dangerous and they’re trying things that turn them into instant drug addicts.

      Posted by Donnah on 2005 07 27 at 03:09 PM • permalink


    1. Dave S:  Sounds like he’s just getting started.  Have a look at this, and note one of the finest photo captions of all time:

      Faron, the son of an Amish minister, idolizes the late gangsta rapper Tupac Shakur.

      Posted by jic on 2005 07 27 at 03:44 PM • permalink


    1. I saw the title and subject of this thread and cracked up. All I could think of was Amish Paradise by
      Weird Al.

      Then tonight we’re gonna party like it’s 1699

      Posted by Nilknarf Arbed on 2005 07 27 at 05:34 PM • permalink


    1. Damn you Nilknarf, my cursor was just hovering over the lyrics of that!
      You beat me by about 10 seconds! 🙂

      Posted by Lionel Mandrake on 2005 07 27 at 05:41 PM • permalink


    1. rumspringa

      What an excellent word.

      Posted by Achillea on 2005 07 27 at 05:47 PM • permalink


    1. This reminds me of a joke i saw recently (apologies to whoever made it up or quoted it)

      What goes clop, clop, clop, clop, bang bang, clop, clop clop, clop?

      An Amish drive by shooting.

      Posted by Francis H on 2005 07 27 at 06:25 PM • permalink


    1. That was me Francis H and I was about to run it again.

      Posted by yojimbo on 2005 07 27 at 07:14 PM • permalink


    1. And here I thought it was the Menonites who were the shifty ones.  (“Roll dem bones”.)

      Posted by David Crawford on 2005 07 27 at 07:28 PM • permalink


    1. Loud music?!? You mean the youngster was using electricity? Amish faithful have to be very careful about how they use electricity.

      Is it too much to hope that the young miscreant was singing and playing his acoustic guitar?

      Posted by Butch on 2005 07 27 at 08:37 PM • permalink


    1. Sorry, Lionel (#11). I couldn’t help myself!

      And kudos to yojimbo on the drive by shooting. Now what were tha boyz using to shoot with? Slingshot?

      Posted by Nilknarf Arbed on 2005 07 27 at 10:16 PM • permalink


    1. Pity the young of the USA…
      Not being able to drink (legally) at 19 is a gross human rights abuse.
      Not being able to do a pub crawl with your uni buddies; it’s like the terrorists have won.

      Posted by Honkie Hammer on 2005 07 27 at 10:20 PM • permalink


    1. Honkie Hammer: Heh, its quite the opposite in Malaysia. Under civil law, Malaysians can drink at or after 18 years (Muslims can’t under state laws). But we can only vote when we are 21. We can drink, smoke, join the army, get married, own a multi-billion dollar conglomerate, have consensual heterosexual sex… but not vote.

      Posted by Rajan R on 2005 07 28 at 01:58 AM • permalink


    1. ooops sorry yojimbo. Didn’t mean to steal your thunder (that’s one reason i don’t tell jokes too often).

      In my defence i had first heard it in a different forum. My wife read it out to me from a print source a couple of months ago.

      excellent joke

      Posted by Francis H on 2005 07 28 at 04:26 AM • permalink


    1. What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horses ass?

      A Mechanic….

      Posted by joe bagadonuts on 2005 07 28 at 10:03 AM • permalink


    1. #‘s 17 & 20.  EASY people.  I didn’t originate the joke I simply posted it here a few months ago.  I’m not that creative!  Most people here know that already.  This is for the benefit of new people. I heard the joke in the 1990’s in Los Angeles.

      Posted by yojimbo on 2005 07 28 at 11:19 AM • permalink


    1. The Amish do serve to highlight a rather fundamental difference between Christianity and Islam these days:

      The Amish represent about the most “extreme” manifestation of retrospective Christianity you can come up with these days. 

      Result:  shy, retiring, peaceable folks who keep to themselves and generally stay out of trouble (this very item about the young Amish fellow is newsworthy simply because it is so exceptional).

      The Islamists represent about the most “extreme” retrospective manifestation of Islam you can come up with these days. 

      Result:  insane, suicidal religious zealots with a nutbar ideology obsessed with death and terror.

      Posted by JJM Ballantyne on 2005 07 30 at 07:12 AM • permalink


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