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Last updated on August 6th, 2017 at 05:36 am

Andrew Klavan: “The thing I like best about being a conservative is that I don’t have to lie.”

Posted by Tim B. on 04/25/2007 at 01:29 PM
    1. The best thing about being a lefty is that the media covers up your lies.

      Posted by Rob Read on 2007 04 25 at 01:50 PM • permalink


    1. Excellent article.

      Posted by PW on 2007 04 25 at 04:15 PM • permalink


    1. This is exactly why Mr. H and I don’t have those discussions anymore.

      Posted by RebeccaH on 2007 04 25 at 05:39 PM • permalink


    1. Y’know, this is likely why I don’t get invited to some homes.  I tend not to pull my punches during a conversation.  Oh, I’m not vulgar or crude, but if I think Algore is a scam artist playing on global warming fears (and I do), I say so.

      Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2007 04 25 at 07:07 PM • permalink


    1. Good article.  Too bad it came out this month, with the Gonzo and Tillman things happening.

      Posted by The Sanity Inspector on 2007 04 25 at 07:30 PM • permalink


    1. The best thing about not being a lefty is…not being a lefty. I tried to see the world from their point of view, but it was physically impossible to get my head that far up my a*#!

      Posted by CB on 2007 04 25 at 07:37 PM • permalink


    1. Well said.
      I had not thought of it this way before.

      Posted by mad doc on 2007 04 25 at 07:41 PM • permalink


    1. CB, all good Lefties (is that an example of a contradiction in terms?) know that you have to buy a plexiglass belly-button operation.

      Posted by JorgXMcKie on 2007 04 25 at 07:43 PM • permalink


    1. The best thing about being a conservative is knowing I’m sane.

      Posted by Kyda Sylvester on 2007 04 25 at 07:48 PM • permalink


    1. Sanity inspector: I don’t know about Gonzo (whoever that is), but the fact that Pat Tillman was killed by friendly fire is pretty old news. As far as I am concerned it doesn’t take away from his being a hero—he gave up a lucrative (or potentially lucrative) career in football to join the military. Why people are dredging this up now I have no idea. Well, actually I do, but I’ve already gotten plenty of flack for suggesting we quit be such defeat junkies.

      Posted by Andrea Harris, Administrator on 2007 04 25 at 07:53 PM • permalink


    1. Always held that liberalism is a philosophy based on lies.  It’s at least one reason why libs get so testy when faced with facts.

      Posted by Director on 2007 04 25 at 08:05 PM • permalink


    1. Great article. Unfortunately for you guys, I am inspired to rant, so feel free to skip.

      Lefties cannot face unpleasant or ugly situations without mentally escaping through the back door. If someone is poor, then someone who is rich is to blame. Likewise poor countries and rich countries. Empathy is given to murderous suicide bombers, even to the evil pupeteers behind them – America’s backed them against a wall. Yeah, right. Everyone’s a victim of something or someone else, not to blame, entitled to whatever it is other people have worked hard to attain for themselves. Individuals, you see, cannot be left to decide for themselves who is worthy of their charity. Lefties refuse to discriminate – except against the competent and successful. The lazy, the weak-willed, the belligerent, the stupid, the irresponsible, the parasitic – all are forgiven. I could tolerate this mindset more if it didn’t so callously criticize everything that actually makes our society a wealthier, cleaner, more secure place in which to live. This reversal of blame is possibly the single greatest reason why I don’t understand them. But not why I detest them; that stems from their blinkered narcissistic belief in their own moral superiority. They just don’t know the difference between rational and indiscriminate self-interest, and what good rational self-interest has done for the world. They think self-interest and goodwill to a fellowman is mutually exclusive, so they flee from anything which might be described as “selfish” and laud anything altruistic, whilst ignoring the consequences. Which sums them up, really: thought without consequence. Redistribute the wealth, because that sounds like the nice thing to do. Bugger the psychological damage done to people encouraged into welfare dependency; all the false self-esteem boosting in the world’s not going to help them. Bugger the rights of individuals. And bugger the longer-term consequences: generations of dependents, economic downturn, poorer living conditions for all but the few.

      Phew, that feels better.

      Posted by Dminor on 2007 04 25 at 08:15 PM • permalink


    1. Something goes wrong that can be pinned on conservatives, the media goes apeshit.

      Left wing commentators range from misguided to nutcase and there are plenty of the latter.

      So why is the right so scathing of its out-there commentators who fill – as Klavan remarks – the shattered silence of Planet Left’s elaborate sensibilities?

      Posted by ilibcc on 2007 04 25 at 08:29 PM • permalink


    1. #6 CB,

      I started over there, in the delusional corner; where everyone means well and all is good, if only the evil, capitalist, imperialist, scalliwags would stop corrupting everything.

      It was the political correctness of the ‘80s that started me moving away from the idea that humans can be perfected by a little “enlightenment” and re-education.

      The then contemporary debate over socio-biology was a real eye-opener. How the left took such a doctrinaire position, not only to the arguments, but also the individuals. (I’m still out on that actual debate).

      I much prefer the cold enlightment of the 18th century and reality.

      Posted by Wimpy Canadian on 2007 04 25 at 08:29 PM • permalink


    1. I knew lefty driven PC was an insidious cancer on society when some twit wanted to change “man-hole cover” to “person-hole cover”. FFS.

      I always thought the “man” was representative of “humanity”= the human race; human beings collectively.

      Don’t these people ever think of looking up a dictionary; or perhaps their’s is a PC version.

      Posted by Spag_oz on 2007 04 25 at 08:48 PM • permalink


    1. The thing I like best about being a conservative is that I don’t smell, much.

      Hippies smell, a lot.
      And leftist, toilet paper avoiding, non-flushing, gerbil-wormening environmentalists smell even worse than hippies.

      Posted by Mike_W on 2007 04 25 at 09:02 PM • permalink


    1. #15 Spag_oz

      It’s the genitalionary now.

      Posted by Dminor on 2007 04 25 at 09:08 PM • permalink


    1. The thing I like best about being a conservative is that we use 3ply toilet tissue as opposed to tree bark.

      Posted by 1.618 on 2007 04 25 at 09:08 PM • permalink


    1. #14 if socio-biology is your thing, and if you’re still on the fence, you must, must, must read “The blank slate.”
      Your fence-sitting days will end.

      Posted by daddy dave on 2007 04 25 at 09:12 PM • permalink


    1. full title is “the blank slate: the modern denial of human nature.”

      Posted by daddy dave on 2007 04 25 at 09:13 PM • permalink


    1. The worst thing about being a conservative is having to hold my tongue when almost any of my wife’s friends, or my work colleagues, talk absolute nonsense about Bush, Howard, Iraq, global warming.  Most recently, we were at dinner with some American friends – academics, churchgoers, really lovely people – and one of them got very morose about all the ‘rights’ he had lost under the Bush-Rove-Cheney junta, and how this meant that America had effectively ‘lost’ to the terrorists.  I never displayed more strength in my life, than at that moment, in not slamming the table and asking this guy to name just one right ‘lost’ to him.

      Posted by cuckoo on 2007 04 25 at 09:13 PM • permalink


    1. #15 Spag_oz.Before the bribe-takers at our local Council had their title changed to Councillor they were called Aldermn.A newly elected stupid half-commo cow decided to lay down her politically correct credentials by moving a motion that the Council petition the Local Government Minister to change Alderman to Alderperson.It was then pointed out by a less than politically correct fellow bribe taker that her new word still contained that dreaded sexist word “son”.Her motion lapsed for want of a seconder and everyone got on with the more important work of extorting tribute from the residents who had been fool enough to have elected these parasites.On another occasion this moron wanted the word Chairman dropped and replaced by the word Chair,she avoided the “son” trap by not suggesting it be replaced by Chairperson.By then the other bribe takers had realised she was a total wasted space,not even a good root though always willing,and Chairman was retained.

      Posted by Lew on 2007 04 25 at 09:22 PM • permalink


    1. #22 Lew
      not even a good root though always willing

      On my scale of human assessment she gets 6/10 for that alone.

      Posted by Pickles on 2007 04 25 at 09:51 PM • permalink


    1. The thing I like best about being a conservative is that I don’t have to construct giant paper mache puppets or protest against Mercedes cars.

      Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 04 25 at 10:00 PM • permalink


    1. I like the fact that I don’t have to pretend to like angry man-hating feminists;
      I can roll my eyes at conversations about the imminent demise of America;
      I don’t have to lose sleep worrying about phantoms like global warming, the population bomb, conservative leaders becoming dictators, the oppression of the third world by the West, or any of the myriad ways that capitalism is supposed to get it’s comeuppance;
      and I get to dress nicely.

      Posted by daddy dave on 2007 04 25 at 10:34 PM • permalink


    1. oh yeah, one other thing,
      I’m allowed to be ambivalent about abortion.

      Posted by daddy dave on 2007 04 25 at 10:40 PM • permalink


    1. #23 Pickles.Strictly one for the desperados.Short,obese and very hairy.Even allowing for extreme willingness 6/10 is a very very generous assessment.You’re not by any chance a Kiwi are you?

      Posted by Lew on 2007 04 25 at 10:41 PM • permalink


    1. #12 Dminor: Your excellent “rant” reminded me of Fransisco’s speech about money in Atlas Shrugged. Now I’m determined to find a copy and read it again (haven’t done so since the early 80s, so it’s high time).

      Posted by SandiM on 2007 04 25 at 11:25 PM • permalink


    1. #27 Lew

      Not a kiwi, just pragmatic.

      I wondered from where did your assessment as not a good root come? Some field observations or second hand intelligence (from an impeccable source of course)?

      In any event, so long as she laid still long enought for me to have the said root, I would class it as good. If the said root were to be completed in time for a quick dash back to the pub to tell the lads before closing time then she might be described, if not as a good root good sport, hence 6/10.

      Are you with me?

      I should let you know that all of the 6 points were awarded for the always willing component.

      Absent always willing she gets 0/10, given your other observations in respect of her silliness. And lucky to get that. Harsh but fair.

      Her physical attributes are an irrelevant consideration and have not been considered in this assessment.

      Posted by Pickles on 2007 04 26 at 12:17 AM • permalink


    1. #10 Andrea

      I think “Gonzo” is Alberto Gonzales the Attorney General.  Or not.

      Posted by yojimbo on 2007 04 26 at 01:11 AM • permalink


    1. #29 Pickles.Definitely secondhand intelligence from a number of desperate but nonetheless impeccable sources.As far as a dash to the pub is concerned that might have been helpful both before and after the event,particularly before.I must say that I stand in awe of the generosity of your scoring method.Your dedicated pragmatism however must result in you coupling with some very grateful uggers.

      Posted by Lew on 2007 04 26 at 01:34 AM • permalink


    1. Excellent article.  I’m sure Hans Christian (oops, the C word) Andersen had correctoids in mind when he penned his tale of the Emperor’s clothes.  Amazing really, as I was unaware they even existed then (correctoids, that is, not clothes).  Just imagine what he could have written about our current crop.
      I too am sick of being required to admire the ever swelling virtual wardrobe of imaginary regal attire, such as blacks in the US are no more prone to crime than whites or Asians (as lady asserted to me the other day, at a Mensa meeting, no less), Somalia’s culture is equal to our own, Iraqis bear no blame for their predicament, the under-representation of women in engineering and IT is due to male hostility, Hillsong are morally equivalent to (and as dangerous as) Al-Queda, judges are our safeguard against politicians, we (the West) created Saddam Hussein, David Hicks is just misunderstood….
      I see your eyes glazing over, so I won’t continue.
      These people are highly resistant to the concept that a hard truth still trumps a soft fallacy.  For them it is easy being a leftoid, because they lack our instinctive discomfort at believing things which common sense, and plain old eyesight, suggest cannot be true.  I think their brains are just wired differently – being nice is better than being honest.
      Incidentally, don’t you guys get fed up with being called ‘conservatives’?  The other side are the conservatives these days – it is left wing heels leaving those trenches in the sand as they forlornly try to hold the tide at its Whitlam-esque high water mark.
      Me?  I’m a rightoid.

      Posted by Sholto on 2007 04 26 at 02:40 AM • permalink


    1. #31 Lew
      Pragmatism borne of several years involvment in student politics at a rural university in the 1980’s.

      At that time the student union was, as is almost always the case, run by the rabid left, who were channelling vast sums to the National Union of Students (NUS) who used the money to buy marbles to chuck under Police horses at various demos and transport busloads of no hopers to Pine Gap protests ect.

      The left had, due to a bitchfight, declared war with the lesbian faction. This split was gave rise to a marriage, if you will, of convenience between us and them, after we pledged that if they supported us in a preference deal in the election they would get a few seats on the board and a “quiet centre” with soft furnishings and a place to display their literature and other wares.

      All went according to plan and their view of us softened from that of drunken misogynist semi literate bulldozer driving pig shooters to much misunderstood, but very focussed, unpolished diamonds.

      They fears allayed, they then started hanging round the pub.

      There were a number of their number who after essential delapitory processes were undertaken (colloquially known as “clearing a bit of scrub from around the water hole”) were indeed presentable.

      As in all marriages, this one required compromise and sacrifice. When any of their number showed a willingness to come back in from the cold, as it were, none should be turned away.

      Hence “willingness” scoring a mandatory 6/10 and physical characteristics relegated to irrelevancy.

      All of the above might seem a lot of trouble to go to, but we got a scrum machine and a tinnie for the fishing club.

      Mission accomplished.

      Posted by Pickles on 2007 04 26 at 02:49 AM • permalink


    1. #12 Dminor

      Phew, that feels better.

      Made me feel better too, just reading it. Must have been positively orgasmic to write it.
      It has my vote for Rant of the Day.

      Posted by Skeeter on 2007 04 26 at 03:11 AM • permalink


    1. Do you think, at some point, this gulf between left and right will turn into armed conflict? If so, where might I find the nearest Right-Side Recruiting Office?

      Posted by Texas Bob on 2007 04 26 at 04:25 AM • permalink


    1. #33, Pickles,  I think you mean depilatory.

      I also think there’s something a bit sicko about male disgust for the ordinary secondary sexual characteristics of grown females.  But I’m willing, for now, to put it down to cultural conditioning rather than fetishism or, worse, a sort of sublimated paedophilia.

      Was that ill-mannered?

      Posted by Janice on 2007 04 26 at 05:10 AM • permalink


    1. #36 Janice, count me not in those numbers. In true cowboy fashion, I like my chaps wooly.

      Posted by Texas Bob on 2007 04 26 at 05:36 AM • permalink


    1. Sholto: I’m conservative. Today’s “liberal progressives” are actually better called “reactionaries.” They have all the cultural adaptability and political savvy of a three-year-old who has to have his blankie tucked under his left arm every day, and had to have his toys just so, and refuses to eat anything but macaroni and cheese for dinner—any changes in the toddler-centered household routine liable to produce hours-long screaming fits.

      Posted by Andrea Harris, Administrator on 2007 04 26 at 05:47 AM • permalink


    1. Good for you Texas Bob!  And smart!  Slightly furry legs are a lot kinder on a man’s back than a carpet of bristles.

      Posted by Janice on 2007 04 26 at 05:52 AM • permalink


    1. #21, cuckoo

      Laugh at them.  It feels very good.

      They become astounded.  And confused.  Seeing the looks that fall over their faces is good for much more amusement.  They think they’ve been spouting words full of wisdom and high moral tone so it’s terribly nonplussing for them to see that someone actually thinks that what they say is ridiculous enough to provoke laughter.

      Before the last election the bloke I work for (standard ‘progressive’ type) was moaning about John Howard and I said that I thought John Howard was just wonderful; the best Prime Minister we’ve had since I can remember, a truly sterling fellow.  He was flabbergasted and after seeing the look on his face I nearly fell off my chair with hilarity, which flabbergasted him even more.  And yes, I’m still working for him.  He needs me more than I need him.

      So ask yourself how much you need the aggravation.  If the price isn’t worth the cost, then laugh.

      Posted by Janice on 2007 04 26 at 06:03 AM • permalink


    1. The thing I like best? I have nothing in common with the scum who wrote this.

      Posted by thefrollickingmole on 2007 04 26 at 09:09 AM • permalink


    1. Texas Bob— better hurry

      Posted by richard mcenroe on 2007 04 26 at 10:21 AM • permalink


    1. #33 Pickles. Beautifully stroked! By the way I think you might have flushed one out at #36.

      Posted by Lew on 2007 04 26 at 06:31 PM • permalink


    1. #36 Janice, no such thing as ill mannered in my book. As pointed out physical characterisitcs relegated to irrelevancy. Thanks for the spell check. I had a go at it, but should have just typed “that big word for shaving wot sheilas use.”

      #43 Lew
      Some of them grow up to lead very useful lives.

      Posted by Pickles on 2007 04 26 at 07:09 PM • permalink


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