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Last updated on July 16th, 2017 at 09:21 am
Extracts from They Call Me Naughty Lola: Personal Ads from the London Review of Books:
• I enjoy vodka, canasta, evenings in, and cold, cold, revenge.
• Either I’m desperately unattractive, or you are all lesbians. Bald, pasty man (61) with nervous tic and unclassifiable skin complaint believes it to be the latter but holds out hope.
• Tired of feeling patronised by the ads in this column? Then I’m not the woman for you, little man.
• When you do that voodoo that you do so well, I invoke 16th-century witchcraft laws and have you burned at the stake. No shenanigans with Quaker M, 39.
• My favourite Ben & Jerry’s is Acid-Boiled Bones of Divorce Lawyer. They don’t make it yet, but, damn, I can taste its sweet, sweet ice-creamy goodness already. M, 54.
• Slut in the kitchen, chef in the bedroom. Woman with mixed priorities (37) seeks man who can toss a good salad.
• I am not an accountant.
Recommended.
- That sounds like a great book to read whenever you start doubting yourself. Heh.Posted by RebeccaH on 2007 10 22 at 10:12 AM • permalink
- I am neither Leftist nor Muslim nor accountant.Posted by Harry Bergeron on 2007 10 22 at 10:16 AM • permalink
- Im not saying its big, but I can fill a pram….
(that pick up line is probably why evryone has had more sex than me)
Posted by thefrollickingmole on 2007 10 22 at 10:24 AM • permalink
- man of steel seeks flexible woman willing to accommodate hard parts of relationship—c.k.Posted by richard mcenroe on 2007 10 22 at 10:39 AM • permalink
man of steel seeks flexible woman willing to accommodate hard parts of relationship—c.k.
stay away from my wife you bastard—mr. i
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2007 10 22 at 10:41 AM • permalink
- Ash sez:
#2 You’re taken now!
Did I mention that I’m 116 years old ?
Posted by Harry Bergeron on 2007 10 22 at 10:46 AM • permalink
- “Beautiful, both on the outside and the inside” always had me wondering if she was looking for a gynaecologist to date. I’ve been told I take things too literally, sometimes…Posted by AlburyShifton on 2007 10 22 at 10:54 AM • permalink
- Ash, you had me for a moment with that mouldy crowd. Are they descendants of transported criminals? Banished imbeciles?
Even at 116, I am more man than all those fellows put together—and their wives as well.
Posted by Harry Bergeron on 2007 10 22 at 11:12 AM • permalink
Tired of feeling patronised by the ads in this column? Then I’m not the woman for you, little man.
I think that one was posted by Maureen Dowd.
Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2007 10 22 at 12:09 PM • permalink
- #14
I apologise, and give you a Labor bumper sticker, a Carlton jumper, three dog biscuits, and a used bowling shoe.
Quite intuitive you are, Ash, as I have but one foot.
But it’s size 16!Posted by Harry Bergeron on 2007 10 22 at 12:27 PM • permalink
- Beware of personal ads that mention salad tossing. Unless your toilet paper is too scratchy, anyway.Posted by Mystery Meat on 2007 10 22 at 01:04 PM • permalink
- Young girl (6) looking for father figure. Will you be my prophet?Posted by flying pigs over mecca on 2007 10 22 at 03:50 PM • permalink
- #11 Ash_ …mostly only people…? VBGPosted by Wimpy Canadian on 2007 10 22 at 05:23 PM • permalink
- Top work, lyle!Posted by SwinishCapitalist on 2007 10 22 at 05:47 PM • permalink
- Single male seeks sweet single female between 1.617 and 1.619. I have several good qualities. For example, I once got a fortune cookie that said “You possess a rare beauty. Use it to your advantage.” If an inanimate object like a predictionless fortune cookie thinks I’m hot then you’ll probably find me irresistible.
❤sigh❤
Posted by Col. Milquetoast on 2007 10 22 at 09:49 PM • permalink
