WARMENING SOLVED

All we need is lots of tubes!

Posted by Tim B. on 09/29/2007 at 01:05 PM
    1. Their idea, already being investigated by a US firm, involves huge flotillas of vertical pipes in the tropical seas.

      Of course these pipes will be rowed out there by members of Stone Age tribes paddling boats woven by disadvantaged children from sustainably grown, organically certified reeds harvested from pristine wetlands using knapped flint knives by Tim Flannery himself.  I mean, really, they couldn’t possibly want to transport the 100- to 200-meter long pipes hundreds of miles out into the oceans by fuel-gobbling cargo ship – why, that’d make the Baby Gaia cry!

      Posted by Blue State Sil on 2007 09 29 at 01:31 PM • permalink

 

    1. I hope they do this… and I hope it causes a runaway La Nina effect that glaciates entire continents.  Why?  Because then, perhaps, they’ll shut the fuck up.

      Ah, probably not: They’ll just want to run the tubes in reverse to cause the desertification of those same continents.

      Posted by Hucbald on 2007 09 29 at 01:43 PM • permalink

 

    1. “One has to understand what the consequences of doing these things are,” commented Ken Caldeira from the Carnegie Institution at Stanford University in California

      No truer words.

      Honestly, how has the planet survived all these eons without the helpful technological fixits by “climate” “scientists”?

      Posted by RebeccaH on 2007 09 29 at 01:50 PM • permalink

 

    1. he proposes vertical pipes 100 to 200 metres long and 10 metres wide be placed in the sea, so that wave motion pumps up water and fertilises algae on the surface.

      What could possibly go wrong?

      Posted by Merlin on 2007 09 29 at 02:59 PM • permalink

 

    1. And best of all, the resulting salp pellets could be worked into fast food products, reducing the demand for Soylent Green!

      Posted by Harry Bergeron on 2007 09 29 at 03:05 PM • permalink

 

    1. The beauty of it is they only need 134 million pipes.  They can make them out of hemp.

      Posted by Mystery Meat on 2007 09 29 at 04:01 PM • permalink

 

    1. Y’know, I’ve been presented with some truly hare brained ideas.  This one, though, is #1 for lunatic plans, no doubt about it.

      Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2007 09 29 at 04:42 PM • permalink

 

    1. #5 And best of all, the resulting salp pellets could be worked into fast food products, reducing the demand for Soylent Green!

      Bergeron, there is no substitute for Soylent Green.

      Oops, did I say that out loud?

      Posted by RebeccaH on 2007 09 29 at 05:08 PM • permalink

 

    1. Two of Britain’s leading environmental thinkers say it is time to develop a quick technical fix for climate change.

      Environmental thinkers- Isn’t that an oxymoron?

      Posted by danS on 2007 09 29 at 05:13 PM • permalink

 

    1. Lovelock’s Gaia theory:

      Great fleas have little fleas upon their backs to bite ’em,
      And little fleas have lesser fleas, and so ad infinitum.
      And the great fleas themselves, in turn, have greater fleas to go on;
      While these again have greater still, and greater still, and so on.

      De Morgan

      Posted by kae on 2007 09 29 at 06:18 PM • permalink

 

    1. “We are taking the very strong line that we are not going to save the planet by the regular approaches like the Kyoto Protocol or renewable energy,” Professor Lovelock told BBC News.

      Well, thank Goreacle for that admission. Maybe now the planet’s spokespersons will stop hectoring Bush about the stupid thing.

      “What we have to do is to look at it in a systems sense, or a Gaian sense, and see if it’s curable by direct action.”

      And this is the kind of thing you come up with? Always suspected Gaia didn’t have much sense.

      Maybe we could blast the moon out of our orbit (remember Space: 1999?). Wouldn’t do squat about global warming, but it sure would take our minds off it.

      Merlin and Mystery Meat–ROFL.

      Posted by Kyda Sylvester on 2007 09 29 at 07:01 PM • permalink

 

    1. Ok so heres the plan, we hypothisize the earth is warming, no-one can prove it conclusively.
      Plan: We will do something which we are unsure of the effects of, to counter the problem we have “proven” in our computer modeling, to restore the world to its natural unending state of equilibrium.
      And call it science??/makes note to self, buy BHP pipeworks stock…

      Posted by thefrollickingmole on 2007 09 29 at 07:04 PM • permalink

 

    1. I guess you’ll barely notice the 10519km2 of ocean area that is now jampacked with manmade detritus. And the mountains of salp carbon crap sitting beneath them.
      You won’t see a thing, we promise, just marvel at our plan to set a stable condition to a system that must inherently comply with the laws of thermodynamics. Anyone for some entropy?

      Posted by CB on 2007 09 29 at 07:10 PM • permalink

 

    1. It would be interesting to know whether this scheme will have to pass through the mangrove of ‘environmental impact assessments’ that any road or pipeline through any arse-end patch of wasteland is subject to, usually with the express purpose of stopping it dead.  If it were, say, a desalination plant,or, gaia forbid, a dam, we would already have Don Henry on our screens telling us about the coming environmental catastrophe promised by these pipes of death.

      Posted by cuckoo on 2007 09 29 at 07:16 PM • permalink

 

    1. Hm.. wasn’t there a time loooooooong ago when the Earth was entirely covered in ice? 700 million years ago?

      Maybe they should wait until I’m off-planet before trying this.

      Posted by Patrick Chester on 2007 09 29 at 07:38 PM • permalink

 

    1. It’s beach day, it’s Bondi Beach Day… I’m off bye peoples.

      Posted by 1.618 on 2007 09 29 at 07:45 PM • permalink

 

    1. 1.618 Watch out for those tan lines…

      Posted by thefrollickingmole on 2007 09 29 at 08:12 PM • permalink

 

    1. Oh yeah, I missed the bit where one of King Canute’s advisors told him to stick a tube up his arse.

      What does amaze me is that these misanthropes, who deride, scorn and abjure man’s technical powers, think we can actually affect the climate.

      Posted by Wimpy Canadian on 2007 09 29 at 08:25 PM • permalink

 

    1. #18

      What does amaze me is that these misanthropes, who deride, scorn and abjure man’s technical powers, think we can actually affect the climate.

      Deluded?

      (Although I wouldn’t talk with wronwright about this… he’s not allowed to talk about ‘the machine’.)

      Oops I shouldn’t have ment

      Posted by kae on 2007 09 29 at 08:34 PM • permalink

 

    1. Kae?  KAE?!?

      Posted by RebeccaH on 2007 09 29 at 08:46 PM • permalink

 

    1. #20

      ~ghostly giggles~

      Posted by kae on 2007 09 29 at 09:10 PM • permalink

 

    1. Personally, I think it would make much more sense to build a giant vacuum sweeper that sucks air through a filter that filters out methane and CO2.  We could store it in a really big bag, and attach the bag to a pipe that is, say, about 2 mile in diameter and around 250 miles long.  We point it into outer space and periodically squeeze the bag full of methane and CO2 in giant Gaia farts into space.  Problem solved.

      My idea makes as much sense as theirs, and it would cost less and hurt the environment less.

      Posted by JorgXMcKie on 2007 09 29 at 11:31 PM • permalink

 

    1. We’ve always been able to ‘Fix’ global warming.

      Nuclear Winter at Wikipedia

      All we have to do is pick the proper places to detonate the bombs. I’d say some place with a lot of sand would add to the effect quite nicely.

      Posted by CujoQuarrel on 2007 09 29 at 11:35 PM • permalink

 

    1. Re #22, planetary farts.  I like it!

      Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2007 09 29 at 11:57 PM • permalink

 

    1. Alternatively, we could launch The Goreacle™ into the sun.  The Gore Effect™ would surely cool off that hyperactive fusion reactor, giving Mother Gaia™ much needed relief.

      Not to mention Gorezilla stops bleating.  But that’s just gravy.

      Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2007 09 29 at 11:59 PM • permalink

 

    1. Back, it’s great down there today. Frollick tan lines are perfect. I’ve got a Roxy kini,

      Posted by 1.618 on 2007 09 30 at 12:00 AM • permalink

 

    1. Bondi is great get there today.

      Posted by 1.618 on 2007 09 30 at 12:00 AM • permalink

 

    1. 26. Ok Ill bite, whats a Roxy kini?

      Posted by thefrollickingmole on 2007 09 30 at 12:21 AM • permalink

 

    1. Went to a party at the behest of a biology professor tonight.  He cooked wild field rat for dinner.  It was scrumptious.  It was weird to look at, but one taste got that behind me.  Truly amazingly good.  Didn’t taste like chicken.  Tasted like… wild field rat that had been well marinated and properly spiced up.  Not dry, not gamy.  Tasted positively civilized.

      Watched several chicks who tried it on a dare.  Amazing.  The anticipation of grossness on their faces was replaced by a Kentucky Fried grin in seconds.

      Nice night.

      Posted by Hucbald on 2007 09 30 at 01:58 AM • permalink

 

    1. Maybe these poindexters should have spent more time watching B grade sci-fi movies, then they might be a little more circumspect when it comes to that whole “Hey, what could possibly go wrong?” scenario.

      Posted by lotocoti on 2007 09 30 at 02:13 AM • permalink

 

    1. Only a madman would think killing all the sea creatures in the Caribbean by chilling them is a solution to a problem has yet to be proved to exist.

      Posted by Contrail on 2007 09 30 at 03:20 AM • permalink

 

  1. #29. Hucbald,

    Free-range rats?

    Posted by saltydog on 2007 09 30 at 07:57 AM • permalink