“TEACH FRANCE” CAMPAIGN BEGINS

France’s massive commitment to the war in Iraq has made it enemy No. 1 of radical Islamists:

An Algerian Islamist organisation, the Salafist Group for Preaching and Combat (GSPC), has issued a call for action against France, which it describes as “enemy No 1”, intelligence officials said on Tuesday.

“The only way to teach France to behave is jihad and the Islamic martyr,” said the group’s leader, Abu Mossab Abdelwadoud, also known as Abdelmalek Dourkdal, in an internet message earlier this month.

He was quoted as saying: “France is our enemy No 1, the enemy of our religion, the enemy of our community.”

If only France had not become involved in Hurricane W. Hitlerburton’s terrible racist war. It might also have saved them from all those bombings in 1995. Actually, it turns out that French fighters are in Iraq—just on the wrong side:

About a dozen French youth are currently in Iraq preparing to become suicide bombers in the country’s insurgency, French interior minister Nicolas Sarkozy said Monday.

“At this very moment, we know that there are a dozen French youth who are in Iraq, ready to become suicide bombers,” Sarkozy told France 3 television.

According to French intelligence services, seven French nationals have died in Iraq, in combat or in suicide attacks, and three are prisoners of the US-led multinational coalition forces.

In other shocking Euro news, Germans are depressed:

Young Germans talk of emigrating, and middle-aged architects plan to move to the countryside to raise children, breed chickens and escape the sense of decline. The economy, which was supposed to splutter into life next year after a long recession, now looks likely to grow by less than 2 per cent.

High time, then, to mount a E30 million ($47 million) campaign to restore the nation’s damaged pride, an undertaking reminiscent of the I’m Backing Britain project designed to offset Britain’s economic gloom in 1968. Dubbed You are Germany, the aim is to present Germans with successful role models and encourage them to do something positive for the country.

I nominate Kraftwerk as successful German role models. Spain is preparing to welcome cheerful commies, as Franco Alemánreports:

The Spanish national holiday, October 12, commemorating Columbus’s discovery of America, will see all the Latin American countries, including Cuba and Venezuela, participate in the traditional military parade. The holiday is two days before the Ibero-American summit, to be held in Salamanca. The armies of Cuban dictator Fidel Castro and Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez will march through the streets of Madrid. In 2003, at the very same parade, then opposition leader Zapatero refused to stand up as the United States flag passed by as a protest against the Iraq war.

You’ll see him raising, that’s for sure.

Posted by Tim B. on 09/28/2005 at 11:17 AM
    1. …middle-aged architects plan to move to the countryside to raise children, breed chickens and escape the sense of decline.

      Yeah, the middle-aged architect sector is a key indicator, man. Bellwether city. Whither go the middle-aged architects, chickens and all, thither goes the Vaterland. It all started with Albert Speer. So did the restoration of damaged German pride, come to think of it.

      Yes, it’s time to teach France a lesson all right.

      Posted by P. Froward on 2005 09 28 at 12:44 PM • permalink

 

    1. It’s high time to admit that, sadly, France cannot be taught to do anything but surrender.

      We’ve sent hundreds – THOUSANDS – of ugly Americans over there to eat their cheese and listen to their whine and still they cannot speak proper American.

      They will realize their plight only when French schoolgirls are required to wear ankle-length burkhas and French men must grow “Grizzly Adams” like beards. And they will deserve everything they get.

      As for the Germans? I cannot understand their depression – they bargained with socialism and got exactly what they “wanted”; exhorbitant taxes, six weeks of vacation, and socialized health care. At least they have fast cars and great beer – that’s more than the French can say…

      Cheers – DC

      Posted by dc981924 on 2005 09 28 at 12:52 PM • permalink

 

    1. “France is our enemy No 1, the enemy of our religion, the enemy of our community.”

      France on the frontlines.  Who woulda thunkit?

      Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2005 09 28 at 12:52 PM • permalink

 

    1. Columbus Day is now Indigenous People’s Day in the crunchier areas of the US. I kid you not.

      Posted by Latino on 2005 09 28 at 12:57 PM • permalink

 

    1. About those Cuban and Venezuelan armies marching through Madrid: air strike, anyone?

      Posted by paco on 2005 09 28 at 01:00 PM • permalink

 

    1. Chickens is how HImmler got started.

      Posted by chinesearithmetic on 2005 09 28 at 01:31 PM • permalink

 

    1. “You Are Germany?”  Sounds like an insult.

      No, you are Germany!

      Posted by the wolf on 2005 09 28 at 02:18 PM • permalink

 

    1. Everybody wants to be Germany!  The question is do we have the strength of will?”

      Amy Wong, Futurama

      Posted by Teemo on 2005 09 28 at 02:55 PM • permalink

 

    1. If the armies of Fidel (Cuba) and Hugo (Venezuela) are marching through Madrid, shouldn’t the Spaniards be a little bit alarmed?

      Posted by RebeccaH on 2005 09 28 at 03:55 PM • permalink

 

    1. Jihadibots finally showing some intelligence?  I mean, who would you rather have as your primo enemy, the US or France?

      Posted by Achillea on 2005 09 28 at 06:16 PM • permalink

 

    1. #4 Latino,

      It’s even worse in Denver. (Ward Churchill was one of the eight acquitted, by the way.)

      Posted by jgm on 2005 09 28 at 06:27 PM • permalink

 

    1. Dubbed You are Germany, the aim is to present Germans with successful role models and encourage them to do something positive for the country.

      Hoo-boy. First comes the disputed election, now this. If I were Poland, I’d be nervous.

      I say bomb ‘em now and get it over with.

      Posted by Dave S. on 2005 09 28 at 06:34 PM • permalink

 

    1. Warning to anyone wanting to invade France: WE WILL LET YOU KEEP IT!

      Posted by Wolfbane on 2005 09 28 at 06:40 PM • permalink

 

    1. FWIW, I saw a commercial produced by that You Are Germany campaign earlier tonight, and…gawd. *buries face in hands* Exactly the kind of boringly trite “self-esteem” crap you’d expect from such a thing. Lots of concerned celebrities talking in soothing voices. And what’s worse, the damn commercial seemed to be nearly two minutes long, despite running out of things to say about 10 seconds in.

      Germany is officially in psychotherapy now.

      Posted by PW on 2005 09 28 at 07:02 PM • permalink

 

    1. I dunno… the last time Germany tried to restore its pride was 1939…

      Posted by richard mcenroe on 2005 09 28 at 07:17 PM • permalink

 

    1. Incidentally,

      Young Germans talk of emigrating

      Dammit, my Rove-approved telepathy implant must be leaking…

      Posted by PW on 2005 09 28 at 07:22 PM • permalink

 

    1. ..and middle-aged architects plan to move to the countryside to raise children, breed chickens and escape the sense of decline.

      Ummm, if they want children, shouldn’t they breed their wives….not chickens?!!

      Posted by rinardman on 2005 09 28 at 08:00 PM • permalink

 

    1. Let me get this straight…

      Lefties hate Columbus Day because [Frink Mode on] it glorifies the conquest of America with the smallpox and the killing and the FLAVIN![/Frink Mode off]…

      while their heroes Castro and Chavez celebrate it with DISPLAYS OF MILITARY POWER.

      Liberals must be stupid. If they weren’t, their heads would explode from the contradictions.

      Posted by Dave S. on 2005 09 28 at 09:00 PM • permalink

 

    1. If the Germans think they are depressed now, wait until they get a taste of chicken-farm life.

      Posted by Andrea Harris, Administrator on 2005 09 28 at 09:31 PM • permalink

 

    1. You are Germany – time to visit the Champs-Elysees and Arc de Triomphe

      Posted by Razor on 2005 09 28 at 09:31 PM • permalink

 

    1. Friends it’s only a matter of time before the mantra of, “it’s Iraq stupid” is proved to be completely ridiculous once and for all! Sadly, only a matter of time!
      As far as I’m concerned, the intelligence that indicated a threat to the German President’s life on his trip to North Africa in 2004, has proved it already, but some (the ABC, SBS, the SMH, etc. etc.) are a little slower than others!

      Posted by Brian on 2005 09 28 at 09:37 PM • permalink

 

    1. Best of luck to those poor German architects, going out to the country to raise chickens: I suspect that raising chickens in the EU probably requires more statutory compliances than anything so trivial as raising a skyscraper.

      Posted by cuckoo on 2005 09 28 at 09:59 PM • permalink

 

    1. I nominate Kraftwerk as successful German role models.

      How about Rammstein? I’m predicting sales of the Krankenschwester t-shirt alone to lead to a German economic revival.

      Posted by Art Vandelay on 2005 09 29 at 12:04 AM • permalink

 

    1. How about Rammstein? I’m predicting sales of the Krankenschwester t-shirt alone to lead to a German economic revival.

      See, now that’s class!

      Posted by Dave S. on 2005 09 29 at 12:16 AM • permalink

 

    1. Tim,

      Hurricane W. HitlerBurton”

      LOL.

      OK, you win.

      That’s the funniest McChimpy ZioNazi name yet.

      BTW, thank goodness for the French and Germans.

      No matter how bad things are here in the USA, it’s nice to know that it so completely sucks to be French or German.

      Sorry.

      That’s just the way it is.

      Just sayin’.

      Posted by MeTooThen on 2005 09 29 at 02:07 AM • permalink

 

    1. Downside of having France and Germany (also Italy and Spain for that matter) the way they are.

      Whenever Tony B or Gordon are asked probing questions about the UK economy, the easy and regular reply is: ‘well, we are doing much better than our competitors such as…er…France and Germany’.

      Gets em off the hook every time.

      Posted by Flying Giraffe on 2005 09 29 at 04:44 AM • permalink

 

    1. The average French and german joe in the street is pretty sure hes being screwed over by someone.
      Unemployment? Own government!
      Housing shortages? Own government!
      Immigration issues? Own government!
      Crippling taxes? Own government!
      And so on.
      Much easier to look at the biggest, most successful country in the world and feel cheated, and much easier for their own pollies to push that line as well.

      Posted by thefrollickingmole on 2005 09 29 at 05:01 AM • permalink

 

    1. Great idea!  The Germans can have a big rally somewhere, say Nuremberg next month, and get in touch with their inner German.  Better yet, Heike Maktasch can wear a dirndl and serve beer.

      Posted by Pat Patterson on 2005 09 29 at 06:37 AM • permalink

 

    1. So who was Heike Makasch, I wondered. So I googled. OOKay.

      Posted by entropy on 2005 09 29 at 07:16 AM • permalink

 

    1. So I’ll try that again

      Posted by entropy on 2005 09 29 at 07:17 AM • permalink

 

    1. it’s not just germany – as business flees the state, hospitals have waiting lists that go round the block 3 times, schools have only been stopped teaching just 1 book in HSC because of public outrage, roads are in ratshit shape, thrifty retirees are being taxed into pauperdom, and taxes gouged out of battlers are being frittered away on the commonwealth games,  steve bracks is preparing a bunch of feelgood ads to remind victorians how great victoria is -smell the 2006 election in the air?

      Posted by KK on 2005 09 29 at 08:34 AM • permalink

 

    1. About a dozen French youth are currently in Iraq preparing to become suicide bombers.

      I think Iowahawk covered this:

      It’s gotten so bad, in fact, that we had to open up a recruiting office in France. I shit you not: reduced to recruiting Le. fucking. Fron-say.
      Go ahead and laugh, sunshine. Yeah, it’s humiliating, but these French dudes are actually kinda gung-ho. Until they get here and crap their pantalons after they realize that Le Monde might have exaggerated our success just a tad.

      http://iowahawk.typepad.com/

      Posted by blogstrop on 2005 09 29 at 09:03 AM • permalink

 

    1. Me?  I’d rather retire to Montana and raise me up a crop of dental floss.  Movin’ to Montanta soon, gonna become a dental floss tycoon.

      Posted by nobody important on 2005 09 29 at 09:29 AM • permalink

 

    1. Raising Venezuela?
      Those radicals are beginning to sound like Latham-no good grumbling,nobody listens…

      Posted by crash on 2005 09 29 at 11:33 AM • permalink

 

    1. Entropy-Gee thanks.  That picture ended my fantasy.  Heike looks much better in Love Actually.

      Posted by Pat Patterson on 2005 09 29 at 12:46 PM • permalink

 

    1. Hell with THAT!  Ahmina go find some more tentacle porn.

      Posted by Stoop Davy Dave on 2005 09 29 at 12:57 PM • permalink

 

    1. Let me get this straight.  The US (along with its allies, especially Australia and Great Britain) is fighting terrorists and Baathist deadenders to bring democracy and reform to the Middle East.  It is fighting the Taliban to bring reform and freedom to Afghanistan.  And it is recovering from two back-to-back Category 5 hurricanes.

      And Germany is sad?  🙁    Oh poor baby.

      Posted by wronwright on 2005 09 29 at 02:43 PM • permalink

 

    1. wronwright—not only that, but we’re in the middle of all this and the biggest concern for 90% of the population is STILL what movie to go see this weekend. 

      We’re not even stretching yet.

      Posted by richard mcenroe on 2005 09 29 at 08:14 PM • permalink

 

    1. What movie?  Serenity, of course.

      Posted by Achillea on 2005 09 30 at 12:13 AM • permalink

 

    1. Of Course…

      Posted by monkeyfan on 2005 09 30 at 04:11 PM • permalink

 

    1. Kraftwerk as role models? Oh dear. They’re decidedly anti-nuclear. Check out the Radioactivity album.

      Posted by christiankerr on 2005 10 01 at 05:10 AM • permalink

 

    1. Squealez comme un cochon.

      Posted by Jim Geones on 2005 10 01 at 08:16 AM • permalink

 

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