RUDDLERS NAMED

Kevin Rudd’s list of 2020 Summiteers is revealed, combining several fine choices with dozens of loudmouths, seat fillers and net losses, many of them known to readers of this site. Among the Cuddly Ruddly One Thousand:

Robert Manne Academic. Doesn’t believe in dissent. Faulty football memory. Greater than normal capacity for caring.

Andrew Jaspan Foreigner. Small and sensitive, just like his newspaper’s readership.

Marieke “Nice flag, fuckhead” Hardy Granddaughter. Low-rating, critically-reviled TV writer. Paid by the government to entertain a small number of morning radio listeners. Unethical. Refuses to befriend anybody with whom she disagrees politically.

Phillip Adams Broadcaster. Broad fancier. Remembers things that never happened. Assisted wife’s vanity political career. Not good with facts. No, not good with facts at all. Easily frightened.

Tanya Ha Sustainable living advocate. Joke.

David Marr Moralist. Silenced under the Howard regime. Believes Australians are innately racist. Outrageous sense of humour. Thinks all Christians are white.

Professor Ross Garnaut Warmenist. Column generator.

Barry Jones Senior citizen. Who could ever have imagined Barry would still be turning up at these sorts of things?

Tim Flannery Geothermian. Spellcaster. Fridge magnate. Lofty disdainer. Idiot.

Nicholas Gruen Paralysingly dull writer, even for an economist. Thinks we should be polite to terrorists. Wanted to send Malcolm Fraser to Camp X-Ray on a mission to free David Hicks – who was no longer there.

Corinne Grant Comedienne. Star of The Glass House, John Howard’s crushing of which was a major election issue and caused children to be upset.

Barrie Kosky Theatricalist. Hates Australia.

Claudia Karvan Actress. Recycler.

UPDATE. Andrew Bolt rounds ‘em up.

UPDATE II. The summit’s best names:

• Indigo Willing

• Fiona Quality Wood

• Eric Ronald Wing-Fai Knight

I’m expecting a lot from these three.

UPDATE III. Want someone disinvited? Click.

Posted by Tim B. on 03/28/2008 at 02:21 PM
    1. Calling Corinne Grant a “comedienne” is a fair fucking stretch of the imagination, mate.

      Posted by murph on 2008 03 28 at 03:02 PM • permalink

 

    1. I have to thank Mr. Blair for bringing the images of Dani Ecuyer to my perusal.

      To wit: Witless but cute

      Posted by Big Dan on 2008 03 28 at 03:16 PM • permalink

 

    1. Kevin Rudd and his amazing Cavalcade of Clucks! No brain drain, there. If a camel is a horse designed by committee, ya’ll are likely to wind up with one (or maybe a herd) of these.

      Posted by paco on 2008 03 28 at 03:28 PM • permalink

 

    1. At least we can thank Rudd for one thing: a comprehensive devaluing of this awful concept of celebrity. With all of these people together in a room, perhaps some of our weaker minded fellow citizens who vote Labor will finally realise these tossers are deeply unimpressive, flawed air bandits.

      Posted by Abu Chowdah on 2008 03 28 at 04:01 PM • permalink

 

    1. That motley crew needs Don Martin illustrations.

      =^þ

      Posted by Spiny Norman on 2008 03 28 at 04:25 PM • permalink

 

    1. Better link: Don Martin, Mad‘s maddest artist.

      Posted by Spiny Norman on 2008 03 28 at 04:29 PM • permalink

 

    1. Geez, what a rogues gallery.  I have always thought the USA has more loonies per capita than Australia.  Now, I’m not so sure.

      Posted by Mystery Meat on 2008 03 28 at 04:44 PM • permalink

 

    1. Nicholas Gruen Paralysingly dull writer, even for an economist. Thinks we should be polite to terrorists. Wanted to send Malcolm Fraser to Camp X-Ray on a mission to free David Hicks – who was no longer there.

      You say that like it’s a bad idea.
      They could have kept him, couldn’t they?

      Posted by kae on 2008 03 28 at 04:46 PM • permalink

 

    1. #4
      Images of the annual Celebrity Car Race at the Oz Grand Prix – like chooks squabbling for a morsel …

      Posted by egg_ on 2008 03 28 at 04:49 PM • permalink

 

    1. I hear the ghost of Claude Rains whispering Round up the usual suspects…

      Posted by SwinishCapitalist on 2008 03 28 at 05:03 PM • permalink

 

    1. I understand that shining light among former State Premiers -Ms kirner – got a guernsey.  Perhaps a ploy to remind they the people that it’s still breathing, as a precursor to the Dear Leader sending the name off to Buck House as the next GG.

      Posted by Rod C on 2008 03 28 at 05:13 PM • permalink

 

    1. Meanwhile, Rudd’s ‘razor gang’ is determined to make severe cuts to the public service in this year’s budget according to Special Minister of State John Faulkner.
      One catch though.
      A special ‘unit’ will be set up to provide some certainty to those affected by the cuts and help them find other jobs within the public service (ABC).

      Posted by chrisgo on 2008 03 28 at 05:18 PM • permalink

 

    1. Plenty of lame entertainers, but notice the absence of the greatest Aussie entertainer Barry Humphries, The Scourge of Cant.
      I had imagined the boring Barry Jones and he would have been ‘paired’ and both sit this one out, but no dice.
      It’s another Jonesfest, where the only friction will be in trying to get a word in edgeways.
      Tighten your seatbelts, we’re in for a Celebrity-Driven Rekruddery.

      Posted by Barrie on 2008 03 28 at 05:23 PM • permalink

 

    1. KRudd’s duds!

      Posted by Gravelly on 2008 03 28 at 05:26 PM • permalink

 

    1. I’m not at all surprised at the guest list. Is anyone shocked?

      Posted by Ash_ on 2008 03 28 at 05:29 PM • permalink

 

    1. Great list, great ‘character’ summaries, I read them , I cacked myself; my work here is done.

      Posted by cohenite on 2008 03 28 at 05:36 PM • permalink

 

    1. Wouldn’t Germaine Greer and Robert Hughes be obvious choices for this? Don’t tell me they were struck by the sensible virus and dipped out.

      Posted by SwinishCapitalist on 2008 03 28 at 05:39 PM • permalink

 

    1. How about we tell them all that Mother Gaia is about to be destroyed by construction of an inter-galactic freeway, and that because they are so impotent, we have constructed a spaceship to save them…….

      Posted by Kaboom on 2008 03 28 at 05:59 PM • permalink

 

    1. I wonder if the token Judensummit being held a few days before will include Ant Lowenstein?
      Judging by the list of people who have done nothing but dish out their opinions for the last 20 years included in that list its not out of the question.Is Kirner and the other couple of failed ex-Premiers there to present their speech “What the fuck not to do”?

      Posted by thefrollickingmole on 2008 03 28 at 06:37 PM • permalink

 

    1. Fame was the sole criteria for a ticket to the Rudd circus. It is largely about who Rudd wants to be photographed with so the pictures can be used at the next election to prove he is friends with everyone. The inclusion of so many TV personalities – Karvan, Blanchett, Doogue, Denton, Jackman, Flannery – gives it a Logies night feel and just a profound.

      Fewer sports stars. You would have thought that a lifelong cricket fan who keeps a bat next to his desk so he can whip off a quick century at lunchtime might have invited the Australian captain. But then again, all that might have been part of the Rudd myth. Missing are sports A-listers Cathy Freeman and Ian Thorpe. Rudd already had his picture taken with them, so there was no use wasting space with people already in the album.

      There is also the remarkably named Jihad Dib whose anti-Israel rant can found at Green Left Online. He says the left isn’t anti-semitic, it just hates Jews.

      Posted by Contrail on 2008 03 28 at 07:05 PM • permalink

 

    1. Noel Pearson got a guernsey, so there will be a broad diversity of opinions in the Options for the future of Indigenous Australia panel.

      Posted by lotocoti on 2008 03 28 at 07:08 PM • permalink

 

    1. Here you go, Fame, theme song for Kruddfest 2020 Summit.

      Posted by kae on 2008 03 28 at 07:19 PM • permalink

 

    1. #22
      Note: Ray Martin stars in the musicvideo! BONUS!

      Posted by kae on 2008 03 28 at 07:20 PM • permalink

 

    1. The worse this list gets, the better I like it: this is going to be more fun than the Constitutional Convention, where Howard correctly guessed that the best way to discredit the republican movement was to get their brightest and best together and give them all a spotlight and a microphone.  C’mon, this is going to be the Great Outdoor Fight of moonbattery.  I just wish I had the popcorn concession.

      Posted by cuckoo on 2008 03 28 at 07:39 PM • permalink

 

    1. And don’t forget that Paleostinian apologist Amin Saikal is on the invite list.

      Posted by captain on 2008 03 28 at 07:51 PM • permalink

 

    1. Is Chris Sheil going? If so, there’s the final straw.

      Bolta was right when he said what’s the point of inviting people who have their views heard all the time?

      Posted by Nic on 2008 03 28 at 07:59 PM • permalink

 

    1. Sounds like the Rodeo Of Wankers (ROW). Imagine those wankers who haven’t been invited; they must be pissed-off.

      I’m sure they would all end the meeting by holding hands singing CUMBYAH (sp?) except that it’s Zionist racism, so they won’t.

      What will they sing while holding hands?

      Hey hey!
      Ho ho!
      North Korea’s the way to go!

      Posted by Wimpy Canadian on 2008 03 28 at 08:02 PM • permalink

 

    1. #1 Corinne Grant is a joke.
      The whole thing is a joke.
      Like SMH darkenistas.

      Posted by stackja1945 on 2008 03 28 at 08:13 PM • permalink

 

    1. I like your descriptions better Tim.
      Andrew is too genteel.

      Posted by Brian on 2008 03 28 at 08:39 PM • permalink

 

    1. Jaspan ageist Shaun Carney writes of

      The frenzy of media criticism directed at Kevin Rudd is premature and suggests a double standard.

      While other ageist Tracee Hutchison writes of

      Kevin .07 goes from Dad to worse

      Posted by stackja1945 on 2008 03 28 at 08:47 PM • permalink

 

    1. #8: Nicholas Gruen Paralysingly dull writer, even for an economist.

      kae: Didn’t someone once say that an economist is like an accountant, except without the personality?

      Posted by paco on 2008 03 28 at 09:32 PM • permalink

 

    1. Inviting Tim Flannery to an event which is meant to be filled with visionaries is as insane as, oh – say, giving Yasser Arafat a Nobel Peace Prize.

      Posted by Nicholas on 2008 03 28 at 09:43 PM • permalink

 

    1. I’m not all that familiar with Aussie celebrities, but from what I’ve read, this is nothing more than Rudd’s Coterie of Ass Kissers.  Ought to be a right corker of a “summit”.

      Posted by RebeccaH on 2008 03 28 at 10:13 PM • permalink

 

    1. I’m not usually embarassed to be South Australian. But in this instance

      Posted by saint on 2008 03 28 at 10:14 PM • permalink

 

    1. ABC problems not all bad – McKew
      Not that ABC some other. But as parliamentary secretary for childcare do we wonder if she will look after the “kids” at kruddfest.

      Posted by stackja1945 on 2008 03 29 at 01:43 AM • permalink

 

    1. If Barry Jones drags out his Knowledge Nation charts, it’ll serve ‘em right for attending …

      Posted by egg_ on 2008 03 29 at 01:57 AM • permalink

 

    1. #36
      Knowledge Nation diagram – or the summit seating arrangement?

      Posted by egg_ on 2008 03 29 at 02:07 AM • permalink

 

    1. I’ve looked and looked, but I can’t find David Hicks on the list! Other surprise omissions are Bob Ellis and Traceeee. But I did see a ‘Dick Smith for Governor General’ bumper sticker in Canberra today.

      Posted by AlphaMikeFoxtrot on 2008 03 29 at 03:41 AM • permalink

 

    1. #24…Jo Ho didn’t GUESS, mate.  He knew!!!

      Posted by Rod C on 2008 03 29 at 03:48 AM • permalink

 

    1. #38 I think kirner will beat Tricky Dick Mk II…I mean it should be wimmynn’s turn

      Posted by Rod C on 2008 03 29 at 03:53 AM • permalink

 

    1. #27
      Rodeo Of Wankers (ROW)Or Latham’s Conga Line of Suckholes(TM)?

      (Apologies if it’s been done before).

      Posted by egg_ on 2008 03 29 at 03:56 AM • permalink

 

    1. #30 stackja – Traceeeeee, now she has stopped drinking Port Phillip, is correct in her assessment of Rudd. The Rudd machine is trying to develop a sort of personality cult around the man, not in the North Korean sense, but in a fatherly way it hopes will work in a democracy. So Rudd is everywhere making hollow promises to fix problems real and imaginary.

      Petrol prices too high? Kevin orders the ACCC to do something. Did petrol prices fall? No.

      Grocery prices too high? Kevin Rudd orders an inquiry. Have grocery prices fallen. No

      Interest rates soaring? Rudd sternly lectures the banks about playing nicely. Do interest rates drop? No, they actually rise faster.

      Rudd apologies to Aborigines in a broadcast that is compulsory in schools. Are Aborigines better off? No.

      Rudd signs Kyoto over and over again on TV. Has his government actually done anything to follow that up? No.

      Kevin wants to stop teen binge drinking. Will it work? Of course not.

      The whole cult of Rudd campaign is based on him apparently acting to fix every problem that might worry voters. It is never about him actually fixing the problem because as a “dad” he is a dud.

      He is one of those dads who promise their kids the world but never deliver – the trip to Disneyland that becomes a week at Bermagui, the forgotten football awards night and the ongoing promise to sort out a bully that is nothing but wind. The kids will wake up one day and it will be nasty.

      (lest people think this is autobiographical, it isn’t. Mt dad was a kind drunk who promised little but always delivered when he did)

      Posted by Contrail on 2008 03 29 at 04:09 AM • permalink

 

    1. What is the Oxford collective noun for wankers?….”a self-absorption”, perhaps?

      Posted by Rod C on 2008 03 29 at 04:10 AM • permalink

 

    1. 43, I think its noun is a “kleenex box” of wankers.

      Posted by thefrollickingmole on 2008 03 29 at 04:35 AM • permalink

 

    1. Rod C (#40) – Kirner is a woman?!?!

      Posted by AlphaMikeFoxtrot on 2008 03 29 at 04:54 AM • permalink

 

    1. #43 Rod C

      bunchawankers
      bunchabrylas
      brylafest
      cabbiefist
      cairnscollective

      Posted by mehaul on 2008 03 29 at 05:29 AM • permalink

 

    1. #43
      A fistfull of wankers?

      Posted by egg_ on 2008 03 29 at 05:42 AM • permalink

 

    1. #47.. I think that’ll do it.

      alternatives:

      – clutch of wankers
      – grip of wankers

      I hope no there won’t be any school discos going in to those meeting places after the Kruddfest (with their UV lights and all).

      It’ll be like some sort of post apocalyptic CSI scene at the Heffner mansion.

      Posted by duncanm on 2008 03 29 at 06:11 AM • permalink

 

    1. My Dad was sober, promised nothing and delivered it every single time.

      Posted by Srekwah on 2008 03 29 at 06:19 AM • permalink

 

    1. this whole thing is a really stupid idea.
      You’d think that these people never had any input into public discourse, they’ve just been sitting around in the shadows, talking neither to government nor each other, sitting there with the answers to all Australia’s problems. If only someone had thought to put them all in a room together before now!

      Posted by daddy dave on 2008 03 29 at 06:34 AM • permalink

 

    1. Poor precious Phills skin must be a bit thin at the moment. I left a comment yesterday pointing out his latest spew in the Australian was about the printed equivelant to visual vallium.
      Poor petal hasnt posted it.

      Posted by thefrollickingmole on 2008 03 29 at 08:15 AM • permalink

 

    1. #51
      Pillock: … put an end to ugly emissions pouring from factories and coal-fired power stations.The Pillock prolly got his Ten Thousand Acres cheaply because it’s in the Hunter Valley coal region – give up, you dim-witted NIMBY!

      Posted by egg_ on 2008 03 29 at 08:56 AM • permalink

 

  1. Marieke Hardy?

    That woman has nothing to offer. Nothing. No. Thing.

    I can’t handle this.

    Posted by Apple77 on 2008 03 30 at 08:19 AM • permalink