PRESIDENT AL

Louisville’s Mary Ellen Peacock wonders:

Watching the most recent of George Bush’s presidential press conferences was especially jarring after viewing Al Gore’s documentary “An Inconvenient Truth.”

The stark contrast made me wonder how different things might have been with the thoughtful and capable Gore in the White House these last five years …

Everything turns out just peachy In Mary Ellen’s Gore-Prez scenario. Feel free to suggest alternative theories.

Posted by Tim B. on 07/29/2006 at 09:33 AM
    1. Polar bears, without the threat of drowning due to global warming, become overly strong and take over Canada and parts of Alaska, including destroying the Bridge to Nowhere, in their campaign of destruction.

      Actually, wait, that’s probably not a bad scenario, either.  And because a President Gore would have to travel around a lot, temperatures would be mighty cool year-round, so nobody would have to deal with the sweltering heat.

      I can see absolutely no downside to having Algore in the White House.  He should be made El Presidente.  Only he can stop the Canadian Menace (through proxy forces)!

      Posted by Kevin Feasel on 2006 07 29 at 10:59 AM • permalink

 

    1. If Gore and the Democrats had to deal with the real global threat, they wouldn’t be making up others.

      Posted by Mike G on 2006 07 29 at 11:08 AM • permalink

 

    1. There would be the Gore scandals, where Gore was found to have plagiarized a global warming state of the union speech from a 1950s Gilbert chemistry set.

      Traces of battery acid found in the Oval Office.

      Posted by rhhardin on 2006 07 29 at 11:14 AM • permalink

 

    1. Hmmm … let’s see … [rubs hands over crystal ball] …

      President Al assumes office with a Republican-dominated House and Senate. And because he went out of his way to diss Clinton during the election – and so needed the intervention of the Florida Supreme Court to steal the election – the Democrats are divided into Gore and Clinton caucuses, the latter led by newly elected Senator Hillary.

      Gore’s weakness quickly shows itself when he attempts to get the Kyoto treaty ratified, and the Senate tells him to stick it up his heinie.

      Then comes 9/11. Gore briefly is lifted on a wave popularity; but he insists on treating the attack as a police matter. He opens negotions with the Taliban to get Osama bin Ladin; the Taliban tell him to stick it up his heinie, and he goes away with his tail between his leg.

      Meanwhile, Gore supports the European effort to certify Saddam as being in compliance with the 1991 treaty. The UN inspectors are withdrawn, and US and British air forces remove the no-fly-zones in Iraq. Saddam attacks the Shi’ite south and Kurdish north, bringing about mass slaughter and a wave of refugees. Despite an informal media blackout, word leaks out through the alternative media; hearing led by Republicans and pro-Clinton Democrats are deeply embarrassign to Gore. Meanwhile, Saddam restarts his dormant WMD programs.

      In the subcontinent, President Musharraf is assassinated, and tensions between a radicalized Pakistan and India, leading to a nuclear exchange in the Kashmir.

      On the economic front, the recession of 2000 continued, despite calls for tax cuts. The chaos on the international scene, and the resulting skyrocketing price of oil, which tops $125/bbl, triggers a deepening recession – which Republicans quickly call a depression. China’s manufacturing sector, starved for customers, falters; to distract its population from internal problems, China demands that Taiwin reunify or face invasion.

      In light of this, and in light of Gore’s increasingly erratic behavior, Gore is defeated in the 2004 primaries by Hillary Clinton, who in turn is crushed in the 2004 election by John McCain. McCain, well meaning but essentially clueless, tries to right a world situation that stumbles toward global depression and war.

      I don’t think any of the above is far-fetched. The more I think about it, the more I think that the USA and the world dodged a bullet in 2000.

      Posted by Urbs in Horto on 2006 07 29 at 11:15 AM • permalink

 

    1. We’d all be down at the mosque thanking Allah for the Kyoto treaty.

      Posted by paco on 2006 07 29 at 11:26 AM • permalink

 

    1. late-2000 – Gore takes office

      Sept 11, 2001 – terrorists attack

      Sept 12, 2001 – Gore’s CPU overheats from the effort to deal with the terrorist crisis. He freezes during a press conference, finally revealing to the whole world that he’s an android.

      Sept 13, 2001 – Vice President Lieberman nukes Kabul.

      Unlikely you say? Hey, have you read that lady’s article? Mine is no more unlikely than hers.

      Posted by Billy Hollis on 2006 07 29 at 11:30 AM • permalink

 

    1. #6: Billy, I kinda like the way yours turns out.

      Posted by paco on 2006 07 29 at 11:35 AM • permalink

 

    1. I think we would have seen an Osama/manbearpig alliance.

      Posted by 68W40 on 2006 07 29 at 11:46 AM • permalink

 

    1. In the dreadful alternative future, Al Gore would have been too busy being Prez to make “An Inconvenient Truth”, causing thousands of greenie insomniacs to miss their restorative beauty sleep.

      Speaking of which “An Inconvenient Truth” isn’t a very honest title for Al’s agitpap. The truth of this nth variation of “repent-your-worldly-pleasures-and-obey-us-or-you’re-doomed” is questionable at best, and it’s all too convenient for those who envision that they themselves will be giving the orders and want to hinder America’s success. But then, I guess the more accurate title “Jackass” was already taken.

      Posted by Jim Geones on 2006 07 29 at 11:46 AM • permalink

 

    1. Luckily I live up river from Ms. Peacock, so our water is fine.  I really don’t know what has gotten into her water.

      I hope the next president stops it though.

      Posted by aaron_ on 2006 07 29 at 11:51 AM • permalink

 

    1. Turns out that Al Gore is a bigger womanizer than Bill Clinton, except that Al is so well “equipped” that he doesn’t need to force himself on the ladies; they flock to him.
      The White House becomes a sort of Playboy mansion, with Al’s cabinet of frat boys and ne’er-do-wells, resplendent in gold chains and deep tans, brazenly lounging on the lawn of the White House while scantily clad interns and newly appointed “ambassadors” serve drinks and take turns pole-dancing.

      Tipper is shocked by this bacchanalia and retreats to the moral hills of Tennessee.

      All in all, it’s better for everyone that Al lost.

      BTW, the recession, 9/11, and a series of subsequent attacks all happened, but were not reported in the NY Times.

      Posted by Merlin on 2006 07 29 at 11:51 AM • permalink

 

    1. On September 11th I remember saying to one of my good liberal friends “Thank God Al Gore isn’t president”. He nodded.

      Posted by paulris on 2006 07 29 at 12:02 PM • permalink

 

    1. Al Gore closes down all present USA Arctic and Gulf oil production, accepts Sadasses reinvasion of Kuwait so as to avoid disrupting oil production under threat of Sadass reigniting the oil fields, agrees to $200/bl oil price to keep production moving and closes all nuclear power plants at the same time. Lieberman publicly objects. Under prompting from Kerry and Carter, denounces Israeli wall, designed to hinder suicide bombers, after Arabs threaten to cut oil production unless he does so. Lieberman objects. Gore declares Scumballah rockets are not a threat to the enviorment. Makes Cynthia McKinney Sec. of State, first such Black appointment. Lieberman objects. Finds evidence of rampant lesbianism in H. Clinton’s Senate Office but restrains the Dep’t of Justice from prosecuting on the basis of separation of powers. Goes on National TV to declare sorrow for the victims of the destruction of the Statue of Liberty and the New York Jewish Federation Building + Times Square (leaving the NY Times Bldg untouched) by an unaffiliated group of Terrorists. Thousands killed but Gore declares that it”s the work of “Lone Nuts” not asociated with any group, religion, or nation, except possibly the Quakers of PA or the Zionists. Lieberman objects. Raises taxes across the board 20% to pay for rebuilding central New York, with $20billion to the NY Times for a new editorial building. Starts propoganda campaign to impeach H. Clinton & and Lieberman and reimpeach Monica’s boyfriend.

      Posted by stats on 2006 07 29 at 12:17 PM • permalink

 

    1. Harry Turtledove, she ain’t.

      Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 07 29 at 12:35 PM • permalink

 

    1. Sadly, I think Urbs in Horto (#4) is the mostly likely scenario.

      Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2006 07 29 at 12:38 PM • permalink

 

    1. Terrorists attack and subdue the entire United States, due to the American population’s having slipped into a comatose-like condition during President Gore’s first State of the Union address.

      Hillary Clinton and Cynthia McKinney adopt the burqa, much to the relief of millions.

      Posted by ushie on 2006 07 29 at 12:47 PM • permalink

 

    1. #15,  Sadly, I think Urbs in Horto (#4) is the mostly likely scenario.

      That was my conclusion.  Yes, we did indeed dodge a bullet in 2000.

      Posted by RebeccaH on 2006 07 29 at 12:54 PM • permalink

 

    1. 99.999% of the country continues to get up in the morning, go to work, come home, and bitch about something or other on the TV.

      Posted by lmassie on 2006 07 29 at 01:02 PM • permalink

 

    1. President Gorebot inadvertantly locks himself in the looockbooox while stashing Social Security and is never heard from again. Vice President Lieberman assumes office and, bolstered by the Republican congress, shakes off his mantle of perpetual melancholy,  re-embraces his core beliefs (like vouchers for students in failing schools) and governs quite effectively as a conservative eventually switching parties. The Arab nations, loathe to recognize much less deal with the Jewish POTUS, accelerate the frequency and magnitude of terrorist attacks on the US and its interests. A US/Israeli coalition reduces the Middle East to a pile of smoldering, fetid debris. Except for Israel. And the oil fields. Which now belong to us.

      Posted by Kyda Sylvester on 2006 07 29 at 02:01 PM • permalink

 

    1. Actually, Imassie pretty much nails it.

      Posted by Kyda Sylvester on 2006 07 29 at 02:02 PM • permalink

 

    1. Being secure in power and with no need to pander to extremists, Al Gore goes 5 full years without once mentioning the environment…

      Posted by TimShell on 2006 07 29 at 02:39 PM • permalink

 

    1. #21:

      Hah! Al Bore isn’t doing the pandering out of necessity, I dare say. (Now, that stupid TV network he created…)

      Posted by PW on 2006 07 29 at 05:03 PM • permalink

 

    1. #4,

      Say what you will about Saddam Hussein, he was good at killing Mohammedans -of both the shit-it and the sunk-it variety;  maybe the Israelis can post his bail.

      Not to be an asshole, but if this were DU’s point, which it isn’t, they might have some merit.

      Posted by Son of a Pig and a Monkey on 2006 07 29 at 05:14 PM • permalink

 

    1. Assumes office in early 2001 after a nasty, contested election.  “Gore Lost” bumper stickers outlawed. Sees the business cycle taking a downturn so raises taxes in order to safeguard the money in the public sector and to prevent its selfish squandering by private interests.  9-11 still happens but because of 3 consecutive Dem admins, it gets blamed on the policies of Bush Sr.  In response, Gore offers Osama the Sudetenland and reduces US military end strength to New Zealand levels.  Katrina happens but many thousands die because of a lack of a military.  NY Times proclaims that drowning in sewage infested water is “a peaceful way to die”.  The US’s only growth industry involves trans-Pacific moves to Australia.  Australia says that’s OK, but all these Yank jokers have to bring their own beer.

      Posted by Vanguard of the Commentariat on 2006 07 29 at 06:11 PM • permalink

 

    1. I don’t know about the political stuff you guys are writing about, but I do know that cripples would be able to walk by now if Al had been Prez since 2000—it was in all the newspapers in October of 2004, or so.

      #14 You mean there aren’t any dragons in her story, Richard? And #21, you like sci-fi/fantasy too, eh, Tim?

      Posted by andycanuck on 2006 07 29 at 06:32 PM • permalink

 

    1. BTW, the recession, 9/11, and a series of subsequent attacks all happened, but were not reported in the NY Times.

      Or
      were reported in NYT but as a vicious plot by RWDBS to cause panic and mayhem to create the right environment to take over the USA and then the WORLD.

      Posted by spyder on 2006 07 29 at 07:01 PM • permalink

 

    1. Pig & Money writes: “Say what you will about Saddam Hussein, he was good at killing Mohammedans -of both the shit-it and the sunk-it variety; maybe the Israelis can post his bail.

      “Not to be an asshole, but if this were DU’s point, which it isn’t, they might have some merit.”

      If this is your point, then you are indeed an asshole.

      Posted by Urbs in Horto on 2006 07 29 at 08:18 PM • permalink

 

    1. For 4 years, the US apologizes to Muslims and asks them why they are upset with us.
      Widespread new dirt mounds in US cemeteries are determined to be due to (deceased) patriotic Americans spinning in their graves.

      Posted by Jim,MtnViewCA,USA on 2006 07 29 at 09:10 PM • permalink

 

    1. I think the eminent Drs. Venkman, Stantz, Spengler, and Zeddemore got it about right.

      Dr Ray Stantz: Fire and brimstone coming down from the skies. Rivers and seas boiling.

      Dr. Egon Spengler: Forty years of darkness. Earthquakes, volcanoes…

      Winston Zeddemore: The dead rising from the grave.

      Dr. Peter Venkman: Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together – mass hysteria!

      Posted by MikeTheLibrarian on 2006 07 29 at 09:11 PM • permalink

 

    1. #24 VotC: Australia says that’s OK, but all these Yank jokers have to bring their own beer.
      Nah.  I’ve tasted American beer, and most of that swill would be confiscated and destroyed by customs officials on entry.
      (Unless you’re talking Shiner Bock – then maybe we’ve got a deal.)

      Posted by Wally on 2006 07 30 at 01:20 AM • permalink

 

Page 1 of 1 pages

Commenting is not available in this weblog entry.