OPEN THREAD #2

The untamed world.

Posted by Tim B. on 03/30/2006 at 12:44 PM
    1. Sheesh! A cat. Under house arrest.

      Friends and neighbors, this is what pit bulls are for.

      Posted by paco on 2006 03 30 at 12:55 PM • permalink

 

    1. is it possible Lewis is Blood Of a Champion and getting ready for the next GOF?

      Posted by paulris on 2006 03 30 at 01:12 PM • permalink

 

    1. Baby dies after untrained doctor pushes wrong button on heart bypass machine

      It looks like the kid would have died anyway…but why would a machine like this not have clearly labelled buttons?

      “Kill Patient/Don’t Kill Patient” perhaps.

      Posted by bovious on 2006 03 30 at 01:12 PM • permalink

 

    1. #3: Ah, the joys of socialized medicine.

      That is a sad story, though.

      Posted by paco on 2006 03 30 at 01:21 PM • permalink

 

    1. “My friend John” had a neighbor whose cat continued to spray John’s front door. One day John lay in wait in his living room and when the cat stopped to spray, John put a 22 short through the screen to where the sun don’t shine.

      The cat was last seen leaving the neighborhood at a steadily increasing rate of speed. That was in Oklahoma two years ago… he’s probably in Australia by now. If you see a black and white flash out of the corner of your eye, that was probably him.

      Posted by Franklin on 2006 03 30 at 01:29 PM • permalink

 

    1. There aren’t too many places in the U.S. where a cat could hold a neighborhood hostage.

      Connecticut is one of them.

      Posted by Dave S. on 2006 03 30 at 01:31 PM • permalink

 

    1. The cat story is funny, if you don’t stop to consider how taxpayers have to fund the court nonsense.  But it’s Connecticut, so who cares?

      In my neighborhood, that cat would be found dead in the flowerbed of unexplained causes.

      Posted by RebeccaH on 2006 03 30 at 01:45 PM • permalink

 

    1. I should have said “dead of unexplained causes”.  The flowerbed of unexplained causes is next door.

      Posted by RebeccaH on 2006 03 30 at 01:46 PM • permalink

 

    1. We had a cat like that once. Actually 19 years the old sod lived with us. She had the desire to do real harm though. She liked sneak attacks on men in particular, through their legs when they made use of our toilet facilities. And always went for the same bit, and often got it. Guests learnt to firmly latch the door.
      I have got one of those flowerbeds.

      Posted by Ros on 2006 03 30 at 01:56 PM • permalink

 

    1. Geez I hate cats.  I hate cats even more than psycho roosters and snotty ferrets.  If this cat lived in my neighborhood and had attacked someone in my family, Ms Cisero would be calling Lewis for supper, “Here kitty, kitty, kitty…. now where could sweet Lewis gotten off to? …Oh I hear that obnoxiously loud woodchipper of Bob’s firing up again… sure seems late for yard work?…. here kitty, kitty, kitty…”

      Posted by Texas Bob on 2006 03 30 at 02:16 PM • permalink

 

    1. “The flowerbed of unexplained causes is next door.”

      I’ve got one of those, too. I plant snap-dragons and marigolds and sunflowers and get dandelions, stinkweed and that awful purple clover that just laughs at Roundup.

      Posted by paco on 2006 03 30 at 02:19 PM • permalink

 

    1. Cats. Feh!  handmaiden’s of Satan.

      Posted by joe bagadonuts on 2006 03 30 at 02:41 PM • permalink

 

    1. They are good for throwing over the walls of the enemy, though, in their defunct state. Some historical figure, I vaguely recollect, so terrorized the Egyptians by doing this that he conquered them (I can’t remember who it was; Wronwright would probably know – in fact, it was most likely his idea).

      Posted by paco on 2006 03 30 at 02:59 PM • permalink

 

    1. Isn’t this the very definition of a slow news day item?

      Posted by Gryphen on 2006 03 30 at 04:24 PM • permalink

 

    1. Okay, all right, I’ll come clean, the flowerbed of unexplained causes is in my yard, happy?

      Paco, I think you should have a talk with wronwright about that Sumerian mead.  If you check the next thread back one, you’ll discover that it is actually Kurdish mead.  Or beer.  Something like that.  And I bet he had something to do with the Egyptian-conquering cats, too.

      Posted by RebeccaH on 2006 03 30 at 04:24 PM • permalink

 

    1. “The Avon lady was getting out of her car when Lewis attacked her from behind. She ended up going to the hospital.”

      That is the funniest paragraph I’ve read in months….Poor Avon ladies, they take their lives in their hands every time they head out on the road.

      Posted by LeftieLatteLover on 2006 03 30 at 04:29 PM • permalink

 

    1. I like cats, but this one sounds like it is semi-wild.  Cats will take control if you let them.  The owner sounds like she treats the cat like a retarded child without any idea of right or wrong……which is exactly the wrong thing to do.

      But, hey, it’s Conneticut, no?

      Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2006 03 30 at 04:39 PM • permalink

 

    1. They have a video of Lewis here: Fluffy Little Fuzzball He’s such a cute harmless looking kitty.  His owner should never have let him outside the house after the second attack.

      Posted by purplefox on 2006 03 30 at 05:26 PM • permalink

 

    1. #15: Well, at least I know Wronwright didn’t have anything to do with the pyramids. If he had had his way, we’d be talking about the Great Parallelogram of Cheops.

      Posted by paco on 2006 03 30 at 05:27 PM • permalink

 

    1. When Animals Attack: The Top 11 Animal Attack Movies

      Posted by Kyda Sylvester on 2006 03 30 at 05:43 PM • permalink

 

    1. Kids Egg Cat, Community Pays The Price.

      RageKitty also got regularly hosed by neighbours apparently, plus the eggings, they pushed and pushed and pushed that kitty until it couldn’t take anymore.

      Got a bit of a John Rambo vibe going on.

      Posted by LeftieLatteLover on 2006 03 30 at 06:02 PM • permalink

 

    1. This is a direct quote so feel free to use it wherever.

      Presenter Brian Thomas of German broadcaster DW-TV, said yesterday, and again I point out that this is a verbatim quote, that: tsunamis are just one of the more dramatic results of GLOBAL WARMING and CLIMATE CHANGE!
      This statement was directly followed by footage of the Boxing Day tsunami.

      And on the 7:30 Report last night, resident buffons John Clarke and Bryan Dawe asserted that tropical cyclone Larry was a direct consequence of Howard’s refusal to sign Kyoto!

      Posted by Brian on 2006 03 30 at 06:12 PM • permalink

 

    1. Sorry! I should have clicked on the link first.
      I thought the reference was to all the cyclone activity.

      :-p

      Posted by Brian on 2006 03 30 at 06:16 PM • permalink

 

    1. bovious

      The American Psychiatric Association Task Force on Patient Safety
      Recommendations to the APA Board of Trustees

      I. Introduction
      At least 44,000 Americans die each year as a result of medical errors, and the number may be
      as high as 98,000. Even when the lower estimate is used, the number of deaths due to medical errors
      is greater than the number attributable to the eighth leading cause of death. Total national costs of
      errors are estimated to be between $17 and $29 billion, half of which are health care costs.

      This is just the U.S.

      Task Force on Patient Safety Page #3.

      DUH, Ya’ think!?

      Posted by El Cid on 2006 03 30 at 06:30 PM • permalink

 

    1. I like cats too.
      And this one’s got plenty of spunk. He sounds alright.

      Posted by Brian on 2006 03 30 at 06:37 PM • permalink

 

    1. Maybe the Avon Lady got in the way of the cat trying to escape from Pepe Le Pew. (Le pant, Le phew, Le get the fuck out the way, woman!)

      Posted by EliotNess on 2006 03 30 at 06:53 PM • permalink

 

    1. I could be wrong, but this cat sounds like he’s just playing. We had a cat like that when I was a kid. He would hide behind a chair and as you walked by he would spring out and grab you around the legs. It was hilarious to see him pull someone’s pants down.

      You know what people are like today, they go to the hospital for a scratch if there’s a chance of a windfall, but, like I said I could be wrong. I hope the Avon lady is O.K.

      I can’t help but wish we had an amimal to chase off unsolicited door-knockers in our neighbourhood!

      Posted by Brian on 2006 03 30 at 07:00 PM • permalink

 

    1. Cat trap + Wheely bin full of water = The flowerbed of unexplained causes ferteliser.

      Posted by thefrollickingmole on 2006 03 30 at 07:08 PM • permalink

 

    1. I have a dog that kills feral cats on my farm.  Nice dog doing a socially responsible job, he is available for hire.

      Posted by allan on 2006 03 30 at 07:55 PM • permalink

 

    1. Send out the cocker spaniel and no one gets hurt.

      Posted by Donnah on 2006 03 30 at 08:57 PM • permalink

 

    1. What would those nasty Marines down at Gitmo or Abu Ghraib pay for a cat like that?
      I hope they haven’t neutered it, we could breed from this baby and drop thousands of them behind enemy lines.

      Posted by the nailgun on 2006 03 30 at 08:59 PM • permalink

 

    1. Can anyone verify the one where if you put aspirin in their milk it induces some sort of extreme cardiac arrest?

      Posted by the nailgun on 2006 03 30 at 09:05 PM • permalink

 

    1. #22, Aren’t those two guys at the end of the 7.30 Report satirists? You know, taking the piss?

      Posted by LeftieLatteLover on 2006 03 30 at 09:29 PM • permalink

 

    1. Don’t know about asprin, but if you load a cat up on smack it goes all Rodney King- makes this “killer” look like a Frenchman in comparisson- wouldn’t that be a video and a half- ten LAPD cops putting taser after taser into Tiddles, then having to get all medieval on his ass with billyclubs.

      Has it occurred to those dumb Connecticut flatfeet that maybe Lewis has been scarfing on crack squirrels, and that’s why he’s going apeshit- maybe they should be checking out what the Avon lady had in her sample bag.

      (We had a deaf white cat we inherited from my folks, who picked it up from the middle of a dual carriageway freeway, and she would attack anyone and anything who walked past her hiding place- completely out of her tiny mind. She was later killed by a half-wild grey cat from over the road, who later mysteriously dissapeared with the assistance of one of these– now regarded as a weapon of mass mayhem by JWH).

      Posted by Habib on 2006 03 30 at 10:01 PM • permalink

 

    1. #33- to qualify as a satirist, you usually have to be funny. Boring green/left editorialising might be hilarious if you’ve inhaled a whole boxful of whipped cream canisters, otherwise it’s standard ABC content.

      Posted by Habib on 2006 03 30 at 10:03 PM • permalink

 

    1. #6, 7 – RebeccaH, Dave S, you sound like gangsters… I like it.

      #13 – Paco, LOL! That’s good.

      #32 – I don’t know about that one, but I’ve heard you can put bi-carb on bread, feed it to birds, and it kills them or something. Can’t say I’ve ever tested that myth…

      Posted by anthony27 on 2006 03 30 at 10:47 PM • permalink

 

    1. #18 — Boy, that’s about nine pounds of pissoff walking…

      Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 03 30 at 11:50 PM • permalink

 

    1. At first, the restraining order allowed the cat limited freedom if Cisero gave him Prozac. But the cat refused to take the drug, Cisero said.

      Wonder what argument the cat used to refuse the cat prozac?

      “It’s for your own good, kitty!”

      “Piss off, witch.”

      Posted by rinardman on 2006 03 30 at 11:53 PM • permalink

 

    1. Kyda — That list is way off.

      Where is “Alligator”?
      Where is “Eight Legged Freaks”?

      And coming on DVD this May is a real contender, “Spring Break Shark Attack!” I saw this on tv and it was one of those “I want to change the channel… but my hand won’t move!” quality pictures…

      Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 03 30 at 11:59 PM • permalink

 

    1. Alligator for sure, Richard (Eight Legged Freaks–haven’t had the pleasure). And at least deserving of honorable mention:
      Willard
      Cujo
      The Naked Jungle (can’t go wrong with Chuck Heston vs soldier ants)

      You might even make a case for The Good Earth. And, hey, where’s Jaws II-IV? Huh?

      Posted by Kyda Sylvester on 2006 03 31 at 01:18 AM • permalink

 

    1. 3, 4, 17 Connecticut = blue state = Kerry by 12 points = pantywaists.  Amazing that Ann Coulter came from there isn’t it?

      Posted by Vanguard of the Commentariat on 2006 03 31 at 01:39 AM • permalink

 

    1. #32 & 36. Aspirin and milk do work.

      A bloke who used to work for me bred canaries, and one of the neighbours had a couple of cats which kept getting at them. He spoke to the council, spoke to the neighbour and nothing happened.

      In the end, he got one cat with the milk and aspirin, and another with a possum trap.

      The one in the trap was left in a tub full of water. In the trap.

      By all accounts it wasn’t pretty and took a long time, but the cats never bothered his birds again.

      The neighbour wasn’t happy, but couldn’t prove anything.

      Posted by Nilknarf Arbed on 2006 03 31 at 02:44 AM • permalink

 

    1. RebeccaH,
      “The Flowerbed of Unexplained Causes”.
      Sounds like you created a new metaphor.  I think you should run with it.

      Posted by marcus on 2006 03 31 at 02:58 AM • permalink

 

    1. Show some respect!
      According to the article this cat is a ‘cat’s cat’!

      Posted by Lucky Nutsacks on 2006 03 31 at 03:01 AM • permalink

 

    1. Several years ago at the New Jersey beach where my father-in-law has a home, someone was feeding Alkaseltzer(sp?)to the seagulls. It seems seagulls can’t burp. So, they blew up – and out – and splattered. Local papers made note of the various laws – and severe penalties – involved, and it stopped. Just FYI. And stay away from the apothacary shop, please… And why wasn’t that cat de-clawed the first time? Or put down (how’s that for PC) the second time?

      Posted by OldeForce on 2006 03 31 at 03:29 AM • permalink

 

    1. I’m sick of talking about cats.

      One of the more remarkable outcomes of tropical cyclone larry is that sharks have been able to move eighty kilometres inland.

      Posted by entropy on 2006 03 31 at 07:00 AM • permalink

 

    1. #23 33 35
      Clark and Doyle’s condition has deteriorated.
      Will no one rid us of these meddlesome comics?
      They shoot horses don’t they?
      A nod’s as good as a wink? eh?
      I say its them or Kezza goes.

      Posted by crash on 2006 03 31 at 09:16 AM • permalink

 

    1. re #32

      On the subject of result of aspirin/cat stomach interface I can confirm that it works. I had a cat when I was 7 and, using the dubious childish logic that ‘if you are sick and an aspirin makes you better, then if you are ok an aspirin will make you EVEN better’ I dropped a couple in kitty’s evening meal. Next day cat in agony and vomiting blood – down to the vets and dead by midday. So a weapon of last resort then for the little blighters.

      Posted by Arjee on 2006 03 31 at 10:09 AM • permalink

 

    1. Kyda — Eight Legged Freaks is well worth the watch.

      Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 03 31 at 11:10 AM • permalink

 

    1. Let’s just put it this way- I used to have weapons, including a highly accurate .22 CO2 powered repeating weapon, which was deadly silent and accurate up to 50M. I had a very troublesome wild cat, who killed my deaf crazy cat.
      The wild cat dissapeared shortly after the death of my cat, no trace has been located.
      Come and get me, FBI profile gatherers!

      Posted by Habib on 2006 03 31 at 11:48 AM • permalink

 

    1. #15 I think you should have a talk with wronwright about that Sumerian mead.  If you check the next thread back one, you’ll discover that it is actually Kurdish mead.  Or beer.  Something like that.  And I bet he had something to do with the Egyptian-conquering cats, too.

      It’s not the same thing!!!

      Ok, here’s your choices.  You can have Sumerian mead.  Or Akkadian mead.  Or Median mead (or what Michael Lonie likes to call it “mead mead for me” or “mead cubed”).  Or Northmen mead.  There are other choices, yes, but they basically taste like ferret snot.

      With regards to beers and bitters, I mean the truly excellent stuff, you can get Egyptian beer, or Kurdish beer, or that stuff made in that one hotel brewery in Australia.  Since the latter is available right now in that infernal land of the carniverous koala, I usually just get a keg of that and tell everyone it was brewed from einkorn wheat and Levant barley in the brewing vats of Ramses I.  Really they’re too stupid to know any better.

      There are other beers of course.  The beer produced by the German brewermeisters of the 9th century Holy Roman Empire were fairly good.  I brought back several kegs of that with the thought of pouring them into cute little wooden kegs and giving them to various helpful minions for Christmas gifts.  But I reconsidered once I thought that my assistants were basically unclean rabble so I poured Old Milwaukee beer into the kegs and gave those away.  I then drank the German stuff.  I’m fairly sure they didn’t denote a difference.  And I had a great Christmas.

      But keep in mind that you have NO CHANCE WHATSOEVER of getting a drop of these golden droplets from heaven.  We reserve them for the Elders of the Inner Circle.  And Lord Rove of course.  And I have a keg or two.  You’ll NEVER see those.  I’ve hidden them in a very cunning and clever manner.

      note to Texas Bob:  I heartily agree with those on this blog that you are doing a proud thing serving your country in Iraq.  In a token of my appreciation, I’d be glad to send you a small cute wooden keg of possibly German beer.  There’s nothing too good for our boys.

      Posted by wronwright on 2006 03 31 at 12:56 PM • permalink

 

    1. 51 wronwright

      I’ve hidden them in a very cunning and clever manner.

      There are still some fine folks here in Tennessee, U.S. that out of family tradition, that goes back years and years, brew an excellent and potent golden brown, liquid.

      Every once in a while, they get visits from ‘the man’…(if it isn’t their pot, growing in the national park, it’s always something…lol) and believe it or not, what they brew is hidden in plain sight. Talk about cunning, clever and ballsy…LOL.

      note to Texas Bob:  I heartily agree with those on this blog that you are doing a proud thing serving your country in Iraq.  In a token of my appreciation, I’d be glad to send you a small cute wooden keg of possibly German beer.  There’s nothing too good for our boys.

      Truly fantastic gesture. I await hearing from Texas Bob upon his return to the States, for a bit of a beer fest. You must remember Texas Bob was stationed in Germany…he would know the ‘Old Milwaukee’ trick….LOL.

      Posted by El Cid on 2006 03 31 at 01:45 PM • permalink

 

    1. “But I reconsidered once I thought that my assistants were basically unclean rabble so I poured Old Milwaukee beer into the kegs and gave those away.”

      I thought that stuff tasted kind of lame. As a joke, I gave a vial to my doctor as a urine sample. He called back a few days later to break the news that my horse had diabetes.

      “Unclean rabble”, eh? Maybe that’s got something to do with someone – not mentioning any names – using up all the hot water in the Tardis mini-shower. That’s bad enough, but having to listen to endless choruses of “I’ve Gotta Be Me” – it’s enough to send me screaming back to Rumsfield’s trophy room. At least those stuffed heads never break out in song.

      Posted by paco on 2006 03 31 at 01:51 PM • permalink

 

    1. Good Gad, those pussies in CT are awful.  And the cat should be declawed via laser, and not allowed outside, even if feral in origin.  Cats are indoor animals, and not usually classed as “domesticated” if found outside, and therefore can be offed with impunity.

      A cat owned me for 19 years.  He regularly beat the crap out of the neighborhood dogs, to the point where most would run if they even saw him.  One neighbor was mad that the cat chased his dog into his own garage and cornered it…

      Richard McE:  I’ll add some Bastarde Maumame to Texas Bob’s order.

      Posted by ushie on 2006 03 31 at 01:51 PM • permalink

 

    1. Oh, and one more thing Wronwright: my father was a “revenooer”, and once apprehended the great NASCAR driver Junior Johnson himself at his dad’s still; true, they were on foot at the time. But unless you can floor the Tardis and take the 9th century in a fast 90 degree turn, I wouldn’t get too cocky. I hear that transporting untaxed mead is punishable with fines of up to $100,000, and incarceration of up to 3 years in federal prison.

      Posted by paco on 2006 03 31 at 01:59 PM • permalink

 

    1. #55, Junior Johnston ! Now we’re talkin’.

      Posted by JAFA on 2006 03 31 at 02:42 PM • permalink

 

    1. #51note to Texas Bob:  I heartily agree with those on this blog that you are doing a proud thing serving your country in Iraq.  In a token of my appreciation, I’d be glad to send you a small cute wooden keg of possibly German beer.  There’s nothing too good for our boys. Bob reads this through misty eyes, deamily licking his lips at the heavenly notion of tasting the delicate flavor while inhaling the earthy bouquet of that room temperature horse piss disguised as real bier.  Hey! Its better than no bier atall!

      Posted by Texas Bob on 2006 03 31 at 02:53 PM • permalink

 

    1. If such an animal attacked me, I’d unleash a counter-attack using my Lockheed Starfighter with air-to-ground missiles, followed by a ground assult with Abrams A1A tanks firng DU rounds.

      Or something along those lines.  Damn cats!!  Consarn ‘em all to the Flowerbed of Unexplained Causes!!

      Posted by Tex Lovera on 2006 03 31 at 08:50 PM • permalink

 

    1. Yo Texas Bob

      How’s things at the office, today? Let me answer, Fine, I hope.

      Posted by El Cid on 2006 03 31 at 09:05 PM • permalink

 

    1. 46 entropy

      From your ‘shark link’…

      Three Melbourne men believed to be devotees of radical Islamic cleric Nacer Benbrika were charged late last night with terrorism related offences after a series of raids by the Australian Federal Police and the Victorian police.

      Somehow I don’t think their names will be, O’Bannon, O’Reilly, or O’Conner.

      Posted by El Cid on 2006 03 31 at 09:15 PM • permalink

 

    1. One man’s attack cat is another man’s freedom biter.

      Posted by ekw on 2006 03 31 at 10:21 PM • permalink

 

    1. # 51 wronwright

      With regards to beers and bitters, I mean the truly excellent stuff, you can get Egyptian beer, or Kurdish beer, or that stuff made in that one hotel brewery in Australia.  Since the latter is available right now in that infernal land of the carniverous koala…

      Do you mean the Breakfast (“Brekky”)Creek Hotel in Brisbane?  From wooden kegs, they call it ‘beer off the wood’ , but I don’t if that ‘translates’ accurately into USA-speak.

      As I just noted in Thread 1, it seems that Tim may have taken off some-where.  Weren’t you the last one with his grog cabinet key?  Give over, please.

      Posted by Stop Continental Drift! on 2006 04 01 at 12:42 AM • permalink

 

    1. All this is very reminiscent of Tim’s disappearance during that Pajama thing. In that instance, wronwright and mcenroe created so much havoc and lawlessness that I was quite distressed about the whole thing. If it hadn’t been for Snoop DD and Paco, I think I would have been dead as I had been chained to the bar and forced to drink gallons of cheap Persian beer which someone was trying to palm off as mead. I know my meads. That crap was not mead. Then I got blamed for all of it even though I was a victim of mcenroe’s evil. I do not want a repetition of that orgiastic event. Unless, of course, there are girls.

      Posted by ekw on 2006 04 01 at 01:06 AM • permalink

 

    1. Boring green/left editorialising might be hilarious if you’ve inhaled a whole boxful of whipped cream canisters, otherwise it’s standard ABC content.

      Misspent youth, Habib?  😉

      Posted by ekb87 on 2006 04 01 at 01:09 AM • permalink

 

    1. Bier. I miss bier.  I used to really enjoy chewing my way through a nice heffe weizen, but I came to realize a direct coralation between weizen and my pants size, so I gave it up (for a while).  You might ask, “Why not just cut back?” That won’t work for me because I have poor self-control and I’m lazy.  Its all or nothing with me.  So I switched back to pils and export, but my wife would swear I’d been gargling with ferret snot, so I gave that up too.  I found a little brauhaus in Legenfeld, Germany that still adhered to the Bavarian Laws of Purity and make a wonderful little nectar called Kupfer (Copper).  Herr Winkler is the braumeister there at Winkler Brau (go figure) and he makes his brew the same way his family has been making it since 1245. They’ve just about got it right by now.  I’d make some excuse to my wife for making the trip from Heidelberg over to Bayern just to stock up (usually tempting her with a stop-over in Karlovy Vary to shop for crystal – Hey! Give a little, get a little)
      Bier, bier und mier bier.

      Posted by Texas Bob on 2006 04 01 at 01:34 AM • permalink

 

    1. Lockheed Starfighter with air-to-ground missiles

      Ah, yes, the F-104 ground attack variant.  Or as the German Air Force learned to call it, “The Lawn Dart”…

      Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 04 01 at 02:05 AM • permalink

 

    1. Texas Bob — One of the good uses I found for the US import version of Fosters Lager was that the oversize cans, (about the size of oil cans) painted OD, made a very convincing case of “Replacement Fluid” with the appropriate stencils and found a good home in more than one M-113 I was acquainted with.

      Yes, M-113’s, I’m old, deal.

      Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 04 01 at 02:09 AM • permalink

 

    1. #67 richard, soldiers today still have that ingenuity. Its always funny that no matter how much the army changes, soldiers pretty much remain the same.  Joe WILL find a way.

      Posted by Texas Bob on 2006 04 01 at 03:15 AM • permalink

 

    1. More on bier.  I’ve decided that I no longer like the Aussies here.  Them and the Brits.  They get to drink beer here. Real beer.  I can smell it on their breath.  It makes me angry. It also makes me thirsty. We (the US guys) are governed by a little nasty ball of ferret snot called General Order #1.  Of the many can’t do’s listed there, the one I hate the most is the “no posession, manufacturing or drinking of alcoholic beverages”.  What that means to me is NO BEER FOR A YEAR!  The insanity of it all.  Several of my soldiers were talking about all of this a little while back, and someone compared being here with being in prison.  A young sergeant said, “No it isn’t.  At least in prison you get to have sex. It may not be the kind you want, but its sex.” That was pretty funny, pretty sick too.
      I’m still thinking about those Aussies though. Them and those Brits…. beer-breath stinking bastards.

      Posted by Texas Bob on 2006 04 01 at 03:36 AM • permalink

 

    1. I believe your ships are dry too … I remember they used to be … the RAN sailors get 2 cans per man per day perhaps … it’s VB for me, and Crownies on special occasions such as Christmas …

      Posted by Stevo on 2006 04 01 at 03:47 AM • permalink

 

    1. #67 richard mcenroe:
      Fosters is a pretty ordinary beer IMHO … you know you can store several standard size cans (375ml) inside an empty 66mm M72.  A good fit.

      Posted by Stevo on 2006 04 01 at 05:03 AM • permalink

 

    1. 69 Texas Bob

      They get to drink beer here. Real beer.

      That god damn stinksMy damn U.S. Senators are really gonna’ love seeing this EMAIL, today.

      This is for all OUR people, as in diplomats, admins, pencil people, OR just all the troops protecting their asses?…(well yeah and Iraqis too.)

      Jesus, having to rely on coffee and water, so you can take a pissMAN!

      Posted by El Cid on 2006 04 01 at 08:38 AM • permalink

 

    1. Do you mean the Breakfast (“Brekky”)Creek Hotel in Brisbane?  From wooden kegs, they call it ‘beer off the wood’ , but I don’t if that ‘translates’ accurately into USA-speak.—Stop Continental Drift!

      Yes.  Excellent beer.  Which I have in my own beer stock room.  Locked up with a padlock.  Protected by my vicious attack dachsund, Yippie.

      For you I suggest you acquire a taste for Olde Milwaukee.  It’s god awful but inexpensive and very convenient to buy since the local supermarket never runs out of it for some unknown reason great!

      As I just noted in Thread 1, it seems that Tim may have taken off some-where.  Weren’t you the last one with his grog cabinet key?  Give over, please.— Stop Continental Drift!

      You will get that key out of my cold … dead … fingers.  (says it with a Charlton Heston delivery)

      After the bacchanalian debacle ekw described at Tim’s house last year, we will NOT be allowing any more revelry of an unsupervised nature.  And yes, I very well remember the impromptu faux Druid ritual many of you held (not you SCD, I consider you untainted, so far at least, so stay away from paco and SDD) with drunken frollicing in the moon light.  Oh the sight of Stoop Davy Dave playing his pan flute while dancing the goat dance with many of you following him, arms swaying, clothed only in sheer Egyptian linen, that is a very depraved memory seared into my mind like a John Kerry war memory.  Followed by a bonfire with the use of Margo’s brother’s pizza delivery mobile.

      Instead … we are offering a very nice cheese and wine party at Melbourne Public Library.  We have scheduled some poetry reading.  We’ll have word games.  We have door prizes!  It will be fun, trust me.

      Posted by wronwright on 2006 04 01 at 09:00 AM • permalink

 

    1. Sooooo Wronwright -now it’s bootlegging and moonshining begorrah…

      Posted by crash on 2006 04 01 at 11:02 AM • permalink

 

    1. #72 El Cid, “…My damn U.S. Senators are really gonna’ love seeing this EMAIL, today.”
      Contemplating his tendency to shoot his mouth off, a dreadful thought entering his mind, Bob ponders, “I wonder how many seconds will pass before the general phones wanting me on the carpet to explain this latest Congressional Inquiry…”

      Posted by Texas Bob on 2006 04 01 at 11:07 AM • permalink

 

    1. Lie, Texas Bob.  Tell him it’s wronwright’s fault.

      (wine and cheese party, my foot.  Who’s he trying to kid?)

      Posted by RebeccaH on 2006 04 01 at 11:59 AM • permalink

 

    1. 75 Texas Bob

      “Contemplating his tendency to shoot his mouth off, a dreadful thought entering his mind, Bob ponders, “I wonder how many seconds will pass before the general phones wanting me on the carpet to explain this latest Congressional Inquiry…”

      Have a point…BUT if phrased in the correct manner, such as The Censure AND Beer MotionTHIS guy will be down…no prob….The Cheese and Beer State Guy. Whatever the hell his name is.

      While I’m at it, may ask him for the change in his pockets…(beerfest funds)…:).

      Posted by El Cid on 2006 04 01 at 12:04 PM • permalink

 

    1. “Oh the sight of Stoop Davy Dave playing his pan flute while dancing the goat dance with many of you following him, arms swaying, clothed only in sheer Egyptian linen . . .”

      He was playing a trumpet, it was a conga line, and I was wearing white tie, tails and a top hat. Just the facts, ma’am.

      Posted by paco on 2006 04 01 at 12:12 PM • permalink

 

    1. That Puritanical streak of ours is long and wide, but we do come by it honestly. After we passed Prohibition (possibly the worst idea we ever had on so many levels), as the story goes, King George sent the Prince of Wales over here to see if it was really true (I danced with a man who danced with a girl who danced with the Prince of Wales). He simply could not believe that the American working man was denied a drink after a long day in the fields, factory, mine, whatever. If George were still with us, I’m sure he’d be equally appalled that our fighting men and women can’t get a drink after a long day dodging mortar attacks, car bombs and sniper fire. And he’d be right. Should we send over some of those liqueur-filled chocolates, Texas Bob?

      Posted by Kyda Sylvester on 2006 04 01 at 12:18 PM • permalink

 

    1. #76 RebeccaH, now you know I couldn’t do that. Anyhow, you also know that he’d simply travel back 15 minutes before I did and tell the general all kinds of horrid things that I had “done” and there’d be hell to pay.  This multi-dimensional thinking is just too hard for me to grasp.

      #77 El Cid, you might be on to something here. I’ve been thinking on this a bit. The Muslims clad their women in burquas, evidently becuase they can’t control their sexual urges at the mere sight of female flesh and hair. So, using this example isn’t the US government really forcing my tongue to wear a notional Budweiser burqua?  We can’t control ourselves at the mere taste of a beer?
      Instead they stock the unthinkable.
      Yes friends, the US government provides FREE of charge (but only take two, others might like to sicken themselves) non-alcoholic beer.  Yippee! I can have a near-beer, just like when I was 12!  Apparently, we American soldiers aren’t as capable of handling the “hard stuff” as our Australian and British (as well as Polish, Macedonian, Lithuanian, etc) Brothers in Arms are.  Better not risk it.  We wouldn’t want some crazed lunatic, all hopped up on beer to steal a HUMMV driving through the streets of Baghdad looking to run over Rachel Corrie’s mother. I mean, how would THAT look?
      I guess what ticks me off is being told I
      can’t have a beer. Waaaaaa.

      #79 And Kyda, I like the way you think.  I’m adopting your stance from now on. I’m APPALLED too.  Oooh! The best of BOTH worlds, liqeur AND chocolate! And I guess there’s always Jack Daniels Mouthwash, or maybe Vive Cliquot Body Rinse, or Bormioli Rocco Hell Oil and Snake Tonic “Good fer What Ails Ya”.  You’re onto something here!

      wipes his mouth as he sips his Hayat bottled water…

      Posted by Texas Bob on 2006 04 01 at 12:57 PM • permalink

 

    1. There is something so wrong and unnatural about banning beer.  Don’t the higher-ups realize it’s the staff of life?  (Well, bread is, technically, but beer is like liquid bread, kind of.  No jelly, please.)

      Posted by ushie on 2006 04 01 at 01:07 PM • permalink

 

    1. He was playing a trumpet, it was a conga line, and I was wearing white tie, tails and a top hat. Just the facts, ma’am.

      Paco — What did we tell you about bogartin’ the Nile River peyote buttons?

      Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 04 01 at 01:17 PM • permalink

 

    1. And how is it that those Germans can make such wonderful bier but can’t make a decent wine?  Does the soil just go to crap east of the Mosel river or what?  Germany is to wine what Somalia is to All-you-can-eat buffet lines.  They’re both weak.
      I’ve gone to a few German wine tastings and usually ended up walking around with a bier, and ALWAYS suppressing laughter.  Why is this, when so many other countries in the West are turning out some pretty good stuff?

      Posted by Texas Bob on 2006 04 01 at 01:20 PM • permalink

 

    1. The bluenoses in Congress love to screw with the military because they can strike a moral pose on people who aren’t allowed to talk back.  They pulled men’s mags like Playboy and Hustler out of the PX system a few years back.

      There is apparently a little known military axiom that you can kill a man with a bootlace, but you have to be horny and sober for it to work…

      Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 04 01 at 01:24 PM • permalink

 

    1. TB

      Germans can make such wonderful bier but can’t make a decent wine

      The Germans leave the whine wine, to the French.

      Oh, Rachel Corrie is was HAD a mother?

      That beer Reg. is such bullshit. Like what’s next…can’t take a piss? No sireeee Bob, this one just may get kicked up to GWB…:).

      Posted by El Cid on 2006 04 01 at 02:24 PM • permalink

 

    1. So I should toss a Playboy (I don’t like Larry Flynt) in TB’s care package?
      Do Arab men have an equivalent to PlayboyPenthouse, etc? If so, what do you suppose the centerfold isn’t wearing?

      Posted by Kyda Sylvester on 2006 04 01 at 03:18 PM • permalink

 

    1. #86, I was afraid of being caught and wrist-slapped by the post office/Army/localnosies, so the best I could do for my care package to Afghanistan was this year’s Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition.  The guys were appreciative anyway.  And you can bet when they were done with it, that thing got worn to tatters by the local Afghani interpreters/soldiers/hangers on.

      Posted by RebeccaH on 2006 04 01 at 04:19 PM • permalink

 

    1. 82 Richard:

      Those were Camels, man, I swear . Bought a pack off the cigarette girl at the Sultana Hotel in Alexandria. Stoop Davy’s little party was a model of decorum and good taste. Why, when RebeccaH did the dance of the seven veils, she was actually wearing 14 of ‘em; it was all very demure.

      Posted by paco on 2006 04 01 at 06:16 PM • permalink

 

    1. 84. richard mcenroe
      Youve got to admit a years worth of no beer or hot babes would probably get you to kill just on its own…
      Yup very important our highly trained and motivated killers arent allowed 2 of the basic items they are fighting for.

      Apparently there are quite a few alcoholics in the M East, they get their daily dose from aftershaves.

      Posted by thefrollickingmole on 2006 04 01 at 06:48 PM • permalink

 

    1. paco, those were the cigs, one of which you lit for me in my ivory holder, yes?

      I’m still hallucinating.

      Posted by ushie on 2006 04 01 at 07:18 PM • permalink

 

    1. #88, paco.  Why, when RebeccaH did the dance of the seven veils, she was actually wearing 14 of ‘em; it was all very demure.

      Because I didn’t want to kill you and/or start a panic.

      Posted by RebeccaH on 2006 04 01 at 07:50 PM • permalink

 

    1. Rebeccah, Paco — Saran wrap doesn’t make much of a veil, no matter how many coats you lay on…

      Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 04 01 at 08:17 PM • permalink

 

    1. 90 Ushie:

      Yes, that’s right. But I’m sure it was just a Camel. Filterless, though, so maybe that made you dizzy.

      Posted by paco on 2006 04 01 at 09:03 PM • permalink

 

    1. #86/#87 Kyda and RebeccaH, you ladies are wonderful.  It really is the thought that counts here.  The effort is what is really appreciated.  Not being forgotten.  I’m in the minority here with regards to the “girlie” mags anyhow.  I can already sense the attacks coming my way from the men here, but I’ll say it anyway.  The only image I want in my mind is that of my wife.  It helps keep me connected with her.

      The soldiers are very resourceful here (as soldiers have always been) and manage to get alcohol.  The PAO wrote up an article last week highlighting the MPs prohibitionist style booze destruction party.  Quite sad.

      Posted by Texas Bob on 2006 04 02 at 12:18 AM • permalink

 

    1. You can ferment anything, we had a number of stills on the go at our detention centre. The best excuse i heard was it was “Iranian sauce” for a religous feast. In 2 20 litre plastic buckets!
      Stone fruit is quickest to ferment, and I have seen attempts at a semi-dry fermentation in plastic.
      Yup, make it in a bucket, strain it through a bedsheet, and add it to milk, mmmm yummo!

      Posted by thefrollickingmole on 2006 04 02 at 12:40 AM • permalink

 

    1. Texas Bob — As may be, but when the Playboy DVD’s and the Brinke Stevens comics were being stuffed into the Operation Gratitude packages, I don’t recall anybody worrying about getting them back… *eg*

      Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 04 02 at 01:24 AM • permalink

 

    1. Texas Bob — As to the girlie mags… hell, if you got one that good to home, more power to you.

      Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 04 02 at 01:30 AM • permalink

 

    1. #96 Richard.  You are correct, they are appreciated. I was just stating for the record that I very much appreciate anything that is sent to us. There are PLENTY of soldiers who are more than happy to get these.  I just give them mine too.
      Its simply my choice.  I did not for minute mean to imply a lack of gratitude.  There isn’t a soul around me who isn’t grateful for the support we get from home.  Much thanks to all.

      Posted by Texas Bob on 2006 04 02 at 05:30 AM • permalink

 

    1. #97 Yup, she’s a keeper!

      Posted by Texas Bob on 2006 04 02 at 05:31 AM • permalink

 

    1. Yo, Texas Bob

      The magazines, you really need to stay away from ARE the ones that are attached to, or used in weaponry.

      Oh…and the slimy bastards over there, that raise the hackles, (tough to tell at times, is the assumption) ummmm, yeah stay away from them also.

      God damn it, I’m up to 83 cents in beer fest money….Lord knows what I’ll have by the time you get back….so I gotta spend it on beer, else wise the IRS, is gonna want to know about the bustin’ at the seams beer fund….:).

      Posted by El Cid on 2006 04 02 at 08:00 AM • permalink

 

    1. #92, r. mcenroe, I’ll have you know that was the best sheer linen.  I don’t waste my Tardis trips on saran wrap.

      #94, Texas Bob, it’s we who should be thanking you.  But thanks for the encouragement.  The guys I send packages to (a platoon in the 141 INF at Bagram) are not an especially articulate bunch, so I never know if I’m sending the right things … except for the magazines.  I know they like those.

      Posted by RebeccaH on 2006 04 02 at 10:10 AM • permalink

 

    1. Texas Bob — Wasn’t saying you did, dude.  Um, no worries, as they say around here…

      Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 04 02 at 01:01 PM • permalink

 

    1. Texas Bob, re: #69…..get yourself a 3 day R&R to Qatar.  You stay on base in barracks, but, by God, they have BEER.

      Of course, it’s all controlled, almost to the point that some contractor pours it down your throat, and there’s a 3 cans-per-day limit, and some of the beer is the Oriental version of Texas Star (we called it Tiger Piss), but THEY HAVE REAL BEER!  Not that near-beer camel piss so popular in that region of the world.

      Drop me a line if you want a few suggestions about Qatar…..a very Westernized nation, by the way.

      Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2006 04 02 at 09:31 PM • permalink

 

    1. Speaking of “Untamed World”, I just saw a nifty little gem of a low-budget horror flick called “Dog Soldiers.” Some cockney squaddies get dropped into the Scottish Highlands for an exercise, and run into a pack of … somethings. Think “28 Days Later” with werewolves instead of zombies. Ripping fun, great action, awesome and funny (if often unintelligable) cockney dialogue (I was wishing Habib was watching it with me to translate).

      “Right, we are now up against live, hostile targets. So, if Little Red Riding Hood should show up with a bazooka and a bad attitude, I expect you to chin the bitch.”

      Posted by Dave S. on 2006 04 02 at 10:30 PM • permalink

 

    1. Once there was a man, a war hero, who developed cancer. Nothing worked, and soon he and his family were preparing for the end.

      People wanted to give him a nice send-off, and this included a casket on a stand. Unfortunately all they could find to build it with was balsa wood. So they did their best and built it as sturdy as they could.

      Finally the day came to show the now fast declining fellow what they had done for him. He enjoyed every arrangement until they came to the casket. He looked at it.

      With tears of disappointment in his eyes he turned to the people with him and said, “I give everything for my country, and all you have for me is a light bier.”

      Posted by mythusmage on 2006 04 03 at 07:03 AM • permalink

 

    1. #95 thefrollickingmole.  Are you about all of that? It sounds like sterno. And both my mind and stomach are churning thinking about the milk.  I don’t know, I’m from the camp that says hootch is straight up or nuthin. Please explain this a little more, it sounds very interesting.

      #100 El Cid.  You’re probably right about the IRS. Maybe if you start stockpiling now, they’ll never know the difference.  Anyhow, I’m pretty sure that Lone Star has an approximate shelf-life of 47 years, so all should be good!

      Posted by Texas Bob on 2006 04 03 at 08:41 AM • permalink

 

    1. #105 – LOL with a groan!

      Posted by Dave S. on 2006 04 03 at 11:14 AM • permalink

 

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