NEXT: BEER ROBOTS THAT HOVER

There are scientific advances, and then there are scientific advances:

Japanese beer maker Asahi plans to give away 5000 personal bartending bots, each of which can store up to six cans of beer in a refrigerated compartment within its belly. At the push of a button the simple robots will open a can and pour the chilled contents into a glass for a thirsty owner.

To win one of the beer-bots, in a promotion for the company’s new low malt beer, contestants must collect 36 tokens found on the specially marked beers.

Readers (reader?) in Japan: you must acquire this technology.

Posted by Tim B. on 01/29/2006 at 08:39 AM
    1. Geez, what’s a wife or girlfriend for, anyway?

      Posted by Abu Qa’Qa on 2006 01 29 at 09:51 AM • permalink

 

    1. That brewer of watery beer Asahi removes even more flavour from their tipples by producing a low malt beer? How much lower can they go? Yuk. And I’d need to drink 36 cans of the stuff.

      Think I’ll open my beers the conventional way.

      Posted by James Waterton on 2006 01 29 at 09:52 AM • permalink

 

    1. My favorite part is when it says, “Come with me if you want to drink.”

      Posted by Jim Treacher on 2006 01 29 at 10:42 AM • permalink

 

    1. You have to drink 36 beers to be able to acquire a beer-bot that only holds six? I want Halliburton to design me a better one.

      Posted by bc on 2006 01 29 at 11:34 AM • permalink

 

    1. Anyone remember Henry Kuttner’s “The Proud Robot”?

      At the moment he was nursing a hangover. A disjointed, lanky, vaguely boneless man with a lock of dark hair falling untidily over his forehead, he lay on the couch in the lab and manipulated his mechanical liquor bar. A very dry martini drizzled slowly from the spigot into his receptive mouth.

      He was trying to remember something, but not trying too hard. It had to do with the robot, of course. Well, it didn’t matter.

      “Hey, Joe,” Gallegher said.

      The robot stood proudly before the mirror and examined its innards. Its hull was transparent, and wheels were going around at a great rate inside.

      “When you call me that,” Joe remarked, “whisper. And get that cat out of here.”

      Posted by joe bagadonuts on 2006 01 29 at 11:37 AM • permalink

 

    1. Abu Qa’Qa’,

      This thread reminds me of the old gag:

      I have to get the dishwasher loaded tonight and then maybe she’ll have sex with me!

      Posted by JDB on 2006 01 29 at 12:07 PM • permalink

 

    1. HOLY SHIT!

      (Runs to the local combini)

      Posted by Drunk Fade on 2006 01 29 at 12:13 PM • permalink

 

    1. Maybe the robot (with its 6 measly doses) is sort of a reserve for when you’re too hammered to open the cans yourself.  Or find the fridge.

      Posted by Mitch on 2006 01 29 at 12:50 PM • permalink

 

    1. And on second thought, maybe they should put a 24 hour time limit on collecting all 36 tokens.  Just to make it a bit of a challenge.  Of course, the Japanese are notoriously poor drinkers, turning beet-red and falling down before the evening is fairly well going.

      Posted by Mitch on 2006 01 29 at 12:56 PM • permalink

 

    1. Will we allow a beer-dispensing robot-gap?

      Posted by Andrew on 2006 01 29 at 01:43 PM • permalink

 

    1. Hey, look.  We Europeanish barbarians stole the secret of silk from China.  We can surely lift the blueprints for a beerbot from Japan.

      Posted by RebeccaH on 2006 01 29 at 03:00 PM • permalink

 

    1. I, for one, welcome our new beer-dispensing robot overlords.

      Posted by Vexorg on 2006 01 29 at 04:12 PM • permalink

 

    1. Hey, if you have a hot wife, sister, daughter or girlfriend, Great Pervert Crab will come by and open your beer cans for you…

      Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 01 29 at 04:31 PM • permalink

 

    1. Oh sure, it looks like a good idea now, but you know it will have to be paired with a foppish gold diplomatic droid who can translate its beeps and whistles to the audience.

      Posted by Sortelli on 2006 01 29 at 06:09 PM • permalink

 

    1. Gee, you mean I have to push a button?  How long before our Islamist brethren denounce this evil alcohol dispensing robot, and the Greens/Democrats condemn it for making alcohol consumption look like ‘fun’?  Bring on the shapely pleasure-bot robo-cigarette-girls.

      Posted by cuckoo on 2006 01 29 at 06:22 PM • permalink

 

    1. Eh, I think a robot vacuum cleaner’s more practical. After all, do you spend more time vacuuming or going to and from the fridge for cold beer?

      Uhm, never mind.

      Posted by John Nowak on 2006 01 29 at 07:14 PM • permalink

 

    1. What is it with you and hovering, Tim?

      Posted by TimT on 2006 01 29 at 07:25 PM • permalink

 

    1. At least the Japanese managed to resist the culturally ingrained urge to incorporate a karaoke machine into the robot.

      Shit – now some white coated lab nerds in Kyoto are smacking themselves in the foreheads and saying “Yesss!  We need karaoke!”

      Posted by Steve Skubinna on 2006 01 29 at 08:14 PM • permalink

 

    1. “Long to reign hover us”

      Posted by TimT on 2006 01 29 at 08:40 PM • permalink

 

    1. Maybe that hovering thing (/ee/index.php/weblog/nation_of_hoverists/) wasn’t a car but a beer-bot?

      Posted by Rob Read on 2006 01 29 at 09:08 PM • permalink

 

    1. #15

      Bring on the shapely pleasure-bot robo-cigarette-girls.

      Completely off topic, but I was watching Austin Powers the other day and I realised that the lead fembot was the blonde investigator in CSI.

      Posted by entropy on 2006 01 29 at 11:08 PM • permalink

 

    1. I saw a security robot in a shopping centre the other day. Frankly it didn’t look like it could put up much of a fight. Presumably it’s role is to call for back up while absorbing blows.

      Posted by Just passing by on 2006 01 29 at 11:46 PM • permalink

 

    1. Uhh, Tim, these are prototype Daleks. This is bad. Real bad. Destruction of humanity and Time Lords bad.

      You do Dr. Who, don’t you?

      http://williamyoung.blogspot.com/2006/01/we-built-them-then-they-rebelled.html

      (Tried to insert the url as a hyperlink, but it didn’t take, it did this. Sorry)

      Posted by William Young on 2006 01 30 at 12:15 AM • permalink

 

    1. William,
      Don’t be a fool, man! These robots are here for the good of all! You can’t impede progress!

      Now, if you’d just like to step into the next room, my overlord friend, Dr Davros Davies would like to have a quiet chat with you …

      Posted by TimT on 2006 01 30 at 01:38 AM • permalink

 

    1. For drinkers who need more, Mike Wakerly has invented the kegbot, which is described in Popular Science.  (Mike is my stepson-to-be.)

      Posted by Joanne Jacobs on 2006 01 30 at 03:42 AM • permalink

 

    1. Does it mike “exterminate” (in stentorian tones )as it fires a can at you -via its proboscis…

      Posted by crash on 2006 01 30 at 05:22 AM • permalink

 

    1. “All your beer is belong to us!”

      “Someone set us up the beer!”

      Yeah, this all makes sense.  If you’re Japanese.

      Posted by Steve Skubinna on 2006 01 30 at 06:18 AM • permalink

 

    1. Move, beer!  You know what you doing!

      For great justice take off every beer!

      Posted by Sortelli on 2006 01 30 at 06:29 AM • permalink

 

    1. Zang!  Now I know how John Henry felt when he first saw that steam drill.  Lawd lawd!

      (Stoop Davy was a beer can openin’ man.  Lawd lawd!)

      Posted by Stoop Davy Dave on 2006 01 30 at 01:39 PM • permalink

 

    1. Do not trust the pourer robot.

      Posted by Mitch on 2006 01 30 at 06:21 PM • permalink

 

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