MORTAR ENEMY

No graduation ceremony for Richard Butler:

CBS News journalist Richard Butler said he believes he was kidnapped in Iraq by policemen with sympathies toward the Hezbollah but isn’t entirely sure who held him captive for two months or why …

“I was pleased I wasn’t being mortarboarded in Guantanamo or being held for six and a half years like an Al-Jazeera cameraman, for instance,” he said.

(Via Tom W.)

Posted by Tim B. on 04/30/2008 at 05:53 AM
    1. mortarboarding at Gitmo is when detainees are made to put on a cap and gown and listen to back-to-back commencement addresses by alternating Clinton cabinet secretaries and PBS hosts. Most of them crack during Janet Reno.

      Mark Steyn

      Posted by hooligan on 2008 04 30 at 06:16 AM • permalink

 

    1. In Russia it is far more serious. The result is more hardened criminals.

      Posted by blogstrop on 2008 04 30 at 06:22 AM • permalink

 

    1. mortarboarded

      Golly! I’ll bet his mates call him Dicko.

      Posted by kae on 2008 04 30 at 06:36 AM • permalink

 

    1. Allen Pizzey, that name looks ripe for parody. Does he drink?

      Butler to go back to reporting world’s danger spots not Basra anytime soon

      #2 Yes Put-in concrete. Not Muggebee land for Butler same happens there bodies and maybe kidnapped by policemen with sympathies toward Muggebee.

      Major Strasser: How about New York?
      Rick: Well there are certain sections of New York, Major, that I wouldn’t advise you to try to invade.

      Maybe Redfern or Cabramatta? Plenty of police action there at the moment.

      Posted by stackja1945 on 2008 04 30 at 06:41 AM • permalink

 

    1. They stuff cement up your nose and let pigeons poop on you.

      Posted by rhhardin on 2008 04 30 at 06:41 AM • permalink

 

    1. It’s all about Bush as usual, isn’t it?

      Posted by JJM Ballantyne on 2008 04 30 at 06:46 AM • permalink

 

    1. Richard Butler, wasn’t he some embarrasador and ex tassie governor?

      Posted by entropy on 2008 04 30 at 07:12 AM • permalink

 

    1. Mortarboarding helps us cement ties with less friendly nations.

      Posted by mr creosote on 2008 04 30 at 07:17 AM • permalink

 

    1. but he was still held with a sack over his head and arm restraints. He eventually got the sense that his captors didn’t intend to kill him

      Butler said he felt it was better to be kidnapped in Iraq then taken into custody by Americans in Afghanistan.

      Butler said he lost about 42 pounds and during the last 12 days of his captivity, ate one tangerine and four boiled eggs

      Clearly, Richard Butler must have been trying one fad diet after another and nothing seemed to work. But being taken away from any of his old bad habits and his bad influences, binding his arms to prevent temptation, and an enforced starvation diet really seemed to work wonders.

      I’m sure his only regret is that he didn’t have the chance to lose another ten pounds via their patent-pending saw your head off with a large knife procedure.

      If he had been taken to Guantanamo not only would have gotten pudgier but he would have had to worry about what SPF to use.

      Posted by Col. Milquetoast on 2008 04 30 at 07:21 AM • permalink

 

    1. Its nice to see that CBS News hires reporters with no hidden agendas.  I will be looking forward to future objective, unbiased reports from Mr. Butler.  Oh, in this wonder fantasy world can I be rich and have yacht the size of Geffen’s?

      Posted by Mark Razak on 2008 04 30 at 07:39 AM • permalink

 

    1. Goddam (can I say that here??) lucky he wasn’t matriculated.

      Posted by surfmaster on 2008 04 30 at 07:39 AM • permalink

 

    1. Why would you torture a journalist?

      You torture people to get information, facts and knowledge.

      Most MSM types don’t have any of that – they have opinions, prejudices and bias.  Certainly no facts or knowledge.

      The only reason to torture him would be to make him squeal like a pig.

      Posted by mr creosote on 2008 04 30 at 07:50 AM • permalink

 

    1. he heard a lot of …Hezbollah ringtones on mobile phones

      For a ringtone of suicide bomber bloopers text 1232 to…

      For a ringtone of the official Hezbollah barbershop quartet singing “Barbie Girl” with funny hezbollah related lyrics text 1233 to…

      For a ringtone of Hassan Nasrallah telling you in his hottest, sexiest voice that he wants to be one of your 72 virgins text 1234 to…

      Posted by Col. Milquetoast on 2008 04 30 at 07:58 AM • permalink

 

    1. Well of course they didn’t kill him. Once they realised he was an ally.

      Posted by Toiling Mass on 2008 04 30 at 08:00 AM • permalink

 

    1. #7
      Pommie cameraman/journo … near enough

      Posted by egg_ on 2008 04 30 at 08:00 AM • permalink

 

    1. “Straight away you assess the situation,” he said. “I am standing there, in front of these eight guys with AK-47s, and I am in a pair of underpants and a T-shirt. The odds are not in my favor. So there is no point in trying to do anything heroic or stupid.”

      The idea of an MSM journalist doing anything heroic is actually funny.  And he clearly saved his stupid stuff for after he was released.

      Posted by Diggs on 2008 04 30 at 08:04 AM • permalink

 

    1. Richard Butthead’s disembodied head speaks:

      As I hang here in the air
      While a Hezbo grabs my hair
      I can say hurray hurrah
      I am not in America.

      Posted by dean martin on 2008 04 30 at 08:07 AM • permalink

 

    1. #11 OK, you hold him and I’ll do it.

      Posted by ErnieG on 2008 04 30 at 08:12 AM • permalink

 

    1. “Thank Goodness I wasn’t mortarlised by Joe McCarthy!”
      So why did Murrow ignore McCarthy’s over-arching charge? As Ann Coulter suggested in Human Events, the reason may lie in an event that happened six years earlier. In 1948, a long-time friend of Murrow, former State Department official Lawrence Duggan, fell to his death from the window of his Manhattan office. Duggan’s death, described as a suicide, came only 10 days after he was questioned by the FBI about his role in a communist spy ring. For many years, Duggan’s friends and family–a group that included Ed Murrow–lionized him as an early victim of the Red Scare. But information from Moscow’s intelligence archives, released in the early 1990s, confirms that Duggan was a Soviet agent, providing sensitive diplomatic information to his handlers. In fact, Mr. Duggan was considered such an important spy that the Russians ordered the murder of at least one defector, to protect their mole in the State Department.

      While such information was unknown outside counter-intelligence circles, Murrow had easy access to the highest levels of American government. President Eisenhower was a friend, as were numerous cabinet and other senior-level government officials. With those contacts–and a little digging–Murrow might have discovered substantiation for McCarthy’s charges and produced a more revelatory film.
      Spooky!

      Posted by blogstrop on 2008 04 30 at 08:16 AM • permalink

 

    1. #18 – sorry you will have to buy me a drink first 🙂

      Posted by surfmaster on 2008 04 30 at 08:25 AM • permalink

 

    1. #19 There are many unexplained stories. Until KGB/GRU archives are opened we will not know. Then we will need someone to read then distribute the information. Australia’s archives still hold many secrets.

      Posted by stackja1945 on 2008 04 30 at 08:44 AM • permalink

 

    1. #19
      More Spooky The Dan Speaks

      As most Americans know, without balance or fairness, journalistic zeal is little more than a media vendetta, which is how Memogate will be rightfully remembered.

      Posted by stackja1945 on 2008 04 30 at 09:02 AM • permalink

 

    1. OT?
      Albert Hofmann, father of drug LSD, dies in Switzerland

      “I produced the substance as a medicine. … It’s not my fault if people abused it,” he once said.

      Posted by stackja1945 on 2008 04 30 at 09:07 AM • permalink

 

    1. The kidnappers, after confirming that Butler was (a) a British journalist who (b) was working for CBS, realized their mistake and let him go, amidst a flurry of apologetic salaams and promises of future news scoops.

      Posted by paco on 2008 04 30 at 09:13 AM • permalink

 

    1. “but he was still held with a sack over his head”..so how did he know this..”I am standing there, in front of these eight guys with AK-47s,”… must of had one off those sacks with the little eyelets cut out. How sweet of them. The bloke couldn’t lie straight in bed.

      Posted by jon crow on 2008 04 30 at 09:20 AM • permalink

 

    1. “I was pleased I wasn’t being mortarboarded in Guantanamo or being held for six and a half years like an Al-Jazeera cameraman, for instance,” he said.

      Hey, that’s a bit harsh!

      Those were two of the best scenarios we’d ever devised. Well, those and the strategic goat kicking incident in Iran.

      The Butler CBS Journalist ruse was different.

      This time we had full Congressional denial, free use of desert zones G and Y at Area 51 for filming locations and even some of those neat magnetic swipe passes for the elevators and roller coaster transport facilities. The VRWC minionettes worked tirelessly for weeks shoveling sand into dunes and swinging their hips in those camel suits. Special mention goes to kae’s mom for the hand knitted palm trees. And to the guys of course, who blew the whole set flat again with the studio fans. Haw. All in good fun!

      Anyway, Butler was completely duped with the fake ring tones and all, he really thought he was kidnapped in Iraq! Well, he did until wronwright had to get all bossy and yell “splice! Try to make something of yourself and go get me my hawk and trowel. If we sling enough mud, some of it might stick!”

      How was I supposed to know he was speaking metaphorically?

      Posted by splice on 2008 04 30 at 09:55 AM • permalink

 

    1. stackja—Australia was throwing American commies out windows?  Good onya!

      Posted by richard mcenroe on 2008 04 30 at 10:39 AM • permalink

 

    1. #27 If we were, we need to return to our roots-I mean, beginnings.

      Posted by Ash_ on 2008 04 30 at 10:45 AM • permalink

 

    1. Actually Mr. Butler is right about one thing – mortarboarding is cruel and humiliating. Not only is it the stupidest-looking hat on God’s green earth, but it won’t even stay on your head properly unless you’ve got less than half an inch of hair all around, and it has to be anchored with hairpins which poke into your skull.

      Burn ‘em all, say I.

      Posted by Sonetka’s Mom on 2008 04 30 at 11:00 AM • permalink

 

    1. He should wish he’d been mortarboarded in Guantanamo.  Right now he’d have a nice piece of paper certifying that he is eddicated (if not exactly smart), and I bet they would have let him glue silly things on top of the mortarboard, like “Hell Froze Over” or “Hi, Mom!”

      Posted by RebeccaH on 2008 04 30 at 11:06 AM • permalink

 

    1. What did he major in?

      Posted by Hanyu on 2008 04 30 at 11:25 AM • permalink

 

    1. He sounds like a cretan to me.

      Posted by Latino on 2008 04 30 at 11:26 AM • permalink

 

    1. If he’s not one of ours and he’s not one of theirs then he must be one of somebody else’s.

      It doesn’t matter, really.

      What’s reely important is… whose turn is it to torture him?

      Posted by splice on 2008 04 30 at 11:41 AM • permalink

 

    1. #23

      Thanks for the ‘70’s, Al.  They were a trip.

      Couldn’t… resist.

      Posted by Hucbald on 2008 04 30 at 12:05 PM • permalink

 

    1. #29 Sonetka’s Mom: You’re sure right about that! It’s a ridiculous looking hat, although I suppose it might be a convenient place to put your can of soda pop or your bottle of apple juice, temporarily. And what’s with the silly tassle? I pulled on mine, and no lights came on, no servants came a-runnin’, nothin’.

      Posted by paco on 2008 04 30 at 12:58 PM • permalink

 

    1. And then it got worse:

      “They were looking for an arms cachet.”

      “Arms cachet”–the Next Big Thing in Basra.
      Alongside “Semi-Literacy cachet”.

      Posted by Harry Bergeron on 2008 04 30 at 02:21 PM • permalink

 

    1. I don’t know what a mortarboard is, but send ole Buttie around and I’ll be happy to smack him over the head with a baseplate…

      Posted by richard mcenroe on 2008 04 30 at 02:42 PM • permalink

 

    1. “I was pleased I wasn’t being mortarboarded in Guantanamo…

      And he’s celebrating by doing a typical lefty pompous circus dance.

      Posted by Mary in LA on 2008 04 30 at 02:51 PM • permalink

 

    1. I am sure he could find work amongst some of the Jaish Al Mahdi creeps we ran out of Basrah.

      I guess Butler was a case of premptive Stockholm Syndrome.

      Posted by Major John on 2008 04 30 at 03:06 PM • permalink

 

    1. “MORTARBOARDING”?
      Arms “CACHET”?
      And how do you tell a “Hezbollah” ringtone?This is an article about a journalist, written by a journalist, and checked by one of those editor creatures?

      Posted by unkraut on 2008 04 30 at 03:09 PM • permalink

 

    1. Pfft! Lucky for him they only stuck to considering ‘mortarboarding’. Real evil torturers will subject you to the mental insanity that is ‘surfboarding’, followed by ‘wassuping’. The bastards.

      Posted by CB on 2008 04 30 at 03:53 PM • permalink

 

    1. Hmmmm.

      Wwwwwaaaassssssuuuuuuppppppp!

      Posted by memomachine on 2008 04 30 at 04:23 PM • permalink

 

    1. Scale slippage arsehole.

      Posted by 81Alpha on 2008 04 30 at 05:19 PM • permalink

 

    1. Wwwwwaaaassssssuuuuuuppppppp!

      Ow!

      Wwwwwaaaassssssuuuuuuppppppp!

      Ee-youch!

      Wwwwwaaaassssssuuuuuuppppppp!

      AAAAAGGHH!!

      Wwwwwaaaassssssuuuuuuppppppp!

      AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGHHH!  NO! NO! STOP!  I can’t take it any more!  I’ll talk, I’ll talk!
      (whimper…)

      Posted by Mary in LA on 2008 04 30 at 05:19 PM • permalink

 

    1. Who knew that they make you wear a graduation cap (aka, a mortarboard) at Gitmo.  The horror, the horror.

      Posted by David Crawford on 2008 04 30 at 06:20 PM • permalink

 

    1. And what’s with the silly tassle? I pulled on mine, and no lights came on, no servants came a-runnin’, nothin’.

      It must have been a PACO product.

      (ducking)

      Posted by PW on 2008 04 30 at 06:21 PM • permalink

 

    1. I was pleased I wasn’t being mortarboarded in Guantanamo or being held for six and a half years like an Al-Jazeera cameraman, for instance,” he said.

      Surely something happened, and that isn’t his full quote. It should have been something like: “I was pleased I wasn’t being mortarboarded in Guantanamo or being held for six and a half years like an Al-Jazeera cameraman, or having my freakin’ head lopped off by some muslim dick with a big sword, for instance,” he said.

      Yeah, that’s what he probably meant to say.

      Posted by rinardman on 2008 04 30 at 06:28 PM • permalink

 

    1. Wow, that’s 1000 comments!

      My mother would have been so proud!

      OK, I know. But, she always had low expectations for me.

      Posted by rinardman on 2008 04 30 at 06:33 PM • permalink

 

    1. By a gang of jihadis he was snared,
      And once free, Butler said “I’d been scared!
      Gitmo’s ‘Graduate’treatment is famous,
      For it’s ill-fitting caps and gowns heinous,
      Thank goodness that torment I was spared!”I paid a lot of good money to be mortarboarded.  I feel so…dirty.

      Posted by Infidel Librarian on 2008 04 30 at 06:41 PM • permalink

 

    1. #23

      Bart Simpson invented LSD. That’s why his picture is on the tab, not this german impostor.

      Posted by Pickles on 2008 04 30 at 07:35 PM • permalink

 

    1. ‘They were Heads Above Those Yanks’

      The Journo, released by Hamas,
      Declared ‘What’s all the fuss?’
      I just loved those guys,
      And it’s a nice surprise,
      My head is still linked to my arse.

      Posted by Barrie on 2008 04 30 at 07:36 PM • permalink

 

    1. Don’t know why he’s not returning to Basra. Safest place on Earth for him. The jihadists should figure him worth at least a dozen suicide bombers.

      Posted by Dminor on 2008 04 30 at 08:00 PM • permalink

 

    1. He meant “plasterboarded” or was it “plasteredboarded”.

      Posted by LaVallette on 2008 04 30 at 09:09 PM • permalink

 

    1. Yeah Dminor, but the Iraqi Army and police control Basra now, and they might not be too keen on a pommie twit who seems to love the brutes the Iraqi Army is fighting.  Trained by Americans, the Iraqi Army soldiers are probably better shots than the jihadists.

      “Mortarboarded”, “arms cachet”, this guy’s ignorance is truly phenomenal.  And where were all those vaunted editors and whatnot that the MSM claims makes their reporting so much better than that of Drudge or your average blogger?  One must conclude they were either out to lunch, permanently, or just as pig-ignorant as Butler is.

      Posted by Michael Lonie on 2008 04 30 at 09:17 PM • permalink

 

    1. Does this mean that Krudd was Scoreboarded?

      Posted by mr creosote on 2008 05 01 at 01:57 AM • permalink

 

    1. I was pleased I wasn’t being mortarboarded in Guantanamo or being held for six and a half years like an Al-Jazeera cameraman, for instance,” he said.

      Don’t make statements when plastered.

      Posted by Wimpy Canadian on 2008 05 01 at 05:46 AM • permalink

 

    1. Maybe he was too plastered at the time to understand what he was saying?

      Posted by andycanuck on 2008 05 01 at 10:48 AM • permalink

 

    1. I guess next time I’ll read the comments first before “ctrl-end”ing to the comments box so I won’t appear thick as a brick.

      Posted by andycanuck on 2008 05 01 at 10:50 AM • permalink

 

    1. Butler made it through the first two mortarboarding sessions without cracking. So we decided to give him the third degree.

      Posted by Paul Zrimsek on 2008 05 01 at 12:37 PM • permalink

 

  1. You realize this man’s whole story is a crock, right?  Held for two months by religious fanatics who somehow refrained from yacking at GREAT length about how their medieval god wanted his ass, no ransom demands to CBS, no threats… this jerk is so willing to cover for terrorists he could edit the Age…

    Posted by richard mcenroe on 2008 05 01 at 02:47 PM • permalink