LANCET CONFIRMATION PENDING

Global warming is on a killing spree:

The World Health Organization said Thursday that an estimated 77,000 deaths are recorded annually in the Asia-Pacific region due to health problems arising from global warming.

Is that what it says on their death certificates? “Hands slipped off steering wheel due to sweat brought about by global warming”? “Eaten by desperate polar bear”? “Breathed in near an American car”? It doesn’t matter, in a way; we’re all doomed eventually. Well, half of us are.

(Via Rich Stadnik)

Posted by Tim B. on 06/30/2007 at 09:35 AM
    1. Hey,Globull Wurming killed my computer!

      No, really!

      Tuesday evening lightning from a thunderstorm fried my computer. We never had thunderstorms in the Great Midwest, before GW! I’m sure of it.

      I blame George Bush, for not signing Kyoto. And, look! His initials are “GW”. Coincidence? I think not!

      I’m sending him a bill.

      Posted by rinardman on 2007 06 30 at 10:19 AM • permalink

 

    1. It’s all those mosquitos.  We never used to have mosquitos.  Well, maybe we did, but we never had diseases like yellow fever and malaria.  Well, maybe we did, but…

      Posted by RebeccaH on 2007 06 30 at 10:21 AM • permalink

 

    1. The World Health Organisation has also determined that 60,000 deaths a year are caused by…. The Sun.

      I don’t know if that’s included in the 77,000 or in addition to it… All I know, is it’s freezing here.

      Posted by Dan Lewis on 2007 06 30 at 10:32 AM • permalink

 

    1. On the other hand, surely gerbil worming is causing fewer people to die of hypothermia, or break their necks slipping on ice? I believe old people are more vulnerable to fatal influenza or pneumonia in winter than in summer, as cold reduces the efficiency of the immune system.

      Posted by squawkbox on 2007 06 30 at 10:40 AM • permalink

 

    1. Yes, my neigbour went to hear Al Bore speak, dressed in shorts and T shirt, but was frozen to death by the ensuing snap freeze.

      Posted by Fast Eddie on 2007 06 30 at 10:50 AM • permalink

 

    1. Global warming* forced a group of shucking foan larks (otherwise known as “payday cash advance centers”) to deposit my check even though I’d arranged to pay it off in installments and in fact had made one payment already, and now my rent will be late. May Gaia roast them with her Heated Atmosphere of Doom!

      I am now about to don my asbestos suit and venture out into the bubbling lava of the streets in order to get my payment back, or as much as I can pry out of their claws. Or is that, I’m about to get into my scuba gear to swim through the rising flood caused by the melting of all the ice on earth? I get so confused.

      *Well, who else could it have been?

      Posted by Andrea Harris, Administrator on 2007 06 30 at 10:53 AM • permalink

 

    1. Andrea, why don’t you send Farfour over to collect for you?

      Posted by Fast Eddie on 2007 06 30 at 11:01 AM • permalink

 

    1. Global Warming is causing my wife to wash all the windows (which of course involves me), damn global warming. See you all later.

      Posted by David A on 2007 06 30 at 11:04 AM • permalink

 

    1. My cat is up a tree because of gorbal wormening, I’m sure of it.

      Posted by Jeffersonian on 2007 06 30 at 11:41 AM • permalink

 

    1. Global Warming made me tired.

      It has nothing to do with it being 1:47am, and me busy building a baby.

      Nothing at all. It was global warming what done it.

      Posted by Ash_ on 2007 06 30 at 11:49 AM • permalink

 

    1. ‘“We have now reached a critical stage in which global warming has already seriously impacted lives and health, and this problem will pose an even greater threat to mankind in coming decades if we fail to act now,” Shigeru Omi, WHO regional director for the Western Pacific, was quoted as saying in the statement.’

      Is that a fact?  Funny how life expectancy in the United States has gone from about 50 years in 1900 to about 77 years in 2007.

      Guess global warming hasn’t had too much negative effect in the grand scheme of things.

      Posted by Dave Surls on 2007 06 30 at 11:58 AM • permalink

 

    1. Ash_, if you think you are tired now, wait until after the little darling arrives. lol

      Posted by Franklin on 2007 06 30 at 12:01 PM • permalink

 

    1. LEFTOID U.N. ROCKET SCIENTISTS AT WORK…

      The planet has warmed up a tad over the last 100 years according to the meterologists, while life expectancy has also risen (a lot).

      Leftoid U.N. conclusion:  Global warming is killing people.

      Posted by Dave Surls on 2007 06 30 at 12:03 PM • permalink

 

    1. Slightly off topic, but a while ago Tim posted on the decision by the writers of Lonely Planet travel guides to include warnings regarding the impact of flying on global warming.

      Seems Lonely Planet readers don’t agree, according to a recent poll on the publisher’s website:

      Do you think travel is causing climate change?

      Click here and scroll down a little to see the result…

      Posted by HisHineness on 2007 06 30 at 12:06 PM • permalink

 

    1. “It’s all those mosquitos.  We never used to have mosquitos.  Well, maybe we did, but we never had diseases like yellow fever and malaria.  Well, maybe we did, but…”

      I’ve never seen it put better than that, Rebecca.  Succinct and yet highly effective.  Bravo.

      “We have now reached a critical stage in which global warming has already seriously impacted lives and health…”

      I say prove it.  The temperature by all accounts has gone up 0.6 degrees this century.  Show me how that has seriously impacted anyone’s health.  Don’t speculate about it, prove it beyond a reasonable doubt.  You simply can’t.

      Posted by kcom on 2007 06 30 at 12:06 PM • permalink

 

    1. Regarding the Google News screenshot: the world’s 3.3 billion people? Did wronwright lose the other 3 billion or so?

      Posted by PW on 2007 06 30 at 12:12 PM • permalink

 

    1. #12 I’m absolutely wiped out right now Franklin, and I had no success at all when I tried to sleep.

      Gotta be the fault of Global Warming. Either that or trying to make sure Paco wins the baby sweepstakes.

      Posted by Ash_ on 2007 06 30 at 12:20 PM • permalink

 

    1. #17 Oh, and anyone who picks me as the person who has to post their pic, well, I may have to have them hurt.

      I was an appalling looking child, and I haven’t improved since.

      Posted by Ash_ on 2007 06 30 at 12:23 PM • permalink

 

    1. Hawaii has the highest life expectancy of any American state (about 80.0 years).

      Alaska, by contrast, has a life expectancy of 77 years.

      Leftoid conclusion:  That warm weather will kill you!

      Posted by Dave Surls on 2007 06 30 at 12:28 PM • permalink

 

    1. It’s been so dry here in Toledo that I had to water my lawn this morning.  It’s a miracle that I didn’t trip over the hose and break my neck.  Damn Gullible Waterning.  Never had this problem back when it was cooler, say January.  Then the lawn was covered in nice, cool snow.  And the ice patches were very soft and forgiving—no danger of slipping and breaking my neck.

      Posted by rbj1 on 2007 06 30 at 12:37 PM • permalink

 

    1. #16, they’re speaking of people living in urban areas, not the total sum of people on the planet.

      Posted by RebeccaH on 2007 06 30 at 12:40 PM • permalink

 

    1. #17: trying to make sure Paco wins the baby sweepstakes.

      You go, girl! If I win, we’re going to be getting a gander of a certain fellow in his time-traveling high-chair.

      Posted by paco on 2007 06 30 at 12:45 PM • permalink

 

    1. Let’s see.  Large number of deaths.  Cause determined by religious adherents.  Déjà vu.

      Posted by Apostic on 2007 06 30 at 12:48 PM • permalink

 

    1. #22 That makes me feel better Paco. I never want to confess to how I looked as a child.

      Do we have enough entrants to make this fun?

      Posted by Ash_ on 2007 06 30 at 12:50 PM • permalink

 

    1. #21 RebeccaH:

      Yes, but the full quote is

      More than half of the world’s 3.3 billion people will be living in cities next year …

      implying there are 3.3 billion people in total.

      Posted by PW on 2007 06 30 at 12:54 PM • permalink

 

    1. #22 Paco, I forgot to mention, my neice wants in on this betting pool.

      It would be un-right-wing of me to teach her not to gamble, so can she enter?

      Posted by Ash_ on 2007 06 30 at 12:57 PM • permalink

 

    1. #26: Sure! Just indicate the weight, and she’s in.

      Posted by paco on 2007 06 30 at 01:00 PM • permalink

 

    1. OT

      Was just reading breaking news on Sky about the attempt (by “Asian” men) to blow up Glasgow airport by ramming a 4×4, loaded with gas cylinders through the front door of the departure lounge.

      Just had to share the last par of one of the stories:

      He added: “There was a lot of anger – if the crowds had got hold of this gentleman it would have been the end of him.”

      Gotta luv those Scots.

      Posted by SandiM on 2007 06 30 at 01:04 PM • permalink

 

    1. #27 Sarah told me last night that the baby will be 7 pounds and 8.75 ounces, so put her down for that.

      Sarah’s very excited. She can read, so she’s decided I’m having a Blair baby.

      Posted by Ash_ on 2007 06 30 at 01:07 PM • permalink

 

    1. 28

      He added: “There was a lot of anger – if the crowds had got hold of this gentleman it would have been the end of him.”

      Gotta luv those Scots.

      Yeah, but did they use “highly colourful language”?

      Posted by Apostic on 2007 06 30 at 01:29 PM • permalink

 

    1. #28: “If ah get mah hands on tha’ boggin toerag, ah’ll stoat ‘im in the willies, and tha’s a fact!”

      Posted by paco on 2007 06 30 at 01:31 PM • permalink

 

    1. Wow, half of us are going to live. Phew. What a relief. I thought….
      WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE – RAICWAIR
Posted by Wimpy Canadian on 2007 06 30 at 01:42 PM • permalink

 

    1. #9 You still have trees, despite the global warming?

      Posted by Wimpy Canadian on 2007 06 30 at 01:45 PM • permalink

 

    1. #10

      It was global warming what done it

      Are you claiming immaculate conception, Ash?

      Sorry, couldn’t resist … global . warming… made ..me say … it.

      Posted by Wimpy Canadian on 2007 06 30 at 01:46 PM • permalink

 

    1. #28 Glasgow’s a bad place for Presbyterians.

      Posted by Wimpy Canadian on 2007 06 30 at 01:52 PM • permalink

 

    1. #34

      LOL, Wimpy, Jesse may think he’s God, but he’s definitely not!

      If it wasn’t Global Warming that made you say it, it had to be George W Bush!

      Posted by Ash_ on 2007 06 30 at 01:53 PM • permalink

 

    1. Looks like another SNAFU.

      Bollards prevented them from getting more than the nose of the vehicle into the building. Then they started throwing gasoline around, going for maximum damage.

      Unfortunately one of the two, or three according to which report you read, men was fully enveloped in flames and was quickly caught, as was one other. A bystander knocked him down and then the police jumped on him.

      I wouldn’t be surprised if there are more attacks over the next few days. Who could even guess where. Glasgow? Jeez. Are the Scots “oppressing” muslims somehow? That’s what’s got ‘em all huffy, isn’t it?

      Let’s hope they keep on stuffin’ up.

      Posted by SandiM on 2007 06 30 at 01:54 PM • permalink

 

    1. Ash, the reason I’ve avoided entering this contest (which I’ll post on once you’re happily postpartum, and a winner is declared) is because my mother insists I was the ugliest baby she’s ever seen.

      Her opinion carries extra authority on account of her being a nurse and all. She has a massive comparison base. The photographs must never be shown.

      Posted by Tim B. on 2007 06 30 at 02:03 PM • permalink

 

    1. 35

      #28 Glasgow’s a bad place for Presbyterians.

      How’s Blackpool?

      Posted by Apostic on 2007 06 30 at 02:07 PM • permalink

 

    1. #38 Tim, your mother clearly was never responsible for my care!

      I was truly horrendous. In fact, members of my family disowned me at birth, having seen me!

      My mother was herself a neo-natal care nurse for many years, and thus, I understand your reasoning, plus I know that she’s serious when she says I was hideous. Not to mention, I’ve seen the photos. I’m so ashamed of the photos… I was dressed as a duck in one of them!

      Posted by Ash_ on 2007 06 30 at 02:12 PM • permalink

 

    1. Reports are coming in that Royal Alexandria Hospital, where the burned terrorist was taken, is being evacuated…

      Posted by SandiM on 2007 06 30 at 02:21 PM • permalink

 

    1. Link

      Posted by SandiM on 2007 06 30 at 02:28 PM • permalink

 

    1. UPDATE at 6/30/07 11:28:27 am:

      Unconfirmed: the hospital was evacuated because the burned suspect was found to be wearing some kind of vest … reports that the vest was blown up in a controlled explosion…

      UPDATE at 6/30/07 11:36:42 am:

      Sky News has reported that schools just got out yesterday, and many children were at the Glasgow Airport with their families…

      Link

      These bastards know no bounds.

      Posted by SandiM on 2007 06 30 at 02:48 PM • permalink

 

    1. #25, More than half of the world’s 3.3 billion people will be living in cities next year …

      What can I say, PW?  More proof that too many journalists don’t pay attention to what they write.

      Posted by RebeccaH on 2007 06 30 at 03:44 PM • permalink

 

    1. 44: More than half of the world’s 3.3 billion people will be living in cities next year

      And with my luck, most of ‘em will be moving to Northern Virginia and jamming up the damned orange line on the metro.

      Posted by paco on 2007 06 30 at 03:52 PM • permalink

 

    1. #44
      Protestant metro line? And the Catholics walk to work?Cheers

      Posted by J.M. Heinrichs on 2007 06 30 at 04:29 PM • permalink

 

    1. Paco,

      Can you put me down for 6 pound 9 ounces in the sweep please?

      Posted by curious george on 2007 06 30 at 06:05 PM • permalink

 

    1. Well, the scaremongers have done their job. Read this letter,
      The changing weather pattern, under the cartoon., from my local rag.My favourite bit is:

      Here is a fact, with both poles melting, extra weight upon the tectonic plates beneath the sea will more than likely be forced to move.
      This means more frequent earthquakes will occur under the sea.

      I’d like to write to the paper asking for balance, but I think it’s pointless.

      Posted by kae on 2007 06 30 at 08:14 PM • permalink

 

    1. #37
      Face it, some of these “terrorists”* couldn’t organise a root in a brothel with a fist-full of fivers!
      (*Note: Scare quotes are in fact Incredulity Quotes, to denote that they are wannabe terrorists; because basically, when it comes down to it, they are failures at everything they do.)

      Posted by kae on 2007 06 30 at 09:02 PM • permalink

 

    1. #38
      Surely not TimB!
      I think it’s pretty safe to say that you are one of those fortunate people who, tho not pretty as a child, became quite handsome as an adult, and will probably improve with age – like a good wine. I, on the other hand, have been told I looked like an old man as a baby, was a cute child, but age has been unkind.PS: send the cheque to my home address…

      Posted by kae on 2007 06 30 at 09:14 PM • permalink

 

    1. #46: Faith, Capting, and we cartholicks ain’t seen justice, yet!

      #47: Ok, CG: Tiny’s got you down in the book (the betting book, not – *shudder* – the other one).

      Posted by paco on 2007 06 30 at 09:26 PM • permalink

 

    1. Fast Eddie (comment # 7—I’ve been out all day): well, wouldn’t he just get blood all over it? I don’t want my money all red and sticky. Or worse, he might blow it to bits. Nah, I’ll stick to Mickey Mouse for my giant rodent enforcer service. He lives right down the road from me after all.

      Posted by Andrea Harris, Administrator on 2007 06 30 at 11:08 PM • permalink

 

    1. We’re not doomed; half the world’s population will live. You have to look at the glass as being half full.

      Posted by lmbrjk on 2007 07 01 at 01:51 AM • permalink

 

    1. Andrea – Did they refund you? There is one thing worse that Farfour – you could send them good ‘ol Lizard Eyes to “freeze” their assests. Hang on, that may be too cruel….

      Posted by Fast Eddie on 2007 07 01 at 03:43 AM • permalink

 

    1. #38 TimB, my mum said the same about me. She told me she took me back to the paediatrician to make sure I was okay, and she cried all over her girlfriend about how ugly I was.

      Apparently the friend took a look at me then cooed, “You’re not ugly, are you? You’re just funny-looking.”

      Of course, with my parents also telling me for years that I was bitten by a dog which then proceeded to die of rabies, she just might have been pulling my leg.

      Considering that I believed the rabies story up until my 20s, I reckon I deserved to have my leg pulled.

      All babies are beautiful.

      Even the funny-looking ones.

      Posted by Nilknarf Arbed on 2007 07 01 at 08:11 AM • permalink

 

    1. #32: Not even the All-Seeing Internet Eye can tell me what “RAICWAIR” stands for. Could someone satisfy my curiosity?

      Posted by Chris Chittleborough on 2007 07 01 at 09:38 AM • permalink

 

    1. #56 –

      I’m guessing it’s a misspelling (deliberate or otherwise) of ‘race war.’

      Posted by Achillea on 2007 07 01 at 02:20 PM • permalink

 

    1. Really
      Awkward
      Initials
      Comprise
      Witty
      Acronym
      In
      RealityCheers

      Posted by J.M. Heinrichs on 2007 07 01 at 02:24 PM • permalink

 

  1. #55 – Nilknarf (& Tim, Ash & Paco), according to Family Legend, my aunt showed up at hospital, took a look at me & said “THAT belongs to us?” I was a goofy-lookin’ kid, but according to the mother-to-be of my granddaughter-to-be, I’m pretty cute. I’ll take that. And hubby told me…well, nevermind.

    My point is, Nilknarf is exactly right. ALL babies are beautiful…maybe especially the funny-looking ones!

    Posted by KC on 2007 07 02 at 10:26 AM • permalink